I found a seat at the bar. One more whiskey and then I was going to head home.
As I rolled over in bed the next morning, my head was pounding and my mouth felt like it was stuffed with cotton balls. Whiskey always seemed like a good idea until the next morning when the hangover induced regret took over. A mix of coffee and men’s aftershave hit my senses as I worked to open my eyes. Panic instantly set in. The dorm usually smelled like a Bath and Body Works store and this was not the smell of Cucumber Melon and Sweet Pea.
The first thing I noticed was the bed; definitely not my bed. The sheets were grey and the comforter was black and gray striped, a far cry from the white down comforter that covered my bed. As I continued to survey the room, I noted that the walls were grey and the floors were covered in hardwoods. The window overlooked the downtown sky scrape instead of my usual campus view. Oh my God! What the heck did I do? I looked down and realized I was still in my dress, but my boots were missing. So maybe I hadn’t passed out and done something I’d regret with a complete stranger. That was reassuring.
The hammer in my head was pounding something fierce as I sat up. I needed a bathroom badly. I rolled out of bed and noticed three doors. The first one I attempted to open was a closet which, as I predicted, was full of male clothing. I had a little more luck with the second door. After relieving my full bladder, I rinsed my face with some cold water in an attempt to regain some composure. I desperately needed a shower and a toothbrush, but that would have to wait.
The third door led to a quaint loft space with a small living area and a small kitchen space in the corner. I could hear movement in that direction, causing my heart to race as I walked closer. Who the hell had I gone home with?
“Good morning, sleepy head. Why don’t you sit down and I’ll bring you something to drink?”
No, no, no! Standing in front of me, in black athletic shorts - and nothing else! - was Dane. Out of all people at the bar last night, why him? Did he kiss me? This was not good. I couldn’t remember anything. Did I kiss him back? What if he had the wrong idea? Oh crap, I’d never in my life seen abs like that this close. Ryan had nice abs, but Dane’s were incredible. And the tattoos spread from his arms to his chest and back; the sight of him made me blush.
He must have sensed my brain was working overtime. “Don’t worry, nothing happened. I think Jay gave you a few too many shots of whiskey and you were pretty much asleep at the bar when we closed. I brought you up here to sleep it off,” he added, rubbing the back of his neck with his hand.
I could feel my cheeks turn a deeper shade of red as I stepped toward the window, noting he lived right above the bar. “Oh my God, did I really fall asleep at the bar? I’m so sorry. God, I feel like such an idiot.”
Jade. Did she realize I was here? If she went home, she must be worried sick. “Why didn’t you bring me home? Did you call Jade?” I rubbed my temples with the tips of my fingers in an attempt to stop the pounding hammer. I couldn’t believe I let myself drink so much that I fell asleep in a bar.
“Well, Sunshine, for one I don’t have a clue where you live. You haven’t invited me over yet.” There was extra emphasis on the word ‘yet’. He had this cocky smile on his face that showed a dimple on his right cheek. I wondered how much trouble that dimple had gotten him out of in the past? And where did he get off calling me sunshine? I felt anything but bright and cheery this morning. “Two, I didn’t see Jade anywhere and I have no way of getting ahold of her. And, last, I saved your ass from Kevin. I saw the way he was dancing with you earlier in the night and figured you wouldn’t like to wake up next to him in the morning.” Okay, he was right about that, but it didn’t mean that I wanted to wake up in his apartment…in his bed.
“So you thought I would feel better waking up in your apartment? I’ve known you for what, a week?” Raising my voice was not helping my head any and I moved onto the couch as I rubbed my temples. “Um, can I get that drink and some aspirin if you have it? I’m not feeling too well.”
“Of course,” he whispered before disappearing into the kitchen. God, why did he have to sound so chipper in the morning when my head felt like it had been slammed against a cement wall? He came back out with a glass of water and two white pills. “Do you want toast or something?”
