Tinsley slipped her hands to my chest and gently pushed at me.
I broke away from her and approached my father slowly.
We both nodded at each other and next thing I knew his arms were around me. Hugging me like a father would hug his son. He even started to weep. I made fists and hit them against his back, feeling a razor blade like feeling pushing up my throat.
“I miss her already,” my father whispered.
“Me too,” I whispered back to him.
He broke the hug and let out a growling ahh sound and wiped his eyes.
He swallowed hard and took a deep breath.
“We all knew the ending here,” he said. “Doesn’t make it hurt less.”
Barr and Kip were stone faced.
Tinsley’s cheeks were flushed.
“I’d like to say something,” my father said. He reached down and took the flask from my hand. He helped himself to a drink. “There are things I can never really talk about. The way certain things are perceived versus reality. I’m not an idiot here. None of you want me here. Barrington, Kipton, you want to come over here and punch me in the mouth. And hell, I probably have earned that.”
Kip cracked his knuckles. “In that case…”
Barr put his hand out and stopped Kip.
“I’m not even going to say something about you smoking in the house, Barrington,” my father said.
Barr took a drag and didn’t say a word.
“And Tinsley,” my father said with a grin. “I can only imagine what you think of me. And of Claire.”
My blood heated. “What’s your point?”
“My point is that I love you all,” my father said. “Everyone deals with grief in their own way. I hope none of you experience what I have. She was the complete opposite of me. This gorgeous beach beauty who didn’t need to give me the time of day. And I could have loved and left. But she got to me. She won. She always won.” My father laughed. “Oh, shit. She always won. When she got the diagnosis…” My father rubbed his jaw. “She told me to live. She told me to go find love. She told me to be happy. We both understood in that moment that time really was the best and worst thing in the world. I offered so much money…” He shook his head. “There was nothing to be done. I tracked down doctor after doctor and set up so many goddamn appointments for her. Until she finally sat me down and told me to stop. Told me to let her go. Told me to…” My father looked at me and blinked fast. “I could never let her go. And I could never let out my goddamn anger and pain. So I handled it in other ways. Ways that probably look wrong to you. And ways that are wrong. But hear this… even in front of your friends, Preston. I never loved anyone else. I never came close to it either.”
My father hung his head and started to cry.
I looked back at Tinsley.
Her eyes were wide with surprise.
I touched my father’s shoulder and he nodded.
“I’m sorry,” he said. He quickly collected himself. “We’re going to have a small ceremony for her. We can go see her and say goodbye, if you want. Then she’s going to be cremated. She wanted to be placed at her favorite spot on the beach. In the water. And… yeah. That’s sort of that.”
“Okay,” I said.
“Okay,” my father said.
He opened his arms again.
I nodded and let him embrace me in another hug from him.
“It was good to see you all,” my father said. “I’ll leave you get back to what you were doing.”
He left the kitchen, calling back the person he had been talking to.
I stood there with my fists balled up tight.
“Shit,” Barr said.
“That was weird,” Kip said.
Tinsley touched my back. “Are you okay?”
I didn’t respond to her.
I slowly turned my head and looked down at Tinsley.
“Pres…”
I walked away.
I heard Barr tell Tinsley to just wait.
I was going to be gone… but not for good.
* * *
I pulled him up off the ground by his shirt and swung again.
My hand crushed the bridge of his nose.
He was reduced to nothing but groans of pain.
“Get up,” I growled at him. “Get the fuck up and fight me. Now. Take a fucking swing at me.”
He stared at me and tried to say something but he had nothing left.
I let him go and stood up.
The ocean waves smashed to the shore with force.
That only fed the anger that surged through me.
I looked to my right and saw Kip holding the other one.
Marcus and Keith.
They were snot nose douchebags who thought they owned the world.
Typical BFH attitude.
We never had any business with them. No issues. No dealings. Nothing.
Which was part of the problem.
Or maybe for them it was just being in the wrong place at the wrong time.
I didn’t need any reason to fight someone other than the desire to take a swing and see what would happen.
Marcus thought it was fun to strut across the beach like a drunk fool, calling out the Rulz over and over, laughing as he did so. And when Barr told him to cool it, he said smoke this bitch, and put up his middle fingers. Keith jumped in front of Marcus and pushed him back. He apologized to us and said Marcus had had too much to drink and had something happen with his girlfriend.
I appreciated the honesty, but the door was already open.
Now Marcus mumbled to himself with his face covered in blood and sand.
I nodded to Kip and he shoved Keith toward me.
Keith put his hands up. “Come on, Pres. I didn’t do anything. I’m sorry about Marcus.”
“Hit me,” I said.
“No.”
“I said to fucking hit me.”
“I’m not going to hit you. I know you’re pissed off. I know you’re sad about your mother…”
I went after Keith.
He tried to dodge me but I grabbed him.
He panicked and took a swing at me. Hitting me in the lip. I tasted blood.
