by Donna Alward
“I bet. Your grandmother—is she okay?”
“She’s had a lung infection, but we hope she’ll be out of the hospital on the weekend. Gramp’s been staying with us in the meantime.”
“Laura’s been taking good care of me,” Gramps said, pushing his pie plate away. He patted his belly. “That was a good piece of pie. Maybe I should have another.”
Laura felt a flush infuse her cheeks. “You’re just saying that because I can hardly boil water. I wouldn’t let you starve, Gramps.”
He grinned and picked up his tea. “Honey, I know that. You got your looks from your grandmother. But you didn’t get her cooking skills. That’s just a fact.”
He looked so amiable that Laura couldn’t be mad—though she was embarrassed. Particularly when Tanner chuckled beside her.
Rowan wriggled in her arms and Laura looked down. “We should probably get going soon,” she said. “Dragging her from pillar to post today means she hasn’t had her regular sleep or feeding schedule. This could get ugly.” She aimed a stern look at Charlie. “She has the Jessup temper.”
Tanner laughed and Gramps sent her a look of approval. But then Tanner peeked over at Rowan, and Laura suddenly felt uncomfortable. Sure, there was a lot of Jessup in Ro, but Tanner was probably looking for bits of Gavin. He was nice to her, but he probably thought the same as everyone else. Plus, he was connected to Maddy through Cole. And while Maddy and Cole knew the truth, no one else did. Besides her lawyer, they were the only people she’d trusted in all of Gibson, and that was only because her conscience couldn’t take it anymore.
Tanner’s face remained relaxed and pleasant, though, and she gave Ro a little bounce on her knee. The baby giggled and then shoved a fist into her mouth, sucking on her fingers. A sure sign she was getting hungry.
“Are you almost ready, Gramps?” Laura tried to urge him along. But Gramps had either forgotten the urgency of small babies or was determined not to be rushed, because he shifted in his seat and lifted his teacup. “Just a bit of tea left. I won’t be long.”
The noises from Ro chewing on her fist got louder and Laura smiled weakly at Tanner as he bit into his doughnut. A familiar tingling started and Laura realized it had been nearly four hours since Ro’s last feeding. No, no, no, she chanted in her head. But Rowan started to squirm and cry, nuzzling her face towards Laura’s shoulder. And when Laura looked down, she was sure her face burned with instant embarrassment.
“Damn,” she whispered, staring at twin splotches on her shirt. She’d worn a light blue cotton blouse, and there was no mistaking the wet spots. Sometimes breast-feeding was not completely convenient.
It would be the better part of twenty minutes by the time they paid the bill, she got everyone in the car and they drove home. And if she were alone, she’d discreetly slide to the corner of the booth, drape a flannel receiving blanket over her shoulder and do what was necessary. But Gramps wasn’t comfortable with it at home, and she was certain he’d make a big fuss about it in public.
“What’s the... Oh.” Tanner’s voice was soft beside her. Rowan started crying in earnest and people started looking over. To her frustration, Gramps poured more tea into his cup from the small silver pot.
“I can go. If you...that is...”
She shook her head and motioned toward Gramps. Thankfully, Tanner understood.
“I see. Give me two minutes.”
He scooted out of the booth and went to the counter. A moment later, he returned with a young, pretty waitress behind him.
“Tanner says you could use some privacy for a few minutes.” The words were said kindly. “Come with me.”
“You’re sure? I don’t want to inconvenience you...”
“Don’t be silly.” She raised an eyebrow and her gaze dropped to Laura’s shirt. “The sooner the better from the looks of it.”
Laura was pretty practical when it came to nursing, but she had to admit that this moment was pretty humiliating. She grabbed the diaper bag and slid out of the booth. “Thanks,” she whispered to Tanner as she passed by him, and he flashed her a smile.
The waitress led her to an office in the back. “This is Joe’s office,” she said. “But he’s not in today, so you won’t be interrupted.”
