by Lilly Wilder
“My name is Danni, and yes, I know I look like her, I may even sound like her, but I’m not her.”
“No, they’ve…they’ve brainwashed you! They’ve turned you against me! This is all part of their ploy. They’ve always wanted you for themselves, always been jealous of what we’ve had!” He snarled and I could see he was bracing himself to shift again, but I couldn’t let that happened.
“No!” I cried, and held up my palms. “I don’t want this. I just want to talk. I found Finn and Cal in the human world and they both noticed that I looked like Dovalia. They told me what happened, and I’m sorry, but they want to make peace with you. They’re both guilty, and we’re here to help.”
“How can you help?” Zerinthor said, waving his hand dismissively through the air.
“Because I know what you’re going through. We all do, in a way.”
Zerinthor barked a laugh. “How could you possibly know how a dragon feels? You are but a petty human. You know nothing of our kind.”
“I know what it’s like to live in fear. I know what it’s like to want to push the whole world away and live in darkness. I know what it’s like to have someone close taken from you, and to be scared to open yourself up to love again for fear that the same thing is going to happen. I know that you’re full of anger because there was nothing to do to prevent the accident, and because you weren’t there. I’ve been there before. I know that even if I was there, I wouldn’t have been able to do anything about my Mom being hurt, and I think the same is true for you. None of us like feeling powerless, but in some ways you’re just as helpless as I am.”
Zerinthor turned and scowled at me.
“I am nothing like you!”
“Maybe, maybe not,” I said, somehow managing to keep my calm, “but you are like them.” I pointed to Cal and Finn. Zerinthor snarled. “I know you might not like them, you might blame them for what happened to Dovalia, and they remind you of her, but they’re dragons like you. They’re the closest thing to a family you have. Yes, you lost Dovilia, but you were the one who chose to lose the rest of your community. All Cal and Finn want is to rebuild what you’ve lost. They’ve all suffered, and they all miss Dovalia. None of you have been the same since she died.”
“Then that is the way things must be!”
“No, it’s not. You can make a choice now to open your heart and actually share your misery.”
“And why should I believe you when you have deceived me?”
“I’m sorry for lying to you. I was worried that you were going to hurt us and the rest of humanity. I only wanted to get through to you. It was wrong, and I shouldn’t have played on your emotions like that, but I was desperate and scared for my life. But I saw the way you looked at me when you believed that Dovalia had return. You’ve been hoping for something good to happen in your life, for something to come and end the isolation you’ve imposed upon yourself. It’s impossible for Dovalia to return, but Cal and Finn are here. They’re ready to talk and listen. You don’t have to live in exile any longer.”
My tone was growing more desperate by the second. I was so afraid that no matter what I said, Zerinthor would be so locked into his cycle of misery that he wouldn’t be able to free himself, and that he would strike out and make us rue our decision to come here. But I wasn’t fighting this battle alone. Finn and Cal stepped up beside me and began speaking. As they did, I realized that their tactic of fighting Zerinthor all at once was a good one, only that the battle had to be with words, not with violence.
“I’m sorry for what happened,” Cal began, looking plaintively at Zerinthor. “So much has happened between us and to be honest you’ve never been that easy to like, but the day we lost Dovalia, we lost more than her. We lost the bond that bound us together. I’m sorry that we couldn’t save her, and I’m sorry that you held us responsible. Maybe part of me holds myself responsible too. I thought that I could move on and forge a life for myself, but it was impossible. I miss the community we had. I miss being around people who know the truth about ourselves. We had some good times Zee, you can’t deny that, and I know it’s not going to be the same, but you know you’ll never be happy like this.”
“And you know it’s not what Dovalia would want,” Finn added.
Zerinthor glared at them. “The whole point is that she’s not here to tell me what she’d want.”
“But maybe the only way to truly honor her, to truly show love and devotion for her is to act as she would have wanted you to act. I saw the way you looked at me when you thought I was her. I know that there’s a part of you that wants to be good. Maybe it’s buried deep down, but it’s still there. It must have been the part that she loved, the part of you that she saw when nobody else did. You need to start loving that part just as much as she did if you want to pay tribute to her. End this exile, end this rage. Return to the dragon community and rebuild what you have lost. Rebuild it in honor of Dovalia.”
A thoughtful look came over Zerinthor’s face. When he spoke again, his words were low and slow. He had placed the black cloak around his shoulders again, and it fluttered as it was tugged by the breeze that rippled around the mountains. It felt strange to be in a chamber having this intense conversation when nobody else in the world knew where I was, but nothing seemed more important.
“It is remarkable how much you resemble her. I knew that it couldn’t be her, but a part of me was so desperate to believe that I deluded myself. I shame myself and Dovalia with my actions.”
“You don’t have to feel ashamed. It’s natural to want to hope, to want to believe, to want to be close to the people you’ve lost. It’s a good thing. It means that you still have the capacity to be a positive force in the world,” I said.
Zerinthor continued, as though he was speaking as much to convince himself as he was talking to the rest of us. I felt as though I was eavesdropping on a private conversation, but there wasn’t anywhere else for me to go.