I nodded.
“Let’s go for a swim,” I said.
Keith yelled as I dragged him into the ocean.
I punched him to shut him up and then threw him into a wave.
I went after him again and held him under the water.
My grip tight on his shirt as he swung his fists and kicked, desperate to get out of the water.
The waves slammed into my arms and body but I didn’t give a shit.
The water splashed to my face and I tasted the saltwater mixing with my blood.
“That’s good, Pres,” Barr said from next to me as he chopped his hand down to break my hold on Keith.
I looked at him, ready to fight him.
“It’s okay,” Barr said.
I showed my hands and backed away.
I walked out of the water and saw Marcus on his hands and knees.
Keith thrashed his arms as a wave tossed him to the shore.
Kip was waiting for me with the flask.
Barr had already refilled it twice for me.
I threw the flask back as I walked from the beach to Kip’s SUV.
I sat in the backseat as he drove us back to his place.
My clothes were still wet when I went into the guesthouse to find Tinsley.
Barr and Kip told me they were going to stay close in case I needed anything.
I locked them out of the guesthouse and found Tinsley in the bedroom, pacing back and forth.
“Pres!” she cried out.
She jumped into my arms and then jumped out of my arms.
“You’re soaked,” she said.
My mind flashed to images of Tinsley seeing me for the first time ever. When I was taking care of some business and holding someone under the ocean water to send a message. Of me seeing her. Me waiting to see if she would come back to t
he beach. Which she did. Me slowly approaching her and whispering a warning to her. A warning that she didn’t listen to.
“Let’s get you out of these wet clothes,” she whispered.
My hands grabbed her by the waist and I pulled her close.
“Or not,” she whispered.
I picked her up and carried her to the bed.
Her cheeks turned bright red as my hands began to explore her body.
I ripped the dry clothes off her body and peeled the wet clothes off of my own.
She put her arms around me and dug her nails into my back.
I buried my face into the crook of her neck and smelled her sweet skin.
I threw my body forward at her - inside her - and let out a long breath.
I shut my eyes.
Just to keep the tears from falling.
Chapter 17
I walked into BFH and the entire place went silent. Everyone just stopped. Completely fucking stopped. Lockers were open. Books in hand. People in mid conversation with their mouths open, leaving half a word hanging from their mouth. The hallway was full of people with nobody daring to move.
Just all eyes on me.
I had Tinsley on my left, her small hand desperate to hold my hand as tight as she could. Barr and Kip on my right.
This was because they all knew my mother was dead. And yet nobody had the nerve to say something to me. Because they didn’t know what was going to happen. The cuts and bumps on my knuckles proved that point. Anyone that looked at me the wrong way or if I just felt like it… were getting crushed.
So silence was the only way to stay safe.
I walked forward and anyone in my path moved out of the way.
People looked at me and nodded.
They frowned.
Their eyes were worried and sad at the same time.
I got to where I needed to be without a sound.
It was an interesting moment to walk through, that was for sure.
I walked Tinsley to her locker and then we shot over to Gi and Iris.
The hallway started to pick up its normal pace again. But it was very quiet. I could feel something like tension in the air and I hated it.
“Hey, Gi,” Tinsley said. “Iris.”
“Hey,” they both said.
They both swallowed hard.
I gritted my teeth. “Look. Just fucking say it.”
“We’re sorry about your mother,” Iris said. “Like… so sorry.”
“It’s so sad,” Gi said. “I…”
She stopped.
I nodded. “Thanks.”
“Everyone just act normal now,” Tinsley said.
“She’s right,” I said.
“Let’s get moving,” Barr said.
“I kind of like everyone bowing down to us,” Kip said.
I leaned down and kissed Tinsley on the cheek. “I’ll see you in a little bit.”
Tinsley leaned into me and nodded. “See you later, Pres.”
I walked the hallways with Barr and Kip.
The Rulz.
We also had power in BFH.
People always moved for us. If not, we moved them.
But the sudden silence and the looks and everything else…
It finally got to me.
I saw some guy standing at his locker with his arm around a girl. His locker was open and he kissed the top of her head and whispered something into her ear.
It could have been anything.
But that was it for me.
I sidestepped and grabbed his locker and slammed it as hard as I could.
He jumped back and pulled his girl toward him.
Everyone watched intently to see what I was going to do.
I made a fist with my right hand.
I brought it back.
“What did you say to her?” I asked the guy.
“Nothing,” she said.
“I didn’t ask you. I asked him.”
“I told her I loved her,” the guy said. “That I couldn’t imagine losing her.”
I nodded.
Then I swung my right fist.
The girl screamed. The guy shut his eyes and winced.
My fist slammed against his locker, thundering through the hallway.
My knuckles burned with fresh pain.
I didn’t talk to another person for the rest of the time I was at BFH.
