by Aya DeAniege
I frowned but nodded. "I think so. That's a little weird, isn't it? We're legal but not?"
“For the contracts it's a bit of don't ask, don't tell. The lifestyle is—uh—they're worried that rich folk will take it a step further and just treat all poor folk like that. Driving a wedge between the two groups isn't going to get us where we need to go. That's not the point of our governing body. That's not the long term goal for our people."
“What is the long-term goal?"
“Getting poor people out of debt to make everyone on the same level, or near enough to, so that we can basically purchase other nations, buy the debt, do the same thing there as we have here. Basically, it's world domination. Just, at the end of the day, it's world domination. And then possibly space exploration. But mainly world domination.
“The world population dropped by over half after the crash and the war. A lot of men were lost in the war itself. Leaving few partners, which saw a plummet in population again. The resources are still there, the metals are there, the technology is there. We just don't have the population to use the wealth that was left behind.”
I raised my hand, and Nathaniel stopped speaking. I could tell that he was excited about the topic, but also that it was way over my head.
“We have a long time to teach me the long term plan. Just saying world domination works for me.”
“Right, sorry,” Nathaniel said, scratching at the side of his head. He took a moment to think, then sighed out. “Don't tell anyone about anyone else you see there. Never comment on who attends the church or what we talk about at church. Some will ask what sermon was read or given, or whatever they do in churches these days. Don't tell them anything. They are fishing for information.
“The government does know about us and our meetings. So long as none of us brings it public or makes a scene, causes a fiasco or anything of that sort, the church will be fine and be left to their own."
“If your father finds out about us?” I asked.
“He will cause a fiasco. At that point, it'd be deny everything or tuck and roll. The stability of the lifestyle is important to protect the subs."
“And he's discovered you before?” I asked.
“Yes.”
“What happened before?”
Nathaniel flinched and looked away.
“He sent her home. It's not you that Mr. Wrightworth was concerned over. We need to respect the space. If you don't respect the space, then the nearest person will react. They are permitted to.”
I nodded my understanding.
“For the most part, you are free to speak as you please. You are encouraged to share with them what has happened, what I've done to you. You should be open about that. You are more able to say no, I can't make you perform in public. If I choose to discipline you there, there are private rooms available for just that.
“Others will be very public. You will watch at least one act. I find that it helps new people to understand how it should go. We can't exactly show pornography on a website because even that would be illegal. So the classic literature, the old movies—the few that there are—and these public displays are the only way to show someone new how it should be rather than have you just take my word for it."
I nodded again. “I think I understand.”
“If I give you a command, you will follow it unless it's about playing in public. The verbal gag is still in place. Mr. Wrightworth will be there, and we will sit near him. You'll need to speak to him about something. I don't care what. The point there is to have you talking to your guardian from the Program. Do you still remember his number?"
“Of course,” I said.
“Recite it.”
I recited the number without missing a beat. When it came to numbers, I was good at that at least.
“Good,” Nathaniel sighed out. “That's good. Tomorrow we will be separated for a time. There will be things you've never seen before, perhaps even things that confuse you. You can ask about them, but don't ask the people doing it unless they're wearing blue.”
“Wh-what? Are we being colour coded?” I asked.
“You'll be given a bracelet that is red. I will wear yellow. Green is open to everything. Yellow is a maybe. I may participate in playing with another sub."
“I don't know if I like that,” I said.
“I'm not going to be playing with them the same way I play with you. Mr. Wrightworth and I step in sometimes to give others a taste of what being with a sadist is like. Anything done for disciplinary purposes is not counted as play. Some new ones don't know what they like and will wear a bracelet with yellow and green stripes to it.”
“Meaning they're open to playing anything, but could withdraw at any moment?"
“Pretty near to, yes. Red is their safe word. Red, of course, means no. No one is to play with you, but they may discipline you.”
“And blue?” I asked.
“They are instructors. They can step into any scene and adjust things. Sometimes they'll stand by a scene to explain to new people, like you, what is going on. Or to explain a new technique to those with questions.”
“Why?”
“Because we don't have a website.”
The slum had internet, but again, there wasn't much use of it. So I knew what a website was, but mostly not. I knew it was something on the internet, I had even been to one before, but I hadn't realized that they had names. The internet was used mainly by school children and creepy old men who constantly whined about their wives not being attentive enough.
“There's no way to just give you access to the information. That's why they're there. Maybe if we could make it legal, we could make a website. We could have better protection for submissives whose boundaries are crossed by bad Doms.”
“So I should ask them questions?”
“Anything you see that you don't understand, or seems different from what I have done in the past, you should ask about, yes. I want transparency, if you think I've done something weird, you should ask about it.”
