Since then, I haven’t seen nor heard from Becca, which was a big weight off my shoulders. My mental health was at risk. Anger…so much damn anger built up over the last few years, it nearly broke me the second I left Paige’s life. Repressing this emotion for so long, I could have done some serious damage. Getting help was not an option. I had to get myself under control. No one wanted to be around me…I didn’t want to be around me. The rage from Glen’s cheating, lying, his death, and then having to go along with Dominic’s lies and betraying Paige…I was a complete mess. There were days I couldn’t even leave my bed or go out in public. I couldn’t even write my latest book at first. The deadline to get that story finished almost killed me. I really thought I wouldn’t be able to finish it. Molly talked with the publisher directly, but I was on a damn contract and couldn’t break it. To hell with them, I thought, but thankfully I pushed my way back and got it done. After my contract is up with them, I’m leaving them. Having gone through such agony within my family and myself, no one should force you to keep working– especially if you’re not mentally capable to do so. It’s not right.
I needed a serious break after The Mental Pearl was finished. Right before it was published, I took three weeks off and went to Cancun, Mexico. No way could I have stayed in Maui, not after being there with Paige. Too many beautiful memories, I couldn’t handle being there by myself. I haven’t been back since she and I were together. It isn’t possible to live there unless I have the love of my life by my side.
The break in Cancun was exactly what I needed. Clearing my head of all the anger, exhaustion, and depression, I was a much different person when I got back to the states. I still desperately ached for Paige, she was never far from my mind and heart. Although I kept in touch with Lynn, it wasn’t the same. To say I was in pain is an understatement. The misery, sorrow, heartache, and torture…every single morning when I’d wake up…the emotions would scorch me like a blow torch. I never thought I’d be able to make it through the day. Paige brought such life into my heart that I sorely missed her. Although she was getting her life back to somewhat normal, I felt she’d died, like the other half of me had literally disappeared. But mentally, I had to keep pushing and pushing myself to move on and pray that someday soon, Paige would come back to me. I couldn’t lose hope. It’s what has kept me going.
I’ve been in a much better state in the last few weeks. The movie to my first book, Unleashed, is finished and will premiere in a month. Hearing that it’s getting some Oscar buzz is quite astonishing. Who knew that my book, turn horror film, would already be talked about before it’s even made the big screen. And for people to say it could win an Oscar, how can that even be? Some say it’s the next Silence of the Lambs. My spirits have lifted, tremendously. I can’t wait to see it. I was involved with the production, here and there, and even had the pleasure of meeting the star of the film, Sloane Crow. I’d hate to admit it, but I was rather star struck. He’s one of the highest paid actors in Hollywood, so for him to do my film…I just don’t have any words. Sloane is a really cool guy, though, and told me it was an honor playing the federal agent and would give the character his all. I couldn’t have asked for a better actor if I’d chosen him myself.
This week is all about promoting The Mental Pearl, doing interviews and signings all around the country. I haven’t felt this good in a really long time. My attitude has changed, I’m happier and although Paige hasn’t contacted me yet, I’ve been trying to stay positive. My hopes of her coming around haven’t diminished. It’s only a matter of time.
It’s been a very long day. I’m in Los Angeles for a couple days doing a signing at Barnes and Noble. It’s right next door to my hotel, which is very convenient. The readers have been a blast to meet. Their excitement over the film and my book is extremely flattering. My adrenaline was kicking in all day, but now that the signing is over I’m pretty much done, wiped out. Exhaustion hit me right after the last reader left. Food and sleep is all I can think about. I can hear my stomach making all kinds of noises while I pack up the last few of my books.
My back is turned when Molly touches my shoulder. “Ready to get out of here,” I ask.
“Not exactly. Actually, you have one more reader.”
“Seriously? It’s been over for a half-hour, Molly,” I quietly say in a hush tone, so the reader doesn’t overhear me.
“Well, you have one more, so chin up, turn around, and smile.”
