“Janelle?”
“Oh my God, Tony.” Even after five years his face still hasn’t changed that much. “How are you, Tony?”
“I’m good. Damn, Janelle, I never thought I would run into you here.”
“I never thought I would be here myself. So you’ve grown up a lot since the last time I’ve seen you.”
“You too. After you broke out, I didn’t stay at the house much longer either,” Tony says. He gets an awkward look on his face when he says that to me.
“Listen, Janelle, I know what my dad did to you, and I’m sorry. I just didn’t think my dad would be that kinda dude. I’m so sorry he hurt you.”
“You don’t have to apologize, Tony. You didn’t do anything wrong. When did you leave home?” I ask him.
“About a year after you did. Pops started hitting the bottle even harder after you left. Then he started hitting me. I moved in with my aunt in College Park.”
“Damn. So do you still see James anymore?”
“Every now and then. You ain’t heard?”
“Heard what?”
“Pops ended up drinking so much that he developed cirrhosis of the liver.”
“What?” I say, shocked.
“Yeah, Pops got diagnosed with it three years ago and has been bed-ridden for a year now.”
Whoa, I don’t know whether I should be happy or sad for the old man. I know it’s cold, but that’s what that bitch deserves.
I stay and talk to Tony for a few more minutes before he ends up going to class. It’s good to see him again, and we exchange numbers. Before he leaves, Tony tells me that James is still staying in the same house in Bankhead.
I haven’t been back to Bankhead since I left five years ago. Part of me never wants to go back there, especially after what he did to me, but since I’ve been able to turn my life around, I do wanna see him again. I wanna show that son of a bitch that I survived and that he doesn’t intimidate me anymore. I want him to know that he took a part of my life away.
For the rest of the day, all I can do is remember all those painful feelings I’ve been carrying around for the past five years.
After class, I find myself driving to Bankhead instead of going home. I guess I have to see him for myself. As I pull into my old neighborhood, it looks pretty much the same. It’s one of the few spots in Bankhead that isn’t ghetto as hell.
I pull into the driveway and walk to the front door. I just stand there for a moment, frozen in my tracks. I guess I’m debating to myself if I really want to go through with this or not.
“Hello, may I help you?” The door opens unexpectedly, and standing there is a white woman dressed in medical scrubs.
“Ah, yeah. I was here to see James Steffen. I’m his stepdaughter, Janelle.”
“Oh, Janelle. I’ve heard James talk about you. Come in. I’m Debra, his home health aide,” she says, smiling as she lets me in.
“He has talked about me?” I ask, surprised.
“Yeah, you and Tony. I don’t think he thought you would come see him after the fight you two had.”
“Fight?” I ask, confused.
“Yeah, he said you moved away from home after that day.”
“Oh.” So that’s the story he tells people now. “So, how is he?”
“Not too good. He’s lost a lot of weight because of his illness.” We walk to his room. “I’ll give you two some privacy.”
Debra walks to the living room, and I glance down the hall to my old bedroom. The memories of what he did to me come back. I build up all the courage I can muster and open his door.
When I see James, I’m shocked. When Debra said he lost weight I had no idea she meant this much. The last I saw James he was at least 250 pounds. Now he looks like he’s 125 at the most. His skin and fingertips are yellowish. He sleeps soundly, unaware that I’m in the room.
I guess that he senses someone is there with him because he opens his eyes and looks at me.
“Oh my God, Janelle,” he says with a weak voice. Even James’ eyes and teeth are yellowish. He looks like a zombie. He really is on his deathbed.
“Yeah, it’s me,” I say to him, trying to hold back the anger I feel.
“I never thought I would you see you again. How have you been?” he asks me.
“Fine.”
“I’m glad you came. I’ve been worried about you . . . since you left home. After your mother passed . . . I promised her I would look after you. I guess I should have looked after myself, too. I’m sorry for what happened between us. I was drunk, but that’s no excuse. I’m just glad you came here. I’m glad you found it in your heart to forgive me before I died.”
