by Zoe Chant
The weird part was all inside his head.
It was part of his job to mark all of the people who came and went. Nate had all of the diner employees' faces memorized, and was paying attention to when anyone said their names. He'd noticed everyone who came in and out. Normally, he'd pay a little extra attention to the pretty women. If he noticed one who was single, he might think about asking her out later on, when he wasn't on duty. Traveling so much for work meant that he could have plenty of one-night dates with good-looking, intelligent, fascinating women, and that was how he liked it: he met lots of people, learned interesting things about them, indulged in some physical pleasure, and went on his way. It was almost a habit by now.
But that part of his brain just...wasn't engaging today.
He wouldn't have made any moves, not with the client right there. The most he would've done would've been an extra spark in his smile when he made eye contact.
But he didn't even want to.
A couple of the waitresses were pretty. There'd been a very attractive woman in the party of six who'd come in for breakfast. But Nate had felt...nothing. No stirring of interest, no desire to see what they might be doing later on.
And if that wasn't enough, he was having a hard time doing his job because he didn't want to take his eyes off the freaking client.
Keeping an eye on Stella was important, but watching the exits was equally as important, as was keeping track of who was coming and going in the building. Nate was used to that being instinct, no need to think about it or make himself do it.
But he kept having to drag his eyes away from Stella's graceful form as she slid plates onto tables. He kept being distracted by her silvery laugh echoing through the dining area as she joked around with another server. He kept watching as her expression lightened every time she met someone else's eyes, before falling back into a pensive, slightly worried frown when she thought no one was looking.
Stella, Nate was realizing, was good at projecting unconcern. He was beginning to understand why Lynn and Ken hadn't seemed worried about her state of mind, last night. He heard her joking about how in-demand she was when someone asked her about a different man hanging out and keeping an eye on her.
Based on how she’d been with him, he would've bet money that she was too nervous about Todd to joke.
But with the customers, and even with her coworkers, she was behaving as though it was all a silly game. She tossed her hair, rolled her eyes, laughed and laughed. She pantomimed unconcern, or boredom. She danced over to the tables and flirted with the customers.
It was like watching a performance. A very good performance. Nate wondered how much energy it took her to keep it up, and why she thought it was necessary.
He wanted to pull her aside and tell her that it was okay to be upset and worried. That her coworkers would surely understand. That people would want to help, and not—judge her for being afraid, or whatever it was she was worried about.
But, of course, that wasn't his business at all. She wasn't interfering with Nate's job by pretending that she wasn't taking the whole thing seriously. If she'd really thought it was a joke or a game, that would've been a different story...but Nate had seen her last night, had talked to her this morning, and he knew that she was taking it as seriously as a person could.
So he shouldn’t care.
But he did.
It was just weird.
***
Stella
It was a long, long day at work. But Nate's presence at his table, silent and watchful, was comforting. Stella glanced over at him often, reminding herself that he was there, and it gave her energy every time.
Often, he was looking back, and when he was, he'd give her a small nod. Every time, it warmed her somewhere deep in her chest. Made her lynx purr.
Like him, her lynx thought. Like him very much.
Agreed, Stella thought back.
It was funny. Her lynx usually didn't react like that with men—usually she either ignored them, or got on board with Stella's physical desire. They were both happy to climb a man like a tree, but her lynx usually stopped there. She hardly ever paid attention to them.
Well, that was just another sign that Nate was a really good man. A cut above the guys Stella usually dated.
On her break, she hesitated over what to do, before finally just giving in and joining Nate at his table with her lunch. “Is it okay if I sit with you? Or do you need to pay attention?”
Nate shook his head, smiling. “If you're here, I'm paying plenty of attention.”
Stella blushed. “Okay, well—I brought you a sandwich. On me.”
Nate took the plate, but said, “I can pay for my food. I'm taking up a table all day long, I might as well make it worth it.”
“Are you kidding?” Stella said. “I don't even know how much this kind of personal protection would usually run, but I bet it's more than a turkey club and a Coke.”
Nate glanced down at his lunch. “Well. I suppose it is more than a turkey club and Coke, yes.”
“So go ahead and eat.” Stella sat down across from him.
“Thanks,” he said in surrender, and they focused on their food for a few minutes. Until something occurred to Stella.
“I'm not taking you away from real work, am I?” The idea sprang fully-formed into her head, and suddenly it seemed like she must be. “Are there paying customers that you should be protecting?”
Nate shook his head immediately. “No, no. I'm just management these days. My team are all out on jobs, and I was just back in the office taking care of all the paperwork. It's a relief to get out, believe me.”
Stella cautiously decided to accept that. “Okay. And the paperwork is okay to wait? You're not going to run into any kind of...payroll problems, or what-have-you?” She had only the vaguest idea of how businesses were run, she had to admit. She'd never lasted long in any kind of office job.
“No, my assistant can take care of it for a little while. Connie. She's very competent—could do my job, probably. Probably better than I could.” He sighed.
Stella frowned. “Well...if you'd rather be out in the field, and she could do your job...why don't you pay her to do your job?”
