by Amy L. Gale
“Don’t get me wrong, if he ever cheats, I’m gone.” I sweep my arm through the air pointing at the door.
She hits her fist against her palm. “You won’t have to leave; I’ll kill him for you.”
“Deal. Will you please ask him to come in so we can talk?” I take a deep breath and slide back, pressing my body into the couch.
“Sure, no problem.” She gives me a quick hug. “If you need me, just call.”
“Thank you Jenna, for everything.”
I watch out the window as she walks over to Van, she puts her hand on his shoulder. Apparently the bus is not sound proof since I hear everything she says.
“Hey Prince Charming, Cinderella’s ready to talk to you now.”
Van stands up, and exhales while he raises his eyes.
“Just take your time and talk everything out with her. Marcus and I are heading to the hotel. See you guys there, ok?”
“Ok. Thanks, Jenna.” He wipes his hands on his jeans and turns toward the bus.
Jenna pats Van on the arm and walks away with Marcus.
He slowly shuffles through the aisle, his shoulders curling over his chest and his chin slightly quivering.
I look down and stare at the floor until black boots enter my field of vision. My eyes quickly travel up the perfectly fitted dark denim and continue over the black fabric clinging to his sculpted body. Finally, they stop at the slack expression on a flawlessly chiseled face. The strands of his perfectly messy hair fall down over his cheeks as he raises his head. My body starts to tingle. Not fair!
He places his hand on my thigh and turns toward me. “I’m so sorry. I promise. I won’t screw up again.”
My heart beat slows as an aching comes over my throat. I just want to grab him and hold him tight, but he needs to know this is a serious situation. “I’m sure we’re both going to screw up every once in a while. That’s not the issue. I believe nothing happened between you and that girl, but you need to understand that I won’t tolerate cheating, ever, so please don’t let yourself be in a position like that again. I can’t handle it.”
Van takes a deep breath and slowly exhales. He stares straight into my eyes. “Don’t you understand? I’ll never cheat on you. I don’t want anyone else. I’ve been all over the country and I’ve met thousands of women. There’s only one you, and by some miracle you’re mine. I can’t lose you. I’ll do anything. Please, don’t leave me.” He brushes the hair away from my face and softly kisses my lips.
My skin tingles as every hair on my body stands on end. “Let’s just take a breather until we get to the room, then we can talk for the rest of the night. I need to clear my head. Come on, let’s get a cab and go to the hotel.”
Van holds out his hand to take mine. He stands in front of me and presses his forehead to mine. “Are we ok?”
I sigh. “Yeah, we’re ok.”
The silence is deafening during the cab ride to the hotel. Van rests his hand on my thigh, gently stroking his thumb across my skin. His slight touch sends sparks through me. My mind in is pure turmoil. Why is my body ignoring it? At least one good thing has come from all this, I know exactly where I stand and what I mean to him. All of the doubts disappear when you hear the words out loud. Technically, he didn’t say those three magic words but I heard them anyway. We still have a lot to talk about. Trying to define a relationship in a heated moment is not for the best, although sometimes it takes pure passion to realize what’s important. Our love is priceless and essential to both of us.
We walk into our hotel room and find a chilled bottle of champagne with a card attached:
Jenna
That’s so sweet. She’s really turning out to be a great friend.
I drop my overnight bag, let out a deep sigh, and rest my head against the door. My muscles quiver and my heart rate starts to rise. I’m dizzy and my lungs are constricted, there’s no air in the room.
Van turns toward me, his eyes locking with mine.
Without warning, I burst into tears as everything inside me spills out. I cover my face with my hands, trying to hold them back.
He walks over to me and holds me tight in his arms as I let out a few last sobs. “Please don’t cry.” Van sighs as he pulls me closer. His eyes start to water and his shoulders droop.
I have no energy left so I rest all of my body weight against him. He picks me up and walks over to the bed, gently placing me down. He wipes the tears from my eyes and lies down beside me, propping himself up with his elbow he turns to face me.
