Laura stared expectantly at Dennis. It was true he wasn’t a fan of any of his staff not being in-house. He kept them all tightly tethered to the office, but Laura had done so well and made him so much money, he had to say yes.
“Fine. Since you’ll still be driving distance away, I’ll allow it. But I still expect you back here once in a while for the occasional staff meeting.” He raised his arms just slightly out in front of him. When he realized what he’d almost done he dropped his hands and strolled behind his desk.
“Why, Daniel. If I didn’t know any better, I’d swear you wanted to give me a hug,” Laura teased.
“That’s the beauty of it, kid. You do know better. Now get out of here and take care of your move. I just wish you would tell me why.” Daniel sat down at his desk and woke up his computer. “Not that it’s any of my business, but this sudden interest in moving to the Berkshires wouldn’t have anything to do with that boyfriend of yours, would it?” The question was legitimate in his mind. He had seen far too many of his female staff put relationships ahead of their jobs.
“No. Well, not really. I just need a change of scenery, but I love working for this magazine, so I didn’t want to have to cut my ties to do it.” The half-truth should be enough. The idea of involving her boss in her personal life in any way, shape, or form felt awkward and icky. She had a feeling Daniel felt the same way.
“I understand. What with the mess with Frank, I can see why you’d need to get away. I’m just glad you wanted to keep me and the magazine included in those plans. Godspeed, kid.” And that was that. Daniel turned back to his computer before things could get too mushy.
Laura recognized that was the closest to a warm moment she and her boss would ever have. It felt good to know how much her editor valued her, even if he had to say it in a roundabout sort of way.
She shut Daniel’s office door on her way on and walked down the hall to her office. She had decided to leave in the morning and had to rent a small U-Haul to get the job done. Thankfully, packing her office would be easy. All she needed were the few notebooks she had lying around and a few other odds and ends.
Sitting at her desk, she sifted through her desk drawers to make sure she didn’t miss anything. That’s when she stumbled on the pig book Mason had sent her. It was tucked in the bottom drawer and forgotten about.
She thumbed through the bright, glossy pages, stopping when she saw a little pink piglet or something interesting. She flipped to the chapter on castration and found Mason’s sticky note still tucked in with his little joke scrawled on it. It was all she could do to keep from crying again. Too many tears had been shed over the last three days, and she hadn’t even officially broken up with the man yet.
She tossed the book in her “Take” box. It would at least serve as a sweet memory. The metal-framed photo of the two of them in Switzerland was coming too.
Even though Laura had made up her mind that this was what she needed, the idea that she was losing Mason a second time was overwhelming and nauseating. There were moments where she wanted to back out, but when she asked herself if she could marry him tomorrow, she would break out in a cold sweat. Every time.
With a sniff, she quickly packed the rest of her box and went to say her goodbyes. Michelle, Daniel, and the rest of the office was easy enough, but stopping at the reception desk to say goodbye to Tammy was the worst.
“You can’t go!” Tammy whined into Laura’s shoulder. The two women had been stuck in a hug for the last two minutes and showed no signs of letting go.
“I have to. I’ll be back once in a while to check in. It’s not like we’ll never see each other again.” Laura was very careful about what she told Tammy. She had been getting very close to Roy, and as of that moment, he was still employed by Mason, even though she had given him the slip that morning.
“Take care then.” Tammy pulled herself away and wiped her tear-streaked face with her sleeve.
With a wave, Laura was off. She was meeting Jill to finish packing her apartment. She hadn’t heard from Mason since she escaped The Guggenheim and hoped her luck would hold out a few hours longer so she could get her things packed, on the truck, and over to Jill’s house.
Chapter Forty Six
“So have you told him yet?” Jill asked. The two women were stuck in the packed U-Haul, waiting on traffic to move.
“No. I was going to call him once we got back to your place.”
“I’m surprised he didn’t just show up at your apartment,” Jill observed.
Laura nodded. “Yeah. Me too. I’m amazed my luck held out. I wasn’t sure what I would do or say if he did, and I sure as hell didn’t want to have a scene.”
Would it have been as bad as all that? Laura felt like maybe she was too far into her own head. “Do you think I’m doing the right thing?” This was a question she had asked herself several times over the past three days. It would be nice to hear someone else answer it for a change.
“Honestly? I think distance will be good for you both. I just hope it doesn’t become permanent. All this drama aside, I think you two are good together.” Jill nudged Laura. “Just go home and enjoy your parents.”
“This is the second time we’re splitting up. I don’t think that qualifies as ‘good together.’” Laura perked up as the cars began to move. They were only four blocks from Jill’s building, and it was taking forever to get there.
Laura’s phone vibrated on the seat next to her. Jill grabbed it to see who was calling. “It’s Mason.”
Those two words filled Laura with the kind of dread usually reserved for dental visits and sick relatives.
“Do you want me to answer?” Jill asked.
“Go ahead. Put it on speaker.” The last thing she needed was a ticket for talking on her phone. “Hello?”
“Laura?” The voice coming through the speaker was quiet and lacked its usual mirth and confidence.
