by S. M. Butler
“I have to tell her.”
“No.” I barely heard myself say it. Chris frowned at me. “Let her have tonight. We’ll figure this out in the morning.” I didn’t want to say why I wanted to give her that time.
Hardy nodded. “Okay. That’s probably best. I’d hate to have to babysit her all night because we told her too soon and she decided to make a run for it.”
“Get some rest. It’s late. She’ll be fine until the morning.”
Hardy didn’t say anything right away. He nodded, but he didn’t move. There were fresh stress lines on his forehead.
“Seriously, Chris, dude. Go.”
He looked reluctant, but stood up and left shortly after that. LT’s desire to lock up Addison wasn’t unexpected. Master Chief had mentioned it before. The thing was… if we went against orders, it was likely our careers. But for Addison, it would be her freedom, and she didn’t deserve to be put into a prison, no matter how nice it was. These last few months had been hard on her and I was just now starting to understand how hard.
I picked up my phone and typed out a message to Urban.
Make sure Addison gets back to her bed safely.
I hit send. Then added:
And by herself.
The reply was almost instant.
Dude. Please.
In a weird way, that was reassuring, so I laid down on my bed and stared up at the ceiling with my phone on my chest. Sleep didn’t come easily, and it didn’t stay long.
Addison
“Let me carry you back to your room,” Dylan said, his words slurring. He held his arms out to me, but I batted them away.
I shook my head resolutely. “I can walk.”
“You’re limping.”
I was? Come to think of it, I could feel my pulse in my leg throbbing in time with my heart. It was a weird sensation. “I’m okay.”
“Yeah, I know,” he sighed. Then the next second, I was whirling through the air. I grunted as I landed over his shoulder. “Murphy will kill me if I let you fall and scrape your knee or something.”
“Fuck Murphy.”
“Oh, honey, I think that’s your job.”
I muttered something under my breath, but I forgot it as soon as it left my mouth. I’d spent the last few hours drinking myself into a stupor, trying to forget what I’d done to Murphy.
Dylan turned the light on in my room as we entered and tossed me on the bed. I blinked in the bright fluorescent lights as they burned agony into my eyes. I covered them with my hand and groaned. “Okay, so you go to bed, and we’ll see you in the morning.”
“What if I don’t want to be here in the morning?” I asked, curling up on my side.
“Then… I feel sorry for whoever they get to come after you.” Dylan smiled. He sat down on the side of the bed and brushed a hair out of my face. “Get some sleep. The morning’s really gonna suck for you.”
He stood up. I followed him as he headed for the door, and groaned as I saw who was waiting there as Dylan left. Murphy’s expression was colder than ice. He was dressed in basketball shorts and a T-shirt, and wore a hoodie over that. I sat up as he walked into the room. I leaned against the wooden headboard, feeling a little woozy from the alcohol I’d drank.
I couldn’t look away from that piercing stare, even though my head pounded. My body flushed with embarrassment. Or maybe that was the alcohol. Murphy walked closer to me, slowly, like a predator.
He left me feeling exposed and wanting to curl up under the covers. Was that what he wanted from me? To expose me raw? To strip away any dignity I had left? I stilled myself, and took a quiet breath.
Murphy walked around the bed to me, and leaned over me. His large, sculpted arms barricaded me in, without touching me. His breath caressed my face, warm and spicy. His face was so close. He was purposely getting in my space. “You make me crazy.”
“I can’t love you.”
“You rip me raw.”
“Murphy, this can’t work.”
“Says who?” The words were whispered low, a vulnerable honesty within them. “You did something to me. Woke up this part of me I never knew existed. I was trying to not be close to you. There are so many complications between us.”
At least that I could semi-understand. Most of the night was a hazy flow of beer and vodka at this point, so if he wanted to rehash the argument from before, he was going to have a hell of a time. I wasn’t even sure I could finish a sentence at this point.
“What if there are too many?” I could ask questions at least.