“Actually, that might help soak up some of this alcohol. Make it plain, though. I don’t think I can handle anything else right now.” He headed back toward the kitchen as I downed the pills with slow sips of water. I took in the rest of the apartment; it was masculine with black and grey décor. There was a guitar in the corner, a couple of art pieces on the wall and several metal sculptures on top of a sofa table. The place was surprisingly clean for a college guy.
“Here you go. Hope I made it right.”
“It’s pretty hard to screw up toast.” I would have rolled my eyes if my head didn’t hurt so much. This wasn’t the first time someone talked to me as if I was some sort of spoiled brat. I hated it and the banging in my head made my appreciate it even less.
“Well, it’s just white. Not wheat. Not rye. Not whole grain or whatever you chicks eat.”
He was looking down at me with his arms crossed and a stupid grin plastered on his face. Part of me wanted to look at that grin forever and the other part of me wanted to slap it off his face.
“I’m good, really. Do you always take girls home from the bar and into your bed? Wait, don’t answer that. I probably already know the answer.”
“Relax. I helped you up here, took your boots off, and tucked you into bed. Trust me, I could have easily taken advantage of the situation, but I was a good boy and slept on the couch.” I looked at that couch. It had a blanket on one end with a pillow in the same grey as the sheets on the bed. “You really shouldn’t drink yourself into a stupor when you are in a bar alone. Lots of things can happen to a girl like you.” His eyes looked at me with something other than anger. Concern, maybe?
“Well, thank you. I’ll keep that in mind next time,” I mumbled, trying not to anger my pounding head anymore than it already was. I was embarrassed that I drank so much last night and that I ended up in his apartment; annoyed that he was so happy in the morning and flustered by his early morning lecture. Looking at the clock on the wall, I noticed it was almost noon. “I should probably go home. I have lots of studying to do.”
“It’s Saturday,” he said, lifting a brow in my direction. I couldn’t expect him to understand how much study time my degree required. I picked up my purse and coat and started toward the door, muttering a quick thank you.
“Alex, wait.” I glanced back at him, but did not move. “I just wanted to say again how sorry I am about yesterday.”
I turned so that every part of my body faced him. “Don’t worry about it. I kind of created this mess on my own,” I said, giving him a slight smile. I turned to head back toward the door, stopping to put my coat on. My issues had nothing to do with Dane and my anger yesterday had been a knee jerk reaction.
I tried to tell him thank you again, but the look on his face stopped me. He looked like he wanted to say something, but instead remained silent. After a few seconds of silence, I left his building and made the trek back to my dorm.
I cursed Jade for leaving me at the bar alone as soon as I walked into the room. Of course she reminded me that she had asked and that I had given her the okay. She had the biggest grin on her face when I told her how I found myself waking up in Dane’s bed. From the look on her face, she thought something happened between Dane and I, which was far from the truth. I quickly corrected her, but the sly look never left her face. I loved Jade, but I didn’t think she realized how different we were.
I wasn’t looking forward to seeing Dane when Monday rolled around. Okay, maybe there was a small part of me that was looking forward to seeing him. He was the only person I had ever met that could excite me and frustrate me at the same time. I arrived before he did and waited for him to make his grand entrance. With Dane, everything was a grand entrance.
When he walked in wearing faded jeans that sat low on his hips and a charcoal grey Henley, my mouth may have dropped open just a bit. His eyes met mine and he smiled, showing me his signature dimple. “Good morning. I thought you should know that it kind of sucked not waking up with you in my bed this morning.” I looked around to make sure no one else had heard him. I didn’t need the rumor mill kicked into high gear.
“Well, you are going to have many sucky mornings then,” I said, smirking as I pulled a notebook out of my bag.
“No, Gorgeous, I think you’re wrong. I think my luck is about to change.” He winked. He seriously just winked at me and I felt the elusive butterflies fluttering in my stomach. The thought of spending more time with him excited me, but it couldn’t happen. I wasn’t a fan of trying something when I knew it was destined to fail.
