Decisions of the Heart

by Florence, Jessica

  “I don’t know. I’m just feeling off.” I heard him let go of a breath he had been holding. My answer had appeased him. I didn’t want him to worry about my nonsense, so I just smiled and played it off. He was looking at me sweetly. My whole body melted. I loved him so much.

  “Thalia, my beautiful daughter, are you ready for Alexander’s meal?” My father’s voice broke through my lust filled haze. I looked at Anubis with wide eyes. He kissed me quickly and disappeared just in time. I covered myself quickly as my father came into view.

  “Resting in bed still? I’ll send the ladies in to help you dress.” I rolled my eyes at him, I really didn’t need help getting dressed.

  “Father, I can do it myself.” I waited for him to leave. He shook his head at my defiance and walked out. He wouldn’t give me too long before he walked back in here to escort me out. In a hurry, I rushed putting on my chiton dress, sandals, and light jewelry. I wasn’t to get dressed up tonight for we were having a small gathering at Alexander’s residence. Once I felt composed I walked out to see my father just looking out towards the river. He was obviously deep in thought because he did not notice my presence. Something was troubling him and I wished he would confide in me. I would help him in any way I could.

  “Father.” He looked at me with a sad smile that didn’t touch his eyes.

  “Let us walk.” He held his hand out for me. I took it and we walked in silence towards Alexander’s. As we walked I wondered how my life would change once Anubis and I were married. Thankfully I would still get to see my father. If it were another man, they would have the power to assert their rule over me, their prize. But Anubis valued me as an equal. Someone to cherish and love. The sounds of laughter filled the room as we came into view of the small feast. Alexander was talking with a few warriors, one of the included was Orion. The warriors’ wives were off to the side conversing with smiles and laughter. We walked up and greeted Alexander and the warriors. Each one of them bowed their head in hello and brought their gaze back to their leader. Orion bowed his head and kept his gaze on me, lingering on my dress then back up to my lips, which turned down from how uncomfortable he was making me feel. His gaze held the same hunger I would see in Anubis when he looked at me. It was not a look I wanted from Orion.

  “Thalia, Orion was just telling us how talented your combat skills are becoming. I might have to persuade you to join my guard.” My eyes flicked to Alexander. His words were not teasing, but were more affectionate. I never could place his odd affection towards me. It was never one of lovers, but more like family.

  “Thank you for your kind words. I enjoy it immensely.” I could talk with the men much easier than the women. Any tension in my body eased away as we joined in on the conversation about the warriors’ training.

  Once the sun had set we settled down at the table and ate. Each wife was sitting next to her husband. They didn’t converse with each other. They only listened intently, or so I thought, to their husbands conversations. I could never be like that.

  “Thalia, are you excited about your upcoming marriage?” One of the women decided to have a conversation with me instead of listen to her husband. She had a gentle smile. Her hair was a dark brown and curled around her oval face and petite shoulders. Her brown eyes were soft and eager to talk with me. I was immediately taken with her.

  “Very. I am wishing the days to move more quickly,” I confessed.

  “Your warrior impressed the others. They were saying the way he moved was flawless. None could best him. They were all shocked that he had beaten Orion, who is the best warrior around.” This woman obviously liked to gossip. She reminded me a little of Lyris.

  “He is quite unlike anything I’ve ever seen.” A clatter down the table made my nerves jump. I watched as Orion dropped his goblet and stood abruptly. His behavior was hard and unlike him. His eyes jumped to mine, and I was hit with a wave of anger and jealousy. What was happening to me? Feelings of wanting to beat someone covered me. I wanted to walk out of this room, grab what I wanted, and make it mine. I wish I knew what it was I was wanting. I kept my gaze at Orion and suddenly arousal coated my insides. I was so taken aback by my feelings that I rushed out of the room in a flash. That was one feeling I would not have towards anyone but my love. And he wasn’t around me now. I ran as fast as I could in my dress until I found a place behind a column to hide. My legs gave out and I sat there not knowing what to do, or feel. I was completely overwhelmed by what was happening. I felt lost and out of control of myself.

