“So when will you need to start rehearsing?” Brian inquired.
“Next April before the tour starts. In the meantime the manager will send me some digital tracks so I can get to know their songs.”
“I still can’t believe you’re leaving for Bali tomorrow night. Did you find a roommate for when you get back?” Sasha queried.
What were they doing, trying to see if Colby would show interest? “Not yet, but I’m probably staying in that house with my friends until I find one.” Like I’d told Brian when he’d visited me only a few days ago.
“Yeah probably best since you don’t know if you’ll be gone three weeks or more. Are you still thinking about moving to San Diego?” The twinkle in Brian’s eye let me know that he and Sasha had a definite agenda with their questioning.
“I’m not sure. Enough of the twenty questions for me—”
“What the hell is going on with you?” Colby blurted out, surprising not only me, but also the entire table with his outburst.
Josh cast him a pointed look, but his brother wasn’t paying attention. He only had eyes for me.
“With me?” I asked, feeling my temper rise because of his tone.
“Yes, you. In the last week—what? You’ve moved out of your apartment, had this big confrontation with Rebecca, may be looking for a roommate in San Diego, touring with some band that you’ve never even met before, and tomorrow night you’re leaving on some trip across the world? What the fuck is that all about, Kenz?”
“What’s going on with me is I’m moving forward with my life, taking chances. I’m no longer satisfied with being afraid and allowing other people’s opinions to dictate my life.”
“Insinuating that I am.” His jaw clenched with irritation.
I shrugged, getting my point across, but not willing to continue this fight in front of others. “I’m not having this conversation right now.”
“Why not? You said you were no longer afraid.”
Josh looked like he was torn about whether to intercede, but I held up my hand to keep him from doing so.
Standing up, I watched as Colby did the same. “You want to discuss this now? Fine. Unlike some people, I finally have the—the—testicular fortitude to stand up for what I want and be unapologetic about my decisions.”
Josh and Brian about spit out their drinks. “Testicular what?” Brian interjected.
“Testicular fortitude. I got creative because Colby hates when girls say the word b-a-l-l-s.”
Colby’s lips twitched, and before I knew it, we were both grinning at one another across the table like idiots. He raised his glass in a salute. “Good one.”
I tipped my head in acknowledgement.
“Brian?” Colby addressed my brother without his eyes leaving mine.
“Yeah, man?”
“I’m completely and undeniably in love with your sister.”
All the air in my lungs left me. I stood there staring at him, completely in shock.
You could’ve heard a pin drop as he continued. “And I understand, given my past, why you’d have a problem with that, but it’s not going to change the way I feel about her. I should have manned up weeks ago. All I can do now is demonstrate through my actions and, hopefully with her happiness, how much I mean it. In other words, I’m not waiting for your blessing, but considering how we both feel about you, it would mean a lot if you gave it.” He finally broke eye contact with me, focusing on Brian and awaiting his response.
My brother smiled before getting up and doing the guy ritual of slapping one another on their backs. “You have it.” Even Josh and Mark were all smiles. Only Haylee and Sasha appeared to clue into my lack of reaction—and my clenched fists.
Even though I’d challenged him to take this step, watching him celebrate as if we’d already decided to get back together after he’d broken my heart made me want to scream in frustration. What did he expect? That I’d smile as if nothing had ever happened and hope for the best the next time he freaked out? Or ignore that he’d accused me of making decisions for my future solely based on him?
“Hate to interrupt this bro-love fest you have going on, but aren’t you forgetting something important?”
Colby looked stunned, as did the rest of the guys. “Like what?”
Jesus. Were all men this clueless? “Like the fact that I might not feel the same way any longer.”
His face paled. “If you didn’t, then how do you explain last night?” He winced with the realization he’d inadvertently outed us in front of my brother. “Sorry, Brian.”
Words flew out of my mouth without my thinking about them. “It was just sex, Colby.” I cringed at the look on my brother’s face and mumbled, “Shit. Sorry, Brian.”
“Maybe you two should take this somewhere more private,” Josh suggested, barely containing a smile.
“Good idea,” Colby said and then, to my utter shock, he came around the table, snaked my wrist, and heaved me up over his shoulder cave-man style.
“Oh, my God, put me down. What are you doing?” Thank goodness I was wearing shorts instead of a skirt.
“Do you think you can accuse me of being testicularly challenged and expect that I wouldn’t react? You want alpha male, sweetheart, that’s what you’re getting. Brian, we’ll be outside talking.”
“It was testicular fortitude, and you’re making a scene.” I was bright red but glad he couldn’t see the big goofy smile on my face when I should have been yelling at him for acting this way. As he stalked out of the restaurant, I finally managed a protest. “Put me down.”
He complied once we were next to his SUV in the parking lot, but he didn’t let go. “You and I are hashing this out. Get in.”
“Says you. I’m catching a cab.”
Since I was backed up against the side of his car with his hands on my hips, breathing hard, and staring at him without moving a muscle, my threat was empty. Dammit, why did I have to be unbelievably aroused by this dominant display?
“And yet you’re not moving,” he murmured before devouring my lips in a kiss so raw and full of need that I was sure I’d never recover from it.
