But his brother interrupted, ‘We have learnt from you that John the Baptist was a Son of Man, as was Elijah, Jeremiah and the prophets. They were the elect of the Earth, for they had pure souls.’
Jesus nodded, ‘Yes…that is what I have said of them, but what do you say of me?’ He looked at John again.
‘Some say you are a wise philosopher,’ Matthew Levi broke in, looking at the others for support.
Jesus raised a brow, and looked about the circle, ‘Do they? They say that I am a wise philosopher?’
Thomas, seized by enthusiasm, turned his crossed eyes to Jesus and said, ‘Teacher! My mouth is unable to say what you are!’
Jesus let his benevolent regard fall upon him, ‘That is because your mouth is full!’
All of them laughed.
‘Have I not told you, Thomas, I am not a teacher, and yet you continue to call me rabbi? Can your eyes not see more than this body? From whence comes the power in me?’ he said to them, ‘Do any of you know?’
John faltered again under his vigilant eye. He wanted to say that he thought him like a priest, the highest priest of all, but he was uncertain again. His brother too did not speak, only Simon-Peter had the courage to say something.
He said to him, ‘I have seen that your power comes from the light of the world! The priests call all those souls who are purified, Sons of Man. But in you, lives more than a purified soul. In you, lives the Son of the living God, who has come down from the cosmos! I have seen the light of Christ in you with the eye of my heart!’ He looked to the others, ‘I have seen it!’
Jesus seemed full with pleasure. ‘You have seen it, Simon-Peter. Yes, I know that this is so, and blessed you are for it! One day you will help to carry my cross…you will be the rock that grinds the wheat into bread…the rock upon which my church shall be built. A community, faithful to my teachings, against whose truths even death shall not prevail.’
Simon-Peter was flushed and happy with himself, but a moment later he seemed sick to the stomach with worry. ‘A new community! And I shall be its leader? I am no leader, rabbi…I am only good at two things, catching fish and eating them.’
The others laughed again and Jesus laughed along with them, for Peter’s child-hood, ‘It will take time but you will find your footing, even in a storm. It shall not be smooth sailing but a toil and you will have to cast your net far and wide into the world, and like the good fisherman that you are, you will catch many men. Andrew, your brother, will also help you.’
Simon-Peter remained unsure, ‘But, rabbi,’
Jesus raised a hand.
‘I mean, master,’ Simon-Peter corrected himself, ‘all fish do not swim together, they swim only with their own kind…and they eat each other up, the big fish eat the little fish, and so on!’
Jesus leaned his head towards him, ‘Look around in our circle…many of you are not related, but are here because destiny has brought you together. There are big fish and little fish among you, but you do not eat one another. This is a new community. You see, Peter, it is not enough just to have the light in you. As fish swim together, so should you join with others who are the same as you, who also have the light. Such a community will be bound to me by destiny, on earth and in heaven…this you will tell men after I am gone.’
‘You speak of the end of your life, without concern.’ Matthew Levi said, ‘yet it concerns us all a great deal.’
‘We worry for it,’ said Andrew.
Jesus looked at them, grave-serious. ‘In the same way they killed John, so will they kill me, but this is my destiny, and you must get used to it. The spirit of God that lives in me, shall be delivered up as has been foretold by the prophets. That is why I am preparing you, so that you can withstand the end when it comes, for I will need witnesses in the world, and you are the eyes and ears that shall see and hear and proclaim it.’
Simon-Peter said, with great emotion, ‘God forbid this should happen to you, master!’
Jesus’ eyes were full of disappointment, ‘What now Peter? A moment ago you spoke so righteously, you understood? This is not the light in you that speaks, but only what is dark…this darkness inspires you to disdain suffering, and death as something that must be shunned! This darkness is Satan, who tempts you and bends your soul to his delusion that only earthly life and comfort are of value. I say to this being that deludes you: get thee behind me Satan!’ When he said it he spat at the ground.
John felt chastised, for he had thought the same. Above, the clouds gathered and a flash was seen, and a rumble shook the circle as if to put a seal on their master’s words.
‘What will we do when you are gone? How shall we manage when we are only poor fishermen and shepherds and day labourers…?’ James said, because night was falling and he too seemed to be falling into his old melancholia.
‘Love one another like brothers, love another life as if it were your own life,’ Jesus told him.
‘What did he say?’ asked Andrew.
‘He said, “Love one another!”’ Simon-Peter shouted.
‘So that is all?’ Judas said from his standing position, leaning on a tree. ‘You have had us follow you these many months for this? So that when you are gone we shall know to love one another?’ He left the tree now and came to stand nearer the circle. ‘What of the trials of Israel? What of the salvation of her people? The storm gathers about her and yet you do not seek to find shelter for her!’
Jesus regarded Judas as if he were an aberrant child that must be brought into line. ‘You think what I tell you is a simple thing, Judas, and yet I tell you there is nothing harder. To love another truly, selflessly one needs to know oneself first. If Israel knew herself, she would realise how full of faults she is, then she would not think herself so high and mighty. She would love even those who did not belong to her and she would not need to seek shelter.’ Jesus said to him. To the others he said, ‘When I am gone you must remember…learn to know yourselves, so that you can love others truly.’