Probably it was more complicated than that. But it had been like a black cloud had just appeared over his head at the very thought of all his paperwork. It was obvious he didn't like it.
Nate laughed a little. “I wish. But—well, I built this company from the ground up. I feel some responsibility for it. Besides, I wouldn't actually want to go back to full-time fieldwork at my age. I'm getting to the point where it's smarter to let the young, fit guys do all the running around and getting shot at.”
Stella eyed him. “You look pretty fit.” He did: lean and muscular, with a hint of gray in his hair, but no indication of being slow or creaky at all. He was probably around her age or a bit older—mid-forties, maybe?—but she had no doubt that he could outrun and outfight plenty of guys in their twenties.
His blue eyes snapped up to meet hers. Oops, that had been a little flirty.
“I mean,” she said hastily, “you wouldn't have volunteered for this job if you couldn't do it, right? I bet you're just fine in the field.”
He tilted his head, looking at her with a contemplative expression. Stella wasn't sure what to make of it.
“You're right,” he said finally. “I suppose...I've had enough of making my living through violence. I like doing the puzzle side of things. On-site inspections, revamping people's security procedures, tightening places up when they're expecting break-ins or attempts at corporate espionage. If I could only do that...well, maybe.”
Stella hoped he'd think it over. If he really had built his whole security company from the ground up like he said, he deserved to be doing whatever job he wanted to. Especially if it was as successful as Ken seemed to think it was. After all, what was the point of doing it at all, if you didn't get what you wanted at the end of it?
Of course, it wasn't any
of her business. And really, she didn't know a thing about running a company, so probably it was a lot more complicated than she realized.
The conversation stuck with her as she went about her day, though. For some reason, she didn't like the idea that Nate wasn't happy in his work.
Probably just because she was stuck with kind of a crappy job.
The day eventually did end, though, and Stella got to put away her apron and breathe out a long breath, happy for the chance to get away from taking orders and pretending everything was just fine. Nate stood as she came out, and walked ahead of her to the exit.
“No Todd yet today,” she commented as he opened the door and glanced out.
“Let me check the parking lot,” Nate cautioned, and so Stella waited at the door while he stepped outside.
In a second, he was back. “There's a black Ford pickup in the parking lot with a man in it,” he reported. “I can't see his face, but from what I remember from last night, he matches Todd's coloring and build.”
“That's him.” Stella let out a breath. “Waiting for me in the parking lot. Great.”
“We can handle this a couple of ways,” Nate said. “I can get your car for you, meet you around back. Or we could walk out together, show him that you're not alone anymore—”
“That one,” Stella said immediately. “Let's do that.”
Just yesterday, she would've jumped at the chance to have someone meet her with her car anywhere that Todd wasn't. But now that Nate was here...
Nate nodded seriously. “All right. In that case, you should know that stalkers often escalate if they think the object of their attention is with someone else. It's best not to let him assume we're together.”
“I thought we wanted him to escalate,” Stella pointed out. “So he'd do something we could take to the police.”
“Your safety comes first,” Nate countered.
Stella thought about a furious Todd thinking she'd jumped ship to someone new. It made her shiver a little. “Okay.” Her voice was smaller.
“Stella.” Nate waited until she made eye contact. “Even if he assumes that, even if he does try something he hasn't done before, I'm right here and I'm going to take care of it. But we can still do the other plan, and get you out of here without him seeing you.”
Stella took a deep breath and shook her head. “No. I want to stick with this.”
Nate smiled warmly. “Okay. Let's go, then. Stay close, and if he makes any sudden movements, fall back and let me deal with it.”
Stella nodded and followed him out.
The second he saw her, Todd hopped out of his truck and came over. “Stella, you—who is this guy?” He stopped short at the sight of Nate, an ugly expression on his face.
“This is Nate,” Stella said. “You met him last night, remember?”
“You've got a new boyfriend?” Todd asked. “What the hell, Stella? I'm over here, telling you I love you, bringing you presents, blowing off my guys for you—and you just throw this in my face?”
“Hey.” Nate’s stepped forward, his face grim. “I’m not Stella’s boyfriend. I’m her bodyguard. You’ve been terrorizing her for weeks, and it needs to stop.”
Todd’s face contorted in an almost comical astonishment. “What the hell?” he asked. He looked back at Stella. “Seriously, this asshole is your new boyfriend?”
Stella glanced from Nate back to Todd. “He's not my boyfriend,” she said finally. Reluctantly.
There was a second, though, where she'd let herself indulge the little fantasy that Nate was her boyfriend. Here to tell Todd to get lost, that Stella was worth more than he was, all that stupid teenager stuff.
She didn't need any of that, though, because Nate was already here to tell Todd to get lost, even without the boyfriend part.
“I don't believe you,” Todd said. “He's with you last night and this morning? No way. I can't fucking believe this.”
“Stay away from Stella from now on,” Nate said forcefully. “She doesn’t want you around, you’re scaring her, and now I’m here to make sure you keep your distance.” He dropped a hand on Stella’s shoulder and said, “Keep walking,” in a low voice. They made their way over to Stella's car with Todd trailing behind.