“This better be a quick one, because my stomach’s been growling for the past hour.”
“You’ll get your food, don’t worry.” She smirks.
Combing a hand through my hair, I prepare myself to meet the last reader of the day. However, the person who is standing in front of my table is the last person I’d expected. I’m at a loss of words, in complete shock.
“I believe you forgot to sign this.” Her voice. It’s been forever since I last heard it– a breath of fresh air. She holds in her hand The Mental Pearl, with a gorgeous smile on her face. She lights up the entire store with her exquisite presence.
I can barely get my voice to work when I say, “Paige.”
“Hi James.” She smiles. This has to be a dream and I’m just seeing things. She’s not really here. If I am dreaming, then I’m in heaven and don’t ever want to wake up. Still standing as if I’ve seen a ghost, Paige places the book on the table and slides it toward me. “My book, James.” she says with a gleam in her eyes. Beautiful.
Knocking me out of my trance, I feel a push on my back. “Say something, you dork,” Molly hisses at me.
Get your charm on, damn it! I clear my throat. “Oh right…that was so uncool of me. I’ll take care of that for you, right away.” As I sign my name, I get a whiff of her perfume. It sends me overboard. Every organ in my body has fully awakened. “Here you go.” Our fingers briefly touch as I hand her back the book, sending an immediate shock straight to my inner core.
“Wonderful,” she whispers. “Can I get a selfie, and possibly a hug?” she asks, with a hint of playfulness.
I love where this is going. “As you wish.” Paige places the book down on the table as I step around to greet her. I eye her up and down before I envelope her into my arms. She is the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. Her once long blonde hair is now cut in a radiant bob, slightly hanging below her shoulders. Her eyes are still my favorite things to look at. Those brownies of hers…how I’ve missed staring into them. They always seem to pull me under into a deep spell. I’m so transfixed and swear Paige can see right through me. Then I see it– the Plumeria necklace I gave to her a year ago. I can’t believe she’s wearing it. As if I wasn’t already blown away by her beauty, she’s validating my love and making a show of forgiveness. I’m speechless.
The minute she’s in my arms again it’s like the sun has risen after a whole year. “My God, I can’t believe you’re here. You look so beautiful.” My is voice husky and full of deep emotion. She feels amazing, so soft and smells sensational. I could totally eat her up for dessert, she’s that tempting. My mouth is watering just thinking about it. Shit…I’ve got to get my head out of the gutter.
“Thank you. So do you…I mean…you know what I mean.” She laughs next to my ear. Holy hell, that sound is so sexy.
“Sure…I’ve got that male beauty you love so much,” I tease. Feels so good to tease her again.
She laughs. “Right.” Still being glued to one another, Paige asks, “So, um…is there a place we can talk?”
It’s hard, but I pull us apart…just a little though. “Absolutely. Would you want to go to dinner?”
She nods with a smile. “I’d love to.”
“Let me just go tell Molly–”
“Molly is right behind you and she says get the hell out of here,” Molly practically growls in my ear.
Not wasting a second longer, I grab Paige’s hand and guide her over to my hotel where they have a restaurant.
We’re seated in a cozy booth. With remembered ease, I s
lide myself closely to her so our shoulders are rubbing up against each other. Her body heat is giving me just the right signals, and if I give into my temptation to kiss her right here, before we even get a chance a talk, I may not make it through dinner. So I need to keep my cool and lay low. I’ve waited this long to be with her again, I can certainly survive a couple more hours. Sitting this close in a booth reminds me of our first date. It seems like a lifetime ago.
Before we received our dinner, we each had a glass of wine and talked about anything and everything, except the last year. I guess we both wanted to relax and be ourselves before we delve into more serious matters. Hearing her talk, laugh, getting to know her all over again made me so damn happy. I seriously thought I’d never get to that moment. Paige fulfills my life and makes me feel whole, I can’t see myself another day without her.