“But you haven't done anything weird?” I asked.
“Depends on who you ask. Have I done anything wrong? No, not at all. Weird? Possibly. Mr. Wrightworth would think it odd that we haven't had penetrative sex during play.”
“Well, didn't you say that play almost always ends in sex?” I asked.
“Our play has ended in sex, in a way. I mean full on, you're tied down, sore from the spanking I give you, backside throbbing still as I have my way with you.”
My response was a drawn out, “Oh.”
“Now, if Mayfair talks to you, tell her to screw off.”
“What?” I almost shouted.
“Mayfair, her real name is Elaina. She and I played a few times over a couple of months. She was a brat, and I am not that big of a fan of the bratty personality. Not her style of brat anyhow. Mayfair is her Dom name. She has a sub now, and no matter what she says to you, she is not on your side. She's dramatic and—"
“Your ex,” I said.
“I wouldn't call her that.”
“She probably would.”
Nathaniel nodded slowly.
“She definitely would say that, yes. You will want to speak with Nicole, however. She wears blue, and she will be there tomorrow. Mr. Wrightworth talked her into going. When Nicole attends meetings, she typically watches the subs. She's a nurse by training and is usually really great, but she has a new sub and may be a little distracted.”
“She has a female sub? Right? Mr. Wrightworth seemed to say that her sub was female.”
“You remembered?” Nathaniel asked. “Yes, Nicole's new sub is a female. She's a bisexual and women love her.”
“Why do you look like that?” I asked.
Nathaniel licked his lips. “No reason, it was just an odd thought.”
I frowned at Nathaniel. When I realized what he was thinking about my eyes went wide.
“I wasn't playing with them!” I shouted. The cleared my throat and forced myself to relax. “I
wasn't playing with them.”
“I could play with them if that would make you happy."
“It would, but just because I play with them, doesn't mean I want to play with a woman.”
“Just try to keep that in mind when you meet Nicole. She's yet to find someone who can keep her attention very long, so the chances of her being with the sub for more than a couple of months are slim to none.”
“I'm not going to play with Nicole.”
“She's the only proper Domme in the lot, that's probably what draws everyone's attention," Nathaniel muttered.
“Did you play with her too?”
“Yes,” Nathaniel said. “She is a secondary member. Meaning the founding members, myself included, found her and brought her into the fold. We believe that a Dom should experience what they enjoy doing to others. So I did play with Nicole, but not because I found her interesting.”
“Did it end in sex?”
Nathaniel hesitated. “Yes, it ended in sex. She's an attractive woman, but her style of play and mine don't mesh well. We're two different types of Doms.”
“Wait, does that mean that you—”
“Yes, the only Dom not to have been a sub is Mr. Wrightworth. Though he argues, he was a forced into submission as a child."
“Who?” I asked.
“Mr. Wrightworth, you know him. He's never been a sub to anyone else.”
I couldn't decide if Nathaniel answered that way because he truly thought I was asking who Mr. Wrightworth was. In the end, I decided to simply clarify my question, rather than accuse him of something untoward.
“No, I mean who were you a sub to?”
Nathaniel's mouth was open, but no sound came out for a very long time.
“I was a sub to several people. Or at least played sub to several people. Including three or four subs that thought they were switches. When I wasn't attached to someone, I was a play partner to others. Playing can happen outside of a relationship."
“Oh,” I said, though I was struggling with the idea. “Like sex can happen outside of a relationship.”
“Exactly.”
“I don't think I could just—I mean, it's fine that you have—but I don't think I'd ever ...”
“You don't have to. I'm just being honest with you. All of my sexual partners but one have been in the lifestyle."
“You practice safe sex, right?”
Nathaniel chuckled. “Of course. I also received the same testing you did directly before you came to my estate. I have no interest in having or spreading sexual disease.”
“Okay,” I said.
“Except with you, of course.”
“What?” I demanded, the shock plain on my face.
“We don't use condoms,” Nathaniel said. “While I'm with you, I won't be having sex with other people. Playing at the meeting will never involve me and sex. I play out of the public eye. Though for the next little bit, any time I do play, you will be coming with me to watch. Partly so that you come to trust that I'm going to keep my word, but also so that you can learn different things and different reactions to what can be done.”
I kept my mouth shut then, but I should have asked what a condom was. My slum didn't have condoms. Our birth control was drug based. I guess at some point someone was poking holes in the condoms to cause problems or something. I don't know. What I do know is that by the time I was of sexual maturity, no one ever mentioned condoms in my slum. Everything was drug based. And if you had sex with someone who had a disease, it was seen as your own damned fault.
“Okay,” I said glumly.
I wasn't exactly excited over the idea of playing in public or watching other people play in public. Let alone watching Nathaniel play with other people.