“Who are you, anyway? I haven't seen you around before. Some out-of-town punk? A city guy? You're better than this, Stella—”
Okay, maybe she didn’t need to have a boyfriend around to make this point. “No,” she snapped at him. “I’m better than this. I’m not going to take you back just because you’re stalking me, Todd. That’s not romantic. That’s scary.”
“I would never hurt you, Stella.” His voice was utterly sincere.
“You did hurt me.” They were almost at her car. A few more steps... “And now I don’t want to be with you anymore. That’s how it works. Get lost.”
“You heard the lady,” Nate said roughly.
“Never.” Todd’s voice was filled with conviction. “Just you wait—you’ll see how useless this guy is. You’ll understand that he can’t love you the way I do. How long have you even known him?”
At the car, thank God. She got in the driver’s side without thinking, and then wondered if she should’ve let Nate drive—but he was in the passenger’s side, saying, “Go.”
It started, hallelujah, and she went, leaving Todd behind. Her hands were white-knuckling the steering wheel, but it didn’t matter, because they were gone.
It took ten blocks before she was able to let her breath out, let her shoulders down. “Well,” she said.
Nate was watching her. She glanced over, saw his eyes dart back to the back windshield—checking if Todd was following them—but then come back to her. “Are you all right?” he asked quietly.
“I’m just fine!” Stella said automatically, and then caught herself. “Well—no.”
“Can I ask why you do that?” His voice was still quiet, completely nonthreatening. Stella involuntarily found herself comparing it to Todd’s desperate, demanding tone.
“Do what?” she asked.
“Pretend you’re not afraid.”
Stella shrank from the accusation. “I don’t!”
“All right.”
He said it easily, calmly. No passive-aggressive tone, no penetrating look. He just acknowledged what she’d said—even though it was clearly, obviously a lie—and settled back into his seat.
And so, paradoxically, Stella found herself wanting to explain. Someone pressing her for the truth would’ve made her feel cornered, trapped, but this felt like a sudden opening-up. A gift of space, where the truth could live and it might be all right.
“I’ve always said—no regrets,” she told him, her voice unsteady.
Nate nodded. “I remember.”
“And I meant it. I still mean it. Life’s too short to waste time regretting what’s already happened. But I made a lot of dumb choices when I was younger, and a lot of people—teachers, my grandmother, Lynn—wanted me to regret them.”
“So you feel like you can’t show it,” Nate said, with dawning understanding.
Stella nodded miserably, focusing on the road. “I really don’t regret a lot of the things that I’ve done. Leaving town at a young age, meeting all the people I’ve met, having Eva even though I was not in a good situation to raise a baby at the time...it’s been my life. I wouldn’t want anyone else’s life. And so I guess I’m in the habit of telling everyone, ‘Eff you, I’m fine!’ Even if I’m not fine.”
“It’s all right to be afraid,” Nate said softly. “And it doesn’t even have to mean that you regret being with Todd. I don’t know what it was like with him, before.”
Stella sighed. “He was so sweet. So attentive. I thought it was too good to be true, almost, and I guess it was.” She remembered the beginning, when he’d showered her with presents and kisses and little gestures—the sort of thing that a lot of men were too self-absorbed to do. She hadn’t even considered that it might be a red flag.
“I wis
h I knew,” she said on a long breath. “I wish to God there was some way, with a man, to tell when you started out: This guy will be good. Even if it doesn’t last forever. It doesn’t have to! I just want to know if it’ll be something that I won’t even want to regret.”
Too many of her relationships had required her mantra: No regrets. And yes, a lot of the time she’d come out of them stronger, wiser, tougher—but what if she didn’t have to? What if she came out of a relationship a better person because she’d been with someone good, rather than someone...not?
“I don’t know the answer to that one,” said Nate. He sounded thoughtful, like he was really considering it. “I don’t really—get involved. I date, but it’s always casual. I make it clear up front,” he added hastily, like he was concerned Stella might think he was a liar who held women on a string.
That was cute, and Stella had to hide a little smile, despite the seriousness of the whole conversation.
“I wish I could do that,” she told him. “I used to envision myself as this glamorous woman, breaking hearts all over the world, picking men up and enjoying myself, and then dropping them when I got bored.” She laughed at her younger self. “But I get too invested. I feel too much. Even if they’re really, really not worth it. But I suppose that’s better than going around deliberately breaking hearts, like I thought would be cool when I was seventeen.”
“Oh, man,” Nate said. “When I was seventeen...” He trailed off.
“What?” Stella asked. “You can’t just leave me hanging.”
“I suppose I wanted—something like what I have. A good military career, a job that makes a nice pile of money while letting me meet lots of women.”
“You don’t sound too triumphant, for someone who’s actually fulfilled his seventeen-year-old dreams,” Stella tested.
“I guess my seventeen-year-old self didn’t have it all figured out after all. Who’d have guessed that?” Nate flashed a grin.
“Don’t tell Eva,” Stella advised. “She thinks she understands exactly what she wants.”
Nate laughed. Stella restrained herself from asking, So what do you want, other than what you have? Nate had deflected once, and she could do him the favor of not pressing for answers, just like he hadn’t pressed her.