  “Thalia.” My father’s worried voice called to me. I tried not to make a sound, but he found me anyway.

  “Oh Thalia, what ails you?” he slowly worked his way down to my level and patiently waited for me to speak.

  “Something is wrong with me,” I said on a whisper. I wasn’t even sure what was happening. I doubt he would have any answers for this strange occurrence.

  “Nothing is wrong with you, beautiful. You have many things that may be overwhelming you.” I shook my head no. I knew something was not right. It wasn’t just stress.

  “Father I know it may sound crazy, but I promise to the Gods I think…” I paused, finding my thoughts hard to voice. Father just looked at me, expecting me to continue. I took a deep breath and spoke.

  “I think I’m feeling others’ emotions. It’s so powerful; I feel them as if they are my own. It’s strong and I don’t know what to do.” I was ashamed of what I admitted; it was very unusual. He would probably wish to take me to the physician to be looked over. I didn’t want that.

  “Thalia, have you lain with your warrior?” His voice was no longer soft, but urgent. His question stunned me. What was I to say to him? The truth, or a lie? Being intimate with someone was not something people looked down upon, and I felt comfortable enough to confess my deeds with Anubis. He did not need the specifics though.

  “Yes, father.” His face paled. More quickly than I thought he was capable of, he stood and brought me up with him. Briskly, we walked back towards our residence. He didn’t say a word through the journey, until we made it to my room.

  “Thalia, I need you to stay in here for the night. Do not leave. No matter what. I will be back for you with the morning sun. I need you to understand me. Do not leave this room until I get you.” He kissed my hand and stormed out of the room, leaving me with more questions and unsettled feelings.

  I sat in my room and tried to will myself to sleep but my mind kept racing. I had so many questions. I wanted to know why my father ran away so quickly. Why was it my confession of lying with Anubis made him panic? It wasn’t like it was unheard of. I was a grown woman, and they were planning to marry me off anyway. I paced and paced until I just sat down on my bed and stared at the material hanging above me.

  “My lady, are you in here?” It was the voice of one of my ladies, Petricia. She was an older woman, very sweet and kind.

  “Yes Petricia, come in.” I was hoping she was bringing me news from my father. She smiled as she brought in some herbal tea and some bread. She sat it down next to me.

  “How are your sons?” She had two sons in our army. One was being promoted soon.

  “They are doing wonderful dear, and thank you for asking.” She smiled and lifted her hand to my cheek. It was an odd gesture for her, but I saw no harm. That is, until my feelings were changing from rage to happiness and all of the ones in between. I was so overwhelmed. I felt like I was drowning in my own head. Tears leaked from eyes.

  “Fools!” Petricia’s voice was full of menace. I wanted to ask her what she was doing to me, but Anubis’s panicked voice boomed through my room.

  “Thalia!” I wanted to run into his arms, but my head was still trying to stay afloat. There was nothing I could do but let these feelings run through me, all of them so strong it was debilitating.

  “You!” Petricia said to him. Her tone was full of accusation. Finding the will to push back the emotions for a moment, I looked towards them. They were standing in front of each
other, Anubis was standing over her, glaring at her with a look that could kill. But what surprised me the most was Petricia giving him the same glare. I managed to keep the emotions back for the moment, but now they crashed back over me like the seas of the Aegean.

  “You might want to ease her. I will see you again. This is just the beginning.” I felt a rush of wind and then I was being wrapped in strong arms. The hint of cinnamon surrounded me. The emotions were starting to subside. My muscles loosened one by one. Anubis was whispering incoherent words in my hair. Easing my pain. Very slowly, I wasn’t even sure how much time had passed, I finally was okay. I felt fatigued, like I had been fighting for days. I ached all over, craving sleep.

  “Thalia, love, are you feeling better?” his voice was calm, but I could feel something else there. Thankfully his emotions weren’t over taking me.

