People would always say to me ‘You need to move on’ or ‘He wouldn’t want you wasting your life away being unhappy and lonely’ or my personal favorite, ‘Just let go’. But I’m here to say that is easier said than done.
Unless you lived it, you have no idea the pain that is involved in losing someone you love, let alone your spouse and the father of your child. There are times you wish you would have died as well. You have thoughts that maybe your child would have been raised better by someone other than their emotionally unstable mother.
Then there are times you realize how blessed you are to have been spared and that you get to watch your child grow up. Those thoughts are the most valuable ones I’ve had while living through this past year.
People also say ‘time heals all wounds’. I’m not really sure how much truth that statement holds, but I know life seems to get easier and the pain seems to subside as time continues on its never ending journey. Sometimes I believe it’s more about the people you have in your life and the ones who seem to stroll in at the most perfect timing, that make life’s struggles—more livable. Even makes life more enjoyable.
For me, Derek is slowly becoming one of those people. Of course I’m attracted to him, but it’s so much more than that. From the moment of our first encounter I’ve felt completely at ease around that man and ever since then I’ve felt some sort of connection that entices me to want to know what he’s all about.
I feel like I can be my old self around him. Fun loving, flirty, sarcastic, sexy Jes. This is the closest I’ve felt like myself in over a year. At times, I catch a guilty sensation starting to creep up on me, but talking to Mallory helps me push it to the wayside.
So, I don’t know if it’s because of timing or Derek coming into my life, or maybe a nice combination of both; but I’m finally starting to feel the heavy weight of this past year lifting off my shoulders. And damn does it feel good.
I am a complete bundle of nerves by the time I pull into the parking lot of the address Derek gave me. It’s a really beautiful historical part of town. I’ve always loved the older buildings downtown with the cobblestone walkways out front. It gives you the feel of being somewhere else besides a busy ass city; it has a romantic feel to it. As soon as I spot Derek walking my way, all the nerves are gone and are replaced with sweet, sweet butterflies. Listen to me; I sound like a little girl.
He is so incredibly gorgeous. I hate to compare Derek to Jake, Derek has a sweeter side than Jake did. There is just something about him that is almost dreamlike. He seems surreal. There seriously can’t be such a thing as ‘The Perfect Man’ can there?
I can’t explain why I did it, and I don’t regret it but after having our ‘you look good’ exchanges and a little flirting mostly on my part, I had the strong urge to kiss Derek on his cheek. And before I could put too much thought into it, I pushed up on my toes and did just that. Now the reaction I first got made me blush and giggle inside. I had never seen Derek at a loss for words or even lose his cool for half a second. But it took a good minute for him to compose himself just from that little kiss.
Hell if just a kiss on the cheek shakes him up, what will a real kiss do?
He walks us into this gorgeous hole in the wall Italian restaurant. It’s dimly lit inside which sets the mood for a romantic night full of getting to know one another. I’m taken off guard when our hostess passes the bar, and then the bathroom, continuing to lead us away from all the inside tables. Derek grabs my hand, which ignites tingles all the way up my arm, as we make our way out the back door.
I have never seen a more beautiful set up than this. The balcony was filled with white lights strung all around it and there sat one table in the middle, which had a few tall candles lit on it along with a chilled bottle of wine. Derek, being the gentleman he is, pulls my seat out for me causing our hand holding to cease. I hadn’t realized how much I enjoyed having him hold my hand until he wasn’t anymore.
Looking around admiring the view, my eyes come back in contact with the best view of all, Derek and I can’t contain my smile.
“Derek, this is absolutely gorgeous. How did you manage all of this in such a short time?” I ask amazed by how quick he really could whip something like this up.
Shocking me with his honesty he answers, “Well, I hate to admit it, but I asked Seth for help. I knew he’d have the hook up to make this place perfect for tonight, and that’s exactly what I wanted tonight to be; perfect.”
