“Whatever you decide honey, do what’s best for you and this baby. That is if you plan on keeping it.” I look at her questioningly, praying that’s her plan.
“Yes, I’m keeping this baby. I’ve learned a few mommy tips from this awesome best friend of mine who is about to marry a really hot drummer/firefighter. I think you should meet her sometime. You guys would hit it off great.” She’s pulling herself together and I know it’s strictly for my benefit. For my wedding. She wouldn’t dare let anything ruin it. Especially if it was drama pertaining to her.
“I love you. You’re the best friend a girl could ever ask for. You have never let me down and I plan on being there for you just as you were for me. We will figure this out. I do think you should tell Seth, but it’s up to you when. I won’t push the issue. But the sooner the better. No matter what, I have your back.” I grab her in a hug, careful not to mess our hair up.
“I know. Now let’s get you married.” About that time there is a knock on the door. Mallory answers it.
“Hey. Come in Holden.” She glances at me and tells me she’s going to excuse herself for a moment. I love Holden. He will always be my best friend. I hate how much time we lost out on. I was working on trying to play a love connection between him and Mallory, but this whole baby thing puts a crimp in those plans. How great would it be to have my two best friends fall in love? It’d be amazing, but obviously that might not get to take place. Mainly for the fact that Mallory has feelings for another man.
I had asked Holden to walk me down the aisle since my father died when I was a little girl and my mother never remarried. He’s the perfect one for the job though. I thought he would turn me down when I asked him, but he eagerly said yes. He told me that he will always care about me, but realizes we were always just meant to be friends. We both wanted the friendship back that Jake split without me even knowing.
Holden looks amazing. He is one fine guy. Any woman who wins his heart will be one lucky lady. He’s amazing on the inside too though. That’s the true jackpot. It’s hard to find people as equally good looking on the inside as they are on the outside. He walks over standing in front of me with nothing but friendship and love in his eyes.
“You look stunning Jesika. Derek is one lucky man.”
“Thank you Holden…but I’m one lucky lady too. It’s crazy to say it and might sound corny as hell, but I think me and Derek were brought together. I guess you could call it fate. It’s like everything lined up to make it happen.”
Running his hand across my cheek he says, “No, Booty. It’s not corny at all. You guys are perfect together. Everyone can see it. He worships the ground you walk on, and he is an amazing father. You two are perfect together. I hope that I can have what y’all have one day because it’s truly rare.” I reach up and hug him.
“I love you Holden, and you will find it one day too. You’re too good of a person not to.” I break away from our hug and look him in the eyes showing him that I mean what I’m saying.
“Let’s go. Time to make you Mrs. Derek Jordan.” We make our way out of the room that is located in the barn and walk up behind where Mallory is standing. I know her nerves are on high alert and she’s very antsy. She looks back at me, winks and plasters on her jaw dropping smile. Holding her head high and bouquet tightly within her fingers, she gracefully makes her way down from the barn to Granny’s nook.
I told Derek this is where I wanted to get married. It is the most beautiful and peaceful place. Who wouldn’t want to be married in such a serene environment? As me and Holden make our way, my arm tightly snug in his, I’m amazed by how beautiful it looks. It’s evening time and there are white lights strung out in the trees. It’s simply breathtaking and whimsical. We make the corner to where the path turns and makes its way up to the koi pond where Derek is waiting for me. He’s all I’m focused on. His smile is contagious and I can’t control the one that has overtaken my face. I love this man with everything that is in me. I turn and give Holden the biggest hug and kiss his cheek telling him I love him. Turning back around, I’m filled with so much emotion. We have been through so much in the shortest amount of time. Our love has been tested beyond belief. And look where we are; about to become one.
“You look beautiful Jesika. I love you,” he says, loud enough for only my ears.
“I love you too Derek,” I mouth back.
Having Jaxon and Emma standing next to us was amazing. We were all becoming one. Journey stayed put in the front row snuggled up in her grandma’s arms. My mom absolutely loved her new granddaughter. We decided the name Journey because it was very fitting for our life. It represented the journey our lives had to take separately to bring us together to become one.
Three years ago I had thought I lost my whole world, but in all actuality I was saved. Saved from death and a life full of lies. Three years ago fate stepped in and brought Derek into my life. I know life won’t always be easy for Derek and I. We know that there will always be things that pop up along our journey. Things that seem unbearable and try to shake us to our core. We are both very familiar with these types of interferences life tries to throw at us along the way. But just like the tattoo says that is delicately scrolled down Derek’s side as well as mine, “Sometimes you have to take a step back to move forward.” This is our daily reminder of where we have been and where we are going.
Mallory
The wedding was magical. Absolutely perfect. It even brought me to tears. Not tears of jealousy, but of true happiness. Happiness for my best friend to get the life she’s always deserved. I’m also full of gratitude. Four months ago was the worst day of my life. Walking in my house and finding her lying lifeless, surrounded by blood in the hallway was the most horrific and terrifying experience. I thought I had lost my best friend. That unwelcome feeling made me numb during the moment.
