Back to You

by Annie Brewer

  “Are you seriously going to this party at Brooke’s? She is such a slut.” My sister says as I’m getting ready. It’s almost 7 and I’m almost ready to go. “Well, good for her. I’m doing this for Lucas. I can care less about Brooke.” Sarah laughs at me and walks out of the room. I am suddenly regretting my decision to go, as the sound of a car horn fills my ears. I look out the window and Lucas is sitting in his mustang, in my driveway. Ugh. I wish I could fake sick. I suck it up and walk downstairs and out the door. Lucas is looking hot. He’s got on khaki pants and a red and blue striped shirt which shows off his arms. I stand there smiling, looking dumb struck. “Are you just gonna stand there or are you gonna get it?” He’s grinning, probably laughing at me on the inside. “Oh, sorry. I guess I lost my head there for a minute. But might I say, you look hot.” I get in the car and he pats my leg softly. “So do you.” He says. I am grinning from ear to ear. “Okay let’s get this over with.”

  We arrive at a house, a huge white house with red shutters. It looks like something that came out of a magazine. “Good God, this place is huge.” I say flabbergasted. I never thought of Brooke as being rich. Just a bitch. Now she’s a rich bitch. I giggle to myself, obviously amused with my theory. “Well, I guess her parents are pretty well off.” It appears that way genius. I don’t say that but it’s obvious I want to. We get out of the car and head up the walkway, I look around to see a really nice yard with flowers and green grass, greener than a sprite bottle. People are milling around with cups of what I could only assume is alcohol. Great, just what I need. This is gonna be fun.

  “Abby!” Brooke’s voice jolts me back to the present. I blink and glance at her with a puzzled expression. “What?” I ask feeling horrible for not hearing a word she said.

  “Are you okay?”

  “Yes, sorry. I just zoned out for a minute.” I relax on the couch and turn to look at the television.

  “So what are you gonna do about Sarah?” She asks as she grabs a handful of popcorn then grabs the remote off the coffee table and pushes play. I forget what we are watching.

  “I’m not sure. She’s a real pistol.” I remember her wanting to go through my closet for something hot to wear which will show off her bare legs to attract Lucas, my best friend and ex. It makes me sick. Suddenly I’m furious.

  “Well for one thing, she wants to dress like a skank so Lucas will notice her. Can you believe that?” Brooke takes one look at me and pauses the movie that I was paying no attention to. She puts her hand on mine and I look at her.

  “Abby, honey are you jealous? Is that why you are freaking out?” I am taken aback by the accusation. I glare at her with the intent to make her squirm. Me, jealous of my sister? That’s preposterous. I care about Lucas and know the intentions of my sister. But maybe there is a little jealousy hanging around in the back of my mind. She’s 15 and has had more sex than I have and I’m in a relationship. I shove those thoughts aside and tell myself that I’m just a responsible and careful person. If she wants to get pregnant at 15, that’s her prerogative.

  “No, I’m not jealous Brooke. I just don’t want her using him the way she does with every other guy. Maybe a part of me will never get over him.

  But we are better as friends. That’s what friends do, they look out for each other.” Then as an after thought I add “I’m not in the mood for a movie now. I’m gonna head to bed.” I get up and leave Brooke staring after me as I go to her room and lie in her bed. I’m not sure why I was so adamant about Sarah staying away from Lucas, but I know I will stop at nothing to make sure she does. As I lie in bed, which is so comfy I could crash I hear the door creak open and see Brooke’s head pop in. I’m still annoyed with her but I guess I can’t stay mad forever. “Hey.” I say and turn over on my left side looking at her. “Hey, look I’m sorry for what I said. I didn’t mean it.” She walks over to the side of the bed and wraps her arms around me. “Yes you did. But that’s why I love you. You’re not afraid to speak your mind, even if I’m afraid to admit the truth.” She releases her hold on me and looks at me with glossy eyes. “I know, but I was out of line. I’m just worried about you. You have a lot on your plate. I don’t want to make it worse.” I smile and hold her hand, giving it a gentle squeeze for reassurance. “I’m just confused about life…and love right now.”

