by Ace Gray
“No, thank you,” he replied. “Thank you for your beautiful words.”
He kissed the tip of my nose. I hummed, delighted. He pulled out of me and trailed kisses down my body as he went. He crouched; his perfect frame coiled between my knees before moving down to kiss my ankle just above the strap of my shoe. He moved to my other leg and repeated the process.
I didn’t want him that far away, not even to remove my shoes. I sat up and reached for him, pulling him back down to the bed. Back down to me. His laugh was warm and sweet as he let me pull on his shoulders. He nuzzled my ear then my jaw. His breath was warm against me; my insides finally, truly, jolted back to life.
This moment was what I would hold on to over the next few days.
“I love you,” I whispered.
Nick answered with one chaste but ardent kiss. The kind where he squinched his eyes closed and lingered on my lips. Maybe, just maybe, he’d say it back. After everything, maybe he would realize…
He broke away and something played on his lips; they moved the tiniest bit. His crooked smile fell into place just before he kissed me again. I kept my sigh to myself. Luckily, his kisses spoke volumes.
“Ari is going to have a field day with that.” He flopped beside me.
“Are you really going to talk about your sister while we’re naked in bed together?” I couldn’t help but laugh lightly.
“You realize she probably overheard everything. As much as I like the penthouse, everything echoes.”
I playfully smacked his chest. “She’ll have more ammo for when she calls you an untouchable Dom.”
“Delightful.” He scoffed and his eyebrows shot up.
“Why don’t you just tell her you’re not a Dom?” I laughed as I said it.
Nick smiled wryly when he answered.
“I wouldn’t want to lie.”
I froze.
He’d mentioned a failed stint as a Dom once, briefly, but we’d never discussed it. I debated for a moment about whether I wanted to open this can of worms right now. Or ever. On one hand, I finally felt better, more myself, and I didn’t want to ruin it. On the other, he didn’t speak openly about his past often.
I took a deep breath, and before I could reconsider, asked, “Are you going to tell me about it this time?”
“What do you want to know?” He shifted to his side and I felt his gaze scorch my skin. Absentmindedly, he started tracing circles across my ribs. His eyes were starting to churn again, and I considered the lengths he was going to, trying to keep his emotions at bay.
“Honestly, I’m not sure.” I arched my eyebrows. “But a brief explanation should do.”
“Fine.” His face crinkled. His eyes roamed up and down my body for a moment; he took a deep breath before beginning. “Girlfriends weren’t happening, I believe that has been discussed. At length as a matter of fact.” He raised his brow. “I was getting pressure from everyone to make a relationship work. Mother and Aribella can be relentless.” He rolled his eyes.
“My therapist recommended the Dom thing as an experiment to combine my need for control with my want of a relationship.”
“Your therapist?”
Why hadn’t we discussed a therapist ages ago? What were they saying about me?
“I was having a difficult time dealing with…family issues. After the failed Dom/Sub stint I stopped seeing him all together.”
“Why did it fail?” I was trying to keep an open mind and the edge out of my voice.
“Because she wanted to be slapped, spanked, whipped, tied, chained, and beaten.”
I arched back, my eyes wide as saucers. I liked a version of that. I thought he did, too. Suddenly I was unsure. If he’d been playing a role, did it mean we’d fail?
“And?” My voice dropped considerably.
“I like control, Kate. I also like pleasure. I’m not necessarily interested in pain.” He paused and grabbed my chin. He tilted my head so he could look me plain in the face.
“When I fantasize about you, it’s about the look in your eyes when you’ve lost control. I dream more about how your body trembles than anything else, how you writhe and ball your fists, and then, that moment when you come. That’s what flashes through my mind when I close my eyes. It’s your pleasure, not the kinky shit, that gets me off.”
He kept my chin in place so I couldn’t avoid his gaze. “My Sub would purposely misbehave and then ask to be caned. The fact that she was so comfortable with abuse made me sick. She got pleasure from the pain, not from me. We lasted maybe five weeks. Nothing drew me to her.”
