Surrounded by her family, they helped me feel more at ease. They knew little about me, and my relationship with Paige, so I filled them in. Not knowing if it was my place to say anything, I still wanted her parents to know I deeply cared for their daughter. I apologized over and over again about what my brother had done, and he wasn’t going to get away with his felonies. Not once did they blame me. They treated me as if I was their own son, and basically, welcomed me into the family. To know they had accepted me as the man who loved their daughter, was more comforting than anything in this world.
Although I’m not a very religious man, I prayed with them. We all held hands while Paige’s dad prayed to God that his beautiful daughter would be returned unharmed and back to the safety of her home. Lots of crying and silence filled the living room as we continued to pray. I needed to take a break, so I stepped outside and called my folks and sister. They too were devastated and worried about Paige, but more than anything they were speechless about how their son hit rock bottom. He was now a man at large and could possibly go to prison for the rest of his life. I really wanted to go home, but they understood my place was to stay here until Paige was safe and under her own roof again. They came to love her as any parent would for love their own daughter, and prayed she would be okay. The sadness and guilt my parents are experiencing leaves me feeling hollow. I don’t know how they’ll ever come back from this. It’s hard enough finding out Dominic was the one responsible of killing two people, but to learn he abducted an innocent woman was mortifying.
After almost two days of worrying, Paige’s parents, brother, and even Lynn, were all over her the second she walked inside the house. While everyone was crying and hugging her, I silently remained standing in the middle of the living room, and allowed the tears to fall from my eyes. I was just so relieved she was okay.
Paige hugged her mom for dear life, crying in her arms. I so badly wanted her to run to me, so I could wrap my body around hers and never let go. Sadly, I didn’t get the chance. For half a second, she glanced my way before her mother decided to take her straight back into her bedroom. For that half a second, I couldn’t make out what she was feeling. She gave me a look of mixed emotions. It was hard not to read into them. Maybe she blamed me for what had happened. Maybe she now hated my entire family and thought we were all insane. I write horror for a living, so I wouldn’t be surprised if she assumed I had a dark side just like Dominic. Whatever was going through her mind, I was just grateful she was safe and unharmed. If she’d gotten hurt, I would’ve had a serious breakdown and begged for mercy until I could no longer speak. That’s how much she means to me: I’d lay down my life for her.
While Paige was gathering herself and taking a hot shower, Lynn threw a meal together for everyone to eat. I didn’t have it in me to stuff food in my mouth. At one point, Paige’s dad tried to strike up a conversation with me. We talked about my books and upcoming movie, but other than that, I wasn’t much into talking either. What I really wanted to do was go see Paige. I needed to see her, to tell her how sorry I was. There were no excuses for what Dominic had done. He lost his sanity and took it out on her, which made me physically sick. At one point, I left to go outside and vomited in the bushes. Lynn, being very supportive, gave me a glass of water and patted my back, telling me Paige was home and she was okay. It felt good to have Lynn on my side. She knows how much I adore and love Paige and wouldn’t ever want her to get hurt. She understands I made a mistake by lying and that Dominic held a cloud over my head for years, so to a certain extent I wasn’t all to blame. It will take me some time to accept being taken advantage of as well as forgive myself for my part in the horror story.
I’m still in the living room, waiting my turn to see Paige. Laith is the last family member in there right now. Instead of everyone overwhelming her, Paige’s mom thought it would be best if Paige had one person at a time to visit. I highly agreed, because more than anything, I wanted to be alone with her.
Laith pats me on the shoulder, and tells me Paige wants to see me. As if my ass was on fire, I hop out of the reclining chair, and swiftly make my way toward her bedroom. I’m a little hesitant at first to enter, because either this is a fresh start for us, or it’s our last goodbye. I’m terrified.