“Do you ever leave your arrogance at home or does it follow you wherever you go?” He laughed before leaning in so we were only inches apart.
“This isn’t arrogance, I’m just honest and soon enough you’ll be honest with yourself and admit that you want me as much as I want you.”
“You’re not my type,” I muttered, looking up into his eyes. He ran his hand through his short hair as he studied me with so much intensity I feared he could see right through me.
“Okay, why don’t you give me a chance before you draw any conclusions? Go out with me on Thursday night. There’s a DJ playing at the club that I’ve heard is really good. And we already know that we move pretty well together.” He sat back in his chair, studying me intently. If he looked at me like that for too long, I was going to lose my resolve.
“Not going to happen.” I moved my eyes to my desk, tracing the faux wood marks with my finger before looking back up.
“Just one date and if you don’t have a good time, we don’t have to go out again. But give me one night.” I made the mistake of looking into his eyes then; they were pleading with me to say yes and I couldn’t look away this time.
What did I have to lose by going out with him for one night? It might turn into a complete mess, but after that he would leave me alone, or so I hoped. “Fine, I’ll go with you on Thursday, but if you try anything, it’s over. I mean it, Dane.”
“Whatever you say, Gorgeous, whatever you say.”
The lecture finally began. Every time I glanced at Dane, he had one side of his mouth turned up. I had to admit I felt a bit of excitement at the prospect of going out with Dane. At the very least, I would have a great dance partner for one night.
I decided not to avoid the student center at lunchtime and joined Jade at our usual table. I had been trying to stay away to avoid another run in with Dane, but that didn’t seem necessary anymore. Jade looked up at me with her signature, teeth bearing smile as I took the seat beside her. “Decided to face the music today, did you? I guess since you spent the night at his apartment on Friday, you have nothing more to hide?”
“Actually, speaking of Dane, I agreed to go to the club with him on Thursday. There’s a guest DJ playing in town.” Her eyes were huge as she processed what I just told her.
“Are you kidding?”
“No. I figured if I said yes, he would leave me alone.” I didn’t add the part where I was actually a little excited about hanging out with him.
“Oh honey, after you go out with that boy once, you will be eating out of his palm. Trust me.” There was some wickedness in her eyes, but I knew she was wrong. I couldn’t have him even if I wanted him.
My world was so confusing.
My parents were proud of me when I was dating some rich, educated boy whom I usually had a hard time connecting with, but Jade was proud of me for taking a risk and going for the boy that I knew my parents would never accept. All Jade had talked about since yesterday was my impending date with Dane while I dodged phone calls from my mother. Talking to her and knowing I was breaking her rules made me feel guilty because I wasn’t used to deceiving her. How did I get to the point where doing something that made me genuinely happy also made me feel like a bad person? I knew it wasn’t right to feel this way, but I couldn’t stop it. My parents were constantly in my head, telling me what I should and shouldn’t do. The longer I listened to them, the more resentment I felt.
My mother called again on Tuesday night. I couldn’t avoid it much longer - she would have her driver come looking for me again - so I picked it up on the fifth ring.
“Hello,” I grimaced.
“Alexandra, we need to talk.” This woman didn’t mince her words and I could only imagine what I had coming. She always called with a purpose and not one had ever pleased me.
“Um, yes?” I said, biting my lip so hard that I could taste blood. I would like to say that my mother didn’t scare me, but that would be a lie. She scared the hell out of me.
“Have you talked to Ryan? I saw his mother at the gym today and she was giving me the cold shoulder. I can’t have this, Alexandra. We’re on the planning board for the Children’s Hospital Gala together and I don’t need you ruining this for me. This is quite possibly the biggest event of the year and everyone who is anyone will be in attendance.” My lip trembled as I wrapped my arms around my stomach, taking in every word. Her words cut me. There was no concern for my feelings, but she was very concerned about her precious gala. Was I used to this? Yes. Did it hurt any less when it happened? No.
