He was still staring at his coffee. “Yeah, it does.”
“I care for you. Maybe even love you.”
Blake glanced up at her, his dark eyes shining. “You’re going through a lot now.” He spoke quickly, as though trying to convince her. “I get that. But you don’t have to keep pushing me away. You keep doing that and you keep coming back. You don’t have to go through this alone.”
“Yes, I do.” She looked at him, her eyes pleading him to understand. In a small pause she gathered her thoughts. She looked out the window as she spoke. “Having a baby was always something I thought I’d do someday. In the future. Then I got pregnant and all these hormones started racing through my body. Suddenly I had all these new feelings bubbling up from somewhere deep inside. Feelings I’d never had before. I was a sea of maternal instincts. I wanted the baby.” She paused and glanced at him. “And then, the baby was gone.”
Carson had to take a breath to still the trembling of her voice. This was hard to talk about without crying.
“But the problem is, the hormones are still raging. I feel emotional, weepy, sad, angry . . . and sometimes almost relieved.”
She wiped her eyes with her fingers. Blake handed her a paper napkin, which she promptly used to blow her nose. When she spoke again, her voice was low and controlled.
“Somewhere in all that mire is the me I used to be. Someone strong. Confident. Someone I liked. Someone not like this.” She swept her hand beside her body.
“You’re still the same person.”
“No, I’m not,” she said with heat.
Blake fell silent.
“I need to find that person again. And I need to do that alone.”
“Why alone? That’s always been your MO when things got tough. You turn tail and run. Don’t do it, Carson. Not just to me, but to yourself.”
Carson shoved away her mug. “I had this experience. It was under anesthesia and like a dream. Later I had the same dream over and over. It was freaking me out. I talked to Harper and she asked me if I’d ever heard of spiritual totems.” Carson smirked and lifted one shoulder in a halfhearted shrug. “Me, right? As if. But then she showed me something online about animal totems and we looked up shark.” Carson blew out a plume of air. “It was weird. Suddenly, it all made sense.”
“What made sense?”
“According to the book, when one gets a message from the shark, it represents survival. The shark is a master of survival. Those given a shark totem live their lives attuned to their primal instinct. That’s when it clicked.”
She leaned forward. “The night before Lucille died, she told me to trust my instincts. Lucille knew me better than anyone and she told me the same thing! After she died, I went with my instinct about the baby. To protect that life.” Carson’s voice wobbled and she saw Blake’s eyes fill with tears. “That was why I decided to keep the baby. I was following my instincts.”
He nodded, his lips tight, unable to speak. He reached out to grasp her hand on the table. In that moment, they shared the grief of their lost child.
She released his hand with a gentle pat, then sat back, gathering her emotions. Her mind was clear but her heart was heavy. “The book went on. Those with a shark totem are always moving forward. To be motionless is to sink. To die. I’ve thought about this a lot since the miscarriage. We both know I’ve been floating around without forward motion for a long time. I think that was the message of the shark. I need to get swimming again. Or I’m going under.”
“I won’t let you go under. I’m here for you.”
She closed her eyes, pained by his constant attempts at rescue. She knew he’d never let her swim alone. He’d always be there to hold her tight. If she allowed that, she’d be trapped, and like a shark held over on its back, she’d be unable to move forward.
“Blake, I’m asking you to back off for a while.”
He expelled a loud frustrated breath.
“Just for a little while. I need to find myself again, to get back to the water. And I need to do this on my own.”
“So you are breaking up with me. Again.”
“No, I’m not breaking up with you. I’m taking a time-out.”
Blake pushed back his chair to rise and it made a loud scraping sound, almost tipping over. His face was stoic but hard, and his eyes reflected his hurt. “Yeah. Sure. No problem.” He lifted his hands in the universal I’m done manner.
He turned to leave, walked a few steps, then spun on his heel and headed back to the table. Carson crouched in her chair, knowing a hurt was coming.
Blake bent low and spoke in a low voice hot with emotion. “But you know what? You weren’t the only one who was hurt. I lost a baby, too.”