Taking a deep breath, I knock on the door. “Hi, you can come in,” Paige says. She takes my breath away with how beautiful she is. Her wet hair is combed in a low ponytail, draping over her shoulder. She’s wearing a black tank top, pink pajama bottoms and is sitting Indian style on the bed. The pinks of her cheeks brighten the moment I step foot inside her room, I can’t help but want to devour her right here and right now, and tell her how glad I am that she’s alive and not hurt. But however badly my temptations are, I keep my distance.
I stuff my hands down inside my pockets. “Thanks. You’re family has been drilling me out there.” I nervously chuckle, yet joking. Why am I so nervous?
“I hope they weren’t too hard on you.”
“No, I was just kidding. They’re great people.”
“They are.” We have an awkward few seconds of just staring at each other, not knowing what to do with ourselves. But then, slowly, Paige holds out her arms and whispers, “Come here.”
Like a bullet, I have her in my arms again. My hands go directly to her face, and I begin kissing her tantalizing lips long and hard. I curse inside my head because I feel I can breathe again…she’s my life line. I groan from deep within my chest, she feels amazing, strong and smells like something with flowers mixed in with mango. I’m consumed with all things Paige, and it takes everything in me not to tear off her clothes and bury myself deep inside her. This overpowering, gut wrenching need to drive her over the edge is not just because I’ve missed her and want to be back in her life, it’s about how I thank God she’s alive and back home. As we continue relishing one another, I can hear the gorgeous, sexy faint noises she’s making, and it drives me wild, but just as quickly as taking her lips, I pull myself back.
Keeping our foreheads together, we’re both breathing exceedingly hard. “God, Paige…I was so worried about you.” I pull her into my chest, and then place my hand on the back of her head, kissing the top. “I’m so sorry…so sorry,” I whisper, and on the verge of possibly crying again.
“I know you are, but it’s not your fault. I’m okay…really,” she reassures me, breathing her hot breath against my neck.
“Do you want to tell me what happened?”
While she tells everything me from Dominic holding a gun to her, bounding her from behind, blindfolding her and locking her up in a dark room for hours, I’ve never felt so sick in my life. For the first time ever I really think I hate my brother. How could he have done this?
I try to get my bearings before I ask, “Did he hurt you?”
She shakes her head. “No. He didn’t have it in him to do anything to me. He was just scared, and for some reason he saw me as a threat.”
Surprised by her remarks, I let her go and gather her face into my hands. She sees I’m clearly upset when I ask, “How can you be so easily forgiving? My brother could have seriously hurt you…or worse. He had a gun for Christ sake!”
With furrowed brows, she wraps her hands around my wrists. “Wait, I never said anything about forgiveness. It’s going to take me a lot longer than a day to put all of this behind me. I just think Dominic is deeply hurting, more than we realize. His drinking caused such vile feelings and made him do outrageous, dangerous things. But forgiving him is not going to happen overnight. He did a lot of damage to me, to you, and to Glen’s family. I can’t take anything lightly right now…he ruined my life.” The pain in her voice says it all. What she explained makes plenty of sense. However, I can’t help but feel she implied I ruined her life as much as my brother had.
I take my hands away from her face. “I ruined your life too,” I admit.
Tears begin to well up in her eyes. “Oh, James, no…I–”
The last thing I want to do is make her
cry. It’s selfish of me to even go there after what she’s been through. I tug her back into my chest. “Shh…I’m sorry,” I say, kissing the side of her head. “I shouldn’t have brought it up.”
“No, that’s not it.” She sniffs. “It’s just…I’ve missed you so much.”
My heart almost bursts out of my chest from hearing her say that. Tightening my hold around her body, I tell her, “I’ve missed you too, more than you’ll ever know. What Dominic did…I never imagined he would ever do something like that. I was so scared I was going to lose you.” My voice comes out hoarse and strained. I’m so emotional at this moment, it takes everything in me to not break down and weep.
“You haven’t lost me, but I still have so much to reconsider and to think about.” Just when I think everything is going to be okay between us, Paige shatters my hopes.
I release myself from our embrace. “What are you saying?”