I quickly realized that I wanted more for my life. I deserved it. This whole time I had thought I needed a man or sex to make me happy. And that only got me in bed with some lousy men. Not to say the sex part of it wasn’t good, but what’s the point of a good sex life when inside you’re lonely and just want to be loved. I thought I found something special with the unattainable lead singer. Sure at first it was just sex. Mind blowing sex. But the more we got to hang out, mainly because of Jes and Derek, it became a friendship as well. One that I will always treasure because in reality I’ve never had that with a man. It was either one night stands or going on a couple of dates with men I could never fully be myself around. Always knowing it wouldn’t last anyways, I’d never let them see the real me. Why should I? Why should I let someone in who is just going to hurt me in the long run?
Leave it to me to let the most notorious womanizer around in. I let down all my walls for Seth. Granted it took a long time for me to do it, I did. I was proud of myself for being able to. Seth was different though. Extremely charming and amazing in bed, but different. We were both damaged goods. I don’t know what it was that had taken place in his life to force him to build a steel wall around his heart, but whatever it was I was slowly breaking through, without even trying.
Based on things Jesika had heard through Derek, Seth was the non-settling down type because of one female who had ruined him. It’s so sad when we let one person change who we are and what we believe. It was awesome watching our ‘relationship’ go from just sex to friendship. We could just be ourselves without feeling judged. That’s what I loved so much about us…about him. Maybe that’s what scared him off. Maybe that’s what made him cut all ties with me. Hell, just because I had, I mean have feelings for him doesn’t mean I want him to give up his dream. I’d never ask nor want that.
So, here I am standing basically face to face with the man who unknowingly broke my heart, the father of the baby growing inside of me. As they announce ‘you may kiss your bride’, I finally let my eyes drift to him. Something I’ve avoided this whole time, even as I was walking down the aisle. I’m shocked to see him staring at me. I can’t pin the l
ook his eyes are holding. It’s not desire. I’m all too familiar with that fire in his eyes. It’s almost sorrow…apologetic. Like he’s sorry he can’t be with me.
I know I have to tell him I’m pregnant. We’ve always been honest and I’m not going to start hiding things from him now. Especially something as huge as this. I mean, what could go wrong? It’s not like we’re together and I sure as shit don’t expect him to want to sweep me off my feet because I’m carrying his child.
As Jesika and Derek join hands to walk down the pathway as husband and wife I’m now dreading the closeness that’s about to take place between Seth and I. The closeness that I’ve been craving the last four months. I give him my fantastic fake smile, knowing he can see right through it, and loop my arm through his. We walk side by side following Derek and Jesika to the reception area to do photos.
He breaks the unbearable silence first. “You look beautiful.”
“Thanks,” is all I can muster as I pull my arm away from his.
“I’m sorry Mallory. I’m sorry I hurt you. I know you won’t admit it, but I know I did. I never meant for it to happen. I didn’t plan on developing feelings for you…and I can’t have them. I’m not good for you. You knew that from the get go. Being on the road away from you is where I have to be.” Did he really just admit to having feelings for me? If he cares for me, why can’t we make this work? Why can’t we raise our child together?
“Seth, there’s something I need to tell you.”
The apologetic look returns full force in his eyes when I hear a screeching “Seth” coming from behind him. He looks over his shoulder knowing damn well who it is and then back to me with eyes full of regret now. I don’t have a clue who she is, but I have a feeling she’s about to make it known in full force.
Wrapping her arm around his side and openly glaring at me, she coos, “Hey baby. I was looking for you.”
Obviously annoyed by the situation or for the fact that I’m a front row spectator to it he snaps out, “Well ya found me. It’s not like I was hiding.”
She’s now facing him rubbing her hand up and down his chest.
“Well, aren’t you going to introduce me to your friend? She is your friend right? Because y’all seemed to be having a deep conversation when I came up.”
Yes we were bitch, thanks for interrupting it at the most inconvenient time. I can sense a hint of jealousy in her voice. She knows damn well that I’m someone of importance to him. I’m still trying to reel in the idea that he left me here four months ago to go on the road because he can’t be committed and he’s already replaced me. Nice. Fucking nice. And being the decent man he is, he brings her here. Knowing I’m going to be here. Way to rub the salt into the wound douche. What is it with rocker dudes and skanky chicks? Wow, if that’s what he chose over me, he’s got more problems than I thought. I know my face is filled with disgust at the sight of her hands all over the man I love. I hate not having any say in this situation. I have no rights to him. Never have. I want to let my inner bitch out and go off on the tramp, but I keep my sanity. Mainly for the fact that we are at Jesika’s wedding.
Seth looks at her as she has now returned back to her snug spot of being attached to his hip, then he looks at me as if he’s questioning even answering her knowing that he’s probably about to rip my heart a little more.
“This is Mallory. She’s Jesika’s best friend.”
Wow. What a cop out answer. Taking the opportunity he just placed in her court, McSlut looks at me with delight and triumph shining in her eyes. “Nice to meet you Mallory.”
The words just continue to ooze from her mouth with a snarky smile. “I’m Allison, the mother of Seth’s daughter and his soon to be wife!”