“Mother, Ryan and I are a country apart and things just aren’t working right now. It’s hard to carry on a relationship when we only see each other on break and I think it’s important that we both focus on school.” I tried to speak in a normal voice, but it was shaky as I choked back the tears.
“All the men in his family attend Stanford. You know that.” I wanted to hang up the phone so badly. She didn’t get it and never would.
“I know he had to go to Stanford, but it doesn’t change the fact that we are hours and miles apart.”
“Is this still just a break, Alexandra?” There was so much vile in her voice. This was more of an order than a question. We both knew that.
“Yes,” I lied, sucking in a deep breath.
“Good, make it a short one.” She hung up, allowing me to let out the air I had been holding in my lungs.
I settled into my pillow, letting the tears fall from my eyes as I tried to let go of the guilt. The guilt that I couldn’t be what everyone wanted me to be all the time. The guilt that I couldn’t stop the side of me that wanted more than what my parents had given me. Every now and then, someone would tell me they wished they had my life. I may have a nice house, expensive clothes and a generous monthly allowance, but my life was nothing to envy. I would trade it all in a heartbeat for a bit of positive attention from my parents.
Ever since I was younger, I had been obsessed with romantic movies and novels. The couples I envied never seemed to force their feelings; they weren’t plastic. I, on the other hand, grew up in the plastic heart society. In the plastic heart society, love and respect are secondary to money and power. If I told my mother about a boy, she would have asked “What do his parents do?” or “Where does he live?” and even “What kind of car does he drive?”. I would never hear “What is he like?”. No, because where I come from, that doesn’t really matter.
As soon as Jade came home she could tell I had talked to my mom. I was curled in the fetal position on the bed, my body shaking with sobs. I didn’t even bother to say hi as she made her way across the room, wrapping her body around mine. Sometimes, after a particularly bad conversation, I closed off for days. Jade helped me through it, comforting me, purchasing insane amounts of chocolate chip cookies, and renting comedies until she finally got a laugh out of me. I loved her for that. When there was so much negative in your life, it helped to have someone who could coat it with happiness. I knew she would be there for me this time too.
Sexy Stranger had become the guy who made my heart skip a beat every time I saw him. Deep down I knew these feelings had to remain unexplored, but it didn�
��t mean I couldn’t enjoy his company. For some reason, I was more relaxed with him than I was with most people. Why was that? I think he could end up being a great friend or at the very least someone who understood ‘the artsy side of Alex’ and that meant everything to me.
I arrived in class before he did and had already settled into my desk when he walked in wearing a pair of dark jeans, a fitted long sleeve white t-shirt and a pair of worn brown boots. He didn’t fuss too much over his appearance, but he always managed to look breathtakingly handsome. The boy had swagger and he wore it well, from head to toe. He always smelled like a mix of citrus and cedar and - I wouldn’t admit this out loud - I wanted to find out what he used to make himself smell that way and coat everything I owned in it.
“Hey, Gorgeous, are you getting excited for tomorrow night?” he asked, startling me from my rather delicious thoughts. One side of his mouth was turned up as he looked right into my eyes. I bet he knew exactly what I was thinking.
I was really excited for tomorrow night. I loved music and, even more so, I loved to dance. “I guess. Am I meeting you there?” I asked, downplaying the obvious.
“It’s only a few blocks from the dorm. I’ll come pick you up and we can walk there together so neither of us has to worry about driving. Can I see your phone?” he asked, holding out his hand.
“Uh, why?” I replied, lifting my brow at him.
He had a huge grin on his face. “In case you need to call me or you decide you can’t wait until tomorrow night to see me again.”
“Cocky much?” I asked. I couldn’t help the smile that pulled at my mouth.
“I think we already established that.” He winked as I handed him my phone.
We didn’t talk for the rest of class because there was an abstract painting that was due on Monday. The six hours a week spent in Art class were becoming a welcome retreat from my stressful planned life. I didn’t outline what I would put on canvas this time; I just let my mind and heart guide the brush and was amazed by what they created.
Plastic Hearts Page 6