With tears in her eyes, she explains, “Even though I love you, and desperately want to be with you again, I can’t forget that you lied to me for weeks. I need time to work things out. That also includes needing answers about who my husband was, and why he betrayed me.” I feel as though I got kicked in the gut. Because I lied to her, she doesn’t trust me anymore. “As you can see, I’m so overwhelmed right now,” she says, wiping her wet cheeks.
I want to support her and will do anything to help her heal. Getting her trust back will not be easy, but I’ll make it a priority and will fight to win her back. Taking her hand into mine, I tell her, “I won’t pressure you, Paige. I’m here if you want answers. I know what I did was selfish and stupid, so I’ll give you time.”
“Yes, I need time, definitely, because I don’t know how long it will take for me to get over being lied to.”
Another kick in the gut, but I have to keep my cool and be patient. “I understand. Even if I have to wait forever, I’ll give you however much time it takes for you to forgive me. I just want you to be happy and safe.”
She looks down at our combined hands and mutters out, “Thank you.”
“No,” I firmly respond. With my forefinger, I lift her chin back up. “Don’t ever thank me. After what has happened, I don’t deserve a thanks. I don’t deserve anything from you.”
She shakes her head and cries, “Please stop. I still love you, James Parker. You’re a good, loving man, but…”
She loves me but… “You don’t trust me.”
“I’m sorry,” she whispers. I can see it in her eyes, and hear in her voice how much pain she’s in.
I can’t blame her though. She’s the innocent party here. I’m the one who ruined anything good between us. “You have every right not to trust me. I screwed up, and that is my own doing.” It hurts so bad, I feel like my soul has been ripped away from me. I’ll never be happy again, I just know it. I wasn’t happy before Paige, and I won’t be happy after I leave here. Now that I know where I stand, I need to shift topics. It’s Paige’s turn to learn the truth about her late husband, and how I ended up finding out about her. Clearing my throat, I begin. “Okay…uh…how about I help you by filling in those gaps about Glen?”
“Yes.” She dabs her eyes with a tissue. “I would appreciate it.”
I take a deep breath and tell her everything she needs to hear. Hopefully, I can help close those doors of her past so she can move on.
After I spill every last drop of Glen’s secrets, Paige sits motionless. She’s shocked that her whole marriage was nothing but lies. What seems like a good couple minutes of silence, she manages to say, “I thought I heard it all.” Shaking her head in disbelief. “To think I was married to a CIA agent…wow. He hid his career so well and he even pretended to graduate with his class. I feel so stupid.”
I grab onto her hand. “Paige, no, you shouldn’t feel stupid. He played us all. He played everyone. We just thought he abandoned all of us, and didn’t care about us anymore. Myself and his parents, tried everything to get him to come home, but he made up the most outrageous excuses not to be in our lives. No one knew he was even married.”
She gasps. “That’s just…I don’t even know what to say! He told me his parents were dead, and didn’t even mention of having a sister…Becca of all people.” I shouldn’t be surprised he told her his parents were dead, but how can I not be? This is outrageous, how could he have lived with himself? To this day, it still baffles me after all these years. “I thought every time he left, he was called out on a story,” Paige continues.
“I know. It really kills me that he kept so much from you, including being unfaithful. Every time I think about him stepping out on you with another woman…I feel this rage inside,” I comment bitterly.
“That’s why you would get so upset whenever we talked about him.”
“He used to be my best friend, but he means nothing to me anymore. Not after what he did.” I swipe a hand through my hair. “I sound like a real hypocrite, don’t I?”
“You sound like someone who lost his best friend and feel utterly betrayed.” God…she hit it right on the nail. That’s exactly how I feel. “I’m not the only one who lost him, James.”
Holding back the tears, I gravelly say, “He was like a brother.”
Paige squeezes my hand. “Of course he was.”
However sad I feel my best friend is gone, the rage from his unfaithfulness comes back. “But I can’t get over him cheating on you,” I tell her, clenching my jaw. “He was a complete jackass to do that to someone who is beyond beautiful and perfect.”
