by Jenny McKane
Skyresh stared at her. “Your power is growing,” he said. “You are starting to feel bonding with the animals.”
Avalon smiled. “I feel like howling in response.” She looked at him. “Could I?”
Skyresh grinned. “I wouldn’t,” he said. “If that patrol that we saw today is still around, they might hear. And you haven’t practiced your wolf call enough – they would probably recognize it as human.”
“My wolf call?” Avalon smiled. “What a lovely expression.”
“In the old days,” Skyresh said, “everyone used to call out to the wolves in that way. My mother told me that.”
Avalon glanced at him. “Is your mother still alive?”
He shook his head, quickly. “No, she died of a broken heart after seeing my father executed by the Jarle.”
Avalon gasped. “Oh, Skyresh, I am so sorry.”
He shrugged. “It was many years ago now. I doubt that I would have become a leader in the rebellion if all of it hadn’t happened. It spurred me on.” He took a deep breath. “It all happened for a reason. It is why we are sitting here, now, underneath the desert stars.”
His gaze lingered over her. She caught her breath. With difficulty, she turned away.
“We should get some sleep,” he said gently. “You have second watch tonight.”
Avalon nodded. They crawled into their sleeping rolls underneath the palm trees. They hadn’t bothered with the tent tonight.
She fell asleep almost immediately—and into a strange dream.
The old woman was approaching her. Beside her, walked a great wolf that Avalon had never seen before.
“Her name is Hansa,” said the old one. “She is special and will guide you.”
The wolf was so huge. Avalon shrank back, as it approached her. She could clearly see its white and grey coat and large pointy ears. Its tail swung from side to side.
“Do not be afraid,” whispered the old woman. “She will not hurt you.”
Avalon opened her eyes. She could see the darkness of the night.
And then, two yellow eyes loomed over her, staring into her face.
Chapter Six
Avalon dared not breathe. The yellow eyes continued to bore into her own. Now, she could discern a panting breath. It was warm against her face.
Without taking her eyes away, she slowly groped for her dagger. It was in her sleeping roll. At last, her hands closed over the handle of the blade. Should she lunge at it now? But if its intention was to attack her, why hadn’t it already done so?
The yellow eyes glowed in the dark. She could see speckles of grey within them, surrounding the black, oval pupils. Somehow, those eyes were drawing her in. Almost against her will, her hand holding the blade fell open, and she dropped it. Slowly, she reached out toward the creature. It did not move, although she saw awareness of her movement enter its eyes.
Her hand touched the top of its head. She felt rough fur. It dropped its head slightly to let her caress it further. She recognized the touch; this felt like when she had petted Teitur. Then, the dream that she had been experiencing—just before she woke—entered her mind.
Her name is Hansa. She could hear the old woman’s voice, reverberating in her head.
Was this creature a wolf? She could barely see it in the darkness, and yet she knew. The fur was the same as Teitur’s, and the creature’s yellow eyes were similar also.
“Hansa,” she breathed, into the darkness.
The creature started to whine quietly. Its face drew closer to her own. Avalon held her breath, closing her eyes tightly. Was it about to lunge?
Instead, she felt the rough wetness of a tongue licking her face. She opened her eyes. The wolf was nuzzling her, burying its face into her own. It continued to whine.
Avalon felt an overwhelming love flow through her. She grabbed the wolf’s head and caressed it. The wolf buried its face deeper into her own. How was this possible? A wild creature was standing over her, and instead of attacking her, it was seeking affection, almost like it knew her.
Suddenly, there was a swift hissing sound, and the animal yelped. It leapt off her and turned.
Everard was standing there, sword drawn.
“Don’t move,” he warned, circling the wolf slowly. The wolf crouched down, staring at him. A low, ominous growl reverberated.
“No, Everard,” called Avalon desperately. She leapt to her feet. “Don’t hurt her. She is not our enemy.”