I can’t believe what I heard this nigga just say. I lose what little self-control I have. “Forgive you? You think I came here to forgive you? After what you did to me, after what my life has been like since then? I didn’t come here to forgive you. I just came here to make sure you were dying, nigga. I hate your fucking guts. You stole my innocence. You fucking raped me!”
“You can’t mean that, Janelle.” James has on a look of dismay.
I walk up to him and get in his face. He smells like a pharmacy because of all the medication he’s on. James gets a look of fear ’cause he realizes the roles have reversed and that I’m the one in power now.
“It would be so easy to kill you, but you deserve to live the rest of your short, meaningless last days like this. I just want you to know that you didn’t ruin my life no matter what you did to me. Rest in peace, muthafucka.” I turn and walk out of his room.
Now, I know God says to forgive, but some things are too hurtful to let go. Like I said, karma is a bitch. Truth be told, I had half a mind to put a pillow over his face and kill him, but after seeing him like that, killing him would be doing him a favor.
I walk by Debra in the living room.
“You’re leaving so soon?”
“Yeah.”
“Whatever it was that happened between you two, it’s time to let it go. Life is too short to hold on to grudges,” she says to me.
“He raped me when I was sixteen years old.”
Debra is shocked. “Oh my . . .”
“He deserves everything he’s going through,” I say to Debra as I walk out the door.
I drive home feeling good about what happened. It wasn’t really revenge; it was more like closure to the most horrible event in my life.
When I get home, Jayson is in the den on the computer.
“Hey, baby,” I say.
“Hey.”
“Whatcha working on?” I ask him as I hug him around the neck.
“Just some reports I have to finish,” Jayson says.
I look on the desk and see a file that has Vanessa’s name on it. “Why do you have that file, Jayson?”
“I was just doing a follow-up on some things.”
I stand up and Jayson turns and looks at me as I walk away.
“Janelle . . . Janelle, what’s wrong?”
“What’s wrong? Jayson, you don’t think I know when you’re lying to me?”
“Janelle . . .”
“Don’t. If it’s not the truth, I don’t wanna hear it.”
“Janelle, you’re overreacting.”
“To your having a file of your ex-drug-dealer-dating girlfriend on your desk? Now why shouldn’t I be upset?”
“Because . . . I’m trying to find her because . . .” Jayson pauses as if he has something else to say but can’t.
“Because why, Jayson?”
“Because she’s the one that shot me,” Jayson says.
Okay, talk about a bombshell.
“Vanessa shot you and you didn’t tell me?”
“At the time, you had gone through so much that I didn’t want to upset you even more. It was finally over and Vanessa was long gone. I just wanted to put that all behind us. Plus, with the report I gave, the less you knew the better.”
Now, the old me would be pissed the fuck off for him not telling me the truth,
but I do see why he did it.
“Okay, I understand, sorta. I’m not happy about it, but I understand your reason. So, why do you have her file now?”
“I ran her name in the computer and found an address for her in L.A.”
“Let me guess. You were going to pay her a little visit.”
“Something like that. Do you have any ideas about what I should do when I see her?”
I get a devilish grin on my face. “Yeah, I do, as a matter of fact.”
18
Ghetto Love
NIKKI
What happened to me a year and half ago was a reality check. I’m not saying I’m glad it happened, but it forced me to look at my life through clear eyes. The reality was that I was selling my body and my life to the nigga with the most money. I justified using what I got to get what I want to avoid facing the truth. I used to call the men I slept with tricks, but I was the one selling myself short. The day Damien and Horse raped and beat me showed me that I was just a piece of shit in their eyes. They thought that I was trash because I never respected myself enough to change my life.
Fortunately, I survived what they did to me, and that traumatic event finally caused me to change. Mo’Nique and Penny stood by my side and took care of me. It’s funny, but the only other person that gave a damn about me was Dre.