Their gazes locked, each pained and unyielding. Then he turned and left the coffee shop without another glance.
Mamaw sat in the shade of Girard’s back porch. From where she sat, she had a lovely view of the Sea Breeze dock. The house peeked out from behind heavy palm fronds. She sighed heavily.
Girard put his hand over hers on her lap. “Penny for your thoughts.”
She smiled wearily. “I need far more than a penny, I’m afraid.” She looked at his face, so handsome and kind, and smiled reassuringly. “I’m all right. I was just thinking how my dear Sea Breeze lies just beyond, out of my reach. Rather poignant, under the circumstances.”
“Marietta, you’ve known this day was coming. You’ve planned for it.”
“No, that’s just the problem. I didn’t plan. That was my failing. I should have been more mindful when I was younger. Edward and I both should have. Money slipped through my fingers without thought for the future. I suppose I always thought that Edward would provide for me. And he did, generously,” she hurried to add. She didn’t want to put the blame on her dear dead husband’s shoulders. “I gave far too much to my son, Parker, for far too long. And, I’m afraid, Edward and I didn’t anticipate the rise in costs to maintain Sea Breeze.”
“You can’t blame yourself for that. No one foresaw the rise in insurance and taxes. You aren’t the only one selling.”
“I know, I know,” she murmured, but her heart was still heavy. “I’ve gone through all of these rationalizations. But I still feel like a failure.”
“There’s no good looking for someone or something to blame. Life is not that simple.”
“My parents left me with a tidy sum and Edward’s parents did as well. They gave us Sea Breeze. What am I leaving my girls? Nothing. Nothing to help them get a start in life.” Her voice trembled. “My summer girls. Winter is coming and I’ve let my girls down.”
“You have to be gentler on yourself,” he said consolingly. “You and I, we’ve reached what they call the golden age.”
Mamaw huffed. “My gold seems a bit tarnished.”
“Nonsense. You’re well prepared for the next step, despite your worry. You’ve made arrangements, you’re selling your house. You aren’t a burden to your granddaughters. You should be proud of that fact.”
Mamaw didn’t reply.
“The fact is, at our age, it isn’t wise to live alone. Marietta, this is the time in our lives when we have to take stock of our strengths and accept our limitations.”
“You’re not selling.”
“Not yet. Though I admit, I’m wrestling with the same chestnut you are.” He let his gaze roam his property. “What am I going to do with this place? It’s a lot to take care of. My children rarely visit anymore. And I confess, I’ve been lonely.” He patted her hand. “I might very well join you at that retirement community.”
Marietta straightened. “Really?”
He smiled and nudged her knee with his. “We could be quite the item.”
She laughed and coyly slapped his hand.
Later that afternoon the ladies were all restless as they waited around Sea Breeze in agonized suspense after the showing.
They didn’t have to wait long.
A long, black BMW pulled into Sea Breeze. It circled the grea
t oak and came to a stop.
“That’s Devlin,” Harper said to Mamaw, peering out the front window.
Harper watched anxiously as Mamaw set aside her needlepoint with studied calm and slowly rose from the upholstered chair. She smoothed out her coral-colored tunic top and brought her hand to her hair to push back a few stray wisps.
She opened the front door and Devlin walked in. He looked polished in his work clothes—pressed khaki pants and an ironed yellow polo shirt almost the same color as his hair. He was carrying a slim black leather briefcase.
“Good afternoon, Mrs. Muir.” He flashed her his megawatt smile that made his blue eyes shine against his dark tan.
Harper cocked her head. Devlin usually called Mamaw Miss Marietta now that his relationship with Dora was cemented. Not Mamaw yet, but certainly no longer Mrs. Muir. That he was calling her by her formal name now implied this was not a personal call.
“Harper,” he said, acknowledging her. “Good to see you.”
“Do you want me to leave?”
“No, stay,” Mamaw replied. “I have no secrets. Devlin, please take a seat.”