“Hi, Mason. How are you?” Laura could feel her conviction wavering. Just the sound of his voice was enough to make her drop everything and say no.
“I’ve been better. Do you have time to talk?” Mason asked.
“Yeah, of course. I was going to call you in a bit anyway.”
For a moment there was an awkward and deafening silence in the truck cab. Jill tried to look anywhere but at Laura. Being Laura’s support was one thing; being privy to the demise of her relationship was another.
“What happened the other day? You took off and didn’t bother saying anything to me or anyone else…except Jill. Is there something you need to tell me?”
God, he sounds like a lost child. Laura cleared the knot from her throat before answering. “Yeah. I think so.” She opened her mouth to speak, and hesitated. Did she really want to pull the trigger here? “Mason, I can’t do this anymore.”
A long stretch of silence lingered on the line. “Mason? Are you there?”
“Yeah. I am.” He coughed to hide how upset he truly was. “I think you’re right. Maybe this won’t work out.”
Laura was so taken back she nearly hit the stopped car in front of her. She looked over at Jill, who looked just as surprised as she felt. “Oh. Um, good. We’re on the same page then. I guess.”
“It seems like it.” Mason’s voice had grown cold. If he were to make it through this phone call he would have to go completely Vulcan.
“Thank you, Mason. I’m not sure there’s anything left to say.” Who was she kidding? There were a million things left to say. The most important being: I love you. But the words wouldn’t come. The situation just didn’t feel appropriate.
“Of course, Laura. Take care.” The line went dead.
Jill put the phone to sleep and just waited. Several minutes passed in which neither of them said anything. Finally, Jill had to hear something other than the rumble of the engine. “Are you going to be all right?” She knew it was a stupid question to ask, but she wasn’t sure how to help her friend.
Laura had gone numb. In a two-minute phone c
all, the last thirteen years of her life had just gone up in smoke. Mason had been a part of her life in one capacity or another since she was eighteen years old, and now he was gone. “I hope you don’t mind, Jill, but I’m going to leave tonight.” Staying in the city even one minute more than necessary was going to destroy her, and she didn’t want to go to pieces. Besides, she was leaving in the morning anyway.
“Of course. I’ll have Craig meet us at the curb to give you your things and say goodbye.”
***
Mason stared at his cellphone screen. The happy faces of him and Laura stared back, taunting him. With a roar he hurled the device across the room. Without a second thought he had just let her go. What happened to wanting to fight for their relationship? Wasn’t that supposed to be the plan? Mason sank to his knees and struggled to keep his bleeding pieces together. His life, his future, had slipped between his fingers and was gone.
To think he was going to propose only a few weeks out from then. Laura’s birthday was March third, and he wanted to make it the most special birthday she’d ever had.
Instead, he’d blown it. He knew he’d blown it. All she wanted was a little breathing room. It may have only been a week or two, who knew? But now, because he’d freaked, a narrow timeframe became indefinite. That was the most painful truth of all.
He’d chosen to not trust her. Laura wasn’t the same twenty-two-year-old he’d played house with all those years ago. She had grown into a strong-willed woman with an independent streak a mile wide, and for some reason, he couldn’t grasp that, couldn’t trust that she had her own life and knew what she was doing.
That’s what both scared him and made him proud of her: right or wrong, she wanted to handle her own life. The fear that there was no room for him in it became a self-fulfilling prophecy.
He kicked on the British “stiff upper lip” and climbed to his feet. Wrapping his arms around himself to keep his pieces together, he approached the shattered remnants of his phone. He chuckled darkly that this was the only thing in his life he had the ability to fix and grabbed his coat. It was time for a trip to the electronics store, and to the pub. He needed to get so shitfaced the day would just disappear into the depths of his brain and never come back out.
Chapter Forty Seven
“Laura, honey? You’ve been in this room for two weeks. Why don’t you come out now?” Joanie Ross poked her head inside the room. The stale smell of dirty laundry and closed-off room attacked her nostrils.
Laura didn’t move. She just stared at the blank wall in front of her. Several full boxes were tucked into the corners of her childhood bedroom. Her Backstreet Boys posters were even still on the walls.
“Let’s maybe get you unpacked then? Come on, honey. Speak to me. I’m worried about you.” Joanie shuffled around the debris and clutter of the contents of Laura’s New York apartment to get to the full-sized canopy bed.
Laura sighed and closed her eyes. She couldn’t seem to find the energy to move. Honestly, she didn’t want to find it.
Joanie was at the end of her patience. Her daughter wasn’t eating or drinking much, she only came out of her room to use the rest room, and she could hear Laura crying at night. It was heartbreaking.
She got to her feet and busied herself stacking boxes out of the way so she could get to across the room to open the windows. She yanked back the curtains and threw open the window to let the sharp, February air in to circulate around the room.
“Ma, why?” Laura whined, and pulled her floral print quilt over her head.
“Why? Because I’ve had enough of the moping around, young lady. I won’t watch my only child waste away and be depressed. You better be up, showered, and downstairs for lunch in thirty minutes, or I’m sending your father up to drag you from that bed. Do you understand me?” She pressed her fists to her hips.
