by Abbi Glines
I didn’t wait for her response. I closed the door behind me and headed for Mae’s room, wishing I’d said, “Tell Knox hi for me.” That would have made more sense. Not jealous or petty.
I knocked on Mae’s door and Sam opened it. “Well, look at you,” she said, stepping back. “Looks like Vale has come out to play.”
Mae rushed out of the bathroom, then squealed and clapped when she looked at me. “Perfect. We’re going to have so much fun.”
I hoped she was right. I was in need of fun. I also wanted to forget I’d just told Everly to tell Slate hi for me. So stupid.
My phone dinged in my purse and I pulled it out to see a text from Slate. Late breakfast tomorrow? he asked.
I decided I’d ignore that. After a frat party tonight, I figured he’d need a late lunch. Not a late breakfast. Maybe I would, too. I turned my phone to silent and put it back in my purse. Tonight I wasn’t going to think about Slate.
“Y’all ready to do this?” Mae asked, fluffing her natural curls.
“Hell yes,” Sam replied.
“Then let’s go,” she said, walking past me to the door and swinging it open.
I had never been to a club. Not one. Ever. I could dance. I liked to dance. But I’d never danced in a club. This was kind of exciting. It was something I thought I’d one day do with Crawford. Again, here I was, moving on and finding a life without him. Every day that passed, the guilt eased and the pain let up. This must be what acceptance felt like. I wasn’t sure that was okay.
CHAPTER NINETEEN
THE HOT PINK band on my right wrist told the bartender and anyone else who cared that I was under twenty-one. The black stamp on my right hand told them the same thing. Apparently they were super cautious around here. I guess with college kids they had to be. I didn’t mind. It wasn’t like I had intended to drink anyway. Although I wasn’t sure this stamp was washing off anytime soon.
Charlie and his two friends Drake and Cole met us outside the club. It was obvious that Mae was interested in Drake. He was attractive and tall. He had a bit of a scholarly look about him I wouldn’t expect Mae to be drawn to, but she was. Sam latched on to Cole immediately. Which left me with Charlie.
“You look amazing,” he said as we weaved through the crowd.
“Thanks. Your sister went through my closet and chose my outfit.”
He chuckled. “I’ll remember to thank her.”
He was flirting. He did that often these days. Which was why going anywhere with him had been getting harder. I wasn’t ready to date. Crawford could wake up at any moment, and I wasn’t ready to let that go.
“Here’s a couple of empty seats,” he said, moving me toward the bar, where there were three empty stools. “You girls can sit while we order drinks.”
“Vodka soda,” Mae said to Charlie, who wasn’t wearing a pink band or a stamp. I had never asked his age, but apparently he was twenty-one.
He rolled his eyes at her. “Try a Coke,” he replied.
She glared at him, which only made him laugh.
“Might as well order me a Shirley Temple,” she grumbled, then turned her smile toward Drake.
“Don’t even think about it,” Charlie warned her and Drake. “She’s not drinking under my watch.”
“Ugh,” Mae replied, and crossed her arms over her chest.
Charlie turned to me. “You want a soda?”
“Coke will be fine,” I told him.
He then turned and ordered two Cokes and a beer. Guess he wasn’t against drinking, just underage drinking. That was respectable and rare.
“You drank your freshman year,” Mae shot at him.
He shrugged. “My older brother didn’t give it to me, though.”
He had a point. But I didn’t say so for fear Mae would attack me with the claws she looked ready to attack him with.
The back-and-forth finally stopped and a stool beside me came open, so Charlie sat down. He slid my Coke toward me. “I kind of expected you to be at the Kappa Sigma party tonight. When Mae said you were coming with her I was pleasantly surprised.”
I shrugged. “Guess my older brother doesn’t want to help me drink or party either.”
“I wasn’t talking about Knox,” Charlie said, leaning into me, his expression serious.
Of course he wasn’t. He was talking about Slate. Everyone talked about Slate and me when we did something together. They couldn’t figure us out. Accepting that we were just friends seemed impossible. Maybe after tonight, people would realize it was true. Just friends.
