“It’s been complicated. But that’s not your fault.”
“It’s not fair though. I was the one who went jogging on a busy street and didn’t watch traffic. But you’re suffering just as much as I am.”
“I wouldn’t say I’m suffering. When I asked you to marry me, I knew I was committing myself to whatever might come. Just because it hasn’t been all peaches and cream doesn’t mean I don’t want it.”
Her face softened as she looked up at me. “That’s sweet.”
“Is it?”
“I don’t think I’ve ever heard commitment described quite so plainly before.”
I ran my hand up the angle of her neck and rested my fingers just under her jaw. “Just because we never actually got married doesn’t mean I don’t think of us that way.”
“You really do want to be with me, don’t you?”
“I do.”
“Why?”
“Because you’re the one. I don’t know how else to put it.”
But she seemed to understand. She moved closer to me, her hands moving slowly up under the back of my suit jacket. When she looked up at me, I kissed the tip of her nose. I began to pull back, but then she followed my movement and our lips brushed. It was the sweetest kiss I had ever tasted. I wanted it to last forever. The fact that she didn’t pull away when I deepened the kiss gave me more hope than anything leading up to this moment had.
I loved her. Despite everything, Harley was my life.
“What the hell are you doing?” a voice growled behind us.
I turned, tucking Harley behind me, and forced a smile onto my lips.
“Hello, Mother.”
Chapter 19
Harley
She was everything I expected her to be. Tall. Dark. Stylish. There were a lot of similarities between mother and son. Except for the dark scowl on her face when she looked at me.
“What are you doing, Xander?” she hissed in a low voice. “When I heard rumors that she was in some sort of accident and that the two of you were back together…”
“This really isn’t the place, Mom.”
“After what she threatened to do, you’re here with her? Are you insane?”
“I’m sorry, Ms. Boggs, but I don’t think—”
She whirled on me in an instant, prompting Xander to once again move me behind him so that his body shielded me from his mother. He whispered something to her that I couldn’t hear, then he drew me away, leading the way across the room like nothing had happened. I clung to him, suddenly aware of people staring at us.
What was going on?
I felt like I was always in the dark these days, always wondering why people were looking at me as they were. Why were they whispering behind their hands? I told myself before that it was just my imagination, but I couldn’t quite do that this time.
“Why is she so angry with me? Is it because of the called-off wedding?”
“Sort of.”
“She didn’t know about the accident?”
“I tried to keep it under wraps. People don’t need to know about it.”
“But, I’m sure it was in the papers. An accident like that…”
“I have friends who owed me favors.”
There was an edge to Xander’s voice that I was pretty sure I hadn’t heard before. I turned into him to make him stop moving.
“Will you tell me why your mom’s so mad at me? Why people are looking at us like we’re aliens or something?”
“They aren’t doing that.”
“They are.”
Xander looked around the room, a little amusement coming into his eyes. “Okay, maybe some of them are.”
“See? There’s something going on. It’s not just my imagination.”
“Of course not.”
But before he could answer my questions, a tall, red-haired woman came toward us.
“Harley, darling,” she said, holding out her hands to me.
I had no idea who she was, but there were charcoal stains on her hands, so I knew she was an artist. And when she kissed my cheek, she did it with this exaggerated movement that reminded me of artists I’d met in New York during a trip with my life forms class.
“Patricia,” I said, a memory suddenly sweeping through my mind. “How are you? I thought you were headed back to New York this past spring!”
“No,” she said with a fake smile. “I decided to stick around. Margaret makes a good argument, you know?”
“Oh, I know.”
“How are you? I hear you were in an accident of some sort?”
“I’m fine.”
“We should have lunch.”
“Definitely.”
She pretended to kiss my cheeks again, then disappeared back into the crowd.
“How did you know who that was?”
“I didn’t, but I remembered seeing a pamphlet for her show on Margaret’s desk out front.”
Xander laughed as he pulled me deeper into the crowd. “That’s my girl. You always did think quickly.”
Other people sought us out, mostly friends of Xander’s. I tried to participate as best as I could, but it was a losing battle, really. The more I thought I could figure out about each person, the less I actually got right. Xander was constantly having to listen to what I was saying, so he could correct my erroneous statements. It must have been exhausting for him, but he smiled at me every time like it was nothing.
He really was a great guy.
There was a tall, dark woman who kept walking along the edges of the room, shooting glances our way. I didn’t notice her at first, but once I did, I couldn’t help but wonder why she was so curious about us. She looked vaguely familiar, but so did most of the people in this room. I was quickly beginning to figure out that Xander and I had been very social in our lives together and most of the people in this room were mutual friends. It was kind of odd, that thought. These people all knew me, some quite more than just as party guests. And I couldn’t remember spending a single moment with any of them.