I closed my eyes, not sure how much more I could take.
“I was immediately drawn to you, to your fire. Then I found out you equaled me in business? That’s what thrills me about the dirty shit. It’s the only time I get to have my way with you. It’s the only time you’ll let me.”
I turned away; his fingers fell from my chin but not from my side. It made sense that he’d sought solace in some sort of alternative relationship. He’d never deemed himself worthy of love. I didn’t understand why, but it manifested every day. That didn’t make learning about a Submissive easier to swallow. I hated hearing about Nick with anyone. Or thinking about it. I found it particularly irritating that someone else had done the kinky things we’d done together.
“Thank you for telling me the truth,” I said as I rolled out of bed toward my discarded pants.
I grabbed one of his white tees; it would look like what I’d walked in wearing. I picked my fur off the floor and fluffed it on the dresser.
“Are you mad?”
I could sense him right behind me.
“No.” I willed my tension to melt. “I just don’t like hearing about it. Believe it or not, I can be possessive and jealous, too.”
“That’s another incredibly sexy thing to come out of those sweet, sensual lips.”
I turned to look at him. My hands naturally moved to his chest as I searched his face, wondering if he was serious.
How is that sexy?
I rolled my eyes as I turned and walked away from him.
“Thank you for sharing.” In the end, I was grateful he had explained, even if the story had pissed me off.
“Have you ever done the BDSM thing?” he said it so casually it made me cringe.
“Are you asking me about my dating history?”
“I guess I am.”
Nick had followed me, now slowly pulling on his jeans. He buttoned them across his sculpted hips. I got completely sidetracked when they hung low, showing no underwear.
“Kate?” He chuckled and I blushed. “Normally I’d say yes to round two, and without hesitation, but now I’m curious. I’d like an answer to my question.”
“I can’t say I’ve been overly kinky, but I’ve never lasted with a missionary-only type relationship. You do things to my body that I never would’ve allowed before.” He smiled wickedly then arched his eyebrow, waiting for more.
“There were a couple of guys I dated regularly in college, and a boyfriend sophomore year, but after my parents died I became more of a one-night stand kind of girl. I’ve been far more concerned with my career. And while most men are turned on by me, they’re decidedly turned off by Vesper.” Something flashed across Nick’s face. I wasn’t sure what it was so I continued.
“There was a stock broker who liked blindfolds, but his mood was tied to the market and he resented my success. It ended dramatically. There was my money manager, Damien, he was sweet. But we were both young and trying to make it. We couldn’t make time for each other so it just didn’t work. He stayed my banker, though. I slept my way through a couple of CEOs and a few professional athletes before I met Kevin.”
I could see Nick was trying very hard not to get angry, but his tumultuous eyes were a dead giveaway.
“I suppose I don’t need to t
ell you much about Kevin?”
“I’m familiar with the basics.” He appeared to be clinging on to his composure.
I felt compelled to explain. “I met him about eight months before I met you. He’s a musician and always on tour. I saw him a handful of times when our schedules allowed. He was fun, but we were never serious, and I kept seeing him because it was easy. I only had to make time for him every couple of weeks. He showed up randomly after the whole hacking debacle. You know I haven’t slept with him since I met you.”
His smirk returned and I guessed he was picturing our reconciliation. He’d relentlessly questioned me about Kevin. After I’d told him the truth, we had a passionate, borderline violent, reconciliation.
“If you’ve finished the inquisition,” I said as I rolled my eyes and pushed past him. Nick caught my forearm, yanking me back in front of him. He kissed me deeply then showered smaller, sweeter kisses outside of my lips.
“You’re right. It doesn’t sit well.”