“You have to choose, Addison. Either you want me, or you don’t. You can’t flip-flop like this. I can’t take it.”
“I know.”
“It did something to me, seeing you with the guys, being happy.”
“I don’t care about them,” I told him, meeting his eyes. I was feeling brave, which quickly melted in the face of the conflict I saw on his face. He was jealous. It was an emotion, one he’d never let himself feel, and here he had no clue how to deal with it. The big bad SEAL didn’t know how to be human anymore. “They aren’t you.”
“I know that,” he said, pointing to his head, “up here.” He closed his eyes and pointed to his chest. “But my heart doesn’t.”
My heart skipped a beat or two.
“I love you.” Such a simple answer, hiding a much more complex man behind it. “And it’s so not the right time.” I never tired of hearing him talk about loving me, but I understood his concerns.
“Why couldn’t we try?” I wanted to try. As much as I knew that eventually, I would have to leave to find Simon and put this Alex thing to rest, I wanted Murphy.
“I have to protect you, Addy,” he said, dropping his head against my neck again. “I can’t do that if I’m worrying about you.”
“I don’t understand.”
He lifted his head and captured my ear in his lips. I whimpered out a soft mewl of approval. He kissed the corner of my mouth, then the other side. “I have to be professional. I have to be a leader to these guys. And… here I am, falling in love with the one person who has all the information we’ve ever needed on Giroux Enterprises. I have to come up with a plan, a strategy on how to take these guys down… and… I can’t do that when all I can think about is how you’re feeling, or if you’re eating, or if you’re drinking too much.”
“You were worried about me?”
He let out a soft, frustrated sigh. “I was. I don’t like worrying. I’ve never had to worry about anyone before.” He met my eyes, the cold anger gone, replaced by warm affection. “I’ve never wanted to worry about anyone.”
The bed dipped as his knees moved on the bed, but still he held himself over me.
“You don’t have to worry about me,” I whispered. Emotions, too many to count, whirled around inside me. An ache began between my legs, but I couldn’t clench my thighs together. He was kneeling between them. Why did he always bring that feeling out in me? He made me a wanton sex kitten when he was around.
“Don’t I? You’re always getting into trouble.” He was so close to me, so dangerously close. And yet, not close enough. I wanted him against me, on top of me, in me.
“Yeah. I’m the screw-up.”
“Addison.” His tone had softened, a sensual, deep caress over my body. Instead of clenching, I opened my legs to him. “You’re not a screw-up. Not to me.”
His hand slid under me, lifting me to a sitting position, straddling him. I wrapped my arms around his neck, pressing all of me against him. My chest was crushed against all of his hardness and strength. The ache turned into throbbing agony. I was wet, for him. Only him.
My need for him rose up like an out of control mare, bucking and demanding. I could feel his heartbeat against mine, calm and even. He swelled against me, between my legs. I opened them wider, wanting him inside me. He stiffened, drawing in a sharp breath as my hot center rubbed along his hardness, only two thin pieces of fabric between us.
“Why don’t you trust me to ta
ke care of you?” he whispered, dropping his head to my shoulder. He brushed my hair from my shoulders, and pressed a tender kiss to my collarbone. I tilted my head to give him more access to my neck.
I didn’t want to talk. I wanted him to make me feel special, to make me feel like I was somebody. “I’m scared.” The admission forced needed air from my chest, creating a vacuum.
“Am I that scary to you?”
His hand gripped my thighs and pulled me closer to him. His thumbs caressed my inner thighs. The action wound me up tighter. I wondered if I’d explode if he kept doing that.
“I’m just scared.” A small sob escaped me. His hands slid around me, holding me tight.
“What are you scared of?”