Finally coming up for air, I felt a myriad of conflicting emotions. Hadn’t I challenged him to declare his feelings and accuse him of not having the balls to do so? The problem was that admitting something and proving it were two different matters.
His eyes were stormy and his voice husky. “I should’ve told you before I said it in front of everyone else. I love you, Kenz. I was trying to get some time to talk to you today, but you avoided me.”
I was on the brink of tears. It would be too easy to throw my arms around him and return the sentiment, but he wasn’t really addressing the issue that had led us here. “What’s changed?”
“What are you talking about?”
Despite what I’d been through the last few days, this by far was the toughest thing I’d done to date. To look at the man I’d loved for as long as I could remember, who had just admitted he loved me back, and tell him it wasn’t enough took everything I had.
“You left that morning in Vegas because you let your fear over what people thought about your past completely trump anything you felt about me, not to mention you accused me of giving up my dreams for you. Then you got angry when you learned I defended you because you didn’t think you deserved it. So what’s changed?”
He was at a loss. “I’ve been absolutely miserable these last couple of weeks and I don’t want to be without you.”
I shook my head at his attempt. “Although that’s nice to hear because the time apart has been rough on me too, we could barely stand to be apart before Vegas. Hell, we didn’t last two nights that weekend, hence that hasn’t changed.”
He ran a hand through his hair, frustrated. “I could tell you every sordid detail from my past. Put it all out there for you to decide if you can live with it.”
For him to offer full disclosure showed me how much he wanted this to work, but he was missing the point.
“That’s the complete opposite of what I want. Not because I’m afraid of what you’ll tell me but because I’ve always meant it when I said it won’t alter the way I feel about you. What needs to actually change is for you to trust that. You need to get past this shame over what you can’t change and believe that you deserve to be happy. It’s not really me you need to convince, it’s you. And I can’t do that for you, and more importantly, I can’t wonder when it’ll come up again. You said that you were afraid of me giving up my dreams for you someday, so I’ll put it out there so we’re clear: I want to get married and have kids in the future, but I won’t do that with someone who doesn’t think he’s worthy of that kind of life. I can’t wonder when there will be a next time you’ll freak out.”
“You say my past doesn’t bother you, but I heard your gasp and saw your face go pale that morning in Vegas when you overheard what your brother said to me about my indiscretions. It gutted me to see your reaction.”
My jaw about dropped as comprehension dawned. “I wasn’t upset about what was revealed. I was horrified that my brother would say such things to you. As if he’s some saint or something to throw in your face your transgressions from when you were twenty-one years old. I was upset on your behalf, not with the content. Jesus. You thought that this whole time? That’s what made you leave?”
He nodded. “Partially, but it was also the fact I didn’t give you enough credit.”
No he hadn’t.
“I’m not sure how to put this without you attempting to whack-a-mole-me, but over the years I’ve always kind of liked you having a crush on me. It meant you couldn’t possibly know all of the things I wasn’t proud of. It’s almost like I got to be the best version of myself with you, but I didn’t give you enough credit that you’d already seen the real me.”
I cracked a smile. “No, you didn’t.”
“You know if I could erase the past, I would.”
“But then maybe you wouldn’t be the person you are now, and that would be a shame. The thing is that I’m not that girl anymore with a crush. Big shocker: you have flaws, but I’m in love with all parts of the man you are, including the one from the past that you’d love to see changed. He’s pretty great, and I’m not just talking in bed.”
He chuckled, caressing my face. “You’re crazy.”
“Exactly. And goofy, dirty minded, and even a bit violent with my tendencies, but lucky for me: you don’t seem to mind.”
“Not only do I not mind, I find all of it adorable. Well, except for the violent tendencies because that straight up turns me on, because it so happens I’m crazy, too. God, the thought of you grabbing Rebecca’s hand and threatening to hit her, then telling her if she so much as rolled her eyes you’d throw her out—It’s probably a good thing I wasn’t there. I would’ve wanted to haul you into the nearest coat closet.”
A giggle erupted at the image before I turned serious again. “I’m glad we talked, but I’m still leaving tomorrow night.” I couldn’t have him accuse me of putting my dreams on hold and then turn around and cancel a trip that I’d been looking forward to because we were trying to work things out.
A protest died on his lips, replaced with a heavy sigh. “I think somewhere in the relationship manual this is where it says absence makes the heart grow fonder, or if you let someone go and they come back, it’s meant to be?”
“Something like that. I need this time for myself to focus on what it is I may want to do in my future. You hurt me, Colby, and I’m not telling you that because I want you to feel bad, but if we’re to try again, you need to be sure you’re all in, without reservation.”
His eyes looked heavy with remorse. “I know I did. What I wanted so badly to tell you today is that I’ve been working on my shit. I fucked up in Vegas by leaving you there to stand up for us. I’m sorry Kenz. I should’ve fought for you, fought for us.”
