Back to You

by Annie Brewer

  “Yeah, I’ve loved your sister since we were young. She makes me feel higher than a kite on a really windy day.” I laugh.

  “Good evening. What would you guys like to drink? My name is Ashley by the way and I’ll be taking care of you tonight.” I break away and look at our waitress for a minute. “I’d like a Sprite please.”

  “I want water please.” Lucas says, never taking his eyes off of me.

  “Yeah, I’d like another booth please. These two are making me sick.” Sarah says with a little humor in her voice. The waitress laughs and says “Awe, that’s cute. I’m sure we could find you a hottie in here somewhere. This place is swarming with guys.” We both look at Sarah apologetically. I drop his hand and put my elbows on the table, resting my chin on my hands.

  “No that’s okay. I’ll just stick with a coke for now. Thanks.” She walks away with our drink order and Sarah sits in her seat sideways looking at us.

  “You know I’m just kidding right?” She looks from me to Lucas, and we shake our heads. “What do you mean?” I ask.

  “About my comments of y’all making me sick and all that crap. I was just kidding. I think it’s great that y’all snuck around and got it on and whatever. I’m just glad to see you happy again Abby. You were never this happy with Bonehead.” I hear Lucas chuckling next to me. I elbow him in the arm. “Okay sorry, I mean Cheater!” I kick her under the table and annoyingly glare at her.

  “Seriously guys, you can’t call him a cheater without calling me one. Now let’s not call anyone names please. It’s not-“ I look up momentarily stunned, then angry. “What the Hell is that dirtbag doing here?”

  Chapter 20

  Sarah looks up puzzled, and then turns around to see who I’m staring at. “Oh yeah.” she says as she turns back around to face me again. My eyes go wide in confusion.

  “What a coincidence, seeing you here. Sarah. Abby.” My father says as he stands next to our table with a grin on his face. My eyes narrow and I purse my lips.

  “I don’t believe in coincidences. What do you want?” I ask bitterly.

  “Oh hello Lucas I didn’t see you there. How have you been?” He ignores my question, making small talk with Lucas. He just nods at my dad and says “I’m good thanks.” Then he drops his head down and stares at the table.

  “Can I help you or did you just come by here to ruin my life as usual?” I ask with an angry grin.

  “Well this is a restaurant is it not?” He asks as he waves his hands gesturing to the place. I grind my teeth irritably.

  “Can we not argue guys? Please?” Sarah interjects. She looks at my dad apologetically before she says, “Can we talk later? I’ll call you tomorrow.” I look at Sarah briefly and back at my dad.

  “Well, I suppose. I really hope you convince your sister to give me a chance. I’m trying here.”

  “I know dad. We’ll talk later.” He unwillingly leaves, in the hope that I would change my mind this second. Fat chance of that happening. I’m totally over this.

  “Ha, yeah he’s really trying. Can you believe that guy? What a fool!” Sarah eyes me with arched brows.

  “That guy, Abby, is your father. And he is trying. Maybe you should give him an honest chance.” It seems pretty obvious that I’ve pissed her off. But it makes me mad that she would take his side when he was never there for us.

  “What makes you change your mind about him? You never cared about him before and always talked ill of him. What gives?” I ask to soften the blow.

  “Honestly, I didn’t want to at first. But when things got out of control, after getting into so much trouble at school and us not getting along, I turned to dad. I called him and asked him for help. I didn’t want to be a burden on you and mom anymore. He really wants to help. He knows he hasn’t been there for us and wants to change that now. And if you still don’t want to give him a chance, that’s your choice. But don’t ruin this for me, because I want to give him this chance. I need a father in my life.”

  I understand what she’s saying. I may not agree with it but I understand. I’ve always wished our father would show up on our doorstep and back into our lives again. Every girl needs their dad, especially when it comes to big milestones such as high school graduation, or wedding day. Or the birth of your first child being born. It’s just one of those things that are a must for a teenage girl or young woman. I slink back in my seat in defeat. I hate to admit when I’m wrong, but when it comes to him, I know I am.