“Thank you so much, Miss...”
“Shoot. Just call me Chelsea.” She grinned. “My big sister has two kids and believe me, I understand.”
She closed the door behind her with a quiet click. Rowan was frantically rubbing against Laura’s shirt, and with a sigh, Laura sat on a saggy sofa and got Ro settled.
Several minutes later, she tucked everything back into place. Ro had eaten, burped, and was now sleeping peacefully in the crook of Laura’s arm. But Laura was anything but peaceful. Her grandfather was still out in the diner, probably irritated beyond belief at being kept waiting. She really should pack up and get him home.
She was putting the flannel cloth back into the diaper bag when a soft tap sounded on the door. “Come in,” she called quietly. She expected it to be Chelsea, so she was surprised to see Tanner poke his head inside.
“Is everything okay in here?”
She laughed. “I’m put back together, if that’s what you’re asking.”
He stepped inside, and she laughed again at the relief that relaxed his facial muscles. “Chelsea mentioned that...” His cheeks colored. “Well. That you might want a different shirt. I went to the department store and bought you something,” he said, and she thought he looked rather bashful admitting it. He handed her a small bag.
She reached inside and took out a black T-shirt in what appeared to be the right size. “Chelsea said that?”
He nodded. “Yeah. She’s a nice girl. She...well, never mind. She said a medium would probably fit you.”
“You bought me a shirt?”
“Well, your other one was... You know.”
“Stained with breast milk?”
He blushed deeper.
She sighed. “Tanner, that was really sweet of you. I’m sorry if I was too blunt. I honestly think that once you have a baby you kind of give up on maintaining any sense of dignity. Stuff just happens.” The wonder of being a mom was sometimes tempered with a direct hit to a woman’s vanity.
He smiled. “Hell, Laura, I was in the ambulance that day. I think that ship sailed a long time ago.”
Yes, he had been. He’d held her hand, breathed with her, checked on her progress. Just as any ambulance attendant would have. Except...she vaguely remembered pleading with him to stay with her. She’d felt so alone, so afraid, so...adrift. Without an anchor to keep her steady and hold her fast. And he’d stayed, she remembered. He’d held her hand and encouraged her to push and told her how great she was doing.
Then he’d disappeared. He’d done his job and gone above and beyond, but that was all it was. His job.
Buying her a T-shirt was not his job. And neither was boosting her car or finding her a private spot to nurse her baby. Tanner wasn’t just a good EMT. He was a good man, too.
“This really was very thoughtful.” She met his gaze. “And I should get out there. My grandfather is probably having a canary by now.”
“I actually looked after that, too. He was grumbling, so I told him to head home. I told him I’d bring you along when you were ready.” He wiggled his eyebrows. “I hope he didn’t lie when he said he still has his license.”
“He does. But he only drives in Gibson. Ever since his accident last year, he doesn’t like going on the highways or driving in the city.”
“Which is why you went to the hospital today.”
“Exactly. He’s aged a lot since the accident. And he relies so much on my gram that I thought it would just be easier having him at my place for a few weeks.”
He must have sensed some hesitation in her voice, because he
raised his eyebrows. “And has it been? Easier?”
She sighed. “I wish. I feel pretty inadequate most of the time. Suzie Homemaker I’m not.”
“Charlie’s old school. Hell, you’re supporting yourself and your kid. You can’t do everything.”
She knew he meant the words to be encouraging, but instead she ended up feeling a familiar dissatisfaction. This wasn’t what she’d wanted her life to look like. How had she gotten so off track?
“Anyway, if you’re ready to go, I’ll drive the two of you home.”
Laura swallowed. Gramps was probably put out by the whole thing and now she’d ended up inconveniencing Tanner, too, who probably had things to do. “I’ll be right out. I just need to change.” She pushed herself up off the couch, but the busted springs meant it took her three tries. By the end of it, she was trying not to laugh, because Rowan was peaceful in her arms and Laura didn’t want to disturb her.