“I’m not perfect.”
“Perfect for me!” I raise my voice and causing Paige to wince. Shit. I can’t lose it right now. All of my conflicted emotions are not going to help this situation. Maybe time away from each other is going to be a good thing. I have a lot of things to face and deal with myself. Being together certainly wouldn’t be the right thing for either of us right now, so really it’s best I leave so we can both get on with our lives. No doubt, it’s going to be painful to live without her on a daily basis, but it has to be done. We’re no good for one another if we aren’t one hundred percent healed from our pasts.
I quickly get to my feet, trying to control my emotions. Turning away from Paige, I place my hands on my hips and take a few deep breaths. Yes…hell yes, Paige is perfect for me and always will be, but sadly this is where it has to end.
The heat from Paige’s fingers on my back causes my skin to explode in a million goose bumps. She affects me like no other person, so leaving her is going to be distressingly hard, and the worse pain ever imaginable. “James–”
She takes a step back from me when I whip around to face her. The regret and dismay is written all over my face, it’s easy to see this is the end. I cup the side of her face, which she willingly leans into, and I do my damndest not to break down when I tell her, “Just so you know…being with you was the best thing that ever happened to me. Not a single day goes by that I regret on how we met and how we took all those new firsts together. You opened up my heart, and for that…I will always love you.” Leaning down, I give her one last kiss, “Take care, Paige,” and walk out of her bedroom without as so much as a glance back. Although I can hear her crying, I have to get out of here.
As quickly as I can, I make my way to the front door, not even aware that all eyes are on me. Being a jerk, I don’t even say goodbye as I shut the door behind me, but Lynn comes rushing out and catches up to me before I get inside my car.
“Hey, James, wait up! Are you okay?”
“Does it look like I’m okay, Lynn?” I rudely reply, but my manners don’t seem to faze her.
With sympathy in her eyes, Lynn kindly says, “For what it’s worth, I’m sorry. If there is anything you want me to do, don’t hesitate to call me.”
I close my eyes, and then exhale a large amount of air. “I really do appreciate it, Lynn. I’m grateful Paige has someone like you in her life.”
“You have me too, so don’t forget.”
“Thanks, b
ut for now I think it’s best we cut ties altogether. I’ll stay out of the way, so Paige can find some peace and move forward. I just want her to be happy, that’s all.”
She leans up toward my cheek, kisses it, and then gives me a hug. “You’re a good guy, James. You deserve to be happy, too.”
Not being able to say anything further, I nod my head. “Goodbye, Lynn.”
“Bye, James.”
One year later…
Where do I even begin? One whole year has gone by, and not one day has passed that I haven’t thought about James. He’s basically tattooed onto my heart, and is embedded inside my soul indefinitely, so naturally, I can’t get him out of my head, even if I wanted to.
The road hasn’t been an easy one, I can tell you that. The second James left my sight, I almost chased after him, to tell him I forgave him. Because I did. Right in that very last second of our final kiss, I forgave him. But however badly I wanted to go after him, I needed to let him go. We both endured so much pain that being together wouldn’t have been right. James’ life had crumbled before him. All the anger, lies, losing Glen, and on top of that, Dominic, he had a lot to deal with. Since I had my own problems, I wasn’t the right person to help him. We each needed space to figure out how to make a clean break from our misgivings and the past. So letting him walk out of my life was truly one of the hardest things I have ever had to do. I was going to miss him terribly.
A few days after I returned home from being kidnapped, the nightmares started, then the anger and lastly depression. Slowly, I evolved into someone I didn’t recognize, and didn’t like anymore. Lynn, being my bff rock, took it upon herself to get me help. She called my mom for support and asked her to come stay with us for a while until I got back on my feet. Lynn couldn’t be by my side most times because of Chasing Pages. Because of my absence, we hired another girl, which was a serious blessing.
Chasing Paige (Falling for Words Book 1) Page 20