I smirked and he let me go. I opened the door and his hand moved to my waist before I got to the first step. We walked downstairs to find Ari sitting, open mouthed, on the couch. Ari lost for words spoke volumes. This was going to be an incredibly uncomfortable conversation. I just didn’t know if it would be about sex or Trevor, or both.
Her eyes flashed back and forth between the both of us as her teeth pulled on her bottom lip.
“I…I…You guys just? That was…” She turned a darker shade of red than I thought possible.
“You were listening?” Nick demanded.
Ari’s face fell and her eyes bugged anticipating a blowout. Only I noticed the twinkle in Nick’s eye.
“It’s just…I was concerned about Kate…you storm in…then you guys…Nicholas.” Her voice dropped to a whimper. “I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to listen in. If it’s any consolation, you two sizzle.” She flushed again and I twisted into Nick, concealing a laugh.
“Jesus, Ari, I don’t need to hear that from my sister,” he said as I giggled into his chest.
“I was just sitting on the couch. Did you know there is an unreal echo in this place?”
“Ari, stop. Please stop.” Nick’s tone was scolding rather than livid.
“You know I lived with Frederico. I don’t even think Mother is under the impression that we slept in separate beds.”
“You’re disgusting.”
I couldn’t help but laugh at their exchange, and when I caught their faces, I turned from Nick and doubled over. It was just so normal. And usually Nicholas Bryant was anything but normal. Seeing him perplexed or befuddled were some of my favorite moments simply because they were honest and uncomplicated.
Nick’s fingers dug into their familiar spot at my hip, and he started laughing beside me.
“Oh, Kate, I’m so glad you’re laughing. I thought after Trevor and Ally and the park that you’d be devastated,” Ari continued talking but the rest of her words didn’t register. My breath caught as my body seized.
I’d been smiling, laughing, having sex, all while Trevor was…was…was…
Nick figured out I was crumbling before Ari. She kept chattering away while Nick stopped me from pitching forward. He twisted me into his chest and murmured into my hair.
“It’s okay, Sweets. You’re okay,” he whispered as he stroked my hair.
Those arms, his arms, held me and my shit together. I nestled further into his skin and forced myself to take deeper breaths.
“Wait? What did I miss?” Ari’s scared voice rang through the room. “Kate?” Ari’s hand came to my shoulder and fluttered nervously.
“It’s okay. I’m alright.” My voice shook, but I got the words out.
“Are you really?” Nick’s warm breath was on my ear, my hair rustling slightly with each word.
“I will be. I have to be.” I sighed, my fist balling into his t-shirt fabric below my cheek.
“Did I say something wrong?” Ari’s voice slowed considerably.
“Of course you…” Nick started.
“It’s just hard, Ari,” I interrupted. “I’m trying to be okay. You caught me at a good moment, but…” I let my voice trail off.
“I also brought on a bad one.” Her hand fell from my shoulder and she turned away. “I’m sorry, Kate. So unbelievably sorry. I have a tendency to screw things up.”
“No, it’s not that.” My words got buried under Nick’s, “Jesus Christ, Ari.”
“Do you want to talk about it?” Her voice stayed quiet.
“No, but I should.” I gulped.
And I should do it by myself.
I was going to have to go it alone on Monday anyway.
“Nick, don’t you have some work to do?” Despite my tender tone, his eyes darkened.
“Of course.” His brow crinkled as he focused solely on me. “But do you really want to deal with this by yourself?”
“I’ve got to try,” I said.
He frowned but nodded as he kissed my temple and tenderly rubbed my arm.
“I have one phone call I need to make. I’ll check on you as soon as I’m done.”
I tried to smile reassuringly at him; it wasn’t genuine and we both knew it. He sighed, turned, and slowly walked toward his office all the same. I caught him looking back over his shoulder as he went.
The reality of speaking about Trevor and Ally landed like a heavy boulder on my chest. My heart seized under the weight. My throat went dry. I took a deep breath and tilted my head back to stare up at the ceiling, shifting my weight from side to side. I pictured Nick and I laughing in bed together mere moments ago.