Really? We were talking? Now, while I wanted him to rip off my panties and fuck me into oblivion? And yet, I kept talking, spewing out words I’d never dare say aloud if I were sober. “That Simon Giroux will find me, that he’ll kill me. That I’ll end up on the run from all the enemies that Alex made in his life.” I dropped kisses along Murphy’s neck, tasting him, testing him. “That somehow, because I inherited Alex’s money, I am as guilty as Simon Giroux. I’m not good enough to be with you.” Tears began to fall, unbidden, uncontrolled. I barely realized I was crying at all. I clung to Murphy tightly, holding to him like a lifeline.
His lips touched my ear, but instead of kissing it, he whispered, “I will protect you. No one will hurt you, not ever.”
He held me tightly, his fingers skimming up and down my spine. The movement lulled me, calmed me, until I didn’t want to move away, for fear that he would stop. We stayed together like that for what seemed like forever, until I finally cried myself to sleep with the knowledge that this, whatever it was, was over.
~*~*~
Murphy
I lowered Addison back down to the mattress, softly resting her head against the pillow. I wasn’t sure when she’d fallen asleep. She’d cried in my arms for a good thirty minutes before she hiccuped her way into unconsciousness.
I’d never been good with affection, but she brought out a fierce protective urge in me. All I wanted was to make things better for her. If I could, I’d take an assault rifle, march right into Simon Giroux’s home and kill every last one of them hunting for her or trying to hurt her. But even I knew the trouble that would cause. The problem with Giroux Enterprises was that they had high political connections in several countries, which meant the United States couldn’t make a direct move against them without repercussions.
But for Addison, I would have done it. Because she had no idea of what was going to happen to her. Hardy was sure he’d maneuvered her free of it, but her actions had ruined any chance that she’d ever have a normal life again. She had inherited billions of dollars from a known criminal. She’d never be able to walk around freely again, not without looking over her shoulder.
I knew what would happen once the lieutenant got his way. She’d be taken into a protective environment with others like her. She’d vanish from public record. Her parents would never see her again. I clenched my fists. I would never see her again.
I pulled her covers back up around her. I’d seen Urban walking back with her slung over his shoulder. He’d done what he promised and delivered her back to her room safely. But she was drunk and emotional and I hated seeing her that way.
She was stressed. I could see the worry lines, even in sleep. I straightened, looking down at her sleeping form. Tear tracks streaked her face, her cheeks red and blotchy, and the areas beneath her eyes were puffy. She was an ugly crier. Funnily enough, I liked that about her.
I meant it when I told her that I would protect her. Even if I had to protect her from herself, or from my own government. I loved her, but I understood why she was keeping me away. After tonight, I wasn’t going to let her go through any of this alone.
I ran one finger across her cheek as she slept, and smiled. My stomach was all tied up in knots when I looked at her. Was that what love felt like? A combination of nausea and elation. I could handle feeling like this with her. Easy day.
I turned to leave, so I wouldn’t disturb her sleep, or be the creepy guy who watched her sleep, and froze in my tracks. Hardy stood in the doorway. I hadn’t even heard the door open. His arms were crossed, and he leaned easily against the frame.
Shit. How much had he seen?
“She sleeping?” Hardy’s voice was low, barely above a whisper.
I nodded and walked to the door. Hardy didn’t move to let me through and he wasn’t a small guy. He pretty much had the entire doorway blocked. I was not going to let him make me feel guilty for being with Addison. I met his eyes, my body tensing on instinct. I didn’t know if he was going to punch me right then or not.
“Good. She needs it. She still has a lot of healing to do.” His pointed look at me wasn’t lost. “Let’s talk… next door.” He jerked his head toward the empty office next door. He turned and walked out. I shut Addison’s door behind me and followed him to the next room.
Hardy was pacing the length of the room when I came in and shut the door behind me. I felt bad for deceiving him, for not telling him I’d fallen in love with his sister. And the sheer fury on his face when I shut the door confirmed to me that he’d evidently seen enough to guess that there was something more than friendship between us.
“Chris—”
“Are you fucking my sister?”