I manage to smile bigger. “Well looks like you owe him big time because this is the most amazing date I have seriously ever been on.” I shock myself with the knowledge and truth of this confession.
It honestly is the sweetest and most romantic date I’ve ever had. It’s pretty sad that Jake never came up with anything remotely close to this; but I guess that’s what happens when you know you don’t need to impress the other person. We had got together when I was a senior in high school. He was a few years older than me and was in college and his cousin Holden, who was also my best friend, introduced us. Jake was into MMA fighting and Holden took me to one of his fights.
Watching him fight was the hottest thing I had ever seen. Well, that was until I was introduced to Derek. Even though I can’t play any damn musical instrument, music has always been an extreme passion of mine. I always had hopes of marrying a musician; especially a drummer. The thought of having little musically inclined children running around warmed my heart.
I’m the type of person who believes there is a purpose for everyone who comes into your life. After Jake died, I realized that that purpose has a time limit. That nothing lasts forever. I believe I’m to the point in my life where that realization has finally clicked in my head. This whole last year I have been pretty miserable while trying to pretend I was fine. I know I have the best reason in the world to feel that way but still, what kind of life is that for me and my son?
Maybe that’s why everything with Derek is different. Maybe I’m so comfortable with him because he came into my life at the ultimate time; maybe he was placed into my life with a purpose. For some reason I feel like Derek just gets me; like maybe we are birds of the same feather. Even though we talk a great deal about our kids, we don’t dare ask each other the details of the MIA parents and I’m very thankful he doesn’t bring it up. I’m not sure how he’ll take the details, and honestly, I’m not sure how much I’d even be able to communicate to him, especially while keeping my composure.
Feeling like we literally talked and laughed for hours, we end the date with him asking me to go for a ride with him.
He grabs my hand and intertwines our fingers as we make our way to his truck. I nudge the side of his waist with my elbow, making sure not to break our hands apart.
“You know…your truck is pretty hot Derek. I love how big and black it is.” He busts out laughing and it takes me minute to catch my mistake.
“Holy crap balls, that freaking came out wrong.” I know I’m beat red, but I can’t help but laugh as well.
“Well Jesika, I’ve never heard that one before.” He says after finally calming himself down from laughing so hard.
I look up at him with disgust. “Well, your truck was hot until some bird shit OSU on it.” I point to the sticker on his back window. He lightly chuckles while opening my door.
“Lemme guess, you’re a Sooner girl?”
“Sooner born and Sooner bred,” I chant.
“Well hey, I used to play ball for OSU,” he says while waiting for me to climb in his insanely tall Chevy pickup.
I reach up to lightly kiss his cheek. “Hmmm, well since you used to be a jock and all, I guess I can let that one imperfection slide.”
Cocking his head to the side while giving me that perfected sexy smirk of his, he replies, “What do you mean since I used to be? I’m very much still a jock and all.”
Chapter Eight
Derek
Jesika bringing up the OSU sticker on my truck gave me a rush of unwanted memories. I didn’t
bother to mention it was Ohio I played ball for. No, instead I just let her think it was Oklahoma State. Trying to explain to her why I gave up my baseball scholarship and moved back here would be too hard right now, and way too soon. So, I just played it off knowing how these rival teams are around here. In your face and cut throat. I was glad to see that she wasn’t a die-hard fan or else she might have refused to get in my tainted truck.
I had no clue where I was taking Jesika when I asked her to go for a ride with me. All I knew was I couldn’t let this date end. I was nowhere near ready for it to be over.
I also knew that we both seemed to be avoiding the topic of exes…mainly the ones dealing with our kids. Honestly, I’m extremely happy she isn’t one of those nosey chicks. I know she’s probably itching to know, just as I would be if I wasn’t already painfully aware of Jesika’s situation, but she doesn’t even attempt to fish it out of me.