I excused myself and headed to the bathroom, needing a break from the sensory overload of the party. The bathrooms were quite large and utilitarian, as one would expect in a facility meant to service children. I ducked into a stall and sat to relieve the pressure on my booted leg. It ached still, deep in the bone. The doctor said it would probably bother me for years to come, but not always so intently. I was looking forward to that time because this was bothersome.
I undid the Velcro straps on the boot and slid my leg out, rubbing the pale skin that was still weak and sad looking from all those weeks in a cast. I heard the outer door of the bathroom open but didn’t think anything of it until I heard a familiar voice.
“He insists that he has to stand by her. They were engaged after all.”
It was Margaret’s voice.
“Yes, but after everything she threatened to do? He does realize she could have exposed us all, right?”
I didn’t recognize the second voice at first, but knew it was someone I’d spoken to tonight. But I’d spoken to a lot of people tonight.
“He thinks that he can convince her not to go public.”
“How’s he going to do that? If not for the accident, we would all be ruined right now. She was supposed to talk to a reporter that day. You do know that.”
“I heard the rumor. In fact, when Xander told me about the accident, I wondered for a minute if maybe you—”
The second woman laughed. “I wish I’d thought of it. If I had, I would have done it sooner and saved us all a lot of sleepless nights.” There was a brief pause. “He should have known better than to bring an outsider into this.”
“Yes, well, Xander was always something of a romantic.”
I heard the door close a second later. My heart was pounding. They were talking about me and my accident. Did that woman actually suggest that someone should have run me over sooner?
What the hell were they talking about? What reporter? What was I going to tell him?
<
br /> I didn’t understand, but there was this sense of dread and deceit sitting deep in my chest that was not all together unfamiliar. And I think that scared me more than anything else.
I put my boot back on and slipped out of the stall, pausing at the sink to check my makeup as much out of habit as anything else. I still didn’t recognize myself. I’d never had short hair before. My hair had always been long, always flowing out behind me when I was riding a horse or running in the fields with my friends. And the haunted look in my eyes was not me, either.
But, again, did I even knew who I was anymore? That person Margaret and her companion were talking about couldn’t be me. I wasn’t devious. I wouldn’t have gone running to a reporter about something unless I had a good reason.
What reason could I have had to expose Xander? And expose what?
I was about to turn when the door opened again. That woman, the dark woman who’d been watching me—or us—was standing there, her eyes widened with surprise.
“Oh, sorry,” she mumbled, moving aside so I could slip out the door. But I didn’t. There was something about her that bothered me.
“Do I know you?”
“You did,” she said softly. “We were pretty good friends, actually.”
“Were we?” I could see that we were by this yearning light in her eyes. “I’m sorry. I’ve had an accident and—”
“I know.”
“You know?”
“I’m Xander’s office manager. Jonnie Watson.”
I knew the name. Xander talked about her. She was the one who packed up my rental house after the accident, the one he called whenever we needed anything in the weeks that we were locked up in the house together before he was confident I could get around on my own. She was also the one he was on the phone with for hours at a time whenever he was home with me.
“You help run his office.”
“I do,” she said, standing a little straighter as pride seeped through her.
“We were friends?”
Her eyes—a solid brown that was dull but pretty all at the same time—darkened a little. She studied me for a long moment, her mind clearly spinning with options and probably warnings Xander had given her. Not too much information at once. But I wanted information. I wanted to know who I was before the accident—even if that was someone I wouldn’t like.
“We used to go to lunch together. I took you shopping a few times when you first moved to the city, helped you figure out how to at least dress like the people in Xander’s life. You never really wanted to be like them, but you didn’t want to embarrass him either.”
I wished I remembered that because it sounded like me and sounded like a kind thing for her to do. But I didn’t.
I could see that she knew I didn’t remember. There was something like disappointment in her eyes. I touched her arm because it felt like the right thing to do. For a second, we stared into each other’s eyes, and it felt like there was something there, just below the surface. But then it was gone.
“I should get back.”
She started to step out of my way, but then she grabbed my arm. “If you ever need anything…”
She was so sincere. She must have been a good friend.
“Thank you,” I said with all the candor I could manage. And then I walked away, aware of her eyes on my back every step of the way.
Chapter 20
Xander
My mother was walking around the room, draped over Grant’s arm like she was some sort of possession to show off like the Cartier watch on his wrist. I wanted to go over there and smack him, tug him away from her and tell her to run. That was something I should have done years and years ago. It was too late now. He was so ingrained in all our lives that it would be impossible to separate one from the other.
Even Margaret had come to accept that.
I don’t think Margaret’s complicity bothered me all that much. She was his daughter, after all. But my mom…that really did bother me. Didn’t she see what Grant was doing to her? To all of us? Didn’t she care what it might mean for me, for Harley, for everyone touched by it? Or was she that blinded by his charm?
“Hi,” Harley said, coming up behind me.
I turned and pulled her gently against my chest. It felt so good holding her like this again. I kissed the top of her head, deciding there were some benefits to the shorter hair.