My hands ran down his chest, and I took a ragged breath. “You kind of made up for it in there a little bit.” I gave him a small smile. “Maybe it had to happen that way in Vegas for me to realize you and I weren’t so different when it came to letting others keep us in a light we no longer wanted to be in. Kryptonite is a bitch and not to abuse the phrase, but we both needed to work on our shit.”
His hands ran down my back, caressing me lightly. “You might stay longer than three weeks?”
“Maybe. I’ll have to see how it goes.” I wasn’t going to commit to anything at this point, no matter how much I’d miss him.
I looked over to where everyone else had come out, appearing uncertain whether or not they were interrupting something. “I think everybody is ready to go, but I’ll see you tomorrow at the baptism. We can talk after.”
He moved in and hugged me tightly. “Tell me you love me more than club sandwiches?”
I nodded. “Even with the avocado and bacon.”
***
The baptism of Josh and Haylee’s beautiful little girl was lovely. My brother and Sasha stood up as godparents to baby Abigail during the ceremony, and it was clear that every single person attending was there to celebrate. Although Rebecca and Ben had shown up, they were on their best behavior and, thankfully, didn’t come for the brunch at the Singer’s home afterwards.
While chatting with Sasha outside on the back patio, I smiled when Josh came up to us and settled his gaze on me.
“Sorry to interrupt you ladies. Kenzie, do you have a few minutes?”
“Of course.” I was curious about why he wanted to speak with me.
He led me into the house to a large office on the first floor, shutting the door behind us. “I was hoping to make this casual, but considering I’ve led you into my father’s office, it seems a lot more, uh, formal now.”
Josh had always seemed rather serious to me even while growing up. Since he wasn’t one to show too much emotion until recently with his wife and baby in the picture, I’d never really had a direct rapport with him. We’d always related through my brother, who seemed to bridge the gap between the formality of Josh and his goofball little sister. The fondness had always been there, but not a comfort level where I could feel relaxed with him.
“I don’t mind. What’s going on?”
He walked towards a picture of his father with himself and his brother, clearly taken when both boys were teenagers. “When our father died, Colby was doing his undergrad, and I’d just graduated college. Even while getting my MBA, I started taking over the business, diving straight into the responsibility. At the time, I think it was my way of coping with the loss of my dad. To work harder and longer in order to prove myself worthy of his legacy. My brother, on the other hand, seemed to slide further into partying, taking it to the other end of the spectrum. In hindsight, I realize it was his way of managing through his grief during that period.”
“You were both still young.” I couldn’t imagine, at my age, going into grad school while learning the financials and everything there was to know about the multi-million-dollar family business because I needed to become the CEO.
He smiled. “Looking back, I can see that, but at the time, I stepped into this sort of disappointed, judgmental father role where Colby could really do no right. Maybe I was unconsciously resentful that he had the freedom to do what he wanted while I was worried about investors, financials, and staffing back then, or perhaps it was that he was so extroverted while I struggled to be social. I really couldn’t say. But what I do know is that I should’ve been there to guide him, support him, and cheer him on. Instead, I always seemed to be too busy or dismissive. And when the incident occurred three years ago with the blackmail, I was so preoccupied with saying I told you so, that I didn’t give him credit or see that it was a turning point for him. It’s especially hypocritical of me, having changed the way I have over the last year, not to have given him the benefit of the doubt that he’d grown out of that phase of his life.”
“I hope you told him that.”
He nodded. “And then some. That first night I we
nt to LA, I don’t think he was ready to hear it, but over the last couple weeks, we’ve continued to talk, and our relationship has really improved. He’s back in charge of his company fully, something I should’ve done years ago along with trusting that he’d know best what direction he wants to take it in. Anyhow, my point in telling you all of this is that I owe you an apology, Kenzie. I’m sorry that I contributed to what happened in Vegas. That I jumped to conclusions instead of listening. But I’m grateful that you stood up for him and for what you had together, a relationship that he deserved. And I owe you a thank you for telling me what needed to be said even when it couldn’t have been easy.”
I smiled. “Apology accepted, and you’re welcome. I’m happy you two worked things out.”
“Now here’s the part he’s probably going to kill me for, but in my new role as supportive big brother championing the things that matter most to him, I’d be remiss if I didn’t tell you that I know how much he loves you. And if there was any lingering doubt for anyone that you two weren’t a match for one another, watching you last night turn an argument into something else dispelled the very thought. You have an undeniable connection to one another which both Brian and I can’t believe we didn’t see sooner.”
“I love him, too, but there are still things we need to figure out.”
“I’d say no pressure, but we’re both aware there’s no such thing when you take a relationship public and involve family who clearly would like to see the two of you together. Anyhow, that’s all I wanted to say.”
“Thank you for doing so. It means a lot.”
He hugged me and then opened the door, revealing Colby on the other side.
“There you are.” He glanced between us.
“I’ll let you two catch up.” Josh gave me a wink and his younger brother a slap on the back before returning to the party.
“Did my big brother just wink at you?”
I giggled. “He did, indeed.”
Colby grinned, took my hand, and quickly led me up the stairs to his childhood bedroom. Shutting the door, he simply held me in a hug. “I’ve been dying to do this all day.”
Bet Me Something (Something Series Book 3) Page 32