I guess the night is still young and that topic can still spring up on me, but I’m counting on the fact that Jesika still isn’t ready to talk about the death of her husband. Which in return gives me more time to avoid the inevitable conversation that I know we’re bound to have one day. That is as long as whatever this is that’s going on between us continues like I’m praying it does. Praying hard it does.
I’m not one of those corny guys that believe in love at first sight. I don’t think any guy actually believes in that shit. On the other hand, I do believe in lust at first sight. Pretty sure that’s what all guys believe in because like they say most guys think with their dick.
I’m also not going to say that lust didn’t cross my mind the first time I saw Jesika because that’d be a fucking lie. I know I had seen her at the school before, but I didn’t fully notice her until seeing her that first night at our concert. It was definitely lust seeing her dancing, but there was also like there. I liked this chick and I didn’t even know her.
Who does that crazy kind of shit? Girls do, that’s who. Not guys.
Yet, there I was in like with a chick that I knew nothing about except our kids went to the same school, and she’s married. Freaking married. Who flipping falls in like with a chick they don’t know and who is married?
Me, that’s who.
Inwardly sighing at my mental blast to the past, I get in and start my truck. As I’m putting the gear in reverse I look over to the beautiful woman I’ve been in like with for the past two years and ask, “You ready?”
Giving me a shy smile, she just nods. So, with her giving me the go ahead, I pull out and start driving to my heaven on earth. The one other place besides a drum set that I can always go to escape life’s bullshit. I’m not really sure why I decide to take her to my most private hideout spot that only Seth knows about, but my gut tells me to do it. Maybe it’s the fact that she will appreciate it just as much as I do.
As we make small talk on the drive to my hidey hole, Jesika starts looking around at the change in scenery. We are no longer in city limits, but instead right on the outskirts of town, pure heaven for this country boy.
“Derek, where are you taking me? Because when you asked me to go for a ride with you, I wasn’t expecting you to take me dirt roading, not that I mind,” she says while flashing me a big smile. “Because I don’t. I’m a country girl and I have some really good memories that took place while dirt roading.” I can tell by the amused look on her face that she’s reliving some of them as we speak.
“Well, with that mischievous look that’s now plastered all over your face, you will have to elaborate on those memories so I will know how to make sure that you have that same sexy ass look when you’re reminiscing about me.”
I slow down, knowing that the entrance to the tiny, unmarked, half over grown driveway that leads to my piece of paradise is coming up. I turn my bright head lights on to get a better view to keep from missing my left turn that I should soon be making. I almost have to come to a complete stop to make the sharp turn that my truck needs to navigate through to avoid going in the ditch that is on both sides of the drive.
She lets out an amused laugh. “You don’t want to know about my dirt roading experiences. I was young and dumb. That’s all I was remembering. They definitely aren’t worthy enough to compare with the memories I’m starting to collect that involve you.”
“That’s good to know Jesika, because I plan to keep adding to that collection. Well, as long as you will allow me to.” I slow to a stop and throw my gear in park. I look over at her and she’s staring at me. She’s not smiling, she’s not frowning, she’s just…staring.
Then slowly, I see a smile that’s starting to tug at the corners of her lips. “That sounds good Derek,” is all she says as she opens her door to get out. Following her lead, I do the same.
“Where are we?” She’s looking around trying to make sense of the darkness that surrounds us except where my headlights are pointed.
“Please, tell me you didn’t bring me here to kill me, because this place would definitely be a great place to hide a body.”
Cocking my head to the side I raise my eyebrow questioning the last part of her statement. Seeing my expression she attempts to backtrack, “Shit, that didn’t sound right. Gah, I blame it on my CSI addiction.”
“Uh-huh. Yeah, that must be it. I’m starting to think I’m the one who should be worried about getting whacked off.”
She instantly starts giggling, “Derek, I don’t see how you getting whacked off could be a bad thing.”
She’s still laughing as I walk over and put my arm around her shoulders to pull her close to me. “Well, I don’t know Jes. I guess that depends on the type of whacking that’s taking place, huh?” I look down at her as she sneaks a glance up at me and I wink.
