“I will. I just want to go home. I need to see that David is okay, see him for myself. Could you call the nurses? See if I can get out of here?”
William was so eager, so handsome. I could hardly take all of it in. The way he loved me. The way he opened up to me, and wanted me to make my home with him and with David. It was what I had wanted from the start. And he knew about the baby. William understood why I had kept the baby a secret, why I had been afraid. I didn’t have to be afraid any more. I had the man I loved. He loved me back. It was a miracle.
The nurses and doctors checked me over. I got to have an ultrasound and see the little foam packing peanut shape on the monitor that was going to grow into a baby. I clutched William’s hand, looked up at him when the technician pointed out the shape on screen.
“She’s beautiful,” he said.
“It’s too early to tell the sex of the baby,” the technician said, moving the probe until I winced.
“I just have a hunch she’ll be a girl. A spitfire like her mother,” he said fondly. He kissed my hand.
When the high-risk OB/GYN deemed me well enough, I was not released, but transferred down to a regular private room. I would likely be let go in the morning, so I made William go home to David for the night. We had taken advantage of Mrs. Henderson’s goodwill long enough. Plus I knew David needed his father. Before he left, he had me record a video telling David I was okay and would see him tomorrow and I’d have a surprise for him.
“You know, he’s going to think you got him a Ninja Turtle or something from the gift shop, and a little sister is going to be a letdown,” William teased me.
“Remind me to stop by the gift shop when we leave,” I said.
He leaned in and kissed me softly.
“Say it again,” I said.
“I love you. I’ll say it as often as you want to hear it.”
“Thank you,” I said, “for loving me.”
After he left, I settled in to rest for a while, but my phone rang. It went straight to voicemail and when I listened to the message, my heart melted.
“Jessica, it’s me. I just wanted to tell you that I love you. I love you. I love you with all of my heart,” William’s voice said.
I played the recording over and over until I fell asleep.
In the morning, first thing, William was there to collect me. He spoke with my doctor to get care instructions and appointments for follow up after bringing me a bouquet of purple flowers that was big beyond anything I’d ever seen.
“David,” he said, “insisted that purple was your favorite color. He also said that I should make you chicken soup, but since I have no idea how to do so, I’ve asked the cook to make you some instead. Although it will never be as good as what you made for me.”
“You only want me for my soup and grilled cheese recipe,” I teased him.
“Never,” he said, “I only want you for everything.”
We went to his house, and I found a bag of my things awaiting me along with Nicki. She hugged me, told me I was to stop taking stupid chances like jumping into frozen ponds, and then surprised me with my favorite chocolate milkshake from Red’s which was waiting in the freezer.
“I picked up a few of your things from your apartment. I know you’ll want to pack things up yourself, but I knew you’d want your toothbrush and phone charger and jammies.”
“Thank you so much. I’m sorry you’re all having to wait on me like this. The doctor said after forty-eight hours of rest I can return to normal activity. So don’t think I’ll be an invalid for long.”
“What if I promise to have Chinese noodles delivered and all your crime shows streaming?” William offered.
“Tempting, but I’d be bored in a week. I need to be active, help David out with his syllables and rhyming words and get back to my shift at the diner,” I said.
“I’d like to speak to you about that part later. For now, I know you’d like to have time with Nicki. I’ll be in my office. I’m working from home today,” William said, dropping a kiss on my head.
As soon as he was gone, Nicki grabbed my hand, “That boy called me in the middle of the night to tell me what happened and that you were okay. And that he knew he’d been a complete asshole to you but that he was gonna do better. God, I wish my Max would say something like that to me.”
“I wish he would, too, sweetie,” I said, “but I think this means there’s hope for us all.”
“Yeah, it looks like rich boy came around to the right way of thinking. I bet he’s not gonna want you waiting tables anymore. You got yourself knocked up right into the sweet life,” she laughed. I laughed with her because it sounded so simple and ridiculous, when it had been anything but simple.
“Believe me, getting pregnant was not on my list of things to do. If I had wanted to trap him or be a gold digger, hiding my pregnancy would’ve been a crappy strategy,” I said.
“I know. I was joking. It’s not like you’re the kind to go looking for a free ride anyway with all your extra shifts at the diner. You can still have my maternity clothes unless he’s gonna have Gucci design you some special stretch pants!”
“You are so good for me, Nicki. You’re hilarious. And you put everything in perspective.”
“Now don’t think that being pregnant’s gonna get you out of babysitting my little River when he comes along.”
“I want to! I may be too big to bend over and pick him up though,” I said.
“You can have the new nanny do that for you,” she said.
“You don’t think he’d hire a new nanny do you?” I said, a little stunned.
“Really? You think he’s gonna pay you to babysit his kid when you’re having his baby? I think probably there’s gonna be some staff to do that.”
