by Kim Law
That was the part that burned. Especially now that she’d shared about her sister. How was he supposed to make sure he could be there when he wouldn’t be here? Because she might say she didn’t dwell on the worry of losing the baby, but there was no way that wouldn’t be in her head during delivery. No way it wasn’t there every single day.
“I want to be there for you,” he repeated. “I just don’t know if I can.”
Maggie waited to see if he had anything more to say. He seemed to have run out of words, but she didn’t want to interrupt if not. He was saying all the right things, and it made her heart want to be happy. Only, she couldn’t help but wonder if he was making such promises for the right reasons. Why had he changed his mind?
“Cord?” She spoke only after he sat silent for several more seconds.
“Yes?” His warm hand remained firmly entwined with hers.
“Is it my turn now?”
He chuckled lightly, and once again the corners of his mouth tilted. Just slightly, though. He seemed to be spent. “Please.”
“Is this only because I told Erica and Arsula about the baby? Because you know that your family is probably learning about everything right now?”
His eyelids dipped, and he shook his head. The movement was small. “It is not because of that. Though I can understand why you might think so.” He released his grip on her and held their palms flat together. Then he studied them like he might a puzzle piece. And when his gaze finally lifted back up, she ached for the man. Because what she read inside him were all the same feelings she’d lived with for years.
He hurt. He was lonely. He needed to be loved.
“Cord?” she whispered. “I have to be sure. Make me believe.”
She didn’t want a father in her baby’s life who felt like he was being forced to be there. That wouldn’t be good for anyone.
“I do want to know my son,” he told her. “I want him to be proud of me. To love me. I want to be a good dad. I want to teach him to play football and how to flirt with girls.” At her smile, he continued. “But I also don’t want him growing up thinking that one of his parents doesn’t love him. That’s . . .”
He let out a shaky sigh before continuing, then he reached up and cupped her jaw. His lips thinned into a flat line.
“That’s something we apparently share, Maggie. A parent who wasn’t always enough. And I should have considered that side of things instead of simply . . . being scared. I know what it feels like to believe your mother doesn’t love you. To know she doesn’t. Yet, to desperately want her love at the same time. I also know what it’s like to want to love her. To alternate between love and hate. To wonder why you’d ever been born in the first place.”
The last sentence surprised her, but she didn’t interrupt.
“I get all of that, Maggie. And believe it or not, I don’t wish to put that back out into the world. I want to do better. But also”—he lowered his gaze to her stomach then, and she watched him as he watched their baby kick—“I want the amazement of seeing a part of me grow up to be better than me. I want what I never thought I wanted before.”
Tears released. He’d said the right things.
“Will you let me be in his life, Mags?” He brought her hand up and pressed a kiss to the backs of her fingertips. “Will you let me help you raise our son?”
“Yes,” she answered without further hesitation. She took his hand and lowered it to her stomach. “I absolutely will. And if I do turn out like my mo—”
“You won’t.”
She tucked her chin in and peered over her nose at him. “If I do turn out like my mother, promise me that you’ll see him more often. Don’t leave him with me too much. If my dad hadn’t been around, especially that first year . . .” She closed her eyes and concentrated on the feel of her hand over Cord’s. Of Cord’s hand on her stomach. She wasn’t that confused little girl anymore. “Just promise me,” she whispered.
He slipped his free hand behind her head and pressed a kiss to her forehead. “I promise.”
Chapter Thirteen
The empty rooms of the upcoming Wilde Lodge echoed with Cord’s footsteps. He’d arrived earlier than the rest of the family, but he’d also made sure not to show up before the workers left. He’d wanted a few minutes alone there. A few minutes to take in all the changes.
It still looked like the home he’d grown up in—sort of. Yet, so much of it had changed.
The common area . . . what had always been the family room, dining room, and the kitchen combined, now held a powder room, a small library of books, comfortable chairs and love seats, and an extra-long wooden table for those looking to dine in. The kitchen itself had been moved to the front of the house, and the windows in the back had been expanded to offer even more picturesque views of the lake and mountains. It was the type of accommodations visitors could easily fall in love with. However, seeing the changes also brought a surprising pang to Cord’s chest.
Their home wasn’t their home any longer.
Their home hadn’t been his home for years, yet it had always been here. He’d always known he could come back if he wanted to. Now . . . for the first time, he officially felt like a non-resident of Birch Bay. There wasn’t a place for him here. He held no resentment, though. He was proud of the changes and of what this place—which had once been both home and hindrance to all of them—was being turned into. It would make people happy in the coming years, and that made him happy.
He turned toward the stairs and climbed to the second floor, then he went first to what had once been the master suite. The room spanned the back of the house, having the same views as the common area below. Only, up here, more of the lake and the land could be seen.
As he stepped out onto the deck, he breathed in a chest full of fresh air, and his gaze landed on the Ski-Doo slowly making its way between the two properties. His dad hadn’t wanted to miss this meeting, and he’d insisted he could get here on his own. The sight brought a smile to Cord’s mouth. His dad was back to his old self.
