Naomi turned toward her son, taking in his mussed hair and dirty trousers. “I think he went home.”
Zach rarely left before suppertime. Truth be told, he often stayed well past mealtime, puttering about in the barn. She knew Zach hadn’t been happy regarding Justin’s presence, but it seemed odd that he would have left and not returned all afternoon.
“I wanted to show him my rock.” Ben’s expression drooped. “It’s really a gut one.”
“Your rock?” Katy asked, starting to laugh.
“It’s not funny!” Ben cried. “Look!” He opened his fist and showed them a smooth gray stone with a copper-colored streak running through it.
“That’s right pretty,” Naomi said, giving Katy a look.
“Jah, Ben,” Katy played along. “It’s a nice one.”
Ben’s face perked up. “But I want to show Mr. Zach. He likes rocks.”
“He’ll be back tomorrow,” Naomi said. “Now go wash up for supper. We have a guest for the night.”
“Who?”
“Mr. Moore. You remember him, don’t you? He stayed a few weeks back.”
“Jah, I remember.” Ben wandered back to the wash room.
“It’s six o’clock. Let’s get the food on the table,” Naomi said.
No sooner were the dishes on the table, than Justin came in through the side door. “I’m here,” he called out, walking through to the dining area.
“We’re ready,” Naomi said. “Won’t you sit down?”
“Thank you.” He smiled at the children. “Hello again, you two. It’s nice to see you again.”
“Hi,” Ben said with a shy smile.
“Hello, Mr. Moore,” Katy said.
“Shall we pray?” Naomi asked when everyone got situated. She bowed her head and felt at a total loss as to what to pray. Her feelings had been in complete turmoil since Justin had driven up to the door, and the guilt that was nagging around the edges of her heart wanted to wield its power. She gulped. Why should she feel guilty? She’d done nothing wrong.
But she had.
She had entertained thoughts of an Englischer. A fancy man. And she was feeling flattered that Justin thought enough of her to return all the way from Texas with a gift. An important gift. Something she really wanted. And she was accepting it, too.
Had she really done nothing wrong?
She became aware of Ben fidgeting beside her. She quickly prayed God’s blessing upon the food and cleared her throat. Everyone looked up, and Naomi started the food around the table.
****
After supper, Justin went back to the daadi haus and Naomi finished redding up the kitchen. She stood at the sink and peered through the window at the darkening night sky. The long summer days would soon be a thing of the past, and it would be time to haul out the winter capes and coats. She spotted a firefly skimming above the cut grass and smiled. “I’m going to join you outside,” she whispered.
She walked past the front room where Katy and Ben were playing a game of checkers, slipped outside to the porch, and settled into one of the rockers. She took a long slow breath and gazed out across the lawn. Her dat and husband had chosen well. The farm was beautiful, and the land was rich and fertile. The trees gracing the front yard had stood for decades, and their fluttering leaves sheltered birds and insects and provided shade when the summer temperatures rose into the nineties.
She let out her breath. The night noises were quiet and restful. She heard the faint sound of a horse’s clip clop on the road, and she wondered which of her neighbors was taking a night drive and why. For a moment, she forgot about her guest; she forgot about Zach’s earlier dismay; she forgot about the bills piling up on her husband’s oak desk.
She closed her eyes and just let herself be.
“Naomi?”
She jerked upright. Justin stood at the bottom of the stairs, smiling up at her.
“Ach, Justin. I didn’t hear you.”
He climbed the steps and sat beside her. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to startle you.”
“Nee. It’s all right.” But it wasn’t. She wanted to forget he was there. She wanted to pretend that all was well again between her and Zach. She wanted to pretend that she could never have feelings for this man of the world who was sitting much too close.
“I missed you,” he said, his voice low but tense.
She sucked in a quick breath and wished with all her heart that he hadn’t spoken.
“Will you look at me?” he asked, whispering now.