  “I feel tired. I don’t know what happened. Petricia.” I couldn’t fathom how my elder hand maiden had hurt me so much. It was something she would never do. I looked up and the sight of him soothed me. His dark hair was messy, his blue eyes saw straight through me. He was not smiling.

  “That was not your friend. Love, I need you to trust me.” I was confused at what he said. All of it.

  “What do you mean?” How could Petricia not be my friend? She’s been my friend since I was a young girl. And I did trust him, with all of me. But I was curious why he would say that. His eyebrows furrowed together. He looked like he was struggling to say what he needed. I lightly gave him a kiss, hoping to give him courage. I needed to hear what he had to say.

  “That was one of your Gods. She was impersonating your friend. I just don’t know why. I need to do something. I need to see your soul.” His words were not what I was expecting. One of my Gods? It hit me like being smacked with a shield to the face.

  “One of my Gods! Oh, no! Anubis, I heard. They know who you are! Why was she here? What did she do to me?” I was out of his arms and pacing. My hands clenched and let go in a rapid rhythm. Anubis’s loud sigh made me stop and turn towards him. He was watching me panic with the utmost patience. Finally, it registered what he said.

  “You need to see my soul?” I thought he already could.

  “I can see your soul; I can feel its desires and troubles. What I need to do is different. I need to actually feel and see your soul. In my hands. I would never take your soul. You will not pass on. I would never do that. But, I must see what she is after, and I fear it lies within your soul.” It lies within my soul. I knew he wouldn’t take it. I nodded and walked back to him.

  “What do I need to do?”

  He patted the bed next to him where I was before.

  “Lie down and close your eyes.” My feet moved at his instructions, and I did as I was told. My eyes closed and I listened to Anubis move onto the bed more. His breaths were even, he was concentrating. I could feel his power flowing off of him in waves. My nerves were starting to show. My hands were shaking, my breathing picked up. Would it hurt?

  Warm breath caressed my cheek before his lips were pressing into mine.

  “I will never hurt you, love. Go to your fields in your homeland. See the tall grass and the blue skies above. The clouds move slowly overhead in swirls of white.” He painted a beautiful vision of my home. Everything in me calmed. He placed a hand over my chest and placed his lips over mine again. I opened for him preparing for his kiss when he took a deep breath in. The hand at my chest pushed and the rest of me convulsed; it felt like something inside me was being pulled, like someone was pulling loose a ribbon that kept me tethered to my physical body. I sucked in a deep breath and the ribbon was gone. No longer tied to my own self. It was a strange feeling. I was still breathing, but felt no connection to the action.

  Chapter 4

  “It can’t be.” Anubis’s voice was barely audible. I wanted to know what he saw, but my body wouldn’t cooperate to move. Moments later his hand lifted off my chest and he breathed back into my mouth and I was once again whole. There were no words to describe the feeling of being tied back together again. My eyes opened and I turned to him. He was looking at me like I was a stranger. An unexpected need to be in a defensive position rushed over me.

  “What did you see?” I wanted him to hold me, to tell me that I was his. At this moment I felt like I was nothing to him. Rejected. My eyes started to water.

  “Oh, Thalia. No matter what, I will always love you. You have nothing to fear.” He lunged at me and brought me into his arms. My sobs broke free. Thoughts of him not wanting to be with me were heart breaking. I would not survive it. My lips kissed my name on his chest. A permanent sign of where I belong, with him, forever. He pulled back and looked me straight in the eyes.

  “You are not mortal.”

  “What do you mean?” I couldn’t have heard him right. It wasn’t possible.

  “Your Gods are quite promiscuous. Your soul is glowing. Something has stirred within you.” What he was saying was hard to digest. I didn’t feel different. I’d been ordinary my whole life thus far. My thoughts drifted to the Gods and Goddesses of my religion. They were quite promiscuous. Almost everyone one of them had passed their time with a mortal or two. Many had offspring. Perseus, Hercules, even some would say Alexander was part God himself. But was it truly possible? Yes, something within me screamed his words were true. Confusion drew my thoughts another direction. How am I immortal?

