“Now that the solar panels are working, you can use the oven.”
He kept the foil on the tray, popped it into the oven and then he turned it on. It was going to take a few minutes for the oven to heat up. So Harper just stood there and watched. Nash turned and looked at her as if confused.
“Why don’t we sit down? That might take a while.”
She walked over to the sofa and sat down. “I reheated it before I left to come here.” Lame conversation. She hated small talk. This was getting old and was just avoiding the very thing that she'd come here for. Except she still didn't know exactly why she was here.
Oh yes, he said she hadn't understood him.
“Why am I here?” she asked as he joined her on the sofa.
His eyes bore into her. “You're the one that brought me the lasagna.”
She cocked her head to one side. “Don't play with me. You know why I'm here. You all but invited me to come talk to you. You said so yourself. You wanted to have coffee or ice cream. Well, I brought reheated lasagna. So I am asking you, why am I here? What is it that I don't understand? Because to be honest with you, I thought your words about not wanting to see me made things pretty clear.”
“I'm a coward.”
She sputtered. “You’re what?”
He shifted uncomfortably in the seat. She wasn't sure if it was because she'd laughed at him or his admission hit some sort of a nerve inside of him.
“I told you I don't do this well. In fact, I really don't do this at all.”
“You said that.”
He stared at her for a few seconds. “But I didn't tell you why. I suppose I owe you that.”
She lifted her hands and tried to wave them off. “You don't owe me anything. You saved my life and gave me shelter during the storm.” Then she laughed. “That sounds like some kind of rock and roll song from the radio. But it's true. You don't own me anything.”
“I was married once.”
Her eyes widened with his abrupt admission. The entire time they'd been together, he had never mentioned anything about a wife. Wait, he said once. That meant he was no longer married.
It wasn’t an extraordinary admission. She knew lots of people that she had graduated with who had already married and divorced. Katie Dobbs was one, but she had since found love and happiness with Caleb. It wasn't something shocking. It happened. Not every relationship was meant to be a forever relationship.
“You never mentioned being married before. Is that what makes you gun-shy about wanting to have a relationship with me?”
There was no room for beating around the bush. It was important to get everything on the table. She wasn't going to lay awake in bed at night and roll over every conversation, every look, and the few caresses and embraces she'd shared with Nash Webber. If this was going to be closure for them, then they needed to get to it. She wasn't going to drag this out and torture herself any longer than she had to.
“Carol died.”
Harper’s heart sank in her chest. She resisted the urge to reach out to him. She wasn't sure it would be welcome given how much he’d held back recently. “I'm so sorry. Was she sick?”
She'd question asking him even that. Clearly admitting that he'd been married and that his wife had died was something that was still painful given the stark look on his face.
He shook his head. “I don't think Carol had been sick a day in her life. She had incredibly good health. She reminded me of that all the time.”
“How long were you together?”
“About two years total. We'd met on a project we did together overseas. Given where we were and how remote it was, we honestly spent all our time together. The project lasted three months and by the time it was over, we were married. A whirlwind relationship is what I've heard people say, if you believe in those things.”
“You don't?”
He shrugged. “I loved her. When you know, you know. It's as simple as that.”
Harper thought about her grandmother and those words seemed like something she would say to Harper now. It was if she was saying them that day in the kitchen when the heart hurts, it hurts. It doesn't put a qualifier on it.
It was clear that Nash was still hurting now.
“How long has it been since she died?”
“Almost two years. It's hard to believe that she came and left my life so quickly. It seemed like she was so much a part of my life that it's always been hard to imagine my life without her. Until now.”
His words and their meaning were not lost on her. She hadn't imagined it. He did care for her. It wasn't just some random thing that they'd shared.
“Do you want to tell me what happened? You don't have to talk about it if it’s too painful.”
“It will always be painful. Because it was my fault.”
Sweet Montana Rescue: Chapter Twelve
“I don't understand. Were you in a car accident?”
He shook his head. “We were out in the field. It was one of those wonderful days when the sun was shining bright after a heavy rain, and green was just beginning to explode everywhere around us. It's was a great day for a hike. Or so we thought.
“It would be easy to say that it was an accident, that it was something that could've been avoided. Thing is, it was a bad call.”
“I don't understand.”
He smiled weakly and looked down at his hand resting on his thigh. She wanted to put her hands there to give him comfort and reassurance. She held back. The fact that he was talking to her about something that was clearly painful was enough.
“We were both experienced survivalists. I think that sometimes makes you cocky. Or maybe a little lazy. I never thought of myself that way, but maybe that was it. I’ve played it over in my mind so many times looking for an answer, and every replay of what happened comes up the same. We should have known better. I should have known better. But it’s also hard to separate what really happened with what is fiction in my mind because that’s what I can accept.”
“What happened?”