Laura eased into a sitting position and pressed her hand over her eyes. The sun had temporarily blinded her. “Yeah, I got it. I’ll be down in a bit.”
Joanie waited until Laura was fully standing before leaving the room. She felt a little bit guilty for being so forceful, but didn’t want to see how her husband would have handled it.
Laura looked around the room as if she’d landed on an alien planet. Nick Carter and her Barbie collection all looked right back at her with their judging eyes. She pointed at a poster. “Oh, yeah? Well, I’ve listened to a lot of your music, buddy. So you can take your judgments and stuff ‘em,” she spat before collecting a towel and stomping off to the bathroom.
She stripped out of her disgusting and swampy sweats. Her legs were wooly, her roots had become overgrown, and she was offended by her own stink. The shower squeaked to steamy life, and she hopped in.
The hot water was its own form of therapy, a symbolic baptism of sorts, cleansing the ugly and hurt feelings away with the grime from her skin. She took her time lathering her hair with her mom’s lavender shampoo. Laura didn’t realize how comforting the hippie smell of her mother was until the suds ran over her sunken body.
As she ran the loofah over her skin, she could feel the bumps of nearly every bone in her body. She had eaten no more than a few bites and only often enough to silence the gnawing and the nausea. Otherwise, she had no appetite and didn’t even want to smell food.
Steeping out of the shower refreshed and recharged, her appetite returned with a vengeance. Suddenly, Laura wanted to eat everything in the house. In a hurry, she dressed and beat it down the stairs, meeting her father halfway.
“I was just coming to get you, baby doll. Your mom made chicken stew for lunch.” Robbie Ross turned and headed back towards the kitchen. He was grateful that whatever his wife had done had worked. He hated being the bad cop.
Laura raced up behind him and grabbed a bowl. She was practically drooling on her chin to finally get food in her belly. She ladled out a huge portion, grabbed a hunk of bread, and sat at the table. She scooped up a heaping spoonful and gleefully dug in.
The first bite went down fine, as did the second. By the third she couldn’t stomach another taste. She turned up her nose and pushed the bowl away. Her parents watched her closely as she bit off a chunk of French bread and turned green. “Ma, are you sure nothing had gone bad?”
Joanie eyed her suspiciously. “I’m sure. I got everything fresh at the market this morning. Everything smelled normal.” She took a bite and chewed slowly. “Nope. The stew tastes the way it’s supposed to.”
Laura sank back in her chair, stomach still rumbling. Poking around the pantry might turn up something.
She shoved aside a box of Pop-Tarts, moved around boxes of pasta and rice. The only thing even remotely appealing was the package of peanut butter crackers. Standing there in the pantry, she tore into the box and inhaled the salty little bites as if they were manna. In short order she polished off the whole thing.
Licking her fingers, she reemerged into the kitchen to find her parents staring at her. “What?”
Her mother’s face broke into the biggest shit-eating grin Laura had ever seen. “What! Why are you both staring at me?”
Joanie propped her head in her hands. “Tell me, Laura, when was your last period?”
She waved her mother off. “That’s easy it was–” She paused and counted backwards. The math was not adding up.
“Uh huh. I think we’d better go to CVS and get you a test. Oh, Robbie, stop it. The girl is thirty years old. Did you really think she lived like a nun?”
Robbie had blanched at the hint of his daughter being pregnant. To a father, the notion that his daughter had been anywhere near a penis was enough to send him screaming from the room. All he could do was stare, wide-eyed, at his wife.
Joanie ignored her husband and collected the dishes. “Go get your coat and meet me at the car.” She dropped the dishes in the sink and turned around. Laura just stared open-mouthed at her. “Go on now. Go!” Joanie shooed Laura from the kitchen then turned back to talk her husband in off the ledge.
Pregna
nt? The idea was so foreign to Laura she thought it had to be a mistake. It’s not like she didn’t want to have kids; she’d just thought her life would be less of a clusterfuck when they came along.
Now she was off to the drugstore with her grandchild-starved mother to pick up a pregnancy test. And then what? Laura had a feeling it would come back positive. Even as she climbed the stairs she felt…what? A twinge of knowing, a sign that a tiny human had taken up residence in her body. It was nothing concrete, no proof, just female intuition.
She clutched her sunken stomach and immediately felt the wash of guilt crash over her. She had spent two weeks starving herself and more or less living in filth. Maybe it wasn’t too late to turn things around.
She snatched her coat up and bounded down the stairs, suddenly revived. Her life felt like it had a purpose and direction again.
***
In less than ten minutes, the two Ross women pulled into the CVS parking lot. “Just stay here, Ma. It’s weird to have your mother with you when buying a pregnancy test.” Laura hopped out of her mom’s big blue Tahoe and ran into the store. In her excitement she grabbed one of every test in front of her and checked out.
She bounded back to the truck, and Joanie took off back to the house. “Easy, Ma. The streets are slick.” A late season snow had fallen a couple of days before and had coated parts of the Northampton roads in ice. Trucks had salted, but the odd patch of black ice would still pop up.
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