* * *
If the bullshit from BFH followed me, it came in the form of flowers. I had never in my life seen so many flowers before. The small ceremony for Mom was a handful of people and a billion flowers. They were arranged in some parts. Scattered in others. Floral arrangements stacked on top of one another.
I was sure most of the flowers were from people that worked with or for my father. Just showing their love and support for him. For the man they either feared or respected. And even those who hated my father’s guts… they probably sent flowers too.
When I saw Sarah standing alone, I had to go check on her.
She saw me and burst into tears.
Instead of hugging me though, she went for Tinsley.
They hugged and cried as I stood there.
Barr had already told me he had a flask ready for anything I needed.
I appreciated that and I appreciated he and Kip being there to keep their eyes open for anything off. In my mind I was far from settled. Far from settled with my mother’s death. Far from settled with what happened with Ruby. And far from settled with what had happened with Cole.
Barr and Kip were my eyes.
Tinsley was my heart.
I was just there as a body.
“Oh, Pres, get over here,” Sarah said.
She threw an arm around me and pulled me close.
She cried hard.
“I never got to see her again,” she said. “I never said goodbye to her.”
Sarah broke away and grabbed my shoulder.
“It’s okay,” I said.
“Look at me. I’m a fool. You should be upset.”
Tinsley took Sarah’s hand. “Don’t worry. Let it out.”
“I can’t believe it,” Sarah said. “I swear a week ago I told myself to come see her. I knew she would have been mad at me for it. She never wanted…” Sarah waved a hand. “I have to stop.”
“Don’t,” I said. “Say it. I want to hear it.”
“She didn’t want me to see her sick,” Sarah said.
“She didn’t want anyone to see her sick,” I said. “She knew who her friends were. Who loved her.”
“Oh, Pres,” Sarah said. “I’m so sorry. You’re too young for this. She’s too young to be… gone.” Sarah took a breath. “I’m older than her.”
I was probably supposed to say something but didn’t.
Tinsley broke up what could have been an uncomfortable silence.
“How are the tigers? And lions?” Tinsley asked.
“Perfect,” Sarah said. “Come visit. Soon.”
“I have an idea,” I said.
Sarah and Tinsley looked at me.
“Why don’t I bring a little bit of her… ashes…” I stopped and cleared my throat. My fucking mother is now reduced to nothing but fucking ashes. “Why don’t I bring some up there to you, Sarah? We can put them somewhere. Since she loved your place so much.”
“I agree,” a voice said from behind me.
I turned and saw my father.
“Will,” Sarah said.
She probably knew enough about my father to know who he was. After all, he was the one who didn’t want to help get Sarah the land she needed. Of course, he probably found a way to smooth it over by talking about land, value, financials, and all that business bullshit.
My father stuck out a hand and Sarah took it.
“Thank you for being here,” he said. “She always loved you. She loved the animals. Even if I didn’t.”
He patted Sarah’s hand and then walked away.
I kept my distance during the ceremony.
It was
all words. I wasn’t even sure if those words even mattered. The cliché stuff spouted at funerals. Nothing my mother would have ever said or wanted to be said about her.
When my father took his turn to speak, he dabbed the corners of his eyes with a white cloth. He took frequent breaths and even more pauses. I had no doubt that what he was saying and feeling was real. He felt it. He loved her. And losing her - forever - hit home hard. Maybe he and Mom had an arrangement that allowed him to sleep around. That wasn’t my business. I just knew all the truths. From the small picture to the bigger one. I knew what my mother had given up to be my mother. Only to have her life come to a sudden end the second she was diagnosed. Everything after that moment was just her dying.
So I didn’t need to stand up in front of strangers and say something. I didn’t need to cry in front of everyone either. She had been dying for a long time. I had already felt what I needed to feel.
The moment the ceremony ended, I grabbed Tinsley’s hand and walked away.
Behind me, one of my father’s guys made the announcement about the post funeral gathering.
This was an excuse for my father to have a party. To drink. To mingle. And knowing him, he would use Mom’s death as a way to make a deal or two.
When we got to Kip’s SUV, he and Barr climbed into the driver’s seat and passenger seat. As I reached for the backdoor, Tinsley slammed her hand to the window.
I looked at her.
“Are you okay?” she asked me.
“How am I supposed to answer that?”
“It’s okay to be in pain, Pres.”
“Okay then.”
“Okay then,” Tinsley said. “Ass.”
“Love you,” I whispered.
“Love you too,” she said.
We got into the SUV and Barr already had a cigarette lit. He turned, grinning, flask in hand.
I grabbed it from him and took a drink.
“Tell me we are not going to that gathering,” Kip said.
“It’s for his mother,” Tinsley said. “You fuck.”
“We’re not going, sugar,” I said. “That’s a business thing for my father.”
“Then where are we going?” Tinsley asked.
I took another drink. “To talk to my lawyer.”
* * *
It was all papers.
Papers that controlled everything in my life.
PRES: a bay falls high novel Page 15