“Like I said, the day was beautiful. We'd been holed up in a tent in rainy weather for about a week. Both of us were stir crazy and wanted to get out and explore. We both were experienced climbers. It wasn't something either of us feared or questioned would be a bad thing that day. Looking back, there were things we both missed. We went hiking to a location where we had some monitors we wanted to check. There'd been some seismic activity earlier in the season and we were checking river flows and soil samples that might indicate a problem.”
“She was a scientist like you?”
“Environmental science, yes. We’d go to places that other team members really weren’t crazy about. I used to think Carol was crazy for being like me. She didn't mind being out in nature or even throwing down her backpack and sleeping right on the ground. Most of the team liked some pamperings out in the field. But Carol liked to just get into things and get right to work. She took the essentials, water, food, or instruments. A tent was just extra weight.”
A pang of jealousy stabbed at Harper. They seemed like the perfect match. How could he possibly see her the way he'd seen his wife? He loved his wife. He’d lost her. Harper couldn't compete with that even if she tried.
“We climbed pretty high and there was a section we knew we had to repel across two rock formations. Otherwise, we would have to go down the mountain and back up again to avoid the ravine below. Carol put the harness on. We had bolted some hooks in the rocks the week before when we’d arrived. We’d gone back and forth over that ravine several times already. And while we were up there looking at the green and loving feeling that sunshine on us, we missed something.”
Harper felt a slow burning in her stomach and it began to grow as her imagination ran rampant. But she didn't say anything. She just looked at the pain in ashen face and let him unload whatever was he needed to say.
“She was almost to the other side.”
“She went first?”
“I wish I
had. If I had, maybe I would've looked up and seen a problem with the bolts that were secured to the rock. She wasn't paying attention all. She was just pulling herself along, laughing and waiting to get to the other side so she could climb up to the landing and wait for me. I don't know what happened for sure. But a bolt came free before she reached the other side and she fell.”
“Oh no.”
“If I had gone first maybe I would've seen it. I would’ve seen the problem and had been prepared somehow.”
“Why are you torturing yourself like this? What could you have done if it had been you on the cable and the bolts came free?”
He shook his head and he shrugged. “I don't know. I remember when I first started out I trained on the cables. Maybe I would've felt the bolts slipping. I would've seen the rock crack. I don't know. But it would have been me that had fall into the ravine and died, not Carol.”
Harper shook her head. “You could drive yourself crazy thinking like that.”
“For the first year, I did.”
She frowned. “What did you do?”
“I kept going back there. I knew what I expected to find. I kept testing to see if it would break again, almost challenging it to do it. I thought in my mind that if it did, I could catch the cable, and I could hold onto the cable and climb up. If I had gone over first, then maybe I could've done that and both of us would've survived. A big part of me thought and still thinks that I died that day with Carol. I watched her fall. I watched and could see the look on her face as she was falling backwards and there wasn't a damn thing I could do to help her.”
“I'm so sorry. That must be so hard for you to live with that image in that memory.”
“The living part? That started back about six months ago. Before that, I was convinced I was dead. Dead inside anyway. So I hope you can understand my strange reaction to you.”
“It's normal to feel that way after grieving for so long. To want to protect yourself and be cautious.”
“Cautious? No, that's not it. I shouldn't have kissed you, Harper. I can't start something and then pretend that I can be whole. That's not fair to you.”
“Shouldn’t I be the judge of that?”
“There is a big part of me that died with Carol that day. I'm not sure I can give that to someone or bring it back.”
“I know you have feelings for me, Nash. I know you're afraid. I am to. Maybe not the same reason, but the fear is still there.”
“It's too fast. It's too much.”
“So just like that you’re giving up?”
“I don't think of it as giving up. I think of it more as protecting you in a way that I couldn’t protect Carol.”
“The two things have nothing to do with each other. Look, I don’t know what a love like that is. And maybe it doesn’t happen twice in a lifetime. But I know what I feel for you. I’m in love with you, Nash.”
His eyes widened. “No. You can't be.”
“Why not?”
“I won't let you be.”
“You just told me that when you fall in love, you know. Well, I know. I don't need months or years to figure this out. I've never felt this way about anybody before. And please, don't tell me it's because we were caught in a situation that was forced on us. That's true. But we could easily be forced together and part ways without feeling this way. The feelings I have for you are real, Nash. And despite what you're doing, I know you have feelings for me, too. Otherwise, it wouldn't matter to you to walk away from me without explaining. I know you are afraid. But I also know that you love me. I just hope you realize it before you miss out on the best part of living. And that’s loving. Even if it means you might lose that love someday.
Sweet Montana Rescue: Chapter Thirteen
Harper left without eating a single bite of the lasagna she’d prepared. She’d said that she had more at home and the lasagna she’d brought would last him a few days. It had been an attempt at a joke, but he’d seen the sad look in her eyes. Sadness that he’d caused.
Damn. He should have been more careful. What made him think he could be with a woman like Harper Madison? She was amazing. Every moment they spent together was precious.
But he didn’t think he’d ever be able to go through loving a woman again. Not like he’d loved Carol. It was too much.