Acknowledgements
First and foremost I would like to say no judging my editor for errors that will undoubtedly be in this section. I told her I didn’t want my acknowledgements edited because I want to let my Ebonics shine. Now with that being said, I’m not sure how many people even read these to begin with because I know I’m guilty of not always checking it out. I could never have finished MoFo and shared it with the world if it wasn’t for so many incredible ladies and everyone who has supported and pushed my rear along the way. This has been such an incredible experience because of all the friends I’ve made along the way. It’s like a whole new world. A place you can go and talk about all your favorite characters as if they exist and form bonds with people you hope to one day meet, is such an awesome thing. Today marks the year anniversary of when I fell in love with reading; the day my world was forever changed. I felt like it would be very meaningful to release my debut novel on the day my world was rocked; since I would have never wrote this book if I would have never unlocked my hidden passion.
If you would have told me a year ago that I would write a book and self-publish it, I would have busted out laughing in your face. Like falling on the floor, unable to control myself, can’t catch my breath, laughing….because Lesbihonest, the idea of writing has always made me cringe. I don’t claim to be an author, but since I’m in the business or writing stories, and business is a booming (sorry had to bust out with my own revised Inglorious Bastards quote) I’m given that job title. And believe me I will do my darndest to bring glory to that title. The truth of the matter is that I’m just a simple chic who fell in love with reading at the age of 29 and before that I had claimed to have hated it (horrific, I know). Five months after reading my first full book ever, yes The Hunger Games is where it all started for me, and becoming obsessed with Indie Authors and all their books, I decided that writing a book maybe wouldn’t be such a crazy idea. Not that it wasn’t difficult, time consuming, or frustrating but a story came to me and I just had to see where it could go. Because honestly it’s true that sometimes the book just writes itself and characters just take over without your consent. I had thought authors were Looney when they’d say “oh let’s see where my characters take me today” I would always think “ahh to wherever you want them to, DUH”….. So not true. There are times you have no fricking control of what goes on and you’re just like “huh, that was totally unexpected, but it works perfectly.” Needless to say, this has been a mind-blowing, amazing experience that I will cherish forever and it wouldn’t have come to fruition without the love and support from some amazing ladies along the way.
~Nacole Stayton – Where do I even begin? I can’t believe it’s just now almost a year since we became friends. It seems like I’ve known you for forever. We had a mutual love for books that instantly kindled our twitter relationship. I’m so thankful that you stalked all the amazing indie authors just like me so we were able to run into each other, and then become such good friends. We made a crazy pack to each attempt to write a book. At first the idea seemed so easy and attainable. Then as time passed by and words slowly made their way on to the screen, the idea started to seem like a fantasy, a nice idea but out of reach for us. But we kept pushing each other and encouraging each other along the way. We instantly felt connected to the others characters and had an unbreakable bond that made us want to finish this journey. What we now both see as a continuous journey. I’m so thankful that I had you to start this adventure with and that I will always have you beside me the whole way, and at the end if or when the ride ends. Because that’s exactly what it will be, a ride full of tons of up’s and a hand full of down’s along the way. But the fact that we will always have each other through it, makes if for one hell of a ride. Love yah hun!
~Janessa Osborne – You’re simply amazing. You might not be a very skeery DSD, but you’re an awesome friend that I cherish dearly. You fell in love with Derek right from the get go, and could never see no faults in him or the story (even though they were there lol). I’ve enjoyed our chats and being able to confide in you. You will never know how much that means to me. I will always consider you one of my closest friends forever…forever ever. Forever!!
~Nichele Reese – you showed me the ropes of this indie world. I had no c
lue what I was doing, and you stepped in and helped me so much. I appreciate you and the friendship we had. It was amazing and thank you for helping me make Moving Forward what it is. I will forever be grateful for that.
~Megan Hoelscher – it’s the blood that binds us. TrueBlood that is. I’m so thankful we started chatting because you’ve become a much needed asset in my life. Thank you for all your help with MoFo, and supporting it and loving my characters just as much as I do. Your advice has been much appreciated.
~Kim Karr – wow, it’s crazy that you were around back when I was putting chapters on fiction press. You loved Derek from the get go, and have been an awesome source of encouragement. The beginning of my book is so much better with your awesome advice and you telling me that I had to put Jake’s POV in. That last minute change added so much more to the story. Thanks for everything!
~Brandy Rocha – Thanks for being my pre-editor…Looking back, I’m so embarrassed that I had sent that to you so soon. I sent all of it without even re-reading it myself. So, of course it was a mess. I’m truly thankful for your help though. It was much needed and very appreciated.
~Emily Mitchell – You’ve been an amazing cheerleader from the get go. You’ve had my back and pushed me to keep going just by your funny supportive comments. I’m so glad I was smart and let you read MoFo before sending it out. The parts you pointed out have made such an extreme improvement and I can’t thank you enough.
~Cris Hadarly – You simply rock. I cannot thank you enough for everything you did. You worked your butt off putting together my cover reveal and blog tour. I couldn’t have pulled any of it off without you, and for that I’m so so so thankful. Everything you put together and came up with, was simply amazing. You are one talented MoFo my dear.
What to Read After FSOG: The Gemstone Collection (WTRAFSOG Book 3) Page 79