“I know you said we’re ok, but we’re not. How do I fix this?” Van brushes the hair away from my eyes.
“I’m ok. I just have to work out some things in my head.” Not an easy task to define a relationship while beating up on some girl and screaming at your boyfriend. Jenna and Marcus are probably ready to have us committed.
“I’ve never done this before, but I need to be honest with you.” He lifts my chin. “Trust is everything right?”
What else does he want to tell me? I wrinkle my brows and stare into his eyes.
He takes a deep breath. “I’ve never wanted to be with anyone until I met you. Everything in my life is actually kind of perfect right now, and I won’t let anything ruin it.” He brushes his fingers across my face, softly touching my lips.
I prop myself up on my elbow and turn toward him, focusing all my attention.
He clears his throat and sighs. “I was pretty much alone my whole life. My mother was a teenager when she got pregnant. Raising a kid was no fun so she ran off with her boyfriend, my father, and left me with my grandma. When I was two, grandma got the call she was dreading. Both of them were found dead in a car. Drug overdose.”
My heart sinks as I gaze into those beautiful emerald eyes, tinged with pain. Abandoned by the two people who are supposed to love you more than anything; how can you recover from that? Tears well up in my eyes and my chest begins to ache. I reach out and place my good hand over Van’s.
He stares down at our hands and swallows hard. “My grandma raised me until I was seven. One day, when we were grocery shopping, she collapsed on the floor of the market. By the time the ambulance got there she’d already passed away.”
My body becomes cold and my chin trembles.
His mouth twists grimly. “I have no other family, so the state got custody of me. From the time I was seven until the time I was twelve, I lived in nine different homes. All white trash families, who took in foster kids for the check attached to them.” He winces as his voice cracks.
Tears stream down my cheeks; I picture the man in front of me as a child, scared and alone, with no one to love him. My chest becomes tight and my heart aches.
“Don’t cry. There’s a happy ending, look where I am right now.” He kisses my cheek and I pull him into a hug. He moves back, and takes a deep breath, desperate to finish his sad story.
“Anyway, when I was twelve, I was placed in a home in Silent Springs. My foster father, if that’s what you want to call him, was a drunk and liked to slap me around a lot. When I started school at Prairie View, it was in the middle of the semester. Marcus was my lab partner in Science class. He was scrawny back then. This big guy, Randy Jones, used to bully Marcus all the time. One day, after class, Randy had Marcus up against the lockers, threatening him for his money. I gave Randy the beating of his life. He never bothered Marcus again.”
“I guess that’s how you got your bad boy reputation.” I smile, trying to make light of this horror story.
He shrugs. “Yeah, some of it I guess. Marcus and I got close. He was friends with Chaz and Tyler, so we all became close. One day after my foster father came home plastered, he drug me out of bed to teach me what happens when we leave the kitchen light on. The prick used to lock me in the closet in complete darkness when he didn’t want to deal with a kid. I hated it so I always tried to leave a light on. A little light always managed to find its way under the door. Better than nothing.”
Oh no! Did he have
that terrible nightmare because of me? I’ll keep my hands off all curtains and light switches from now on. My chin drops as a few more tears start to fall.
He brushes his hand along my cheek, wiping away the stray tears. “Anyway, I went to school the next day with a black eye. My teacher reported him to child services and I was on my way to another foster home. Marcus’s parents heard what happened and wanted to help me. They took me in and I stayed with his family until the band got our break and I was able to afford my own house. I don’t know where I’d be if it wasn’t for them.” He tears up.
He’s a survivor who was dealt a lousy hand in life but still managed to prosper and better himself. Thank God he found music to pour his heart and soul into. I throw my arms around him, and hold him close to me. His heart pounds, pulsating throughout his body. I squeeze him tighter.
I hold his face in my hands and gaze into the emerald hue. “I’m sorry. No one deserves to go through that.”
He places his forehead against mine. “According to the shrink I was forced to see once a week until I was eighteen, I have a desire to be wanted and a need to make others feel unwanted. I don’t buy that.”