She smacks me on the side. “Well, I’m sure there’s only one type you’d prefer.” Laughing I drop my arm and grab her hand blending our fingers together as I lead us down the stone path.
Once we make our way to the destination, I lead Jesika to the stone bench my grandpa had made for my grandma many years ago. I keep a firm grip on her hand as we sit down. The look on her face is amazing. I can tell by the sparkle in her eyes and the way her mouth is slightly opened as she looks around and takes in the surroundings, that she is in complete awe. Just like I knew she’d be.
“Derek, this place is…” She continues looking around, taking it all in.
“Beautiful,” I finish for her. I’m looking right at her when her head makes its way back to my direction. Her cheeks start to flush when she realizes I was meaning her.
Keeping eye contact with me she says, “Beautiful isn’t good enough. This place is…”
“Mesmerizing,” I say still meaning her.
Her blush deepens. “Yes, it’s mesmerizing.”
“This was my second home growing up. My grandpa left this land to me and Seth knowing how much we cherished it as children. When we weren’t playing music or baseball, we were here. I find myself coming here when I need to clear my head. Playing the drums and writing songs are a good form of therapy as well, but there’s just something about this place.”
Letting out a calming breath I take in my surroundings.
My grandpa had called this area of their land, Granny’s Nook. He worked hard and designed it just for her to have her own special get-a-away. Often times I’d find her out here reading in her hammock that was near the larger than life Koi pond; which has the most amazing waterfall built into it. The sound of water flowing over the rocks and into the lily pad filled pond is the most calming sound. After our grandma died, the place started to disappear in the overgrowth of weeds. My grandpa didn’t seem to want to preserve it. He only did it for her anyways, so he didn’t see any reason to pay attention to the area if she wasn’t alive anymore.
I loved this area just as fiercely as my grandma had, and it pissed me off to see that my grandpa didn’t seem to give a shit that everything was starting to over grow around it. So, I made it a point to keep up with it. I even added more to it
over the years, mainly the lanterns and solar light fixtures throughout the path and around the pond.
“This place is very tranquil; it has this amazing calming effect.” Jesika says breaking me out of my train of thought. I look over at her as she has now turned her body completely sideways with one leg bent resting on the bench and the other one dangling over it.
“I bet this place holds many precious memories of your grandma and your childhood. Thank you for sharing it with me.”
Turning towards her, so I’m mimicking the way she’s sitting I let go of her hand and slowly caress the side of her cheek until she rests it against my palm. Taking my other hand, I move it to the other cheek and I look her straight in the eyes.
“There’s so much I want to share with you Jesika, so much. If you’ll just let me.” She agrees with a nod and that’s all I need before claiming her sweet mouth.
I’ve never been one to believe in out of body experiences, but right now, in this moment, I’m having one. I have waited to feel these lips for so long that I feel like I’m dreaming, the most amazing dream ever. Her lips are so soft and just the perfect plumpness to mold together with mine.
It’s crazy to even admit it, but this is the most intimate kiss I’ve ever experienced. The way she’s kissing me back, I know she feels it too. Maybe the reason why it feels so intense is because we both feel the pull that is between us. Maybe, just maybe, I haven’t been crazy the last two years and that I was drawn to her even back then for this moment in time. In this perfect moment, even though I am very needy right now and I’m sure she is as well, I make sure to keep kissing slow and steady.
Slow and steady wins the race alright. Truth is I’m not trying to push my boundaries; I want her to lead the way or at least to where I can read what she truly wants and then I’ll take over if need be. Giving her one last soft peck, I pull away and I know she felt what I did. We both have that ‘wow’ look in our eyes.
“It’s getting late. Are you ready to go now?” I hate having to sound all grown up.
What to Read After FSOG: The Gemstone Collection (WTRAFSOG Book 3) Page 62