“Ooookay. We’re getting the accusations out early.” I narrowed my eyes. I didn’t want to use crude terms when it came to Addison. She wasn’t just a fuck. “It’s not about that.”
“What did I just see? That was not just a friendship thing there. That was the picture of a person with carnal knowledge. What are you doing with carnal knowledge of my sister?” Hardy’s accusing tone darkened with rage.
I sighed. I didn’t have an excuse, nor did I want to give one. I loved her. I wanted her next to me for a long time. But keeping it from Hardy had been wrong. Honest was all I could be. “I don’t know what it is. I… like her, Chris.”
Love, you moron. Tell him you love her. But I just couldn’t get the words out.
Hardy’s eyes narrowed. I felt as if Chris was stabbing me straight between the eyes. “You don’t know what it is. With my sister. You don’t know.”
“I just want to keep her safe.”
“She watched her last boyfriend get shot. Whether I liked the bastard or not..” Hardy said, matter-of-fact and calmly, “…I don’t think she really needs to see that happen again.”
“I know. I care about her.”
Hardy pinched the bridge of his nose, between his eyes, and shook his head. “We don’t have a safe life, Murphy. I don’t want to see her hurt because you died on her.”
“I have no intention of dying anytime soon.” I told him.
“We don’t always have control over that.”
That was true. What was that saying? There’s already a bullet out there with our name on it. We just spend our lives trying to avoid it. Some of us make it, and some of us don’t.
Hardy shook his head, frowning. “I don’t like you near my sister.”
“Really? But you were okay with Alex Giroux.”
“I didn’t know about him.”
Anger reached deep into my belly, turning my stomach. Did he really know Addison at all? She’d never been the type to sit down and take orders. She was a free spirit. If someone ever tried to tell her what to do, it likely guaranteed that she’d do the opposite. It was just who she was.
I rounded on Hardy, stepping into his personal space on purpose, inviting my friend to hit me. Because if he did, I’d feel better about what I was going to say. “Tell me something, Chris. Honestly, now. How many times did you call your sister in the last year?”
“Don’t you fucking try to change the subject!” Hardy took an angry step toward me as well so our chests were almost touching.
But I didn’t move. I’d never backed up from Hardy in my life, not even when I was
the scrawny kid, and I wasn’t about to start now. “I’m not changing the subject. I’m proving a point. How many times?”
Hardy stopped, blinking, and his shoulders sagged. “I didn’t. I didn’t want to have to lie to her about work. She’s my sister. She’d have known I was lying.”
“So, you just didn’t call. And that means, your parents probably didn’t call, because they’ve always been hyper focused on you.” It was the one thing that bugged me about their family. Growing up, they’d doted on Chris much more than they had Addison. I’d watched her try to catch their attention. She’d gotten straight A’s, gotten on the cheerleading squad, run for student council and they still focused on her brother.
“My parents love her. They only want the best for her.”
“Yes, but they’ve never really seen her. I don’t think you have either, honestly.”
“You don’t know anything about it, Murphy!”
“Don’t I? How long have we been friends, Chris? And then you’re going to judge her, judge me, because she found comfort with someone who gives her just a little affection when she’s starved for it.” I had never hit my best friend before, but the more I talked the more I wanted to. Protective urges flared inside my gut, demanding that Hardy pay his penance.
“You’re using her.” He said the words, but the fight had bled from him. The anger in his expression slipped away, followed by anguish. “I don’t want her hurt.”
“She’s using me.” I replied, surprised by the truth in my words. “She wants to feel safe. She’s been terrified of her own life for months. She’s been alone with a man that kills for a living, helping him, and thinking she’s doing the right thing. No one has shown her any affection or love. You know Alex didn’t love her. He used her, and made her a target. She needs love. She craves it.”
Hardy shook his head. “You… love her?”
I paused. Hearing it from Hardy’s lips put a whole new shine on the situation. I did love her. I hadn’t been able to say it out loud to him, but hearing him say it… I nodded. “I do.”