“Thank you.” Devlin followed Mamaw back into the living room and took the designated chair. Mamaw resumed her seat. He put the briefcase on the small table between them and laid his hand over it and leaned forward to Mamaw. “I’ve got good news.”
“Oh?” More concern than joy was in Mamaw’s voice.
“I’ve an offer on the house.”
“Already?” Harper exclaimed.
“I told you it would go fast.” Devlin opened the briefcase and pulled out a thick folder. He handed Mamaw the contract.
Mamaw reached for her reading glasses and, after slipping them in place, took the contract and began reading. Looking up, she said, “It’s not near a full-price offer.”
Devlin replied levelly, “That’s to be expected. It’s a reasonable offer and they fully expect a counter. What makes it interesting is that it’s all cash. They flew in this weekend just to see the house and made an offer the same day they saw it. This is an eager prospect.”
Mamaw searched the papers again. “What about my other stipulations?”
“They’ve agreed to all of them. You can set the move-out date.”
Mamaw leaned back in her chair and removed her glasses. She looked at Harper for support, but Harper shook her head and threw up her hands in a helpless gesture, unable to offer any. She was on tenterhooks.
Mamaw looked again at Devlin. “What do you advise?”
“As your Realtor or as your friend?”
“Both.”
“As your Realtor, I’d say make a counteroffer. This couple wants the house. They’ve been looking for a historic house like this for years. We could go back and forth and close on this deal quickly.”
Harper tightened her lips as her heart sank.
“As your friend, I’d tell you to wait for a full offer. I haven’t heard from some of the other parties I’ve contacted yet. Miss Marietta, there isn’t another property like yours on the market. Places with the location, charm, and the history of Sea Breeze are as rare as hen’s teeth. I swear, it’s my favorite house on the island. And you’re not in any hurry.” He leaned back in his chair and rocked. “You have three days to respond to this offer. Take them. It will buy you time.”
Harper excused herself as Mamaw and Devlin began to talk strategy. She walked at a studied pace out of the living room. Once she closed the door, she began calling her sisters in a loud, panicked voice. Nate came running from the kitchen, a peanut-butter sandwich in his hands.
“What’s the matter?” he said, eyes wide.
“Nothing, baby,” Harper hurried to reassure him. “Where’s your mama?”
“Out on the dock. With Aunt Carson.”
Harper took off on a sprint through the kitchen, out the back door across the porch, past the pool and the mastlike flagpole to the dock. The late-afternoon sun was peeking out from dark clouds that were racing to the sea. Her feet pounded on the wood dock as she raced to its end. She found her sisters sitting in the shade of the covered dock, legs stretched out on the wood benches and drinking iced tea. Carson was dressed in her ubiquitous bikini, Dora in a more modest one-piece swimsuit and cover-up. They had stopped talking and were watching with expectant expressions as Harper ran toward them.
As she drew near, Dora called out, “Where’s the fire?”
Harper could feel her face flaming from the run. She put her hand to her heart as she caught her breath.
Dora handed her a glass. “Take a sip, darlin’, before you expire.”
Harper drank thirstily and wiped her mouth in a not very ladylike swipe before handing the glass back.
“Mamaw’s selling Sea Breeze,” she blurted.
Carson leaned back against the deck wall. “Is that all? We know that.”
“No, I mean now. Devlin’s here. He brought an offer.”
Carson shot straight up again. “Shit. So soon?”
“Devlin’s here?” asked Dora. “Where?”
“He’s sitting in the living room with Mamaw. I knew something was up when I saw him roll in all polished like a peacock carrying a briefcase.”
“That’s not nice.” Dora scowled at the unkind description. “Devlin’s not the enemy here. Mamaw engaged him to sell the house. He’s just doing his job.” She sniffed and added haughtily, “And I think he looks quite handsome when he cleans up.”
“Sorry. I like Dev, you know that,” Harper said, chastened. “I’m shooting the messenger.”
Carson demanded, “Is Mamaw going to accept it?”
“I don’t think so. It’s not a full offer, thank God. Devlin advised her to sit on it.”