Wow, that shrink is half right. If I didn’t blurt out I’m not sleeping with you when we met backstage, would I be here right now? But he’s never made me feel unwanted, anything but.
“From the second we met, I couldn’t get you off my mind. I needed to see you again. Everything’s better when you’re with me. How can I prove it to you?”
Chills run through my entire body. No one has ever said anything so beautiful to me. How did I win the heart of this amazing man?
“Telling me is proof enough and I feel the same way.”
He smiles, locks his eyes on mine, and touches my cheek with his hand. My heart is beating like a drum. Van brushes his lips across mine, softly but passionately kissing me. He pulls me closer. I return his embrace, resting my head near his heart.
As we lay in each other’s arms, I replay Van’s story in my mind. His life was heavily impacted by unprotected sex and drugs. That explains his aversion to drugs; however, he has been far from abstinent.
“Jenna informed me that you were quite the ladies’ man in high school.”
He squints and lowers his brow. “Did she now? She better watch out, because I know a hell of a lot about her skeletons too.”
I hope I’m not overstepping my boundaries. “I’m just curious. Since your mother was a teen mom, weren’t you worried the same thing may happen to you?”
He inhales deeply, slowly rubbing his chin.
It’s clear he wants to avoid this subject like the plague.
His posture becomes rigid. “The girls in high school didn’t deserve more than one night of my time. I was worthless to those bitches when I was twelve, they only acknowledged my existence to bust my balls, but once we hit high school they couldn’t keep their hands off me? And groupies are the same deal.” His lips press together in a small grimace. He pulls in and slowly releases a deep breath. “I told you I was careful about protecting myself. You’re the only person I’ve been with without using anything. I told all of them I’m not a relationship kind of guy; sex is sex, not love. I wanted to be sure they didn’t confuse the two.”
Van is quiet for a while; he rubs the back of his neck and fidgets with his fingers.
Does he think I’m going to bail on him? His troubled history makes me love him more. I want to show him that true love can erase the pain from his past, and promise him an amazing future.
“Just for the record, I don’t recall you ever telling me not to confuse the two,” I say as I twirl my hair around my fingers.
A sexy half smile forms on his face. “You’re different. Everything with you is different. If anything ever happened, I wouldn’t be devastated. I’d be ecstatic to spend forever with you.”
My heart is in danger of beating out of my chest. My skin tingles as the heat of a thousand suns radiates throughout my body. The smile on my face is barely containable. I run my fingers slowly along Van’s arms, desperately trying to resist the urge to jump on top of him and erase any distance between us, but instead I preserve the sweet moment.
“Forever isn’t long enough to spend with you.” I kiss his lips.
We both lay silent, looking into each other’s eyes, nothing but love flowing between us. Will anything be the same after tonight?
CHAPTER 13—KANSAS
Ouch! The throbbing pain in my hand pulls me out of my deep slumber. Van’s still asleep. I tip toe to the bathroom to grab ibuprofen from my overnight bag. Shadows dance across the room as I slowly make my journey. I glance out the enormous picture window at the sun which is just beginning to rise, signaling the start to a new day with wonderful possibilities. Orange rays shine onto the tan walls as the night sky turns to gold.
Crack! I trip over the champagne chiller, propelling myself onto the bed. Van jumps up, startled. “Rise and shine.” I giggle. “Sorry, I’m not very coordinated in the dark.”
Van yawns and stretches. “Now, we both know that’s not true.” He licks his lips and raises his eyebrows.
Warmth spreads across my face like wildfire. “Looks like we still have some ice left.” I stick my hand in the bucket. Ah, immediate relief!
Van turns on the light and examines my hand. “Should we go to the hospital to make sure it’s not broken?”
“No, it’s fine, I can still move it. Plus, I don’t want to explain what happened.” No need to relive that portion of last night.
He flinches, and then holds my hand up to the light, tilting it back and forth while gently caressing my knuckles. “Keep the ice on it. It always works for me. Come on, let’s sit on the balcony and watch the sun come up.”