  “What does this mean?”

  Gently, he laid his forehead against mine. His touch was comforting.

  “It changes nothing, I will make you mine, and no one will stop me. We will be patient and see what move that Goddess makes.” Needing his kiss, my lips brushed his. An agreement to his statement. He lay his body next to mine, while keeping our mouths joined. We stayed wrapped in each other’s arms until the morning sun broke through the room.

  “My father should be here soon. Will you stay with me?” My father and I needed to discuss things. I had to know about myself, this new me that has been awoken. Anubis gave me strength, and a boldness to face him without holding back. As if he knew I had been thinking of him, father strode into my room without announcing himself. He was stopped short by the sight of Anubis and me lying in bed. Thankfully, our clothes were still on. I sat up and greeted him.

  “Father, I’ve been waiting. Please tell me what is going on?” He looked from me to Anubis and back to me again. He was uneasy with my love being here, but I cared not. I wanted him here for whatever would be said. The sound of footsteps coming into my room brought my attention to the door. Alexander walked up and stood next to my father. My thoughts were scattered to the winds. I could not even begin to figure why he was here.

  “Father?” My voice was quiet, something was really not right. With what Anubis said and both of them here staring at me and the man next to me, I felt the weight of what would come from the conversation. It would change everything.

  “I’m staying,” Anubis announced while wrapping his arms around me. Ready to hold me steady should I be shaken.

  “I’m not your true father, Thalia.” Silence filled the room.

  “I am.” Alexander stepped forward. His brown eyes boring into me. Willing me to accept his words. But I couldn’t. I started shaking my head.

  “We had to protect you. You are so precious, my dear. You haven’t the slightest thought of just how precious you are. You could have no ties to me, or your life would have been in danger.” His eyes closed and his breath shuddered.

  “I’ve watched you grow into the woman you are to this day. I have never regretted my decision, nor will I ever. But now, things have changed.” My lips still could not move. So many questions, so many things to say. But nothing would come out.

  “The day I have feared for so long is here. The binds we had placed on you are now gone. Your powers are free.” I gasped, and the arms that were wrapped around me tensed. I watched as the two men before me stared at the man holding me tight.

  “Who was she?” He asked with a
n authoritative voice.

  “Her name was Penelope. We had an affair for some time. She didn’t reveal herself until she came to me telling me she was with child. Our child. And that her name would be Thalia.” He looked at me and walked closer, stopping just before the bed and sitting on the edge.

  “I know this is hard to believe my dear, but it’s true. Your mother is a goddess. Your mother and I bound your powers so you would be protected from a very powerful person. I gave you to my trusted friend to raise you as his own. But now that you have been bedded, the bindings are gone. Your sensitivity to emotions are only a small part of what you will do. Your mother warned me of this.”

  I didn’t know what to think. All of this information was almost too much. With Anubis’s announcement earlier and now this. I knew it was true, but still hard to believe my whole life has been a lie. My father isn’t my father. I’m part Goddess. With powers.

  “Who was she?” I repeated Anubis’s question. I needed to know who my mother was.

  “Aphrodite.” Her name came off his lips on a sigh. He missed her. Goddesses did not stay with their human lovers for long. Aphrodite was my mother. All of these revelations confused me more; what did all of this mean for me? Everyone was staring at me, waiting for me to say something. I looked into the eyes of the man who raised me. His sad smile was in place, and he nodded at me agreeing silently that this was all true. My gaze turned to Alexander’s next. His looks of adoration for me made sense with this admission. I took in his light brown hair, with tuffs of waves, and his brown eyes. Holding his gaze, I let myself feel his emotions. He was worried, elated, and scared of rejection. In all the years I’ve known him I’ve never seen him look like he does at this moment. He looks tired and uneasy. Lastly, I turned my head to look at Anubis. He knows everything, will he still stay? He brought his forehead to mine. Feelings of pure love filled my mind, overflowing into my body. We were in this together. He gave me the strength I needed to continue.