“Dovalia always spoke of a bright future where dragons could be free to soar across the sky again without having to be condemned or hunted, but she said that she’d never give up the ability to shift because there was too much about being a human she liked. I never understood why she’d say that. To me the only way to live was as a pure dragon, although she showed me pleasures of the flesh and what it was to truly love someone. When she died, I vowed that I wouldn’t rest until I had reclaimed my place as the mightiest dragon and made the entire world bow before me. But in truth I have found my motivation lacking. Without her to honor life has little meaning for me, and I have spent days feasting and flying with nothing else. It has felt…hollow.
I’ve always tried to live as she would want me to live, but I always feel as though I’m failing her. She wanted so much for me. She always told me when I had made a mistake or when I was too quick to anger. She is the only one who has ever shown me I am capable of being loved.
Cal, Finn, does this woman speak the truth?”
“She does,” Cal replied. “That’s why I sought you out.”
“Even though it was a risk to your safety? I could have killed you,” Zerinthor said.
“We knew,” Cal replied.
“We took the risk because we love each other, and we want to make things go back to the way they were, or at least close to how they were,” Finn said. “Dovalia wouldn’t have wanted this. She liked it when we all spent time together.”
“But don’t just do this for Dovalia,” I said. Zerinthor had a thoughtful look on his face. The conversation was lasting longer than I had hoped and I started to believe that there was a chance for him to listen to us and leave this grim lair. “Do it for yourself. You’re like anyone else, you need company. You need to be with your brethren. Rebuild the community and make it a safe place so that when someone else like Dovalia comes along you’re there to offer her a community. Anything has to be better than this.”
We’d said all we could say. Silent tension filled the air as
our words met his mind. It was all up to Zerinthor now. If he wanted to, he could have turned us away or fought with us again, and maybe even killed us for troubling him and bringing back the memories of his beloved Dovalia. But I hoped that he would see that our intentions were genuine, that we truly wanted to help him, and that it was in his best interests to seek out his friends rather than being loyal to his misery and solitude.
Zerinthor stroked his chin and pursed his lips. I wondered if he was thinking about Dovalia, wondering if he should do what she would want him to do.
“I suppose,” he finally said, “There are times when I have missed the company of my fellow dragons, and I have missed being able to talk about Dovalia with people who knew her too.”
I breathed a sigh of relief, and I sensed that Cal and Finn did the same.
“But how are we supposed to rebuild after all this time?” Zerinthor asked.
“We start at the beginning, and slowly we’ll send out messages that the place is ready to be lived in again,” Cal said. “We’ll have a place where we can be free to be ourselves.” He smiled at Finn and the two of them linked hands. They looked perfect together, and they had gotten what they wanted. But it made me wonder if this was the end of my journey with them.
They’d told me that I was the thing missing from their relationship, but what if it was just actually the dragon community? I might not be needed, and although I felt like I belonged with them, I didn’t know if I could abandon my life and live in an entirely new place. As I looked at them together I felt entirely alone. My heart broke inside, and when they came up to me, I was sure they were going to tell me that it would be best if I returned to my old life, that I had helped them in what they wanted to achieve and now it was time to go our separate ways.
20
“We did it, Danni,” Cal and Finn said together. They smiled and reached out to me, and placed their hands on my shoulder.
“Yeah, I guess we did.”
Zerinthor stood away from us and melted into the darkness, presumably gathering his thoughts and the emotions that had been brought up.
“You don’t sound too happy,” Cal asked, concerned. I couldn’t hide the truth from them.
“It’s just that you’ve got what you wanted, so I’m wondering if you really need me anymore. Maybe what you’ve been missing is just living with other dragons,” I said, casting my gaze away so that they wouldn’t see the pain in my eyes. I had opened my heart and soul up to these feelings and now the adventure was over I didn’t know what was going to happen next, and that scared me.
“Danni, of course we still need you. We weren’t lying before and yes, our relationship took a hit when we left the dragons, but I don’t think either of us are naïve enough to believe that we can just go back to the way things were. Too much has happened between us and we both love you. We don’t just want to turn you away. We’ve begun something special. This is the beginning of the journey, not the end, that is as long as you want it to continue,” Finn said.
“It’s just that you look so perfect together, like a couple should be…”
“The only reason why you have this notion that the perfect relationship should be a couple is because of society. There is nothing more perfect in my mind than what the three of us share. I understand you have your questions and the last thing I’d want to do is make you feel uncomfortable or forced, but what we share is something good, and something real,” Cal said.
“I just…I don’t know if I can leave my life to come and live with you.”
“That is, of course, something that you have to think about. There is no rush though, and if you decide that you can’t leave your life there, then there are always ways around it too. We do fly pretty quickly you know,” Finn said, winking at me. I smiled and enjoyed the kindness and compassion in their words. They truly wanted me, and I felt proud that I had proven my worth to them both. I did have my questions, and my doubts, but when I thought about spending a life with them, I was filled with happiness and anticipation. I imagined all the things we could do together and the things we could share, and I found that I wanted it. What did I really have to lose in my normal life anyway? I had been drifting for a long time, trying to find my place and my purpose, and now it seemed as though I had found it in the arms of these two dragons.