Dre was irate after he found out what Damien did to me. It was right after Damien came through Bankhead and shot four of Dre’s boys. I always kept Dre at a distance, never allowed myself to feel anything for him, or show it, but the truth was I did care about Dre.
Dre wanted to kill Damien more than I did, and he would have went to New York and murdered him if he didn’t get locked up.
Dre has been in jail now for the past ten and a half months, and I’ve visited him twice a month since he’s been in. He’s scheduled to be released this Monday morning.
Since Dre’s been in jail, I’ve quit dancing and started to work at a department store. Dre was happy when I told him I quit dancing, and he promised me that he was going to give up the game. I know it’s easy to say things when you’re locked up, but I feel like Dre meant what he said. Even though I know I shouldn’t be involved with a thug, I can’t help but have feelings for him.
I get a call from Dre on Sunday afternoon, the day before he is supposed to get out. The automated voice says, “Will you accept a collect call from Dre? If yes, please press one.” I push the button and hear Dre’s voice.
“Hey, baby, what’s good?”
“What’s good is that I’m going to be in your arms tomorrow morning,” I say happily.
“I know. I can’t wait to be with you, Nikki, but you know I have to report to my parole officer by one p.m. or they’ll put out a warrant for me.”
“That’s all right. You’ll be there way ahead of time.”
“Well, you know we gonna have to stop at a hotel or something so I can get up in that sweet thing. I hope you can handle me, Nikki. A nigga is a little backed up, ya know.”
“No doubt. So am I. You know I haven’t been with another dude since . . . you know.”
“Yeah, I know. I’m just sorry I wasn’t able to catch up with that nigga. Nikki, you know since I’ve been in here, I’ve had to spend a lot of cash on my lawyer to get some of those charges dropped.”
“Yeah, I know.”
“I had no choice. A nigga was looking at a few years if I woulda rolled over.”
“I know you would’ve. You told me.”
“I’m just saying I don’t have money like I used to, so if you don’t wanna . . .”
“Dre, I done told you that money ain’t as important to me like that anymore. I don’t care if you are barefoot and homeless. I wanna be with you. After everything I’ve been through and all the lowdown shit I’ve done, you’re the only man that’s loved me just for me. I just wanna be with you.”
“Damn, Nikki, you don’t know how long I’ve wanted to hear you say that,” Dre says gladly.
“And I’m gonna say that to you again tomorrow morning when I see you. I’ll be there at six o’clock waiting for you, baby.”
“I love you, Nikki.”
“I love you too.”
“So, I’ll see you tomorrow.”
“Okay, baby. Bye.”
I hang up the phone and smile to myself, knowing that tomorrow I’ll be with my man again.
Since I’ve been out of the game, I’ve still been in contact with Penny. I babysit her baby boy, Tarius, while she dances at The Pink Palace. I try to encourage her to get out, but I know how addicting the fast money can be. I know that if I didn’t go through my drama with Damien and somebody tried to get me to quit dancing, I woulda paid them no attention.
Penny has Tarius to worry about too. It’s not like she got a college degree and can go get a corporate job somewhere, so she’s gotta do what she gotta do. Although I did get her to stop doing the private parties we used to do together. We used to run into all types of freaks in those parties—freaks with nasty little fetishes. No time for that shit.
I go to The Pink Palace to see Penny. She says that her mother isn’t able to take care of Tarius and she needs me to pick him up from the club. I know this is the last place you should have your baby at. It’s been about nine months since I last set foot in there, and it feels like the first time again. Sure, the same niggas are there, trying to get a girl to come home with them. Other than a few new girls, most of the regulars are still here, popping pussy on stage.
I feel like a new woman when I walk in the Palace, and for the first time ever I feel out of place in there. As I walk through the club some guy recognizes me and grabs my hand.
“Hey, Nikki, it’s been a while since I seen your fine ass in here. You gonna work a little somethin’ for me tonight?”