  She nods in understanding and crosses her legs as I pull the comforter up to my neck. “Well you need a break. Your life is pretty hectic and you’re only 17. You shouldn’t have to endure so much bull shit. This should be the best year. We’re seniors and we should be excited to get out of here.”

  I’m struck by her words. This should be the best year of my life and so far it’s a total disaster. I should be thinking about my future and what I want to do. I need to get away from this place. “Yeah, I need a break. That’s why I want to go to New York and maybe study theatre or something. You know, make my way up to maybe Broadway. How cool would that be, to watch me on stage in New York, singing my heart out?” I smile at the thought. It’s such a far fetched dream but it could happen. Anything is possible.

  “I think that would be awesome! I’d be your number one fan, sitting front row!!” She gets all giddy like a kid in a candy store. Suddenly my eyes feel heavy and they start close. I feel the bed start moving as I realize Brooke is getting up. “Where are you going?” I ask a little groggily. This is her comfy bed which I’ve taken over. But I feel too comfortable to really care. Besides we used to share beds all the time during many slumber parties. “I’ll be right back. Go to sleep.” She leaves the room and I bury myself in the comfort and warmth of her queen size bed and drift off to dreamland.

  Chapter 3

  “Rise and shine sleepy head!” I open my eyes, the morning sun blinds me. I blink a few times before fully waking up. “Do I have to?” I glance at the clock that reads 7:00.

  “Yes unless you want to play hooky.” That is tempting. I consider this for a minute before sitting up and pulling the covers to my shoulders. “Are you trying to get me in trouble? The temptation is too great to pass up.” She laughs and applies her makeup in front of her vanity. She has long black hair and big brown eyes. She is taller than me at a whopping five feet seven inches to my five feet five inches. We used to play basketball. I got out to concentrate on choir. Brooke was the only person besides Lucas who understood my passion for singing and not finding it lame. And Sarah, but I think it was more of an act. She doesn’t really care much about anyone. I suddenly remember the argument. Then Lucas comes to mind. What is wrong with me? I have a boyfriend. I should be thinking about Brady. The way we almost had sex in my car yesterday. I still wonder why I stopped it. What if I’m never ready to have sex with him? Then an appalling thought enters my cluttered brain. It’s me and Lucas in my car instead. If it were him, would I have had sex then? Oh God, I’ve got to get out of here!

  “Are you okay? Abby, you look you’ve seen a ghost.” Oh if she only knew the ridiculous fantasy I was just having.

  “I’m just not feeling very well.” I half lie, the thought made my stomach curdle. I kick off the covers reluctantly. I take my clothes in the bathroom and stare at my reflection for a minute. I look hideous. My eyes are droopy and lack sleep, my hair a matted mess. I take the brush that’s sitting on the sink and attempt to pull the rats out. Get it together Abby. I tell myself. “Abby, you okay in there?” Brooke calls from the other side of the door.

  “Yes, almost done.” I call back. Tears falling down my cheeks. I contemplate faking sick and staying home, since Sarah will be in school and my mom will be at work. But that’s cowardly. Instead, I wipe my face and apply the last of makeup, which consists of eye shadow, mascara and blush. Once I’m satisfied with my appearance, I step out of the kitchen to find Brooke smothering her waffles in syrup and butter. My stomach growls with delight. I grab some waffles for myself, out of the freezer, and pop them in the toaster. “You look hot.” Brooke says to me as she takes a sip of her orange juice. I smile feeling flattered.
“Thanks. I don’t feel it.” My smile fades, replaced by guilt. “Can I tell you something?”

  “Come on Abby, you’re my best friend. Of course you can trust me, tell me anything.” I walk over and sit beside her at the kitchen table. I’m suddenly feeling nervous and shaking like a leaf, on a windy day. “Well, I’ve sort of been having thoughts about Lucas. Ever since the night Sarah mentioned him and her seduction plan, I can’t stop thinking about it. I’m not sure why all of a sudden, but it’s all I think about.” Then I start thinking if Lucas was in my car yesterday, instead of Brady. Would I have had sex with him? I don’t know what’s going on with me.