She turned toward him and flinched at the passion reflected in his eyes. Every muscle in her body stiffened, and her throat went dry.
“I know I shouldn’t say such things. Well, at least I think I shouldn’t. I’ve been studying the Amish on the Internet, trying to find out all I can about your way of life.”
He had? To what end?
“I find your culture and your belief system fascinating.”
She stared at him, unblinking. She needed to stop this line of conversation and right quick. Nothing good could come of it.
“The weather is cooling down these days, don’t you think?”
He winced, and then he closed his mouth. His eyes searched hers, and she forced herself not to look away. She saw the torment revealed in the depths of his gaze. She saw the conflict there. His unrest appeared as deep as hers. A silence fell between them as they continued to stare at one another. Naomi’s heart contracted, and a sadness moved through her. Not the crushing sadness she’d carried since her husband’s accident. No, this was different.
It was a reluctant sadness, a knowing sadness, a bittersweet sadness that filled her at once with both regret and gratitude. This man… This lovely man beside her was giving her more than a new sign. He was giving her hope. Hope that she could love someone again.
Not in the same that she had loved Isaac. No. Isaac had been her first love. She had gone from her parent’s loving care to his. She would never love someone the same way she’d loved Isaac.
When she loved again, it would be a different love. Perhaps a more tender love. And for certain, a more grateful love. But a solid love, too, and passionate. That would be the same.
Justin reached out and took her hand in his. She allowed it, knowing that somehow they were communicating beyond words. Beyond convention. Beyond rules.
The sadness she felt—she saw it in his eyes, too. She saw his love there, also, and she was touched and deeply grateful. As he continued to look at her, she saw the moment when his final resignation set in. His expression wilted, and he knew. He knew that it would never work between the two of them. He knew it would never be possible.
“Oh, Naomi. You don’t want the sign, do you?” His voice was low and thick, and his eyes filled with tears.
She didn’t answer right away, but she gently peeled his fingers away from her hand. She took her palm from his and clasped her hands in her lap. He looked down at his own empty hand for a long minute, and then he looked back up to her.
“It was a crazy thought,” he said. “A longshot. The longest shot ever. But I had to try. You understand that, don’t you?”
She had trouble swallowing around the growing lump of tears in her throat. She nodded her head.
“It’s like a force driving me,” he continued. His eyes held her. “Forgive me for saying this, but I love you, Naomi Byler.”
Her fingers tightened around each other in a claw grip.
He shook his head. “You don’t have to say anything. In fact, I don’t want you to say anything. But I had to tell you. I had to.” He spoke the last three words slowly, over-enunciating each one. “If your world were different … if my world were different … I think we would have stood a real chance.”
He shook his head and rubbed his hand over his mouth. Then he lowered his hand again to his side, he went on. “I know you care for me. It’s in your eyes.” He blinked and a tear rolled down his cheek. “Now, sitting here with you again, in your world, I see that it’s not enough
. My love isn’t enough. It will never be enough. Our worlds will never be bridged. Love alone can’t do that.”
Naomi’s lips quivered. He reached over and touched her hand.
“No, Naomi, don’t worry. I’m not hurt. Sad, yes. Unbearably sad. But I see it clearly tonight. I know, now that I look at you, that it won’t work. How I wish it would. You’ll never know how much I wish it would. But thank you.” His voice choked up, and he paused before continuing. “Thank you for the best five days of my life.” He shook his head. “Six, now, I guess.”
Naomi’s eyes welled with tears, and she could hardly see through them to gaze at him. She was filled with such emotion, such tenderness for him, that she couldn’t speak.
“I will leave first thing in the morning. Without breakfast. I’ll be gone before you even get up. And I’ll cancel the sign installation. I don’t want you to worry about anything.” He stood and gazed down at her, and she thought her heart would break with the poignancy of it all.
He stepped away then, but she scrambled up and pulled on his hand. Standing on her tiptoes, she broke across all rules of behavior and kissed him gently on the cheek. She felt his stubby whiskers as she lingered there for one sweet moment.