He takes the soft fluffy comforter from our bed and wraps it around the two of us as we watch the sun rise over Des Moines. The heat rising from his body turns our balcony into a sweltering inferno. I lean back and nestle my head into his chest. The rhythm of his heart steadily speeds. Feather light fingers graze my shoulder, moving up and down the length of my arm. I tense; his soft touch ignites the wild animal-like craving inside. All the pain in my hand is erased.
I lift my chin, catching his lips with mine. The intensity and passion deepens, growing with every passing second. He slides one arm under my knee and the other along my back. Swish, I’m suspended in the air. My hands automatically wrap around his neck, clutching his warm skin while his hair tickles my knuckles.
He walks slowly, his lips never leaving mine and carries me back to the bed, gently placing me on the cool satin sheets. Every nerve in my body tingles as he reaches his fingers under my shirt, lightly touching my skin while pulling the thin fabric over my head. A slow deep inhalation fills my lungs. His magic fingers travel over my breasts, stomach, and nether regions in a slow, teasing manner.
I hold my breath and slightly arch my back, allowing him to slide his fingers along my hip bone and underneath the sides of my panties, slowly removing them. I grip him tight, bringing his body closer to mine and run my tongue along his neck. My fingers wander down his body and venture under his sleek silky boxers. A low moan bursts from his throat. I manipulate my hips until he is pressing against me and slowly pull him close allowing him to enter me. Our rhythm increases causing my heart to explode in an overabundance of reckless beats.
The electricity that only Van Sinclair can provide flows through me at lightning speed. Everything’s different this morning, more comfortable, more intense, better. Passion builds up inside of me. I grip the bunched up covers with my good hand as I find my release, yelling out in pleasure. Loud moans emit from both of us, cutting through the silent dawn. He continues to thrust himself into me at a slow, steady pace until I find my release again, just in time with his.
I lie in the safe strong sanctuary of Van’s arms and sigh with content as my muscles relax. I’m the luckiest girl alive. I’ve got it all, an amazing boyfriend, who’s also a red-hot lover, a great friend, an
d a talented rocker who’s taken me with him to travel the country. What else could I possibly want?
“We head to Kansas today. I’m pretty psyched to sleep in my own bed. Want to meet up with Jenna and Marcus or do you want to catch a flight?” He kisses my forehead.
I jerk my head back as I’m yanked out of my daydream. “Let’s catch a flight; I want to be alone.” I hold Van close and squeeze him tight. I’m greedy to keep him to myself for just a little while longer.
“You got it.” He kisses my cheek and gets out of bed to snatch his cell phone.
I fling a few toiletries and garments of clothing into a duffle bag, pressing it together with my thighs while I struggle to zip it up. Voila! I’m packed. Silent Springs, Kansas; here I come.
I better give Brooke and Sydney a quick call to finalize our plans for the bachelorette party. Talking to my friends and family every chance I can is a must. It’s easy to lose touch with reality when you’re on the road so much and I don’t want to lose myself in this process.
“We’re all set. We leave as soon as you’re ready.” Van’s eyes are wide and glowing. Whether he wants to admit it or not, I think he gets homesick.
Hoards of Devil’s Garden fans pack the space of gate two, filling the small airport almost to its capacity. Hundreds of arms brush against me on my journey through the crowd. Why am I shocked, shouldn’t I be used to this by now? The fans pat Van’s back, congratulating him on the new album and expressing their love for the various tracks. He makes small talk and signs autographs until the mass of people disperses. Am I with a movie star? Kansas certainly shows a warm welcome to their hometown heroes.
We hail a cab and cuddle in the back seat on our drive to Van’s house. Ah, a boyfriend who owns his own home. I stare out the window at the specks of light illuminating the sky. Fire flies dance through the air, swirling to and fro. The driver veers off the highway and onto a long stretch of dirt road.
“Wow, you live in the Kansas wilderness.” I rub my hand against his and grip it tight.