Everard stared at her, confused. The wolf continued to growl, baring its teeth. Saliva dripped from its mouth. Everard gripped his sword tighter. The wolf crouched lower, ready to pounce.
“Hansa!” Avalon screamed.
The wolf turned, staring at her.
“Don’t hurt him,” she implored. “Please. He doesn’t know that you are our friend.”
The wolf hesitated. At that moment, Everard lunged. The wolf leapt into the air, yelping in pain. Everard’s sword had cut one of the wolf’s legs. Blood spilled out, staining the ground.
The animal howled. It turned and ran into the darkness.
Avalon fell to her knees, doubled over in pain. It was as if the sword had cut her own leg; she felt it throbbing. She looked up at Everard, who was standing over her, his sword lowered and dripping with the animal’s blood.
“Why did you do that?” she sobbed, gripping herself tightly.
Everard stared at her. “The animal was attacking you!” he cried.
Skyresh had leapt up from his sleeping roll, as soon as he heard the commotion. He walked slowly to Avalon, bending down. He put an arm around her.
“Are you alright?” he said. “Avalon, look at me.”
She turned her head, slowly, toward him. Tears streamed down her face. She slowly shook her head.
“No,” she whispered. “I feel as if it was me who was cut by that sword. I can see her, limping in the dark. Bleeding.” She hung her head, crying harder.
Everard had dropped the sword. “I don’t understand,” he said slowly. “I turned around, and I saw that animal lunging over you. You had your arms around it, trying to push it away.”
Avalon sobbed. “I wasn’t pushing her away. I was hugging her to me. She didn’t mean me harm, Everard. She was trying to speak to me.”
Everard stared at her. “How on earth do you know that? A wild animal lunges over you in the night, and you just assume that it is friendly and won’t harm you?”
Avalon raised her head and stared at him. “I don’t know how I knew, Everard. I just did.”
Everard shrugged. “This talk of magic and bonds between animals is addling your mind, Avalon. I was on watch. Tell me, if it had been you, and you had seen a wild animal doing that to me, what would you have done?”
Avalon closed her eyes, tightly. “I am sorry, Everard,” she whispered. “I am not blaming you. I understand that you thought she was attacking me and that you were only trying to protect me.”
Everard glared at her. “Yes. I was. And I don’t expect to be censured because I did what any one of us would have done.” He turned his angry eyes to Skyresh. “Except you, of course. You would have known that the animal wasn’t going to hurt her, wouldn’t you?”
Skyresh coolly gazed at him. “I haven’t said that. You are assuming things.”
Everard’s eyes flashed. “Am I?” He stared at them both a minute longer, and then he walked off into the night.
“Everard,” called Avalon, but he was gone.
Skyresh’s arm tightened around her. “Do not worry,” he whispered. “He is hurt that you doubted he did the right thing…that is all. He will cool off.”
Avalon stared at him. “I didn’t mean to tell him off. I was just trying to stop him from hurting her.”
Skyresh was silent. He slowly stroked her hair, his touch warm and gentle.
Avalon buried her head into his shoulder, weeping again.
“Tell me,” he whispered. “What happened?”
“I don’t really know,” she whispe
red back, staring at the sky. A million stars were twinkling in the darkness. She could see the full moon still hanging low in the distance.
She took a deep breath. “I woke suddenly, and she was there,” she said slowly. “Staring into my face. My first instinct was that she was attacking me, of course. I reached for my dagger, but then…something changed. I just knew that she hadn’t come to hurt me.”
Skyresh sighed. “I heard you call her a name.”
Avalon nodded. “Yes. I was dreaming, just before she woke me. The old Mother showed her to me and told me not to fear her.” She took a long, rasping breath. “She said she was my friend and would guide me. She told me her name was Hansa.”
Skyresh kept stroking her hair. “She was trying to connect with you,” he said. “Your powers grow, Avalon.”
Avalon’s face twisted. “And now she is hurt. She will not come to me again.”