The rest of his family would show up soon, as well, with the exception of Nick, of course. Nick remained at the hospital with Harper and the babies, who wouldn’t be released for a few more days. He would be joining via video call since Cord had requested to speak to all his siblings at the same time.
Spouses hadn’t been invited. Nor had the lone fiancée. He could handle an inquisition from only so many people at once, so direct family got first dibs. He would give his family credit, though. They’d held off the night before. The texts and calls hadn’t started until that morning. He’d avoided answering the phone, and instead of replying to texts directly, he’d suggested this meeting.
While he was here, Maggie would be talking with Erica and Arsula. And afterward, she planned to go home. The shop had called, saying her car was ready, so he’d taken her to pick it up. Additionally, her sink and tub had been installed today. Therefore, she no longer needed him or the cabin.
He left what would now be known as the Flathead Suite and sought out the room that had once been his. But instead of stepping across the threshold, he remained at the door. He’d been so anxious for so long to leave this place. He’d once thought all he wanted was to be on his own.
He was going to be a father now.
He would never be truly alone again.
And that, he was discovering, would be a good thing.
A clatter of noise sounded below, indicating that not only had his father made it to the house, but his brothers and sister had arrived as well. The longer they all lived here in Birch Bay, the more they seemed to move and act as a unified family unit. As the family unit his mother had once pretended to the world they were.
“Cord,” Gabe called out from below.
“Up here,” Cord called back. He took one more look into his old room before stepping back and closing the door. It was only him who didn’t belong there anymore.
“Come down.” Dani’s voice floated up from the bottom of
the stairs. “Gloria sent brownies, and I’m not climbing these stairs.”
Cord chuckled. Dani still had two weeks before her official due date, but she’d shared that her doctor said not to be surprised if she delivered early. Erica was due at essentially the same time, and he’d heard others taking bets yesterday afternoon as to which one of them would deliver first. All hoping for two boys, of course.
“Don’t eat them all before I get there.” He stopped at the top of the stairs before going down. Dani stared up, a plastic container in her hands, and when he met his sister’s eyes, her mouth softened into compassion.
“You okay up there?” she asked. He could hear the others milling around in the common area.
“As okay as you might expect,” he admitted. His sister was the oldest, and though she only had a couple of years on him, she’d always watched out for him. She’d come home from college after their mother died to help their dad finish raising Jaden and the twins. Cord and Gabe hadn’t needed all that much help at that point. They’d been sixteen and seventeen, respectively. But that hadn’t stopped Dani.
While he’d been away at college, then subsequently medical school, she’d continually sent care packages. Or just the occasional funny card to let him know she was thinking about him. She’d been as much the mother he’d always wanted as she possibly could.
“Tough night?” she asked as he headed her way. One of her earlier texts had indicated they’d all assumed—given the way he’d been touching Maggie at the hospital—that he and Maggie might have had additional things to talk about.
“I’ve had better.”
“Can I give you a hug?”
He chuckled again, the sound forlorn. Some of his brothers doled out more hugs than others, which often caused her to ask instead of to simply take. “Of course,” he murmured, then he closed his eyes as his sister’s arms came around him.
While she held him tight, her rounded stomach pressing into his, he thought about Maggie. He’d felt his son moving several times last night. Maggie wasn’t shy about letting him touch. And every time, he’d fallen a little bit more in love.
“That’s enough,” he teased, pulling back. He then snatched the brownies from her hand.
“Hey!” she yelped as he hurried toward the other room.
He smiled and shoved a bite into his mouth.
“Jerk.” She punched him when she caught up with him, and he held out the bowl for her to take. The rest of the family had turned, and all eyes were on him.
Nate lifted his phone, showing he already had Nick on a video call, and Cord swallowed the bite of brownie now lodged in his throat. As he opened his mouth, ready to start the conversation his family had been waiting all day to have, their dad spoke first.
“So, I do get a grandson, after all.”
The tension that had filled the room evaporated.
“You might still get two,” Gabe countered. He already had a daughter, so Cord knew Gabe hoped for a boy himself.
“Or three,” Dani added. And then the comments started streaming.
“What the fuck, bro? You told her you don’t want to be in the baby’s life?”
“You can’t just walk away. What’s wrong with you?”
“When did this even happen?”
“How did this happen?”
“You’re going to change your mind, right?”
Cord let them go on for a few more seconds, their outrage lowering with each question asked, until silence once again reigned. That’s when his dad spoke again. “How long have you known?”
His dad was the only one seated. Someone had brought in a lawn chair for him.
“I just found out this week,” Cord answered, and Gabe and Jaden nodded as if to corroborate his story. Cord looked at Jaden. “And I suspect, given the number of babies currently being born into this family, everyone here knows how it happened.”
Jaden returned Cord’s look with a glare, obviously taking the side of his fiancée.
“Condoms, bro,” Nate muttered from beside Jaden, and Cord smirked.
“You think?” he said. “Let me share a secret with you. Condoms aren’t one hundred percent.”