He sucked in his breath and stood frozen.
She backed away. “Thank you,” she whispered. “Thank you, Justin Moore.”
He touched his forehead in a salute and walked slowly and quietly around the house in the growing darkness. When he disappeared from sight, Naomi sank back into her rocker and closed her eyes. She murmured a prayer, asking for forgiveness. She had started down a path of no return, and she was repentant for that. And then, she thanked God. She thanked him for His love and His mercy and His grace. She thanked Him that she was alive.
She covered her mouth in shock and began rocking, starting slowly and gaining in speed, until the rocker was rapidly creaking back and forth. I am grateful to be alive. She hadn’t been grateful for life in months. Not since the accident. Something inside her was cracking open, and she marveled at the budding joy that was being released. She felt like running through the fields with her arms stretched wide. She felt like wiggling into the tire swing and flying up to the sky. Tears rolled down her cheeks, and she smiled up at the stars.
She glanced around to the corner of the house where Justin had vanished. “Thank you,” she whispered. “Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.”
****
Justin was as good as his word. By the time Naomi arose, his car was gone. She stared down at the empty spot where his car had been parked, and she wondered how far down the road he had gone. She wished him Godspeed, and then she quickly dressed to get about her chores.
In the kitchen, she pulled the bowl of eggs from the refrigerator. It would just be the three of them that morning. She glanced up at the clock. It was plenty early, and she felt an urge to gather up the dirty sheets and towels from the daadi haus.
Justin Moore was gone, never to return. She wanted to wash everything up. She padded outside through the side door and entered the daadi haus. It was still fairly dark, but she knew every inch of the house. In the bedroom, she saw that Justin had already stripped the bed and folded the quilt at the end of the mattress. She gathered up the sheets, when something caught her eye.
Bending over, she saw a one hundred dollar bill on top of a folded piece of paper. She sank onto the bed, and holding the note close to the window, she read.
Since you won’t be taking the sign, I wanted to pay you for my night here. Naomi, thank you for everything. Everything. I will remember you till my dying day. I hope you’ll be happy. I know you will be. I also know that you won’t be alone for long. He loves you, you know.
My deepest regards,
Justin
Naomi pressed his note to her chest and felt tears sting the back of her eyes. I will remember you, too, she thought. Forever.
She stood and tucked the note and the money into her apron. He loves you, you know. She gazed out the window and watched the pink sky spread across the horizon as the sun climbed into a new day.
Zach.
Did he love her? She wasn’t sure. Possibly. She scooped up the sheets and went into the bathroom and snatched Justin’s wet towel from the rung.
Zach.
A slow smile crept over her face. He’d be arriving soon to work in the fields, and she realized that she was excited to see him. His presence on the farm was a comfort. She liked him there. Liked the way he interacted with Ben. Liked his steady ways.
He loves you, you know.
She hugged the laundry to her chest and slipped out of the daadi haus. The contented smile remained on Naomi’s face all the way into the big house and all the way upstairs to wake the children.
The End
Amish Days
Naomi’s Choice
An Amish Romance Short Story
by Brenda Maxfield
Copyright © 2016 Tica House Publishing LLC All Rights Reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced in any form or by any means, including scanning, photocopying, or otherwise without prior written permission of the copyright holder.
One
A man’s heart deviseth his way: but the Lord directeth his steps.
Proverbs 16:9 (King James Version)
Naomi stood on the porch and stared at the empty parking spot under the elm tree. Early that morning, Justin Moore’s white sedan had been parked there. But true to his word, he was long gone. Naomi closed her eyes and exhaled with a heavy, relieved sigh.
It was over. He would never return. She pressed her hands over her heart and forgave herself for her wild imaginings over the last few weeks. She’d known from the first moment there was no hope of a relationship with an Englischer, but he’d been charming. Truth be told, he’d been more than charming.