“Here,” he said gently, and reached for Rowan. “I’ll hold her. And I’ll turn around.”
As carefully as if he were holding glass, he took Rowan and tucked her into his arms. She looked so small there. Small and safe.
Just as he’d promised, he turned his back to her. Laura quickly unbuttoned her blouse, took the tag off the T-shirt and pulled it over her head. It was a little too big, but she was okay with that. The soft cotton was comfortable, and the black wouldn’t show any lingering moisture. She wondered if he’d thought of that when he picked it out. She doubted it. Guys weren’t generally that astute.
But then, Tanner was different. She’d known that for a long time.
“Thanks,” she said, putting a hand on his shoulder. “The shirt’s great. Where’s the receipt? I’d like to pay you back.”
Tanner turned back around, his eyebrows puckered in the middle. “Pay me back? Don’t be ridiculous. It’s just a cheap shirt. An emergency shirt.” Again the impish gleam lit his eyes. “Come on. My truck’s out front.”
“Can I ask one more favor?” It was late in the afternoon. Laura had planned to be home earlier, and was tired from the running around. She really needed to put in a couple of hours on the computer tonight. “Could we make a quick stop at the grocery store? I think I’ll grab one of those rotisserie chickens from the deli section.”
He chuckled, and she sent him a dark look. “Not one word about my cooking.”
She took Rowan from him and then swung the diaper bag over her shoulder.
“You’re really good to him, you know. He loves you a lot. I could tell.”
Laura knew it was true, and sometimes it was the only thing that kept her in Gibson. “He and Gram have been very good to me, too.” She wanted to say how grateful she was that they’d never thrown the rumors in her face, but she didn’t want to open that can of worms with Tanner. “It’s the least I can do. That’s not to say I won’t try to save my sanity where I can.” She grinned. “And save him from an ulcer.”
He laughed again and she realized she liked the sound of it. It was happy and carefree, two things she hadn’t been in quite some time.
“The grocery store it is.”
They were walking through the diner when she realized the car seat had been in her car. “Tanner? I forgot her car seat. Oh no...”
Tanner walked ahead and opened the door. “I put it in my truck. I don’t have a clue how to fasten it in, but it’s there.”
Relief rushed through her. Gramps fussed and went on about how in his day people simply carried babies on their laps, but she would never do that with Rowan. She needed to be buckled in securely. Safe. Protected.
Laura swallowed against a lump in her throat. Everything she did these days was for Rowan’s protection.
At the grocery store, Tanner offered to stay in the car with Rowan while she ran inside. Her daughter was sound asleep, so she left her in the backseat, knowing she’d be perfectly safe with Tanner. In less than ten minutes, she was back in the truck and they were on their way to her place, the interior of his vehicle smelling like roasted chicken.
She and Tanner chatted about the ranch a bit, and she mentioned her graphic design work, which led to explaining what she’d been doing since leaving Gibson after high school. She left a lot of blank spaces, but then, so did he. He didn’t mention Cole or Maddy at all, and she knew why.
She wished she could tell him the truth about Rowan’s father. But the more people who knew, the more likely it was to get around, and right now that secret was her biggest form of protection.
He carried the grocery bags to the door while she managed Rowan and the diaper bag. When they walked in, Laura discovered her grandfather emptying the dishwasher. She nearly fell down from the shock.
“Gramps!” she said, slipping off her shoes. “You don’t have to do that.”
He gave his customary harrumph. “Don’t know why everyone thinks I’m helpless. I can put some dishes away now and then.”
“I guess I’ll get a start on supper, then. You’ll be relieved to know I stopped and picked up a chicken.”
“Are you staying, young man?”
Laura’s mouth dropped open. Had Gramps just asked Tanner for supper? Oh, she hoped he wasn’t getting any ideas. Tanner Hudson was the last person she should get involved with. Talk about complicated!
Besides, she was hardly looking for romance. She had her hands full right now.