The thing that clinched it for me was when I thought about my life without them. I knew it would be hollow, and that I would never find anything to replace the completeness I felt when I was with them. My other relationships had all felt unsatisfying, like something was missing, and now I knew it was because I wanted to be intimate with two men instead of just one, part of a triad rather than a couple. I guessed there was nothing truly wrong with it as long as we all agreed to it. It wasn’t as though the world had ended. We were better together than we were apart, and although it would be a big upheaval for me, I knew it was something I had to do. Like Misty said, sometimes in life you had to throw caution to the wind and say ‘yes’ to whatever opportunity came your way.
“Okay, I’ll do it. I’ll come and live with you in your new community,” I said. The moment the words left my mouth, I was filled with courage and happiness. Finn wrapped his arms around me and spun me around in the air, while Cal stood close by and kissed me lovingly when I was set down. I looked up at both of them with great affection and I looked forward to this next adventure in my life, hoping that it would take me to new and wondrous places.
“Shall we depart?” Zerinthor said, looking at us with his sharp eyes. I felt a little bad about flaunting our love before him when he was still mourning Dovalia, but he didn’t seem to mind too much. He looked around at his lair and then walked to the edge of the platform. One by one the men shifted into dragons. I climbed on Cal’s back this time, wanting to experience what it was like flying with him. I caressed the green scales and rested my head against his back. I felt the heat of his body as he skipped off the platform and we rose into the air. Zerinthor took the lead, and Finn flew beside us. I whooped with delight as I lifted my body up and truly grew into the flight.
We circled around the mountain, gaining speed as Cal flattened his wings against his body and let gravity guide us, before he opened them and soared majestically through the sky. We broke through clouds and slalomed around the mountaintops and I got a glimpse of what the life of a dragon was like when they were truly free. I thought it was a shame that they could only fly like this when they were in remote areas or in complete darkness, but I knew that if humans caught sight of them, it would soon threaten their survival as we might hunt them down for our own selfish reasons. They’d never get any rest, but in this moment, they were free to indulge their desires and swoop through the sky. They gave themselves away freely to the sky and instead of fighting, they all danced through the air, making patterns with their movements. It was a passionate air display and I could only imagine what it would be like if a huge group of dragons joined together in a dance.
The hostility between Zerinthor, Cal, and Finn seemed to have evapourated and I was glad that we didn’t have to face war. The plan to persuade Zerinthor had been risky, but I knew it would work the moment I looked into his eyes. In that moment, I had seen something of what Dovalia must have seen, and I knew there was hope to him.
After spending some time enjoying the exhilarating feeling of flying around the mountains we descended down and flew into the depths of the forest, where the other dragons had made their home. We swooped down quickly so that if anyone had been watching, they would only notice dark blurs falling from the sky. But we were in such a remote part of the forest that I doubted any humans were out here anyway. The trees bent and cracked as we landed, and the dragons turned back into men. It was easier for them to walk through the trees as men than as dragons, much less messy too.
We walked further into the forest until we came to a clearing. The trees thinned, and the ground was grass. There were stone huts, and it was as though I had been transpor
ted to another world.
“What is this place?” I asked.
“Home,” Cal said.
21
Home was a simple village in a small field. It was made up of stone and wooden huts, and looked as though it could accommodate a small population, but it was deserted. The three dragons walked into the village and reminisced about the good old times. There was a well, although Cal and Finn also told me that there were sources of freshwater nearby, a place in the middle of the village to make a fire, and grounds where they could breed animals for food and clothes. It felt as though I had stepped back in time and I was impressed that they had managed to forge a life for themselves without all the advantages afforded to us by modern civilization.
“Are you sure you’re going to be able to live like this after you’ve experienced what it’s like to live in the modern world?” I asked.
“I think we’ll be just fine,” Cal said. “Frankly, I found a lot of it unnecessary, and I think you use technology because it’s there rather than because you need to. Life out here is rewarding. I’ve always preferred to work with my hands.”
“But the real question is whether you’re going to be able to adjust. It’s easier for us because we only got a taste of your world, but you’ve lived there your whole life. Do you think you can handle all of this?” Finn asked.
I narrowed my eyes and put my hand on my hips. “I think I can handle this just fine,” I said confidently.
Cal and Finn smiled, but before they could speak again, Zerinthor moved away.
“Where’s he going?” I asked.
“To her grave,” Cal said, his face falling into a grim expression. We followed him to make sure that he was going to be okay and walked just outside the perimeter of the village. The only thing marking it as a grave was the slightly rounded mounds protruding out of the ground and the markings of a piece of wood. Zerinthor sank to his knees, clasped his hands together, and bowed his head. The three of us remained silent out of respect, and we bowed our heads too. Although I didn’t know Dovalia I felt as if I did, like she was somehow a part of me. I could see how she had affected these three dragons, and I certainly wished that I could have met her.