Pull yourself together, Elliott.
I righted myself and squared my shoulders, looking past Ari and out at the expansive view, but not really focusing on either.
“Kate?” Ari questioned. “I am so sorry for everything. For what happened. For listening. Oh my God, I can’t believe the last few days…”
“Ari,” I snapped then immediately pulled myself back. “You have to stop the thousand-word-per-minute rapid-fire stuff. I need a little breathing room.” My voice lost its edge and I managed to smooth the tremble from my words.
“If you don’t want to tell me, you don’t have to.” Her voice shifted, and she plopped down onto the couch and started playing with an upholstery button beneath her fingers.
“No, I need to.” I turned toward the bar and reached for something to calm my nerves. “You want anything?” I tipped a glass in her direction.
Her head snapped up and she smiled. “Is there any white wine?”
I managed pouring her wine but needed something stronger to settle my nerves and quaking hands. Single malt scotch splashed over one large ice cube as the bottle in my hand chattered ever so slightly against the crystal highball glass. I pictured Nick’s naked body hovering over me to soothe myself and couldn’t help but smile a little.
“You look like you’re thinking about my brother,” Ari said as heat ran back into my cheeks.
“I was. He grounds me.”
She beamed at my words. I handed her the glass of wine then folded onto the couch opposite her. I swirled my drink, watching the amber liquid funnel around the ice. Now I wished Nick’s hand was resting comfortably on the small of my back or tightly curling into my hips.
Breathe.
I was gazing out of the windows when I gathered the courage to speak. “So what do you want to know?”
“What are you willing to share?”
A frown played on my lips as I started an abridged version, focusing on what I could remember about the altercation rather than the aftermath. When I recounted shots ringing out, I didn’t need to say anything else. Ari’s entire being went silent. The room followed suit, filled with an almost suffocating stiffness. I inadvertently closed my eyes, a natural response to the wariness.
> The visions slammed back into me. Trevor was dying, crimson surrounding him. I tried to force my happy moment with Nick back into my mind. The scenes flipped back and forth but gruesome ones were winning. I started gasping for air like a fish out of water when a firm hand settled onto my shoulder.
Before my eyes even opened, my body knew it was Nick comforting me. He always radiated a tingly fire when we touched. Now his hold helped push the morbid images from my mind.
“Sweets,” Nick whispered gently as he settled against my side on the couch.
I sunk into him without a word. When I could finally pry my eyes open, Ari’s face was full of sorrow and pity. I wasn’t sure if that made things better or worse. Regardless, I dug deep to finish my story.
“I saw the moment life left his eyes. I saw the moment he died.” When I stopped speaking, the crushing silence came back, filling the room all over again.
I looked beside me to find Nick’s face twisted and his eyes wild but dark. Even though he’d been told by Jaime, Colton, and the police, it was the first time he’d heard my words. One of his hands was digging into its familiar place on my hip while the other circled my upper arm, though a little harder and a little faster than usual.
The room was uncomfortable, almost cold, and sad, and I couldn’t take it anymore. Desperate to forget the story I had just told, I gulped what little scotch was left in my glass and rose for a refill.
“Anyone else?”
Ari nodded and I reached for the wine. I walked over to where she was curled to fill her glass. When I tried to pour, the bottle bounced wildly against the rim. I tried to steady myself but couldn’t. Before I could get frustrated, Nick’s hand wrapped around and stilled mine.
He silently pressed his front to my back and we finished the motion together. He took the bottle from my hand and walked back to the bar.
“Sit, Sweets,” his command was gentle, and my body obeyed.
A moment later, a scotch, poured just the way I liked, came over the back of the couch to my shoulder. I took it and wondered if he was going to stay standing or come back to my side. I pulled my legs up and under me, trying to keep my mind distracted by fully focusing on the feel of Nick’s hand lingering on my collarbone.