“You feeling alright?”
“Yeah.”
I tipped her head back so that I could see her eyes. She tried to hide it, but I could see the flash of pain hidden deep in those blue depths. I kissed the tip if her nose lightly.
“Let’s go home. I’m exhausted, and I’m sure you’re ready to get off that boot.”
She smiled gratefully. “I am.”
I didn’t even bother to look for Margaret to let her know we were leaving. I knew she would understand. We slid out a side door at the back of the gym. I’d texted the limo driver a bit ago, so he was waiting in the alley there. We could escape without the craziness of the press attacking us again. I hadn’t expected that, to be honest. I knew Harley had been talking to someone before the accident, but it never occurred to me he would be here, covering something as mundane as the opening of a community center. These things were so commonplace that they were a dime a dozen. But maybe that spoke to how low on the totem pole that reporter really was.
“What are you thinking about?” Harley asked, as the limo began to make its way onto the street.
“I don’t know. How happy I am to get out of there?”
“You don’t like these things?”
“I don’t like feeling like a bug under a microscope.”
“I’d think a guy like you would revel in the attention.”
“A guy like me?”
Laughter danced in her eyes. “Yeah. The kind of guy who uses his charm to get whatever he wants.”
“And here I thought you’d forgotten our courtship.”
I cupped my hand around her jaw as she began to laugh, drawing her into me. I couldn’t do this anymore. I couldn’t be this close to her and pretend that I didn’t want her, that she wasn’t the first thing on my mind every morning and the last thing every night. My lips brushed hers and that was the last straw, the last barrier between us destroyed.
I pulled her legs up over mine and buried myself against her like it wasn’t familiar territory, like I hadn’t learned every millimeter of this mouth, this body, over and over again over the past eighteen months. It was like coming home and exploring all new territory all at the same time. She smelled like my Harley, tasted like my Harley, but there was something so innocent and fresh in the way she responded to me that it was all brand new again.
Her hand moved over my chest, hesitant but confident, that kind of movement that sets a new lover apart from all others. Even the most confident women were reluctant to seem too forward the first time. However, they always came around. Harley was different though. That hesitation had always remained in her touch, even after we’d been living together for months. It was like she couldn’t believe that she’d earned the right to touch me—and that made me feel like a superhero, like a god she’d placed on the highest of pedestals. It made me feel powerful and weak all at the same time.
I slid my hand along her outer thigh, searching for the split in her skirt that had been teasing me all night. When my fingers finally found the edges, I pushed my hand underneath without even a hint of hesitation. Unlike Harley, I knew what I wanted, and I was going to take it.
Her thighs were smooth, her hip firm and solid—despite the quiver of muscles just under the surface. I slid my hand over her ass, my fingers exploring places that made her gasp against my mouth. There was moisture there, a need that my body screamed to fulfil. I teased her, reaching deep between her legs to run my fingers tips over her outer lips, touching so close to that spot I knew was aching for the pressure of my fingers, but careful not to actually give her what she wanted. Anticipation is almost as good—
if not better than satisfaction. That was something I’d taught her in the past, and I intended to remind her of it now.
She tugged at my tie, loosening it as her hot breath moved over my chin to my throat. I pulled back just enough to let her nuzzle against my neck, my fingers tracing a pattern that made her shift her position, that made her reach down and tug at my hand. Instead, I pulled my hand free and pressed her forehead back, exposing the long line of her throat and the beautiful valley that lived between her breasts. I buried my face there, my breath coming in hard gasps as her scent surrounded me, as her fingers pressed into my hair and drew me closer.
I wanted to taste her. I wanted to take my time with her, give her all the pleasure she’d denied me these last six months. But the need was so overwhelming that it became my only thought. I needed to be inside of her. Now.
I lifted her onto my lap, my hands sliding under her skirt, sliding it up over her firm thighs in a show I’m sure the chauffeur was enjoying. Her boot was heavy and unyielding, forcing her to sit at a slightly awkward angle. And her hands were pressing against mine, pushing them back the opposite direction in which I wanted them to go.
“Harley,” I groaned, grabbing her ass and pulling her hard against my erection, showing her how desperate I was. She groaned, her fingers twisting almost painfully in my hair as she kissed me with a lack of inhibition Harley had never shown before.
Oh, hell! I was going to go insane if she didn’t stop!
“I want you,” I moaned against her lips.
“I want you, too.”
And that…I didn’t even realize the car had stopped moving for a long moment, those words were ringing so loudly in my ears. But then the door opened and the cool evening air worked to clear my head just enough. I lifted Harley and set her on the bench beside me, tugging her skirt back to a more presentable position. We’d given the chauffeur enough of a show.
We climbed out of the car, and I managed to remember the bills I’d stuck into my pocket specifically to tip the driver. I shook his hand, slipping him the money. He winked at me and hopped into the car, peeling out before we were even up to the door.
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