“But if I gave up waiting tables and wasn’t taking care of David…”
“Don’t you dare ask me what you would do. Research more recipes and test them out. Do an online class in marketing like you said you wanted to. Read a book, go to the movies, buy a new pair of shoes. Those old loafer things you wear are looking sad. There is nothing worse than a pregnant woman who got ugly shoes on. You’re gonna be fat, like super fat in about five months. You won’t be able to see those feet, but other people can see them and there’s no reason to make them look at some ugly ass brown loafers,” Nicki said, “See these?” She struggled to stick her leg out and we both laughed.
“You’ve got it,” I laughed, “I’m so glad you came over. And I’m so tired. I’m going to go pee and take a nap.”
“Enjoy it while you can. Once the sciatica kicks in, you can’t get comfortable.”
She leaned over and hugged me and left. I went to the bathroom and then wandered around for a minute wondering where I should go to lie down.
William descended upon me, rushing down the stairs like he was on his way to put out a fire, “Do you need something?”
“Just a nap. I was wondering where I should… which room am I staying in?”
“Well, I had hoped you’d stay with me. If you’d be more comfortable in a guest room, that’s certainly—”
“No! I mean, I want to stay with you in your room. I just didn’t want to assume that…” I trailed off, feeling embarrassed.
“That would be utterly presumptuous of you to assume that I would want the woman I love to share my bed. Ridiculous of you,” he said sarcastically in that pompous, formal tone I knew so well. I smiled at him.
“So how about you tuck me in.”
“How about I hold you until you fall asleep?” he offered.
14
William
She was home at last.
Having Jessica share our home was stunning in the difference it made to us all. David got up fewer times in the night with bad dreams. He seemed more secure, calmer somehow. As if having Jessica under the same roof was the anchor we had needed, the force that knitted us together and made us whole. We had been a family, David and me, and I considered that complete. We weren’
t missing anything as a family of two. We were able to expand our tight circle to include Jessica, and she made us so much more than the sum of our parts.
He asked me why it felt better to have her here. I was making sure he brushed his back teeth before bed, and he posed that question.
“I was happy before, just the two of us,” I told him, “and I never felt like we were incomplete or missing something. But having Jessica in our family just makes it better and more fun. I think love just gets bigger, and that’s why, buddy.”
“That makes sense. And you’re not as grouchy now. You were grouchy when you missed her.”
“I know. I’m sorry,“ I said, knowing it was true. I had been off balance, careening around between obsession and fear when we were apart.
Everything felt settled, homelike. Not because we needed a woman. Because of Jessica and who she was. The light and energy and sarcasm that she brought, the amazing grilled cheese and the inventive ways she rigged the Jenga game on Tuesday nights. We had sat down and told David about the baby a week after she moved in. I had been eager to shout it from the rooftops, but Jessica insisted we give David a few days to get used to the idea of her living here before we sprang more changes on him.
His entire reaction was: “I’m not doing the diapers. They stink.” Jessica had laughed and cuddled him and promised he wouldn’t be on diaper duty.
“I get to be the one to teach it about dinosaurs,” he warned. “Daddy still calls the Apatosaurus a brontosaurus like in the old days, and that’s just not right.”
“Okay, you’re in charge of all prehistoric creatures. We don’t want a baby who calls dinosaurs by the wrong name,” Jessica said.
“Yeah, like Tybalt,” I put in.
“Look, I was nervous telling a story in front of you, so I gave them stupid names. Can we never mention it again?”
“We don’t say stupid. It’s mean, remember?” David said.
“Sorry,” Jessica said.
“Who’s ready to finish putting ornaments on the tree?” I said.
I’d gotten a sudden surge of Christmas spirit this year and bought a new tree. Our old one was nice, eight feet tall with white lights and I had a local florist on retainer to decorate the tree and the main living area. This year, I replaced that one with a twelve-foot faux spruce with big fluffy branches. While the florist still put up greenery, berries and lanterns to decorate the mantle and banister, we decided to decorate the tree ourselves. David had selected shiny and frosted baubles for the tree in shades of green from a gleaming teal and a deep forest green that was almost black to a vibrant lime green. We had hung dozens of ornaments over the last two days but there always seemed to be more empty branches. Jessica turned on some holiday music and draped the paper chain on the lower branches that she and David had made from loops of colored paper all week. I stood on a step ladder to reach the upper branches and hung more green Christmas balls while David mainly gave me directions. He got a kick out of making me move ornaments a little to the right or up a bit higher.
“You are such a control freak,” I accused him after I had to adjust the same teal ornament a third time.
“He gets it from his dad,” Jessica piped up with a laugh.
“I’m getting off the ladder for a minute. I think you should give Jess one of her presents early, David,” I said.
He looked at me, “The gold one?”
“Yes,” I said.
David scampered behind the tree to get the special gift bag and handed it to her.
“Why do I get an early present?” she said.
“Because you have to use it today!” he crowed. She shook the bag experimentally and sniffed it as if trying to guess what it could be. David laughed and clapped his hands.
“Is it a dinosaur? Of my very own?”
“They’re extinct,” David said emphatically, shaking his head.
“Right, I knew that. Is it a video game? Is it that giant yard Jenga game I saw in the catalog?”
“Open it!” David said, practically jumping up and down in eagerness.