A few days later, Nash was on his way to the hardware store when he saw the ambulance out in front of Tara's shop. Before he headed to the hardware store, he’d seen one of the EMTs run out of the bakery and climb into the ambulance. A few minutes later, the ambulance soared down the street with sirens blaring.
Most people on the street stopped and looked. Someone came out of the hardware store and asked him, “What's going on?”
“Beats me,” he said. “The ambulance headed down the street.”
“Thanks. Probably another accident from an out-of-towner.”
The man walked on down the street to his pickup truck. Curious, Nash decided to go into the novelty shop to see if Tara knew what was going on. He didn't know why, but there was a nagging feeling in his stomach. He walked through the door and heard the bell. Tara was opening up boxes on the other side of the room. Another girl was standing behind the counter on the bakery side. Nash walked over to Tara.
Tara stood up as he approached. “How did those pastries do you at the potluck?” she asked with a smile.
“I don't know. I assume they sold to someone.”
“They did,” she said with a chuckle. “The fire chief took the whole box home with him. Wouldn't even let anyone in the department have a bite.”
Tara was clearly happy that her selection had gone over well.
“What can I do for you? Are you looking for something special? Or for someone special?”
“No, just nosy. I just saw an EMT run out of your store and take off down the street. I wasn't sure, but thought I heard the name Madison on her radio as she ran to the ambulance.”
“Oh, you're talking about Mia. Yes, she was just here. There was a call for an ambulance to go down to the Madison house. Something about some kind of an accident.”
Nash wasn't sure if he even said goodbye to Tara. He bolted through the door onto the sidewalk and looked around in a disoriented haze. He abandoned his plan to go to the hardware store for more batteries. Instead, he jumped into his truck and headed down the road in the direction he’d seen the ambulance go towards Harper Madison’s house. Fear strangled him by the throat as he drove, and he felt like a wild man with fear he couldn't control. Lucky for him there were no red lights or stop signs to stop him. He’d ignore them and he wasn't stopping for a ticket anyway.
Just as he feared, he saw the ambulance in the driveway as he pulled up to Harper's house. He parked on the street and bolted from the truck, running across the lawn to the front door.
“Whoa, you can’t go in there,” Zeb said.
“What happened? Is she okay?” he asked.
Zeb frowned. “She?”
“Harper Madison. Is she okay?”
“Harper’s not here. She's the one who called the ambulance for her grandmother.”
Relief seemed to deflate most of the fear that had clutched Nash in the last few minutes and had turned him into a crazy man. “How is her grandmother? Is she going to be okay?”
“You mean Daphne? She's fine. A little worried though.”
Nash saw the gurney through the screen door and didn't see anyone inside.
“Is she hurt bad?”
Zeb shook his head. “Oh, we're not here for Daphne. We’re here for Joel.”
“I don't understand.”
“I guess they were dancing,” Zeb said with a smile. “It's kind of cute if you ask me. She can barely walk without her walker. He’s only slightly better. But they wanted to dance as if they were two young kids. The only problem is that Joel took a tumble. I just hope he didn't break a hip.”
“Joel. That was the man I'd seen Mrs. Madison with at the potluck.”
“Yes, he was the
principal when I was in school. Can you step aside? They will be bringing him out soon.”
“Sure, of course.”
Nash stepped off the porch steps and then took a few steps back to give the EMTs room to bring out their patient.
“What about Mrs. Madison? Will she be going with you?”
“She can't drive. And she can't go with him in the ambulance. There's not enough room.”
“Harper is still at the station, isn't she?”
The officer nodded as he pulled the screen door open and they began to navigate the stretcher through the doorway. Mia, a small and slight woman of Hawaiian heritage, was the woman he'd seen coming out of Tara's novelty and bakery in a hurry. He'd met her when he'd brought Harper down from the mountain after the storm and then again at the potluck.
“I hate ambulances,” Joel said. “I don't know why you didn't let me take my car. I’m perfectly able to drive.”
“You will be fine, Mr. Stephens,” Mia said. “It's only short ride to the hospital.”
With a scowl on his face, Joel said, “I know that. I’ve been living here in this town all my life. I know how long it takes to get to the hospital.” Then he turned to look at Zeb who was still holding the door. “I'd gone there to visit enough of my students over the years when they were hurt at a sports event. I think I even visited you once.”
“I remember that,” Zeb said. “We just want to make sure you’re comfortable and get the best care you can. This is only to reassure you that nothing is broken.”
“I didn’t break anything. It was a little fall. When I can go home tonight, I'll be reassured. I still don't know why Daphne insists I need to get this leg checked out. I'm fine.”
Zeb chuckled. “I wouldn't put up too much of a fuss, Mr. Stephens. It's not a bad thing to have a woman fuss over you. Especially one as nice as Mrs. Madison.”
Joel smiled and glanced back at the door he’d just come through. Then he looked up at Zeb and said, “You're right. Thanks for reminding me of that.”
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