“Shad!” she cried, her toes curling, her nails biting into his shoulders as she rode him as hard as she could. “Oh God, Shad! Coming…you’re making me come so hard, baby!”
“Gods, Kallana, I can feel you coming all around me! Can feel your tight little pussy squeezing my cock,” he groaned as he thrust inside her. “Love you, Harper—love you so damn much!”
And then he allowed her orgasm to trigger his own. Pulling her down hard onto his cock, he thrust as deeply into her as he could and Harper felt something hot and wet pulsing inside her, finally curing the empty ache inside her.
“Shad,” she moaned and heard her answer, but not with her ears.
“I love you, Kallana. We’re bonded now—bonded forever.”
“We are?” Harper asked, and realized she was thinking at him rather than talking.
“We are,” he affirmed and sighed heavily. “I just pray to the Goddess we won’t regret it.”
“I could never regret being with you,” Harper assured him. “I love you, Shad. And I’m sure making love like this—bonding—will help anchor you here, in this time with me.”
“I pray to the Goddess you’re right, Kallana,” he murmured. But to Harper, he didn’t sound at all certain.
Chapter Twenty-nine
The final fading happened sometime in the middle of the night, after they had drifted off to sleep in each other’s arms.
Shad felt it happening—felt himself starting to go—and it woke him up. It was gradual this time, the feeling of insubstantiality growing slowly and spreading though him in a tingling wave. But for all its creeping slowness, there was a feeling of finality too—as though this time he wasn’t coming back.
“Harper,” he tried to say. She was curled in his arms, her face pressed against his chest. Shad could suddenly see her face through his own upper arm, peaceful and relaxed in sleep. He tried again to speak her name but somehow he couldn’t make his throat work—it was as though he was becoming a ghost. Then he remembered he didn’t have to use his voice.
“Harper,” he tried again, this time using their newly formed bond. And Goddess, it was so unfair! To think it was only the second time he’d used the intimate connection between them and it had to be to rouse her and tell her he was going. “Harper please,” he sent again through their link. “Please wake up!”
“Shad?” Her eyelids fluttered open and she fumbled for the light switch before she apparently remembered what he’d told her about settings on the Mother Ship. “Lights, dim!” she called to the room around them.
As a dim, golden glow lit the corners of the room, Shad was able to see the panic in her lovely face.
“Shad?” she demanded, putting out a hand to touch him. “Shad, what’s going on? I…I can see through you!”
“You know what’s going on, sweetheart,” he sent to her. “I’m fading—being drawn back to my own time.”
“But you can’t go now!” Harper exclaimed wildly. “We anchored you here—we bonded!”
“And now I wish we hadn’t,” Shad sent wearily. “For now you’ll have to endure the pain of my loss as I will endure the pain of yours. I’m so sorry, Harper.”
“Don’t apologize,” she sent fiercely, using the precious link too. “I’m not sorry we’re bonded, no matter how much it hurts! I’ll never be sorry and I won’t let you go!”
She wrapped her arms around his waist and clung to him and Shad clung to her. But he could feel himself growing more and more insubstantial, losing his grip on both Harper and the present time.
“Harper,” he mind-whispered. “Harper, I love y—”
And then he faded completely and everything was blackness.
* * * * *
Harper couldn’t believe he was actually gone. It felt like some kind of bad dream she was certain she’d wake up from. She felt around for him desperately, her fingers searching the indentation on his side of the bed. It was still warm from the heat of his big body—it still smelled like him, that dark, spicy scent she’d come to love so much.
“Shad,” she begged brokenly. “Shad, come back to me. Please don’t leave me all alone here. Please, just come back.”
But Shad wasn’t there anymore and after a while, Harper had to acknowledge he wasn’t coming back.
There were no words for the grief that flooded over her then—it consumed her completely, closing over her head like dark waters, drowning her in despair.
With a low wail, she curled herself around his pillow and lay where he had been so recently, willing the last of his heat to seep into her cold heart, to warm her even a little.
But she was cold…so cold during the rest of that sleepless night and she knew she would remain cold.
Cold and alone the rest of her life.
Chapter Thirty
Shad regained consciousness in the middle of the Sacred Grove—the special spot dedicated to the Goddess which was the very heart of the Mother Ship.
It was shady and quiet among the green and purple leaves and at first he thought he’d simply been transported somehow from the bed he’d so lately shared with Harper to the center of the ship.
Then he became aware of two things—one, he was naked and two, there were voices—familiar voices—just outside the screen of rustling leaves.
“Come on, Ziza, why won’t you give us a chance?” It was War, Shad’s Dark Twin brother—there was no mistaking his tone.
“My brother is right—you should at least allow us to prove we’re serious in our affections for you,” Peace, the Light Twin brother said.
“Well…I don’t know.” Ziza’s tone was light and teasing and when Shad peered through the tree branches, he saw that her gold-on-black eyes were laughing. “You boys think the two of you could handle me? Because I don’t know if two is enough. I’ve been thinking maybe I should travel to Gamish Prime where I hear they have three males to each female—maybe that would be more my style.”