“I’m sure Slate had a date. He wouldn’t have wanted to invite me, then feel the need to make sure I was enjoying myself. He’d have his hands full.” When I said it like that, it made complete sense and I almost understood his not inviting me. Almost.
Charlie nodded. “So, this guy back home is still a thing then. You’re really not seeing Slate.”
“Yes, he is still a thing so no, I’m really not seeing Slate. We are friends. Slate doesn’t do relationships. I think he’s made that obvious.”
“You going home to see your guy soon?” Charlie asked. I should have expected that.
I took a sip of my Coke and looked out at the dance floor. I wanted to dance and forget all this. Crawford, Slate, and my silly hurt feelings.
“No, not yet. We are dealing with some things.” That was the only excuse I was giving him. It was the only excuse I’d give anyone.
“It happens. Same thing happened to me with the girl I’d dated my senior year. We went different places and lost touch.”
That was so not what had happened to me. Not the same thing at all. But then, my story wasn’t exactly common.
I took another sip of my Coke and didn’t reply.
“If I can’t drink, I’m dancing!” Mae announced, grabbing Drake’s hand.
I sat my Coke down just as Sam led Cole onto the dance floor.
“You dance?” I asked Charlie.
He grinned. “Hell yeah.”
“Great!” I replied, and we made our way onto the crowded dance floor.
This was better. No talking. Just moving to the music. The heartache of my past wasn’t being probed. I could forget it all and move.
Charlie didn’t touch me too much, but occasionally his hand would land low on my waist and we’d move closer. I always managed to work my way back out of it before it got too comfortable for him. I liked Charlie. He was the kind of guy who could make a girl happy. But for some reason he didn’t tempt me. I couldn’t imagine a future with him. Nor did I want to.
Mae spun past me, giggling as she pressed closer to Drake. Charlie rolled his eyes and I laughed. They reminded me a lot of me and Knox. I hadn’t spent a lot of time with Knox the past two weeks. A lunch here and a coffee there, but that was it. He was a busy guy. Dated a lot more than I realized.
After several songs, Mae went back to the bar for some more soda. I was thirsty, but I was afraid of questions from Charlie I didn’t want to answer, so I continued to dance.
“I think you got company,” Charlie said in my ear. I stopped dancing to look up at him. He nodded toward the bar and I turned to see Slate leaning there with a bottle of beer in his hand. His gaze was directly on me.
“Why is he here?” I asked, unable to look away from him.
“I think that’s obvious,” Charlie said, but I wasn’t able to look back at him and respond. Slate’s focus on me had my stomach doing funny things. There was … a thrill. There, I said it. There was a thrill that coursed through me because he was here.
When had my heart stepped aside long enough for this to happen to me? I couldn’t go wanting Slate. That was stupid for any girl. He didn’t do relationships.
And neither did I. Because I had a relationship.
“You need to talk to him?” Charlie asked, reminding me he was there. Crap. I had forgotten where I was.
“Uh, yeah, looks like it,” I finally managed to mutter, then made my way to Slate. Still unable to look away from him.
Wh
at was wrong with me? I wasn’t this girl.
Or was I? Without Crawford I wasn’t sure who I was. Maybe I was exactly this girl. Maybe if I hadn’t had Crawford in my life, I would have been this girl. The kind of girl who falls for beautiful playboys who can’t promise more than a good time.
CHAPTER TWENTY
I GUESS MAYBE I was that girl.
As I walked toward Slate, I told myself that no, I wasn’t that girl. But with each step, part of me wanted to be. Besides, he had to care something for me. He was here, wasn’t he? There was a party going on in his frat house and he was here. For me. That wasn’t what anyone expected of Slate.
What if he was that guy and didn’t know it? What if we had both been lost until now?
“Where’s your phone?” were the first words out of his mouth when I was close enough to him.
I hadn’t been expecting that question. “Um, my purse,” I replied, glancing down to make sure my wristlet was still attached to my wrist.