  Lucas grabs my hand and squeezes. I look at him and give him a small smile. He pulls me close to him and I rest my head on his shoulder, listening to his steady breathing. “You know she’s right Abby. He did seem sincere to me.” I look up at him and snicker. “Who asked you?” He lifts my face to meet his eyes, full of concern and love. He tucks a stray hair behind my ear and gently caresses my jaw line. I feel the heat rising in the pit of my stomach. “I know, I know. I get it, Sarah’s right. Can we move on now?”

  “Oh my God, did I just hear you right? Say it again.” Sarah says with her hand over her chest in mock surprise.

  “I said you’re right.” I say through gritted teeth.

  “Say it again.” She leans back in her seat, taking a sip of her drink.

  “You’re right.”

  “Again.” Now she’s pissing me off.

  “Screw you, I’m done.” I place both elbows on the table and lean on my arms, taking a drink from my straw. The hostess eyes our table every once in awhile when she thinks I’m not looking, but she doesn’t really know that I notice her every move.

  After we drop Lucas off at home, I shower and throw my pajamas on, then say goodnight to my mother and Sarah. I climb into bed and send a quick goodnight text to Lucas.

  “You know Sarah’s right, don’t you? About your dad? ”My smile fades.

  “I know, I just hate admitting it. I’m older and should be wiser. When did she become the smarter one?”

  “When she pretended to date me. ;)” Oh right, how can I forget?

  “Ha. Ha. You got jokes I see. Okay, see you tomorrow.”

  “Oh come on, you know it wouldn’t have lasted. I never wanted her, not for a second.” Uh huh.

  “Please, you like them younger, admit it.”

  “Nope. Well yeah but not that young.”

  “You can always make me laugh when life sucks. Thank you Lucas.” I smile and lay on my back, bringing my knees up to my chest.

  “When are you going to talk to Brady and Brooke?” He asks.

  “I’m not sure. I guess I can’t ignore them forever. I’m just not ready to face the music yet.” Or admit that I’ve been unfaithful.

  “You really should soon though. I know how much they mean to you, even if I’m not all that fond of Brady. I’ll deal with it. Maybe one day we can all get along.” He would do anything to please me, even if he doesn’t like it.

  “I love you, you know that?”

  “So I’ve been told a few times. Now get some sleep hotness. See you at school. Muah!”

  “Goodnight.”

  As I close my phone and place it back on my night table, I realize there’s no such thing as a “quick” text to Lucas. But, our conversation made me feel a little better about everything. He could always see the good in a bad situation. I am lucky to have him by my side. Even as my best friend, he was always the one to hold a light to my dark sky. After we saw my father cheating with another woman, in our home no less, Lucas somehow helped me through it. He comforted me for days, while I cried like a baby. He listened to my constant ranting and raving about my father’s unfaithfulness. He even took the brunt of my screaming when I was having a bad day. He was just there for me and that’s all I needed. I would have fallen apart had he not been there to distract me.

  Over the years it got better, or at least easier to deal with the pain. We were both alike. We both came from broken families-he had an abusive (albeit I never knew it until recently) alcoholic father and mine was a cheater. At least his mother was
able to move on and find a wonderful man to help raise Lucas and his siblings. Mine never did. This is the last thought I had, before drifting off to sleep, but not without picturing Lucas’s face. If anyone could see me, they would totally wonder what the big grin on my face was for. Lucas always manages to keep me smiling.

  On the way to school I made a stop to Starbucks to get coffee and a muffin. I felt refreshed and for the first time in a long time, I feel things were going to be okay. I’d managed to avoid Brooke and Brady. I even turned off my phone to dodge all calls and texts. After lunch however, I wasn’t so lucky. Standing at my locker was Brady. From the way he was positioned, said a lot about how he was ready for a fight. So I slowly walk up to him.

  “I guess I can’t win this time. You caught me.” I sigh feeling defeated and tired of fighting.

  “No, not anymore. Though you’re quite a competitor.” He says as he moves away from my locker so I can open it. He is standing a little too close for my liking. He must sense my discomfort, putting some distance between us.