  She grabs my hand, sympathy in her eyes. “I think you just need to get away from everything. Go take a vacation or something.” I laugh at her. It’s not like I can just pick up and go right this second, though it would be awesome. “Okay, obviously you can’t go now. But once we graduate, you can do whatever you want. Take a break and enjoy yourself, clear your head.” My waffles pop up and it startles me making me jump out of my seat. I’ve always been easily scared. Brooke laughs at me this time and I can’t help but laugh. A tear starts rollin’ down my cheek and I wipe it away before more follow its leader. Damn tears are gonna ruin my makeup.

  On the way to school, I keep thinking about Lucas, and whether Sarah has managed to sweet talk herself into Lucas’s heart. I can’t wait to see him. He’s been busy lately with family affairs and we haven’t talked much. I miss my best friend. I just hope my feelings don’t complicate things. I would hate that. We arrive to school and I get out of the car. I scan the area for signs of her. She’s no where in sight. I’m usually her ride to school but since I took off; my mom knows I wouldn’t be in favor of taking her to school this morning “Hey baby, where ya been?” Brady grabs my waist. I love his strong muscular arms. I feel safe. I turn around to face him. “Hey, sorry I had family issues. I stayed the night with Brooke.” He looks at me concern on his face. “What happened?”

  After I tell him about the argument at dinner he gives me a “I’m not surprised” look. I purposely left out the part about Sarah’s plans to seduce to Lucas. He’d have a very different expression on his face then, considering that Lucas and Brady don’t like each other. He wraps me in his arms and I lean my head into his chest, inhaling his awesome masculine cologne scent. As long as I’m like this, I can forget about Lucas, at least for a little while. I feel like crying in his arms. How can life all of a sudden get so complicated and confusing?

  “Listen, Sarah is at an age where she is exploring and testing boundaries. Rebelling. We all went through that stage.” Brady has a point. We did crazy stuff at her age. But it doesn’t mean it’s right and that I should just let it happen. I look up at him; his dark eyes show, maybe love and wisdom. Why can’t I love him? I thought I did. But it seems I am torn, confused about a path, which that seems safe and familiar, as well as, mysterious and unknown. He smiles and leans down to give me a kiss. It’s a sweet kiss, as opposed to his urgent and hungry kiss in my car yesterday. It’s nice. I break away and take his hand, as we walk towards the building. Brooke right by my side.

  Then…..I see her. She’s on the side of the building in a group huddle with a few of her friends. And they are…..what the Hell? I walk toward them, mind racing at fast pace.

  “Abby, what are you doing?” Brady calls to me. “Just let her go Brady.” I hear Brooke tell him. I turn to look at them and they see what I see. Brady nods as if to say “I get it now”. I hear Sarah laughing as her friend says something I can’t quite make out. “Oh shit. Put it up.” Haley, her best friends grunts. They see me approach and Sarah puts on a fake sinister smile.

  “Well hello dear Abby. Have a fun slumber party with Brookie pooh?” She says sarcastically, which makes me want to smack that look off her face.

  “Cut the crap Sarah! What the fuck is this? You doing drugs now? It’s not bad enough you’re getting in trouble at school, you want to add to the pile of shit mom has to deal with?” At this point I’m enraged. How dare she find more excuses to make my mother worry. She cares about no one but herself. She gives me a “Go to Hell” look and I get in her face. “What the hell is going on with you?” I look at Haley, frustrated. “Do your parents know you’re doing drugs?” She looks down at the ground and starts fidgeting, nervously. “Look boss, we weren’t doing any harm, just experimenting a little. No big deal. So just turn around and march on over to your friend and Assface, they’re waiting for you.”

  “I’m telling your parents tonight Haley. And Sarah, your ass is in deep shit.” I storm off toward Brady and Brooke where they’re standing there, expressionless. I hear Haley yelling “Please don’t tell my parents!” I don’t really plan on telling them, at least not today. But she doesn’t have to know that. I approach them but keep walking and Brady speed walks to catch up. “Abby, wait! Slow down.” I stop in my tracks and look at him, irritation on my face. “Look, calm down. This stuff happens. Let her get in trouble, maybe she’ll learn.” I doubt it.

  “This isn’t about her as much as it’s about my mother. She’s acting like a spoiled shit Brady. So no I won’t calm down. I won’t let her put my mother through this bull shit.” Ever since my father left us, Sarah has been rebelling and getting in more trouble at school and it puts more stress on my mother than she needs.