“Check it.”
Check it? My phone? “What?” I asked, still not following this conversation.
He took a sip of his beer, then pointed at my purse with the tip of his bottle. “Check your phone, Vale.”
I pulled my phone out anyway and glanced down to see five missed calls from Slate. “Did you need me?” I asked, looking back up at him.
“I needed you to answer your phone. I get a message from a drunk Everly that you’re out at a club and said to tell me hi. Did you think I wouldn’t call you after that?”
I didn’t think Everly would tell him. I gave a slight shrug. “I didn’t think you would. No.”
“You’re with Charlie again. So you decided you’re gonna date?”
I wasn’t dating. I was with Charlie and Mae.
“Mae invited me out tonight. Otherwise I’d have been in my room alone all evening. Charlie met us here.”
Slate took another drink and studied me a moment. It made me want to fidget. I wasn’t sure what he was doing here, but my traitorous heart was hoping.
“Vale,” he said slowly with intent in his eyes. “Did you want Everly to tell me you were here?”
Yes. No. Yes. Crap!
I kept my mouth shut. I didn’t want to lie, and the truth was impossible to say.
“Why, Vale?” he asked, as if I’d given him an answer.
“Why what?”
He reached over and brushed my cheekbone just under my eye. “I didn’t need a verbal answer. Your eyes told me. Now I’m asking you why.”
Because I was hurt would not be coming out of my mouth. I had too much pride for that. No matter what girl I ended up being.
Slate grinned and shook his head. “Come on. Tell your friends good-bye and let’s go. Just you and me.”
The girl I thought I had been would decline and stay here. The girl I was pretty sure had been hiding inside me my entire life nodded.
Mae walked up to us. I turned to her and I guess it was already all over my face. She looked let down but accepting. “Go on. I’ll see you tomorrow,” she said before I could say anything.
“I’m sorry,” I said, because I was sorry I was leaving her. I just couldn’t tell Slate no. Not when I’d wanted to be with him all night anyway.
“I get it. Go” was her response.
I quickly hugged her and pulled back. “Tell Charlie I said good-bye.” I glanced over her shoulder to see him dancing with a new girl. I was glad he wasn’t waiting around.
She glanced back at him. “Don’t worry about him. That charming nice-boy routine is just that—a routine. He’s a player of the worst sort.”
I doubted that, but I smiled and turned back to Slate, who sat his beer down then reached for my hand. This was a first. We’d never held hands before. His fingers intertwined with mine, and as innocent as this was, it made my heart flutter and I felt a goofy grin light up my face. I was glad he was focused on the exit and not me. I’d be embarrassed to be caught grinning like a fool.
The night breeze was refreshing after all those people and the smell of alcohol. I inhaled deeply and tried to calm myself. I’d held hands with Crawford all the time. It was something we had done as long as I could remember. But I’d never felt like this when we did. Had I even paid attention to it then?
Slate walked over to the taxi line and held open a door for me. I had been expecting his black Jeep to be parked out here somewhere. “I’ve had too many to drive.”
And once again, Slate Allen didn’t add up. He was a frat boy who got blow jobs in libraries, yet when I was around him he was responsible. Another part of him I wondered if only I got to see.
He climbed in after me as I slid over. “Pancake Haven,” he told the driver, then looked at me. “We need to talk and I need some food.”
“Why did you leave your party?”
He leaned back and stretched out his legs in front of him the best he could. “Because you wanted me to.”
That wasn’t fair. “I didn’t say that.”
He chuckled. “No, you didn’t. But sometimes, Vale, you don’t have to say it for me to get it. You found out about the house party. I hadn’t mentioned it to you and you went off to a club where you ignored my text and phone calls. You wanted me to come to you. So I came.”
Was he right? Had I done that? I didn’t think so.
“Your brother is in my fraternity. I was respecting him. Having his little sister there at a party with drunk guys everywhere would have made him nervous.”
“I would have been with you” came out of my mouth before it should have.