“That’s a relief,” Carson said.
“Not really,” Dora said. “They’ll counter. Another, better offer will come in. An offer she can’t refuse.”
“She’s right,” said Harper. “This couple flew in just to see the house. Devlin said they’ve been waiting for the right property to come up and really want it.” She slumped onto the bench beside Carson and put her hands to her cheeks, feeling suddenly faint. “I think this might really be happening. Sea Breeze is about to be sold.”
She looked into Dora’s and Carson’s eyes and saw the same shock and pain and roiling regret that she felt in her own body. For several minutes no one could speak, each lost in her own thoughts. They all knew that this day was coming. But like the storm rumbling in from the distance, it was always something they’d pushed off and said they’d deal with when it arrived.
And now it had.
“Sea Breeze . . . gone?” Carson said slowly, each word dropping in the air like a stone. “I can’t believe it. This is the only house I’ve ever really loved. The one constant in my life. No matter where I might travel, no matter how long I might be away, I always knew Sea Breeze was here waiting for me. It was my safe haven. I can’t believe it won’t be here.”
“It’s been my touchstone going through this divorce,” Dora said.
“Sea Breeze isn’t really going to be gone,” Harper said. “It’s still going to be here. Just for another family. Not for us.”
But her words held no comfort. She looked back at the house and tried to imagine anyone else but the Muirs living in it.
“I’ve always been really proud that this house was ours,” Dora said. “I’m enough of a house snob to admit it. I mean, Sea Breeze is more than just a house. It’s a true relic of Sullivan’s Island’s past.”
“This place has been our lifeboat,” said Carson. “The three of us have been floundering all summer. What would we have done without coming here?” She brought her long legs up to the bench and wrapped her arms around them. Harper recognized the gesture. Carson had done it since she was a little girl whenever she felt scared or vulnerable. “And what are we going to do now?”
“Do you think Mamaw has enough money to hold on to the house and let us rent it?” Carson asked. “She’s had the house
for a long time. I don’t know how much her monthly payments are, but they’ve got to be less than if she bought it today. Think of how much the value went up. Maybe we could pool our money together and pay rent?”
“Honey, the house has been remortgaged up the wazoo,” Dora reminded her. “She needed the money for Daddy. Otherwise she would have tried to work something out. Besides, Carson, you don’t have any money saved, and even if I threw in all I get for my portion of the house—if it ever sells—it’s a drop in the bucket. And even if we could afford to rent it, we couldn’t afford the taxes.”
“Mamaw always said buying the puppy was the cheapest part of the deal,” said Carson. “We should still run the numbers. Mamaw would help us in any way she can. You know she would.”
“I don’t know if I should tell you this,” Dora said with hesitation. “I almost didn’t get Nate into that school. Cal said he didn’t have the money for the deposit. And I didn’t have anything set aside.” She paused. “Mamaw didn’t have the cash, so she sold her diamond earrings. The chandelier ones. She did it to make the deposit for Nate.” Dora saw the shock on her sisters’ faces. “I hated for her to do that,” she rushed to add. “Papa Edward gave those earrings to her. But I don’t know what I’d have done if she hadn’t. I had to tell you, so you know how tight money is for her. She really doesn’t have much left to help us with.”
“She told us that when she told us she had to sell the house,” Carson said. “I guess I never really understood the extent of it.”
“We can’t be asking her for any more help. Not ever.” Harper looked pointedly at Dora and Carson.
“I’ll pay her back when I sell the house,” Dora said softly.
Carson looked back at the house with dejection. “I don’t know what I was thinking. There’s no way we could afford to rent this place.”
Harper leaned back against the dock railing and reflected on what the sale of Sea Breeze would mean for her sisters. For them, Sea Breeze represented solidarity, safety, and security. Financially, both Carson and Dora were on a slippery slope. Dora at least was settled with the cottage and her job, and they all knew she and Devlin were going to get married someday. Carson was more iffy. No job, no apartment, no money set aside. She was in the most precarious position of the three women.
The Summer's End Page 21