‘But why must you die? How can the world benefit from losing you? What shall your death accomplish?’ John asked, because he was of a sudden full with sorrow.
‘Yes…’ James, his brother joined in, ‘The Pharisees will be happy to kill you, and then they will continue to teach the old ways and to send men to their ruin!’
There was seen another flash and it was accompanied by the tearing up of heaven in a thunderclap.
Jesus looked at all of them. ‘Courage, my brothers, courage! Do you see the thoughts of the gods in the heavens? This lightning is like the thoughts that flit about in your heads…but what of the thunder? Do you not hear the thunder in your hearts; listen to your hearts, my Sons of Thunder!’ he said to John and to James, ‘It resounds the truth for all who can hear it, it is only by dying that I can save the world from death!’
Philip scratched his head, ‘But how can a dead man do anything, much less save the world from death?’
‘Philip, you soft head!’ Simon-Peter said to him, exasperated. ‘Didn’t you just hear me say a moment ago that Jesus is not just a man? That he is also Christ, a God in a man!’
Philip waved a hand at him in a sour mood.
‘Listen,’ Jesus called their attention to him. ‘My death will be different from any other death before me. It will be different because no god has ever died an earthly death.’
‘Well then…I shall die with you!’ said John, overcome with love.
‘And I!’ said James his brother.
Andrew cocked his head, ‘What did they say they would do?’
‘For the love of Abraham, Andrew!’ Simon-Peter said. ‘They will die with the master…that’s what they said!’
‘Oh! And so shall I then! I shall die with him also, and then I will truly know him!’ Andrew said.
The men were arguing as to the martyrdom they would each be prepared to suffer, when Judas spoke out.
‘Listen to you lot! Trying to surpass each other in your martyrdoms! You are like children!�
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Jesus raised a hand. ‘Listen, you do not need to die to see who I am. I tell you, that if you become like children in your hearts, if you let go of your doubt, some of you shall know me, even before natural death itself!’
The others did not know his meaning, and they talked amongst themselves trying to fathom the depths of these words. John, however, was filled with a sudden peacefulness. He considered what it would be like, to be one of those who could see the Son of God. How this might come about he could not presage, but even so his soul was full of hope that he might one day be among them. In this mood he surrendered himself to his master and to God, and soon fell asleep.
49
TRANSFIGURATION
It was night. All were asleep except for Christ in Jesus. He sat upon the mountain of stillness while the soul of humanity, the out-breath of villages and cities and towns and countries of the world lifted upwards, wafting towards the tangled stars.
Below the world breathed in its orchards and sandy wastes, its oceans and cobbled streets and trembling deserts and verdant forests, and while men slept the world awakened from its daily dream and turned its mind to inner activities. He could feel its soul stir beneath him; he could hear its heartbeat quiver and he could smell its breath in the sweet scents borne on the breezes.
Since he had come into Jesus, he had grown accustomed to the increasing burden of the man’s heart, to the organs speaking to him of pain and suffering, to the solidity under those feet, to the weight of that body, and to the sharp thoughts that pricked at his spirit. Now, the world no longer clawed at his senses or pierced into him like daggers. Outwardly, he was composed and quiet and sometimes he was that man of Nazareth whom all knew and spoke to; he was the man who seemed simple and kind and laughed at the childish ways of his disciples; the man who gave his friends riddles to solve and who sometimes listened politely to the insults of the rabbis and the doubts of the people. He was one with that man Jesus, yet inwardly, he was also a god, an exalted being who had come down from beyond the stars to be poured out into an earthly mould, a god with a task that was never far from his mind.
To ponder it, he would take himself away from men, away from their questions, away from their grasping, their lack of understanding, and their stubborn ways. And he would receive solace then, not only for his spirit, but for his body also, since at the same time that his spirit communed with his Father in heaven, his body was rejuvenated by the angels on earth, as all human bodies are rejuvenated in sleep, and he was happy for it, while it lasted. But he knew that his body was unlike other human bodies. In the past men had been overshone by those angels and gods who had inspired them, but no God had ever entered into the blood and bones of a man, no God had ever died an earthly death – but this was his task – and he did not know if the body of Jesus would be capable of withstanding the immense power of his spirit to the very end, or if it would be torn asunder prematurely before the performance of his duty.
Even now, things were altering. He could sense it. The deeper he entered into flesh and bones, the more those abilities that had so impressed the people until now, began to fade, and he knew that a time was close by, when his body would be seen outwardly as old, and wasted, and incapable of producing miracles of any kind, and he would be mocked as powerless and feeble. Would his chosen ones remain faithful to him then? Would Simon-Peter with his stubborn ways, and Andrew, with his deaf ears, and James, with his melancholic doubts, and John, with his insecurities, remain steadfast? He did not know. He did not know, if they understood that it was not his task to come as a great king, to wield power and to lead peoples, but to become ever more powerless.