  “I want to talk about this Abby.” He says stuffing his hands in his pockets. I shut my locker, a little more forcefully than intended and look at him.

  “So talk.” I cross my arms over my chest, defiantly.

  “Not here. Let’s go for a little ride, I’ll drive.” I give him a skeptical look.

  “What about football practice?”

  “I’ll skip.” I narrow my eyes, but see the pleading look in his, so I soften a bit.

  “Fine. Let’s go.” We get to the parking lot and I text Lucas, letting him know I’m going for a drive with Brady to talk. My phone buzzes in my pocket and I take it out as Brady opens my door. I get in and mumble a “thanks”. He shuts the door and I open my phone to read the text.

  “Good luck babe. It will be fine.”

  “Thanks. I love you.”

  “I love you too.”

  “Talking to Lucas?” Brady asks, startling me. I look up at him and nod. He laughs and says “Relax, it’s not my business.”

  “So why did you ask then?” I retort, and then regret snapping at him. I should chill and listen to what he has to say. Hopefully when it’s all said and done we can be friends. Is it even possible to be friends with an ex? It’s the most famous question I hear after someone breaks up. But in our case, I think we always knew we wouldn’t be in it for the long haul. I still care about Brady and want the best for him. But I know I’m not the best for him. He drives out of the school parking lot and gets out on the side street.

  “Where are we going?” I ask. He looks at me and grins.

  “We’re just going for a little drive, not far.” We drive down a hill that makes my stomach plunge into my throat. It’s a thrill. I feel a little uneasy, the silence is deafening.

  “So what do you want to say? We might as well talk. I hate awkward silence.”

  “You first.” He says not looking at me. Then he thinks about it and starts talking. “Okay, honestly I’m really sorry for how you found out about Brooke and me. That wasn’t supposed to happen. But more importantly I’m sorry for not being honest with you.” He takes a deep breath and continues, gripping the steering wheel a little tighter than necessary. “I’m really sorry. Brooke and I have kind of..Well, it’s just that I have been.” I look at him and let out a little chuckle.

  “Okay Brady, just spit it out. You’re not making much sense. Be honest, I’m not going to bite your head off.”

  “Okay. So Brooke and I have gotten closer as friends over the years. But just recently, like in the last couple of weeks, we’ve gotten closer. I really like her Abby. It’s not something I planned, it just happened. But I think I want to be with her.” I look him with wide eyes.

  “You think?”

  “Okay, I want to be with her. It’s not that I don’t like you anymore or love you for that matter. But she’s different. I have a lot of fun with her.” I try not to let that comment bother me. But in truth, our fun is different and I can understand where he’s coming from. Our fun always consisted of getting drunk at parties or me watching him play XBOX while I felt ignored for hours on end. Maybe things are different for him and Brooke and he doesn’t bother with useless game consoles. I’m sure they have fun getting drunk together though, and probably high even. I don’t really care for either.

  “Face it Brady, we never loved each other. Or maybe we did in a different way, not the forever kind of way.” I say. He raises his brow at me in question.

  “So, you’re not mad? I mean this pretty much means that you and I are kind of over. It doesn’t bother you? How can you not be mad about my cheating?” Here goes.

  “Because Brady, you’re not the only one that cheated. I can’t be mad at you for doing something I did as well.” We finally get to a gravel road and turn off on a deserted street, which has nothing but trees and some grass. He kills the engine and turns his body toward mine. This place is pretty deserted. You can get killed out here and no one would know.

  “Abby.” I snap out of my sick and twisted thoughts and look at him.

  “Sorry, what did you say?”

  “Um, you were talking actually. I was just trying to bring you out of your daze so you could finish.”

  “Oh. Right. So anyway-“

  “What were you thinking about?” He interrupts leaning over the steering wheel, looking at me.

  “It’s nothing. I was just having a weird eerie moment.” I answer not meeting his gaze. He laughs.

  “Let me guess, you think I brought you out here to leave you stranded once I found out some juicy information about you?” Almost, but I don’t feel like correcting him.