“Be serious, Ziza.” War’s dark auburn hair, so like their mother’s, gleamed in the light of the Mother Ship’s green sun.
“You know we love you,” Peace said quietly. His sandy brown hair, so like their Light Twin father’s, also gleamed mellowly in the sunshine and his blue eyes were serious. “We’ve loved you since we were all children together.”
“Is that so?” Ziza’a hair was long and black, her skin almost the same café au lait brown as Harper’s had been. Her unique eyes were pure velvety black where the whites should have been with golden pupils—truly she was a perfect mixture of her Earth mother, Lauren, and her Scourge father, Xairn.
Further off, through the trees, Shad could see Kara and Kaleb, Sylvan and Sophia’s twins. Though he couldn’t hear what they were saying, it looked like they were deep in some philosophical conversation or other. They loved to argue and debate each other, Shad remembered, but if anyone should come along and join one side or the other, the twins would close ranks against him immediately.
Kaleb was especially protective of Kara because she was something of an anomaly—a Blood Kindred female who had fangs. Normally among the Blood Kindred, only males had the double set of fangs which were used to inject essence for either healing or bonding a mate. Males wanted to be the ones doing the biting—not many were anxious to be bitten themselves—it was considered emasculating. Which meant that Kara, as lovely as she was, didn’t exactly have many suitors. She mostly stuck close to her twin and her cousins.
Shad watched the twins curiously. They were close…so close, but not to the exclusion of everyone else, as they had been in the awful Hive-ruled dystopian world he had left behind. He could tell because as he watched, Daniel came up and said something which made them both smile. Kara’s high, silvery laugh rang out over the park-like expanse of green and purple grass that extended all around the Sacred Grove before she covered her mouth to hide her fangs. Shad marveled to hear the sweet sound—when was the last time he’d heard his cousin laugh like that?
Never, he thought. She never l
aughed again after the Hive took over. But in this time, in this reality, that never happened.
War…Peace…Ziza…Daniel…Kara…Kaleb and so many more. All here. All still alive. Finally everything he was seeing hit home with Shad.
I’m back in my own time and at the exact age I was when I first started traveling the time loop! My brothers and Ziza—everyone I lost—they’re alive again. The Mother Ship is intact—the Hive is defeated. Finally the past has truly been changed. The Kindred are well and safe—my people live!
Shad’s heart swelled with the knowledge…and then ached when he remembered what he’d sacrificed to make this happen.
Harper, he thought, clenching his fists at his sides. Harper, I left you alone—all alone. Oh Gods, Kallana, I’m sorry—so damn sorry!
But hadn’t he promised to find her? Shad didn’t give a damn what the age difference was in this time—he intended to find the woman he loved and renew their bond. In fact, maybe he could reach her now…
Closing his eyes, he reached out, sending a message through their mental link.
“Harper, sweetheart—can you hear me? Harper, I’m back on the Mother Ship—I love you! I’ll always love you!”
But his message met only silence and the ache of an empty bond.
Shad had a sudden, horrible thought.
What if she died somehow? Twenty cycles is a long time. What if some disease or accident carried her away while she waited for me? What if I never see her again?
But no, he couldn’t think like that. It was much more probable that she was down on Earth, out of range of their mental link.
I’ll find her, Shad swore to himself. No matter how far I have to go or what I have to do—I’ll find her!
He looked down at himself, naked as he was. Well, he couldn’t find her looking like this.
“War,” he called, pitching his voice low to get his brother’s attention. “Peace, I need your help. And ask Ziza to wait over there with Kara and Kaleb and Daniel, all right?”
He had to hurry—he was going to get some clothes on and find Harper, no matter how far away she was.
* * * * *
“Girl, you need to get hold of yourself.”
“Huh?” Harper’s mother’s voice seemed to cut through the fog that had surrounded her for days now. She looked up from the empty fireplace she’d been contemplating. Why did they bother to build fireplaces in houses in Florida anyway? It was only cold enough to use them maybe one or two days out of the year. And it was almost March now—the brief winter which usually lasted only a month or two was pretty much over. So why—
“There you go, drifting off again!” Her mother came to stand in front of her, hands on her ample hips, and gave Harper a worried frown. “What’s gotten into you, child?”
“I…don’t know.” Harper looked away, not wanting to fight. Not wanting to do much of anything but just stare into the fireplace and wait for the random thoughts to take her away. Sometimes she could forget what had happened for whole minutes at a time—minutes of blessed numbness—minutes without the unimaginable pain of loss. They were bliss.
“No, look at me. Look at me!” Harper’s mother insisted. “Don’t you go drifting off again, I mean it!”
Reluctantly, Harper met her mother’s eyes again.
“What is it? What do you want?”
“What I want to know is what’s going on with you,” her mother exclaimed. “You’ve been like this for weeks. I want to know what happened—you haven’t been the same since that trip you took to the beach back in January.”
“You want to know…what happened?” Harper repeated dully. She searched for words but they simply wouldn’t come.
How could she explain to her mother how much that “short” trip to the beach had encompassed? How she’d gone on a wild, mind-blowing adventure and fallen desperately, helplessly, hopelessly in love with Shad. How together they had saved the Earth from a Hive invasion and the Kindred Mother Ship from destruction…and had lost each other completely as a result.