The breathing of his men was woven into the night and became one with the chaotic thoughts, the despair of every human heart – the mute, expressionless longing of a multitude of human souls. Christ in Jesus breathed in the dreamers of Israel, the dreamers of Samaria and Syria and Greece and Rome. He breathed in the world and its desires and hopes and fears and he breathed out solace, comfort and consolation. Even so, on setting aside their blankets in the morning, by small degrees, men’s eyes would return to their blindness, and their ears to their deafness. They would forget that he had been with them, when in their beds they shook with fear or humiliation, or raged with hatred, or cried with sorrow into their pillows.
He looked to his disciples, wrapped in their dreams. When their wills were set free by sleep, he taught them. To one he gave this teaching, and to the other that, but in the waking day their minds fettered them, and they were prevented from remembering. Only three of the twelve had recognised him in the day enough to awaken to his splendour in the night, these were John, Peter and James.
And to them he said:
Awaken! And behold the spirit of creation!
Its beginning, its centre and its end.
I am the cause of east and west, of north and south,
I am the cause of all that is in the heights above
And in the depths below,
I am truth itself,
I am revelation,
I am knowledge,
Piety and the law.
I am almighty!
Among this brilliance, legions of spirits, a multitude of elemental beings of water, air, fire, and earth, awakened to see him and to answer his call. Moses and Elijah, too, came to stand beside his outspread arms, and thus it was, that between the Way and the Truth, between the stars, and the earth, He shone like a vermilion sun, a splendour that would not be seen again until his resurrection.
This was his gift to the world of the elements, and to his chosen ones. A vision of His true ethereal person, of the light, love and life, that would not only renew nature itself, but would also sustain his disciples in the coming difficult months ahead, when his body outwardly aged, and his health inclined towards death. But unlike nature, Peter, John and James did not awaken fully to his call! No! Instead, they trembled in their dreams, and could bear to see his grand and celestial dimensions only darkly, and to hear his call only feebly.
He despaired, for if they were not able to awaken in their sleep with his help, how would they remain awake when he needed them? He watched them fall away from him, one by one, and like every other soul in the world, continue sleeping.
And he knew he must look for another man to take their place.
50
THE RICH YOUTH
The world was sleeping. It sleeps darkly still, trembling with fear for the truth! I think on it as I continue to make my way down this mountain, singing my song. Those who accompany me on this downward journey are good souls, and although I share in their destiny, I no longer share their fears or their misconceptions. Lea’s words, of the renewal of nature, and the gift given by Christ to his disciples, had awakened me to a knowledge that the world of soil, and water, and air, and fire is not a hell created by an evil God, as our church believes, but is a place wherein lives Christ! And so, there is nothing in nature that does not breathe with His love.
If I incline my ear, I can hear the stone heart of the mountains beating with love in its dark depths. I can hear the living juice of love that moves in the trees. I can hear the love in the buzz of this little bee, which leads the way down this mountain. I can even hear the love, however misplaced, that rises with the cadence of the song of inquisitors, the Spirite Sancti.
I want to tell them that like streams, all religions of the world long to return to the one source. They have become estranged, they have wandered far, they have become muddy, and stagnant, and yet, a memory lingers of that clear source, from which they came – their faith in Christ!
I can tell them this because during those days of the siege I had begun to see. Yes! This was faith after all! Faith was revelation! When I climbed to the parapets I was no longer interested in the encampment below but instead looked to the blue expanses above, where the brightness of the previously unseen world of elements was becoming visible to me.
I wished then that I could show it to the inquisitors
! I would say, ‘look up to the stars! Do you not see how they speak one to the other in a profound geometry? Look at the trees! Do you not see the halo glow of light around each one and how it breathes out to meet the glory coming from the heights? Look at the clouds and the sea! Do you not see in these, the ethereal bodies of the angels?’ But, alas! The inquisitors, fearing that such things in the soul are the work of the devil would not see them, for fear itself is what blinds a man and dissolves his faith, as Peter so well understood!
In my own infinitely small way, I can comprehend the sorrow of Christ for the blindness of his disciples. He had one alternative left to him, Lea told me that night, one man on whom to lay his hopes – Lazarus.
Lazarus too had once gazed out from his tower in Magdala, to see the word of love weaving in all things, and so when Lea began to tell of Bethany, with its sleep-locked houses shaded by almond, fig and olive trees, I could feel how different it was from Magdala. I know this even more so now, because I am descending from my tower, to a place where I will have to let everything I know die away. I know that only in such a place as Bethany could Lazarus answer his call, as I am answering mine in that field below.
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Situated on the northern face of a mount known for its olive trees, the castle, bequeathed to Lazarus, Martha and Mary by their father, was large. It had rooms and accommodation for many, and was surrounded by gardens and terraces and fountains. In one of these walled gardens there stood an ancient date palm, under which was erected a booth, made to commemorate Israel’s pilgrim days and the holiday known as, The Feast of the Tabernacles. Lazarus sat with his master, in this leafy booth constructed from the boughs of living trees.
He inclined his ailing body on cushions and closed his eyes to let the smells of fish and rosemary and the sounds of the women cooking in the house comfort him. His master sat on a rush mat, so quiet and still, that it seemed to Lazarus as though only the body of his master was before him while his true essence was very far away.
Fifth Gospel: A Novel (Rosicrucian Quartet) Paperback Page 27