“I had a date,” he replied.
Oh. Well, that’s what I figured anyway. “Where is she now?”
“I left her with a brother.”
Now I felt terrible. My ignoring him had messed up his night. Yet he was still with me. Taking me to get pancakes.
“I’m sorry” was all I could say.
“Are you sure?” he asked. He sounded amused.
“Yes.”
“Mmmhmmm,” he replied with a smirk just as the taxi pulled in front of Pancake Haven. Slate paid the driver, then leaned over me and opened my door. “I’ll follow you out,” he told me.
I didn’t want to talk anymore. I wanted to go hide in my room for the next four years.
The Pancake Haven smelled of butter, syrup, and fried potatoes. Slate led me to a booth farthest from the door. I didn’t make eye contact with him until the waitress walked up and asked us what we wanted to drink. I went with coffee, since I figured I wouldn’t sleep much tonight anyway.
“I don’t date, Vale. I hook up. It’s the way I do things,” he said as the waitress walked off.
I nodded. I had nothing to say to that.
“You and me … we click. I enjoy being around you. I like you. I liked you this summer in the hospital. But you’re a dating kind of girl. All you’ve ever known is a relationship. I can’t do that.”
“Why?” I asked before I could stop myself.
He sighed and leaned back in the booth. “Because it’s not me. I like freedom.”
He was honest and I had no right to judge. “Okay.”
He cocked an eyebrow. “Okay, that’s all you’re going to say?”
I shrugged. “What else is there to say?”
He ran his thumb along his jawline as he studied me. “I still want to see you.”
“We’re friends. We can stay friends. Just because I think I may eventually be ready to date doesn’t mean I can’t be your friend, too.” Where had that come from? Seriously, had I just said I was going to date? What was wrong with me?
A frown line appeared between his brows. “Date?”
I was as surprised as he was. But I continued blabbering words I didn’t know I felt, yet they flew out of my mouth just the same. “Yes. I think … I think it is time for me to date. I don’t know when Crawford will wake up. He wouldn’t want me to live frozen. I don’t plan on getting serious with anyone, but I think I need to date. He’s all I’ve ever
known.”
“So who are you going to date? Charlie?”
I shrugged. I doubted after I left him tonight that I’d be dating him. All I had thought about was wanting Slate earlier. But that had been cleared up when he made sure I understood he wasn’t dating.
“I don’t know,” I replied as the waitress set our coffee down in front of us.
“Have you decided on what you want to eat?” she asked.
“No, give us some more time, please”—he paused and checked her name tag—“Mary,” he added.
She smiled and blushed. I didn’t blame her. “Okay,” she said, her voice going a little high-pitched.
“You’ve only ever been with Crawford. You have to be careful who you go out with. Guys can’t be trusted.” He sounded so earnest and sincere. Like he was telling me something vitally important, and I needed to get it.
“I’m not putting an ad in the paper or anything,” I replied, slightly annoyed.
“This is serious. Trust me on this. If you’re going to date, then at least let me clear him first.”
I wish I could have laughed at that. But the fact that he had just sounded like one of my older brothers stung so badly, I wasn’t sure I could take a deep breath. The first guy other than Crawford who I’d developed feelings for saw me as a sister. Until tonight and this moment, I hadn’t been able to admit I had feelings for Slate.
I hadn’t been ready for all this to hit me at once. I needed to leave. I slipped my clutch back on my wrist.
“I, uh, get it. I have four older brothers. I don’t need a fifth. But I’d like to go home. You stay and eat. I’ll … uh, catch up with you later.”
I barely looked at him while speaking, then slipped out of the booth and hurried to the exit. I needed an escape. There was no taxi line out here, so I just started walking. When I got far enough away I would call Mae. Or Google a taxi number. Something. I just wasn’t staying here.
CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
“VALE!” I WAS expecting that. My dramatic exit was simply because I needed to get away from him before I burst into tears. But I knew he’d come running after me. I had just hoped I’d get farther before he could pay and chase me.