“Thank you, but I should probably get home.”
Laura was surprised to feel disappointment at his refusal, but the last thing she wanted was for him to feel obligated. “You’re welcome to, Tanner,” she offered weakly, knowing Gramps would expect it. “It’s the least I can do for all your help. But if you need to get back to the ranch, I understand.”
He rubbed his chin. “I don’t need to hurry back. I guess it would be all right.”
Oh Lord. Oh Lord, oh Lord. She was actually nervous. Tanner Hudson was going to eat supper at her house. With her grandfather. After seeing her in a mess this afternoon. What on earth? He didn’t seem to care a bit about her reputation, either. And there was no way he could have remained oblivious. He had to know about the gossip. About what kind of woman she was... And that had nothing to do with Gavin Wallace and everything to do with her decisions before coming home to Gibson.
Gramps patted Tanner on the shoulder. “Come on in the living room. It’s been a while since I’ve had another man to talk to.”
Tanner looked over at her. “Do you need anything?” he asked. “I’m not a complete idiot in the kitchen.”
She shook her head. “Thanks, but no. You go. Entertain each other.” She gave a self-deprecating grin, glanced down at the chicken and then back at him. “It’s not like it’ll take long.”
He flashed her a smile that felt very intimate, as if they shared a joke. She liked, too, that he’d offered to help, and wondered if he’d said something to Gramps earlier that had prompted the dishwasher emptying, because that was an unprecedented event.
As the men sat in the living room and talked about community goings-on, Laura buckled Rowan into her bouncy seat and began putting together a green salad. She then took out a pretty bowl and transferred potato salad into it rather than simply putting the tub on the table, and placed a paper napkin in a little basket and filled it with buns from the market bakery.
Maybe she hadn’t cooked it, but she could at least make the meal look a bit homey.
Just before everything was ready, the baby woke and Laura made a quick trip to the nursery for a change and tidy-up, and then, by some miracle, it all came together.
The table was set, Rowan was playing with the activity bar on her bouncy chair and Laura called the men to supper as she put the carved chicken on the table, along with the salad bowls and butter for the buns.
There was chatter, and the clinking of silverware on plates, an
d the odd laugh. A lump formed in Laura’s throat as she realized this was the nicest meal she’d spent in her house. It had been so long since she’d experienced a relaxed, pleasant atmosphere that she’d nearly forgotten what it was like.
But as Tanner laughed at a story Gramps told, it all came rushing back to her. And it made her both a little bit happy and a little bit sad. She had been lonely for so long.
And that was why, despite the grumbling and inconvenience, she’d offered Gramps a place to stay, she realized. She was so tired of being alone.
After dinner, Tanner insisted on helping with the dishes, which didn’t take long at all. When they were done, he said goodbye to Gramps and then pulled on his boots and prepared to go.
“Supper was good,” he said, standing in the doorway. “Thanks for having me.”
“You’re welcome. And thanks for being so kind to Gramps. I think he’s been a little lost the last few days. It was good for him to have someone besides me to talk to.”
“He’s a good old dude,” Tanner said. “He’s pretty proud of you, you know. Says you have gumption.”
She blinked back sudden tears. “He’s not crazy about me being unmarried with a baby.”
“Being a single mom is hard. He knows it. He just wishes you didn’t have to do it alone.”
“He wishes I’d been smarter.”
Tanner studied her for a minute. “Maybe. But I think that’s you putting words in his mouth.”
He was right. She was pretty hard on herself, and she knew it. And yet Tanner didn’t seem to judge. She wondered why.
“Doesn’t it bother you?” she asked bluntly. “What they say about me?”
His eyes darkened. “You mean about Rowan’s father?”
She nodded, nerves jumping around in her stomach. He was the first person she’d broached the topic with, and she realized that for whatever reason, she trusted him. Oh, maybe not with the truth, but he’d already proved he wasn’t about to shun her because of the grapevine.