  Suddenly, I realize that since she mentioned Lucas I have been more irritated with her. Maybe I’m more mad at myself and these feelings I keep harboring for him and lash it out on Sarah because it’s easier to do than to face the truth. But what’s the truth anymore? I wanted to go to New York after high school and pursue my dream. But Brady really ruined it for me. I don’t know what I want anymore. Then I spot him. Oh he’s so gorgeous. It feels like it’s been months since I last saw him, even though it was only a few days. I see him at a distance with some girl but I can’t see who it is. I turn to Brady and Brooke. “You guys go on ahead. I’ll catch up with you later.” Brady gives me a hug and kiss and takes off, without a question. Thank God. “Hey.” Brooke grabs my arm and I turn around. She’s got a quizzical expression on her face. She knows what I’m up to. Or she thinks she knows. “Be careful.”

  “I’m not telling him anything, don’t worry.” Then I take off running. He’s got his arm around the mystery girl and I can only imagine what kind of girl would be lucky enough to have his arm around them. What a lucky girl. Stop it Abby, you’re taken. I tell myself. As I get closer, I see him kiss her. I’m assuming this girl is his new girlfriend. Wow, we’ve got some catching up to do. Maybe we can be friends and do some bonding. A tint of jealousy hits me, followed by nausea when I see them part ways and realize its Sarah.

  Chapter 4

  He kissed Sarah. Oh my God. I feel sick. I’m standing only a few feet from them. “Oh, hey sis. I was just leaving. I will see you later Luc.” She gives Lucas another kiss and walks off, a wicked grin plastered on her stupid face. He turns around and sees me. “Hey Abby.” He’s not smiling. In fact, he looks a little worried.

  I feel like running away. “I gotta go.” I take off the other direction and hear him yell my name but I don’t stop. I just keep running into the school. I weave in and out of people, not caring that tears are splashing my face. I reach the bathroom and luckily it’s empty. I walk into a stall and close the door and loose it. This is not happening She doesn’t deserve him. “Abby?” I hear Brooke’s voice. Dammit. I don’t want to see anyone right now. I don’t answer. The problem is, I know she saw me running in here. “Abby, I know you’re in here. Open up.” Without a word, I open the door and she walks in. “Abby, what happened?” I grab some toilet paper and wipe my eyes. I look down at my hands. “I saw Lucas. Kissing Sarah. They’re together.” Brooke’s eyes go wide. “Oh my God, are you serious? Did he say anything when he saw you?”

  “No he just said hey. But he looked scared. But I told him I had to go and took off running before I did something stupid. I feel sick Brooke. I knew this would happen. I
didn’t have time to warn him of her plans.” I hold my stomach and lean over like I’m gonna puke. She rubs my back and sighs. “Jesus Abby I’m so sorry. If I didn’t know any better, I’d say you’re still hung up on him. Big time.” I moan and close my eyes. “Brooke this isn’t normal. I’m dating Brady and yet I’m developing feelings for someone else. What the fuck is wrong with me?”

  “Nothing is wrong with you. It does happen. And for the record, Lucas isn’t just someone else. He’s your best friend and ex. Y’all have a lot of history. Hell, he’s helped you get through shit Brady wouldn’t understand.”

  True. Lucas is the one who was there when I found out my dad was having an affair. We were 13 and my mom and Sarah were gone. I was at Lucas’s house, which was just down the street. We came back to my house and found my dad and his client on the kitchen table, naked. I was embarrassed. But I think Lucas was mortified, yet he comforted me and quickly got me out of the house. I wasn’t sure if my mom knew or not but I couldn’t go back home. Lucas made up excuses to keep me at his house for a couple of days, which my parents were totally fine with. I was grateful for the distraction. We were in his bedroom, which was decorated in Star Wars theme. We sat on his bed and I hadn’t really spoken a word to him, I felt numb, confused and humiliated. “So, um are you okay? Wait, wrong question.” I could tell he was at a loss for words. I found it really sweet. “I’m okay. I think. It’s just a shock. I’m seriously disturbed by that scene we just witnessed. But I suppose I’m thankful that you were there with me. I couldn’t have done it alone.” I blinked a few tears away.