She opened the bag and took out the card. Opening it, she read it and smiled. Her smile was so bright I almost had to look away.
“You got me family pictures? I love it!” She said, holding up the voucher for the exclusive photographer who was coming to our home that afternoon for photos in front of the tree.
“What should I wear?”
“That’s all part of the gift. The photographer employs a team of stylists. You have a velvet dress. David has a plaid shirt with green in it and a sweater vest, and I have a green sweater. So we, you know, match the tree and pretend to be dinosaurs or whatever,” I said.
“I love it.”
“And we get the biggest canvas! Daddy ordered the package with three big ones so there’s one of all of us, one of just me, and one of the two of you because you need a picture without me for some stupid reason.”
“We don’t say stupid,” we both said to him automatically.
“Sorry,” he said.
“Then we better get the tree decorated,” she said.
“They’ll be here at two,” I told her.
“Well, they can’t possibly get the entire tree in the picture so if we have it mostly done, it’ll be fine.”
“I wanna put up the star!” David said.
“That’s pretty high. I think Daddy will do it,” Jessica said.
“Is this the same woman who said I needed to let him be braver? Sure you can do the star. But later. Like she said, they can’t get the whole giant tree in the picture anyway. So we’ll do that before bedtime. I mean, if we put it up now and you fall through the tree and break both arms, that would ruin the family pictures,” I said wryly.
“William,” she said, rolling her eyes at me.
“What is the baby wearing?” David said.
“The baby is gonna share my green dress. I hope there’s room. She totally popped over the weekend. She’s a little round belly now instead of just a pooch that looks like I had too many biscuits,” Jessica laughed.
“You’re gorgeous,” I said.
“Thanks,” she said, “I think I’ll go take a shower. I love my gift, David. It’s better than a dinosaur.”
“Well, yeah, who wants bones for Christmas?” David said and we laughed.
David ran off to his room, and Jessica and I exchanged a look. He was going to love our present—the private tour of the Field Museum with up-close dino fossil encounters. It was going to be a great visit for us, and he’d be thrilled.
I was glad she loved the idea of the family picture. She knew my not so secret obsession with pictures of David at every stage. I needed her to know that this stage, a family of three, soon to be four, was a precious and beautiful time I wanted to remember. And display on the walls. Hell, I had plenty of walls in a six thousand square foot house.
“You know, we have enough wall space for at least two more kids. I know you said four was just right,” I said, taking her in my arms.
“I remember, “ she said, leaning into my embrace, “and you said you had your hands full with one.”
“I’ve come around to your way of thinking now,” I said, and dipped my head and kissed her, pressed my lips to hers. The thrill of that never diminished. It never became less exciting, less exhilarating to kiss her.
“Mmm,” she said, a happy hum that I loved, “I love living here with you.”
“I love having you here. I want you to stay. Never leave. Not even when I’m being a complete ass.”
“You can’t get rid of me,” she said, smiling up at me.
“I wanted you to know—and it seems unromantic to discuss it, but I’ve had papers drawn up to make you administrator of the trust. The Danes Trust—most of my property and assets are owned by the trust, which saves on inheritance tax ultimately. But rather than have a lawyer administer it for David’s benefit and for our baby, I wanted you in charge of those assets.”
“If anything happens to
you?” her face clouded.
“Nothing’s going to happen, but I wanted you to know that you and our children are beneficiaries, but also that you have control of the assets and property. As soon as you sign the papers. Including this house and its contents. If you’re not comfortable with that—I just—it was a concrete way to declare that we’re a family, that we share everything in common. That this is permanent. You’re not alone, and you won’t be. You won’t ever have to worry about the things you worried about when you discovered you were pregnant. I want you to feel as secure, as loved and protected as you are.”
“William—I don’t know what to say. I mean, I have some money saved for my restaurant, I wasn’t destitute. But knowing that I’m staying here with you, with David and the baby, that we’re in this together is worth more than anything in that financial trust. If you want me to be in charge of it, with your help of course, I’ll do it. But it’s not necessary.”
“It is. I trusted you and myself far too little for far too long. A formal gesture was needed on my part, I felt. A definitive statement that what’s mine is yours and that we are one family.”
I held her by the shoulders, gazing seriously into her eyes. She was entirely baffled by the step I’d taken, that I’d looked for a way to reassure her that she always had a home with us and that she had as much control over our finances as I did. She was a woman who’d spent her life saving hundreds of dollars, and wasn’t prepared to fathom the millions she would help control. The scope there for charitable giving and support for those in need. The fact that she could settle enough money on Nicki and her baby that it wouldn’t matter if Max paid for a package of diapers at all. That she was endowed with everything I had, that I had bound myself to her in every way. She nodded and hugged me.
“I accept. I don’t think I understand it yet, but—”
“But we’ll speak with the attorneys and my financial planning team before you sign anything to make sure you’re clear on what is expected and what your options are. I’m not going to push you to make that kind of commitment. I just want you to know that you’re my family. That if anything happened to me, you’ll care for our children, you’ll make sure all is well and I’ll make sure you’re provided for.”
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