But it wasn’t right. Nor was it possible, and surprisingly, she felt that her heart was awakening to someone else. Her eyes misted over, and she prayed that it wasn’t too soon to feel such stirrings. Isaac had only been gone a year, and she still missed him, and so did her two children.
She straightened her back. But Isaac was gone, and she was alone. She hated to admit how lonely she often felt—how long the nights stretched in her wide empty bed. How, even in the late summer, her feet grew cold, and Isaac’s legs weren’t there to warm them up.
A distinct clip clop sounded, and she turned to see Mary coming up the drive. Naomi stepped down the stairs and shaded her eyes as her friend approached.
“Mary!” she said with pleasure. “How nice to see you.”
Mary’s face was a study of concern. “Naomi Byler, what in the world did you do to Zach?”
Naomi blanched. “To Zach? What do you mean?”
Mary pulled up on the reins, and her pony jerked to a stop. She scrambled out of the cart and took Naomi’s arm, pulling her up the steps and onto the porch. She collapsed into a rocking chair and indicated that Naomi should do the same.
“What’s going on?” Naomi asked, becoming concerned. She hadn’t done a thing to Zachariah King. Although now that she thought about it, after he’d left her fields early the day before, he hadn’t returned.
“I know Zach is only leasing your fields. But as I’ve hinted many times, I think he’s sweet on you…”
Naomi flushed. Where Zach King was concerned, her thoughts usually ended up in a confused mess. Zach had been strangely communicative lately, not to mention, he had been spending a lot of time with her five-year-old son. Of course, Ben loved it. The poor boy had been starving for male attention ever since his father had passed.
“I saw Zach mid-afternoon,” Mary went on. “By the look on his face, his world had turned upside down and inside out.”
Naomi’s flush deepened. She knew he’d been upset about Justin Moore visiting her again and staying in her Bed and Breakfast.
“The man often won’t speak a word, as you well know.” Mary smoothed her apron over her lap. “But yesterday, he talked. I nearly sw
ooned dead away. Said he was making a sign for you.”
Naomi’s eyes went wide. “A sign?” she uttered.
“Jah. For your Bed and Breakfast.”
“Nee. Nee.” She shook her head. Zach was making her a sign?
“What happened?”
Naomi collapsed against the back of the rocker. “Ach, Mary. What a right fine muddle this is.”
Mary frowned. “How about you tell me what’s happened.”
“Justin Moore stayed sat my Bed and Breakfast last night.”
“Justin… Wait, ain’t he that Englischer fellow? Wasn’t he your first guest?”
“Jah.”
“What was he doing back here?”
Naomi groaned. “He came to bring me a gift.”
Mary’s eyebrows shot up to the top of her forehead. “A gift?”
“I didn’t take it.” Naomi paused. At first, she’d agreed to take it. In fact, she’d been glad for it. Excited. But in the end, she realized it wasn’t right. Accepting that gift would have opened a door she didn’t dare walk through. She sighed deeply, not wanting Mary to know all those details. “Justin ordered a sign made for my Bed and Breakfast. It was to be delivered today.”
Mary began rocking, pushing her plain black shoes against the porch boards. “Mercy sakes. Mercy sakes.”
“What exactly did Zach say to you?”
“Not much. Just what I said, that he was making you a sign.”
Naomi blew out her breath.
“He’s sweet on you.” Mary stopped rocking and leaned forward. “He’s a gut man, Naomi. A right gut man.”
“I know. I know that, Mary.”
“What are you going to do?”
Naomi squeezed her hands together on her lap. “I have no idea.”
Mary stood and brushed imaginary dust off her apron. “Well, I wanted you to know what he said. Now, I’ve delivered my message, and I need to be getting back to my own chores.”
Naomi jumped up. “Thank you for telling me.”
Mary took a step down and then turned back to Naomi. “This Englischer. He coming back again?”
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