I pull my hand away. “No. I don’t dance anymore, and don’t put your hands on me again.”
“Damn, bitch, it’s like that?”
“Yeah, bitch, it’s exactly like that. Besides, you wouldn’t have been able to afford me when I was dancing.” I walk away and go backstage and see Penny.
“Girl, I’m glad you came,” Penny says to me.
“Yeah, you know I got you and my little man,” I say as I pick up Tarius and Penny hands me his bag.
“He just ate, so he should be fine for the rest of the night.”
“Okay. Penny, you know this ain’t the right atmosphere for Tarius to be around, ya know? He’s getting old enough to start learning things.”
“I know, Nikki. I don’t wanna bring him around this shit, but what choice do I got? I need money or we can’t eat. If I had another option I would consider it.”
“I know, girl. So you know you’ll have to pick him up as soon as you get off tonight. Dre is coming home tomorrow morning.”
“Damn, Nikki, I’ve never seen you so happy before.”
“I know. I just feel like tomorrow is going to be a new beginning for us.”
“I feel like that too.”
I take Tarius home and put him to bed. All I can do is think about seeing Dre in the morning. I have already reserved a room a few blocks away from his parole officer’s building at a place called the Doubletree Hotel.
Penny comes through at about 4 a.m. to pick Tarius up. That’s okay because I’m already up and getting ready to go to the jailhouse to get Dre. I couldn’t sleep most of the night anyway.
I leave the house at about 5:15 a.m., drive to the jail, and wait by the gates where he is going to be released. The next 45 minutes seem like the longest time in the world to me. Then it finally turns six o’clock, and I get up out of my car and stare at the gate. About one minute later, I see Dre walking toward the gate. Just seeing him there makes my pussy get wet.
Dre is holding a brown paper bag with all of his personal belongings in it. As he walks past the gates, I move toward him. Finally I reach him and jump into his arms, giving him a passionate tongue kiss. Dre holds me in the air as I wrap my legs around his waist.
<
br /> “I’m so happy to see you, baby,” I say to him.
“Not half as happy as I am to see you,” Dre replies.
We get in my car, drive to the hotel and check into our room. I have to admit that for the first time ever I feel nervous being with a man. Although all my physical wounds from the incident have long healed, I still have some mental shit about being with Dre again. I don’t want to feel like that again.
I half expect Dre to rip my clothes off and take my ass right there on the floor, but he surprises me. I guess Dre can see how anxious I am once we get in the room. Dre kisses my lips and slowly undresses me. First he unbuttons my blouse and then undoes my bra. My titties pop out, and Dre cups them with his hands. Then he takes off his shirt, and I can tell by his muscular chest that Dre must have pumped iron every day he was in there. Then he undoes his pants and pulls down his underwear, and oh, man, it looks like his dick got bigger in there!
Dre is a sculpted Greek god standing there in front of me naked. From his perfectly formed six-pack and muscular arms, Dre could have easily been a male model. He undoes my jeans and pulls them down, and I stand there in my thong, oozing with excitement.
Dre picks me up and carries me to the bed and lays me down. This is a side of Dre I’ve never seen before. He spreads my legs and begins to lick my clit through my lace thong, adding to the moisture that’s already there pooling up. Then he pulls it to the side and lets his tongue lick my clit back and forth, and I moan in pleasure. I can’t believe this is Dre I’m with. He has never gone down on me like this before. All I can do is gyrate my hips up and down to match his tempo.
Dre slowly works his way up my stomach with baby kisses, until he reaches my breasts and licks my stiff nipples. Then he kisses me up my neck and begins to tongue kiss me. I can taste my juices on his lips as our tongues touch.
I don’t know when he does it, but somewhere between licking and kissing me Dre is able to slip on a magnum-size condom. Then I feel his monster push up in my pussy, and I shudder from the size of it inside of me. I haven’t had sex in a long time so I must be tight like a virgin again!
The Pink Palace Page 18