We’re almost through dinner. We mostly talked about the book, the movie, Paige’s bookstore, but now things get a little more serious when I bring up the elephant in the room. “So Lynn must have told you we kept in touch all year?”
She nods her head. “She did…but I’m not mad about it. I understand.”
“I tried to stay away, I really did…”
She grasps onto my hand. “James…it’s okay.”
I know she’s telling me the truth, but I feel the need to explain. “I needed some type of connection, you know?” It was so hard not seeing her on a daily basis, or a text for that matter. Anything from Lynn was better than nothing.
“I get it. I do.” She squeezes my hand. “No need to explain.” Could she be any more perfect for me? She’s so understanding, I’m in such awe of her strength. I’ve never known anyone like her before. “She filled you in on my therapy, I presume?”
Our fingers are now laced together. I can’t let go. “Yes. I’m so relieved to know you’re doing better.”
“Me too.” She shyly looks down. “What about you? How are you doing?”
“I would have told anyone I was doing fine, but now that you’re here…I’m doing fantastic.” Her eyes light up along with her amazing lips. They’re now turned up in the way I have dreamed about for a year. I bring my thumb up to her bottom lip, lightly brushing the smooth skin I want so desperately to touch with my own. “God…your smile. I’ve missed it. I’ve missed you.”
“I’ve missed you too,” her voice hitches, breathy.
“It’s been a shitty year…not only because we haven’t been together, but everything else.”
She slightly cocks her head to the side. “You want to talk about it?”
All I can do is nod. For the next fifteen minutes, I explain my entire year.
“I’m so sorry, James,” she says with unshed tears. It wasn’t easy admitting to her how angry and screwed up I’ve been, but that is now all behind me. The future is already looking brighter. We both take our last drink of our wine, sitting silently for a minute or two. “The road has definitely been long and grueling, but I’m proud of you, James. What you went through was not easy, not by a long shot.”
I squeeze her hand. “That means a lot coming from you.”
“Well, we both went through something awful, and just to manage and move past it, is a huge deal.”
“You’re right. But I’m a better a man because of this past year. It’s taught me a lot.”
I briefly close my eyes when Paige palms the side of my face. I’m turning to liquid just from that one sweet gesture. “You were always a good man, James…always. It’s why I forgave you a long time ago, because what happened wasn’t your fault. I just wasn’t seeing it clearly enough a year ago.”
Kissing the back of her hand, I reply, “It feels really good hearing you say that to me. Thank you.”
She smiles and turns back to her unfinished dinner. Quickly thereafter, I pay the bill. Dessert is waiting up in my room– that is, if she’ll agree to come up with me.
I tuck a piece of her hair behind her ear, and then ask, “Would you like to come up to my room for a nightcap?”
Biting her on bottom lip, her eyes become darker with a sultry, yet playful glow. “I thought you’d never ask.”
We can’t get out of the restaurant fast enough. The walk up to my room from the elevator, it’s like a sweet, sweet torture, and in the end the torture is going to be so worth it. If I wanted to, I could, right here, take her in this enclosed space. But like I said…sweet torture. I’m going to savor every single inch of her until I make her scream out my name– multiple times. She won’t know what hit her.
We quickly walk to my room. I slip my room key inside the door slot, open it and without turning on the lights, I trap Paige against the door. Pressing myself into her so she can feel how much I want her, I raise her arms above her head, finally sinking my mouth onto the flesh of her exposed neck. The maniac has awoken and my victim is at my mercy. “Oh, how I have missed your skin, your body. You smell divine and taste even better,” I whisper. While one hand is holding her arms, my other hand grips her hip. Her breath comes in spurts, and her pulse beats rapidly against my mouth. How can I get any harder than I already am? That’s what she does to me, though. She turns me into an animal.
My fingers begin their trail of untucking the blouse from her jeans. The sweet torture I was talking about? It’s finally over. “Please…I need you. I can’t wait any longer,” Paige chokes out.