“Yes, Harper—what happened?” Her mother sat beside her on the couch and put a hand on Harper’s shoulder. Her deep brown eyes were filled with anxiety. “Your step father and I are worried about you, honey. You were talking about getting your own place again right after Christmas but now you hardly leave your room. And I keep hearing you calling in sick to work.”
Harper looked away. “I don’t feel good.”
“You’re not going to keep your job for long if you keep on like that, Harper,” her mother lectured earnestly. “And I know how much your career means to you. I saw how hard you worked to get where you are. Why are you throwing it all away? Why are you acting like this?”
Harper tried to suppress a sigh. Clearly her mom was not going away until she got an explanation but if she tried to tell her exactly what had happened, her mom would think she was crazy. Still, she had to tell her something.
“Mom,” she began, not knowing exactly how to put it. “That day on the beach I…I met someone.”
“Someone? You mean some man? Did someone attack you, baby? Hurt you?” her mother exclaimed, her hand tightening on Harper’s arm.
“If by hurt me you mean he left me and I’ll probably never see him again, then yes,” Harper said in a low voice. “It wasn’t his fault but he hurt me just the same.”
“So…you’re upset because this man you just met didn’t want to have a relationship?” Her mother still looked worried and confused. “But honey, if you just met him—”
“It wasn’t like that!” Harper became aware that she sounded like a petulant teenager. God, she really did need to get out and get a place of her own—she was reverting to high school here! But she was so tired all the time. The ache of Shad’s absence—the ache of what he had called ‘the empty bond’ was so deep, so all-encompassing. It seemed to sap all her energy—most days all she wanted was to stay in bed and sleep and try to forget.
Of course, Harper knew she couldn’t live like that—she couldn’t sleep her life away, as much as she might wish to. Shad wouldn’t have wanted that—he would have wanted her to go on, to try to be happy, to have a life until they could meet again. But oh God, that was at least twenty years in the future! How could she possibly last that long?
The very thought of all those years without him made Harper feel weary beyond imagining. So weary she could lie down and sleep forever. So weary she could die.
No—can’t think like that. Have to try. Have to go on.
“I’m sorry, Mom,” she said, trying to start again. “I know I’m not explaining this right but that’s because it’s really hard to explain. What I’m trying to say is that I really cared for this guy. I know that sounds crazy if you think we were only together for a day but it was more…so much more than that. I just feel…so sad all the time. So tired.”
“Oh, honey…” Her mom put a comforting arm around Harper’s shoulders. “I know this sounds crazy but the way you’ve been acting—you remind me of myself after your father left me.” She shook her head. “I loved that man so awful much, but he was like poison candy. Sweet to taste but he kept on making me sick. When he finally left it was probably the best day and worst day of my life at the same time.”
“Well this was just the worst day,” Harper said in a low voice. “Shad was a good guy and I…I loved him very much in the short time we had together. And he didn’t leave me on purpose he…he was taken away.”
The words seemed to stick in her throat as she remembered waking to the feeling of him fading in her arms, hearing his stricken voice in her head through their bond as he told her he loved her one last time…
“Oh, honey!” Her mother sounded more distressed than ever but just then the doorbell rang, interrupting the difficult scene. “Now, who could that be?” Harper’s mother fussed, frowning. “I’m not expecting anyone.”
“You’d better go see.” Harper had been just on the edge of tears and now she sniffed hard, willing herself not to cry
. If her mother would just leave, if she would stop making her talk about it, maybe Harper could go back to staring at the empty, dusty fireplace and thinking about nothing.
“Will you be okay?” Her mother asked. She was already getting up to go to the door.
Harper nodded. “Fine. Go see who it is.” She was already staring at the empty grate again. Forget, she told herself. It hurts less if you just forget…
“Hi, I’m really sorry to bother you without any kind of advanced warning but could I please speak to Harper Wilde?”
“Oh, well I…who are you?” Her mother sounded flustered and Harper could tell whoever it was must be a stranger.
She didn’t feel like meeting any strangers—didn’t feel like meeting anyone. She began to get up, thinking about sneaking out of the den by the kitchen entrance and going back upstairs where she could be alone.
But the person at the door was too fast for her. Before Harper could even get off the couch, a full figured, red-haired woman with big blue eyes entered the room. Behind her were two tall Kindred males, one with black hair and black eyes the other with sandy brown hair and deep brown eyes. Though their coloring was so different, there was enough resemblance about their faces to make Harper think they must be related.
“Harper,” her mother said, coming in behind them with a helpless look on her face. “These…people are here to see you.”
“Um…” Harper stood up and held out a hand, not sure what to expect. “I’m sorry—do I know you?” Clearly they were from the Mother Ship but she was certain she’d never seen them in her life.
“You don’t but you will—at least, I hope you will—in the future,” the woman said. “I’m Kat and these are my husbands, Deep and Lock.” The two Kindred warriors nodded as she spoke their names. “I know you don’t recognize us, hon,” she said, still looking earnestly at Harper. “But, well, we’re your in-laws.”
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