  “Something like that. Anyway, I’m not mad because I did the same thing to you, with Lucas. I’m sorry Brady. Lucas was my first love and I guess I never got over him.”

  “You never wanted to. No one forgets their first love. I guess I should have realized it. We had good times but I don’t think it would have lasted forever. Well I thought it could have, until I realized I liked Brooke more than just friends. She feels really bad by the way.” I look away for a minute before meeting his eyes again.

  “Yeah, she really acts like it. She hasn’t talked to me for days prior to the walk-in and now all of a sudden she feels bad. I don’t feel like she cares about our friendship.” He puts his hand up to stop me from flapping my jaws. I take the hint and close my mouth.

  “Actually, she wanted to tell you but I told her she should wait. I wanted to tell you first.”

  “Well, you both got to tell me.” I remember the look on Brooke’s face. I could have mistaken her for a corpse. Her face was white as a ghost and she didn’t even blink her eyes. I feel bad now that I know she wanted to tell me. It must have been why she avoided me all those times, afraid she’d spill the beans and probably make matters worse.

  “So let me ask you, did you and Lucas have sex?” Oh that’s subtle.

  “Yes.” I bluntly reply. He looks shocked for a brief second.

  “Really? You’re not a virgin anymore?” I laugh and shake my head.

  “Huh. Well that’s an interesting concept. How the Hell did he pull that off? You never wanted to with me.” He sounds a bit insulted and it makes me feel a little guilty. For over three years I turned him down, when it got too far. I could do the whole religious excuse but that would be pointless since it has nothing to do with it. Well it was more of a personal choice in the beginning but that was before I realized the only person I wanted to be intimate with was not in this car.

  “To be honest, I just wasn’t ready. But the real reason is that somewhere, somehow I always knew I wanted my first time to be with Lucas. I didn’t want to settle for just anyone. I knew it wouldn’t be fair to you if I wasn’t really into it. I’m sorry I gave you no sexual life. It was more of a personal thing than anything else.”

  “It makes sense. And don’t apologize Abby, we both messed up. But I think it’s better this way. I still want to be friends. Can we do that
, or would it be too awkward?” I think we’re both mature enough to handle this without letting it be an issue.

  “Absolutely. I mean, you are dating my best friend so we’re kind of stuck with each other. It will take some getting used to I have to admit but not in a bad way.”

  “I know what you mean. We could just go along like we’ve been doing all these years, it’s not like it’s much different. We haven’t been having sex anyway, so really it’s almost the same.”

  “Ha. Ha. Very funny.” I hit him playfully.

  “Are you happy Abby? Does Lucas make you happy?” I stare out the windshield with a goofy grin on my face.

  “Yes, he really does. He’s always understood me, even better than myself. I can see a future with him.” He nods looking down at his hands, distracted. “What’s wrong?” I ask him.

  “I’m sorry I wasn’t always there for you. I know you had a rough life with your dad and Sarah and I didn’t always help things. I just hope Lucas treats you the way you deserve, the way I should have treated you.” He looks truly upset and I put my hand on his shoulder.

  “You did the best you could. Lucas just understood what I was going through. His dad was a drunk and apparently abusive as well. He knew how to comfort me and listen. I don’t blame you for anything.” He nods and starts the car again.

  “Well we should head back. But I’m glad we talked. I think we’re gonna be great as friends.” He says and smiles. I take his hand in mine and squeeze it gently.

  “Me too. But Brady?”

  “Hmm?” He asks pulling back out on to the main road.

  “You better treat Brooke right. If you hurt her and I find out, I will kick your ass.”

  “I promise, I will run away, far, far away before you kick my ass.” He gives me a wicked grin and says “but honestly, I won’t hurt Brooke. Now I will say the same thing. If Lucas makes you sad or cry I will hunt him down and kill him then take his body and hide it in that spot we were just at, where no one will find him.” I don’t see that happening. Brady may be a pretty broad guy, but if it came to it I think Lucas could take him. But I don’t say any of that to Brady.