The thought caused her fresh pain. She could see the wolf clearly. She was limping in the darkness, in pain and confused. Where would she go?
“You don’t know that,” whispered Skyresh. “Yes, she has been hurt. She may not show herself again out of fear, but maybe she will. You have already established a powerful bond with her.”
Avalon nodded slowly. She suddenly felt drowsy. Her head fell heavily against Skyresh’s shoulder.
“You must sleep,” he whispered. “Come.” He stood up, pulling her to her feet, and led her back to her sleeping roll.
She wrapped herself within it, staring up at him. “Thank you,” she whispered. “I don’t know that I could do this without you. It is all so strange. I don’t understand the rules of this world.”
Skyresh smiled. “You know more than you think,” he said. He laid a hand on her face gently. She closed her eyes and fell into a heavy sleep.
***
Everard stood in the darkness, breathing deeply. He watched Skyresh stroking Avalon’s hair. Her head was against his shoulder, and they were whispering together. Then, he pulled her to her feet and led her back to her sleeping roll.
Anger still corroded his veins, seeping through them like poison. The whole thing was ridiculous. He had acted exactly as he should have. He had been on watch; he was looking out for danger. He had seen a wild animal looming over Avalon and acted instinctively.
And she had acted as if he should have known that the animal meant her no harm. She had even berated him for hurting it.
His fists clenched. What if she had been wrong? She could be dead now, and he still wasn’t convinced that she spoke the truth anyway. It was easy to say—after the fact—that the animal wasn’t going to harm her.
And, of course, Skyresh had been there to comfort her. Stroke her hair. Agree with her, that yes, the wolf was a friend. As if he knew everything. What would he have done if it had been him on watch and if he had seen a wild animal on her? But, of course, it hadn’t been him, so Skyresh looked like the good guy, as always, and he looked like the bad guy.
Avalon had changed, ever since she had found out that she was a queen. He scoffed at that thought. Another shared illusion based on exactly nothing. Dreams and visions and all that stuff that didn’t prove anything.
His fists tightened. He felt like tearing back into the camp and smashing something. He loved her. He had given up his life for her. The life that he had painfully constructed. His life had been good. He had been set for an excellent career as a Grey Guard. And now, all of it was gone. It was ashes around him.
He had given up everything for some folktales of magic. To be a part of a rebellion that could never hope to win. All for the love of a woman who did not return it. A woman who favored another man over him.
His anger twisted inside him. Again, he wished that it was just the two of them, and that Skyresh was gone. If the other man wasn’t around, perhaps he could persuade her to give up this quest. To settle down with him, somewhere, and forget all about it. He knew that they could never return to the life they had in Agnoria, but they could find somewhere to live…surely?
Some place where she could give up her illusion of being a queen that must save her people. Some place where they could live simply. A life together.
***
The desert sun beat down unmercifully. Avalon squinted into the sky. Waves of heat seemed to emanate from it, filling her very pores. She had never been so hot in her life.
She realized now why Mother Oda had called it the endless desert. It was sand, as far as the eye could see…in every direction. Every time that they reached the top of a sand dune, she held her breath. Perhaps this would be it. The desert would end, and they would be close to their destination, but every time, she was disappointed. She would stumble to the top, and before her…was more sand.
She reached for her water bottle, unscrewing the lid. Desperately, she held it to her mouth. A few drops fell in. The bottle was empty, and the map said they were at least a hundred miles away from a waterhole.
She turned her head, watching Everard trudge through the sand. He didn’t turn to look at her. He had barely spoken to her since that night when the wolf had come. She knew he was angry at her, and she had tried to apologize, but he would not listen.
She had tried to explain to him the deep and sudden connection she had felt with the animal, and that she had only been trying to stop him hurting the wolf. He had looked at her as if she were mad, as always.
The deeper she connected with her heritage and the magical world, the further it seemed to push him away from her. He stubbornly refused to understand it, or to open his mind to it, even a little bit—even when he saw the evidence of it all around him.