Releasing her arms, her hands go directly to my hair as I continue relishing her tasty neck. Yet her mouth is calling for me. Very rapidly, we start kissing one another. Our mouths, tongues, teeth - they’re doing exactly what we’ve been missing this entire year. All the torture, loneliness, anger, and heartache are seeping out of us. It’s pure bliss. Before we know it, we are tangled in bed, nurturing and exploring each other’s bodies. It’s the most gratifying, tantalizing pleasure I have ever experienced. There is nothing better than making love to the one person who knows who you are, deep inside.
Afterwards, I get us a couple of glasses of wine. We’re sitting up in bed and Paige is snuggled up to me, wearing my t-shirt, hair disheveled, cheeks flushed and all around gorgeous. We’ve been taking everything in, not quite sure where our relationship will go from here…at least that’s what I’m thinking. This doesn’t necessarily mean we’re back together. I’m just waiting for her to give me the signal that we’re starting over, because this could be just a one-time thing for us. If it were, then I’ll remember this moment forever and be grateful she gave me one more chance to prove to her how much I love her.
From the corner of my eye, I see her glancing up at me. She’s biting that bottom lip of hers, which drives me crazy. Her fingers glide up into my outgrown beard. It’s been months since I actually gave myself a good shaving. It’s the longest it’s ever been. “I so love this,” Paige says.
“Oh yeah? Should I get rid of my razor then?”
“Maybe. I find it very sexy,” she practically purrs.
Okay, that calls for another kiss. So I put our wine glasses aside, and devour her luscious lips for another round. I love the aftertaste of the wine…she’s delicious.
Ever since she came to surprise me, I’ve wondered what she thought of the dedication I wrote for her inside my book. “So…what did you think of my dedication?”
She looks down at our linked fingers. “To be honest…it’s what helped me decide to come here. It was so beautiful, and I knew right then and there that I had to fight to get you back.”
Relief hits me. She wants to start over. I couldn’t be more elated right now. “No fighting necessary, baby.” I kiss the side of her head.
Paige shifts around to face me. Her eyes are teary, and sad. What’s making her this way? “I know that now, it’s just…” She pauses, taking a few deep breaths. “I’ve been utterly lost without you, and was afraid you had fallen out of love with me.”
I nearly lose it. How could she think I would ever fall out of love with her? I lift her onto my lap. “Seriously?” I ask, caressing her face. “That coul
d never, ever happen. Not in this lifetime. You’re part of my heart and soul…indefinitely.”
“Really?” She sniffs.
I brush away the escaped tears from her eyes. “Trust me, sweetheart. I’m all yours, forever…only if you’ll have me.”
She nods, and then smiles. “I do trust you…with my heart and my life.” Her words make me suck in a breath. She trusts me. Placing my hands on my shoulders, she then says, “And yes, I’ll have you…indefinitely, because I’m so tired of living my life without you. I love you, James Parker.”
Like the sweetest music to my ears. “That makes two of us. I love you…so much.”
From then on, for the rest of my life, I treated her like gold. I stayed true, honest and kept every promise I ever made to her.
My life wouldn’t be what it is if I hadn’t stepped foot inside– Chasing Pages.
Three years later…
After a week-long of promoting my first romance book, If You’ll Have Me, my family and I were finally able to take the long awaited yearly trip to Maui. Our house had been calling me home. I couldn’t wait to sink my toes in the sand and lie on the beach, getting my much anticipated tan. However, having two children under the age of four, lying on the beach, and tanning wasn’t a guarantee anymore. Instead I’d settle for my cabana and watch my husband play with our two little boys, Liam and Roman, in the pool. Liam, our first born, is three and is the spitting image of James…another male beauty. Roman just turned one and is a big mama’s boy, yet he has that charm just like his daddy, while Liam is a lot like me. As you can see, I’m one lucky woman to have such a gorgeous trio of men in my life.
Chasing Paige (Falling for Words Book 1) Page 22