Dani handed off the bowl of brownies, worry pulling at the edges of her mouth, and the snack passed around the group untouched. She knotted her hands together. “Erica says you don’t want to be in the baby’s life. Cord . . .” His sister’s gaze implored him to make her understand. “Why? How could you do that to your son? To Maggie?”
“Or have you changed your mind?” Jaden fired off the question, and when Cord glanced back over at him, he added, “Arsula thinks you might have.”
“Yeah? I figured Arsula was wishing me to hell right about now.”
“She’s doing that, too.”
“Shocking.” He gave his brother a bored look. Jaden was a counselor and too often thought he knew best about everything. “She let me have it at the medical plaza yesterday, by the way. Lucky for me, she didn’t throw anything.”
Jaden flushed. Arsula had once thrown a lamp at him, which caused him to fall down her stairs and shatter his ankle. “Leave her out of it,” Jaden defended. “She’s just protecting Maggie.”
“I know that,” Cord said, exhaustion pulling at him. He hadn’t slept worth a dime last night. Nightmares had woken him every time he’d nodded off, each one causing more anxiety than the last. “And she should protect Maggie.” He took in each member of his family. “I get it. And I deserve any of you to lay into me if you feel the need. But just know that you don’t have to. Because I am changing my mind. I have changed it.”
A smile touched his sister’s mouth.
“That doesn’t mean I have a clue yet how all of this is going to work. But Maggie and I will figure it out.” They’d talked for a few minutes the night before, but ultimately had decided they each needed breathing room before further discussions. He had learned that Arsula offered to be in the delivery room though, so that took some of his worries away. Maggie wouldn’t have to be alone until he could get to her. The only problem was that he wanted to be here from minute one. Both for Maggie and his son.
“We’ll have to throw you a baby shower,” Dani announced, and Cord laughed.
“Why would I need a baby shower?”
She looked at him as if he’d lost his head. “You need lots of things for babies, Cord. You’ve seen all the stuff I carry just going to the babysitter and back.”
Indeed, he had. Which made him think of Maggie and her small sedan. Was her car big enough to carry everything she’d need for the baby?
“How about you just throw one for Maggie?” he suggested.
“No,” Nick spoke up from the phone. “What he needs is to move back home.”
“What?”
“Yes.” Dani nodded before Cord could say anything else, as did the rest of them. “That would solve everything.”
It would solve nothing, he wanted to say. He had an excellent job. He was part owner of a preeminent practice in which the other partners had sought him out. Not the other way around. He couldn’t blow that. At least, not any more than he already had. “Are you saying I wouldn’t need all that stuff if I lived here?” He tried to throw them off with a lame attempt at a joke, but it didn’t go over well.
“You wouldn’t if you married Maggie.” This suggestion came from Jaden.
“What?” Cord said again. This conversation was rapidly getting out of control.
“You knocked her up, man. That’s the honorable thing to do.”
“In what century?” Cord barked out.
“In this one.”
His dad rapped his cane on the floor. “Boys. We’re family. This is Cord’s decision. We support. We help. We don’t hurt.”
The words pulled all of them up short, in part because that was the kind of thing they’d all wished to hear from their dad when their mother was still alive, then Nick once again spoke from the phone. And this time, he did it while holding a baby in each arm. “You’
re not going to want to be away from him, Cord. You should give that a lot of thought. Maybe it is time for you to come home.”
“Hand me the . . . uh . . .” Maggie’s brother squinted down at the assembly instructions that lay scattered by his knee. “The number five screws,” he finished.
“They’re behind your left foot.”
Mason reached behind him with one hand while holding the two pieces of the baby bed in place with the other. “You’re not exactly helping,” he complained.
“I didn’t offer to let you do this for me so I could help.”
She sat in the rocker recliner her colleagues had bought her for the baby’s room, her feet up and her body reclined, and felt truly relaxed. She’d been back home a couple of days now, and though she hadn’t seen Cord again, he’d texted several times each day. Mostly with dollar figures as a suggestion for child support. She’d declined each one, saying the number was too high. But he’d also reached out just to check on her. To see if she needed anything. And this morning he’d simply asked what she was doing today.
She’d told him that Mason was coming by and that he planned to spend the night.
“Well, I hope your lack of help doesn’t mean your baby ends up sleeping on the floor.” Though an excellent EMT, and in most ways a typical all-around man’s man, Mason had a real issue putting furniture together. Mostly because he always tried to do it by reading only about half the instructions.
“I’m sure Baby C will sleep fine wherever I put him down.”
Mason looked up. “You’re still going to give him the Crowder name?”
“I . . .” She snapped her mouth closed. Mason had always called her son Baby C, so she’d taken to doing the same when talking to him, but she’d never actually been certain that’s the name he’d have. She’d always planned to wait and see how Cord took the news before deciding. She didn’t think now would be a good time to mention that to her brother, though. Mace hadn’t exactly been thrilled to learn Cord was the guy who’d gotten her pregnant. “We haven’t talked about it yet.”