Guilt overwhelmed her. He didn’t want to be here, doing this. The only reason he was here was for her.
Skyresh had stopped, peering at the sky. She caught up with him, standing beside him.
“What are you looking for?” she asked.
He frowned. “Checking which way we should go,” he said wearily. He wiped the sweat off his brow. “Even with the map, there are so few land marks.” He sighed. “I feel like we are going around in circles somehow, and we have run out of water.”
Avalon nodded, staring at him. His face was caked with sand, and he had lines of exhaustion around his eyes. This was their third day in the desert, and it was getting harder to go on.
“If only he hadn’t driven away the wolf,” he hissed suddenly. “She would have guided us, I just know it.”
Avalon put a hand on his arm. “Don’t be angry with Everard,” she whispered softly. “He was only trying to protect me. He didn’t know.”
Skyresh spat onto the sand. “He hurt her, even after you told him to stop,” he said. His eyes narrowed. “He refuses to trust your instincts, and that is dangerous. You are a queen, and you are gathering your powers. If he believed that, he would have listened to you when you said that the wolf was our ally.”
Avalon shrugged helplessly. “It is hard for him,” she whispered.
Skyresh stared at her. “We are supposed to be working together,” he said. “The fact that Everard is a stubborn non-believer threatens that. You must realize that.”
Avalon sighed. “He will come around,” she said slowly. “Something will happen, and he will suddenly know it is all true. I must trust that it will be so. He gave up his whole life for me, Skyresh.”
Skyresh continued staring at her. “And we must carry him because of it? If I were in the Far North and leading my people, I would have cut him off ages ago. A group must have a shared purpose, Avalon, and leaders must make tough decisions sometimes.”
Avalon gazed at him in horror. What was he saying? That they should desert Everard, and leave him to find his own way through the desert? Or even worse…kill him?
She shook her head quickly. “If you truly believe that I am a queen, then you will do as I ask,” she said. “Everard will come around. I know it. And do not forget, that you let me live because you had an instinct that I was an ally – even when those around you told you that
I wasn’t.”
Skyresh nodded, but he didn’t look happy.
Avalon glanced back at Everard. He had wound his head covering around his face, so that only his eyes were exposed. She stared at him, hard. He looked surprised, but he didn’t look away this time.
She believed in him. He was a good man; they had got to know each other well when they had been on the undercover mission in the Far North, tracking Skyresh and his people. He was the one who had first told her not to believe everything she had heard and read about the Stromel. He was compassionate. She remembered when he had thrown coins to all the poor hungry Stromel children in a small village when they were travelling north.
Yes, he had betrayed her at the palace when she had broken in, but he had redeemed himself by rescuing her and leaving his old life as a guardian of the realm far behind.
She knew how hard it was. She had struggled mightily with it herself. She had been unable to admit that perhaps everything she had been told and believed was a lie. That she was on the wrong side – the side of the oppressors, who lied and killed in order to maintain their rule. Once she had realized though, everything became easier.
Everard just needed that moment when things shifted in his mind, and he knew the truth. An epiphany.
As she kept gazing at him, she just hoped that it would come to him sooner rather than later.
***
Later that day, they came upon a small waterhole. They all sprinted towards it, kicking up sand as they went.
As they filled their water bottles and drank greedily, Avalon looked at the sky. Something was different about it. It was still a pure blue, but there seemed to be something moving toward them. It was like a great wave of dust, hurtling toward them.
“Look!” she gasped, pointing to it.
Skyresh paled. “It is a sand storm,” he said. “And it looks big. Quickly, we have to find cover.”
“Where?” Avalon looked around quickly. The only shelter was behind some shrubs, as far as she could see.
“Run!” shouted Everard. “We have to go! Now!”
They turned, hurtling in all directions, as the sand storm came upon them. Avalon dove behind a shrub, crouching into a ball. She closed her eyes, tight and buried her face into her knees. She had no idea where the others had gone.