“From your reaction, I would say that, at this point, you are monogamous."
“I don't like the idea of you playing with other people.”
“All right, I'll wear red the same as you.”
“You've a right to wear whatever colour you want.”
“It bothers you that I might play with others, then I won't play with others. I don't necessarily feel the desire to play with others. Why would I when you're here and willing? Why would I go looking elsewhere? It's just expected of me as a founding member.”
“So wear yellow then!”
“If I wear yellow, you will be upset,” Nathaniel said calmly. “That's fine. I can wear red.”
“Why would you do that? Did you wear red for any other sub?”
“No," Nathaniel said with a shake of his head. "I'll do it for you, though."
“Why? No one else has ever done anything for me!”
“That is one of the reasons why I will wear red," Nathaniel said as he stood and moved to kiss me on the forehead. "Another reason is that it bothers you. All of my other subs wanted to play with other people, and they liked watching me play with others. This is not a situation where if you don't like it, that's too bad. This is where we work together to make this work. I will wear red, and you will wear red. No one will play with either of us. We'll go and talk and watch—still going to watch something—and then come home and have a nice Sunday brunch. Okay?"
“Okay,” I said.
“As long as you behave.”
“What?” I asked, my head snapping around.
I almost missed the twitch of his lips upward.
“As long as you behave,” Nathaniel responded. “If you break a rule or ignore a command, you will be disciplined, but I'm going to try not to do it there. I don't want you to associate there with discipline. So for the first few times, if you do something wrong, I'll wait until we get home.”
My mouth was suddenly dry. I struggled to find words as Nathaniel left the room.
I forced myself to breathe, trying to do so normally, as I considered the idea. I knew that Nathaniel had been gentle with me up to that point. I knew that he still wanted to beat me—otherwise why would he have said as much in the original conversation?
When I stood, there was a tremble to my hands. I clenched them and left the room, headed back to my room. Once there I sat in the area that I was slowly converting into a sitting area and dragged my feet up under me. I kept rearranging the lighter pieces of furniture in my room, trying to find something that worked for me.
I thought about a great number of things, including Nathaniel being a sub to someone else. The idea sent a fluttering through my stomach, and I wasn't certain why. I couldn't distinguish it from any other emotion, couldn't tell if it was a good or bad flutter.
From what had been said over the previous weeks, I could only assume that if I wanted answers to my questions I had to go to the meeting the next day.
Not like it's voluntary or anything.
I went to my journal and began writing out my day. Despite having filled it out every day previous, this was the first time I remember writing in it. I wrote out my frustration and all my questions, filling out three pages more than normal. At the end of the writing, I sighed and put the book away.
Then I pulled it back out and began reading from the beginning.
I had been caught up in the whirlwind that was Nathaniel. I had been accepting of the role that had been laid out for me, and it had only been that morning that my behaviour changed.
As if I thought that because we had sex, our relationship had changed.
Annoyed, though with myself and not Nathaniel, I closed the journal and put it away. I went to the wardrobe and pulled out the smallest dress I could find. It cut low and came mid-thigh but had a fluttery skirt. Then I went to the bathroom and brushed my hair, putting it into a braid.
That's what he had said, a braid would keep bits of my hair from being pulled and would make things feel better. Well, I was going to give it a try. With a deep breath, I turned and left the bathroom, then my room all together.
I found my way to Nathaniel's room, barely, and knocked on the door.
Nathaniel opened the door in a towel, growling out, “What?” and frow
ning until he saw what I was wearing.
Mouth falling open, Nathaniel stepped backward as I walked into his room. I closed the door behind me, turning and locking the door. Just as he had the night before, I leaned my back against the door and watched as he regained his composure.
“I realized that my behaviour changed this morning,” I said, still leaning on the door.
“Tomorrow is something new and public,” Nathaniel said smoothly. “You have nothing to prove. Coming into the open about our relationship, having people know what we do behind closed doors, can be stressful. Especially when you come from a vanilla slum.”
“I didn't come for a pep talk,” I said, pushing off the door.
“What did you come for?” Nathaniel asked.
“I came to serve my Sir.”
“Then you had best come here and kneel,” he said after only the slightest hesitation.
What had he thought at that moment? What had gone through his mind? I wondered at that as I crossed the distance between us and knelt at his feet.
I was still wondering as Nathaniel reached down and took hold of my braid, using it to pull my head back. He was right, nothing on my head hurt. It felt good to have him pull on my hair.
I stared up into his green eyes as he looked at my face, then down to the dress.
“Black suits you,” he murmured. “It's too bad I'm going to rip that dress to shreds.”
“What would please Sir?” I asked.
A small shudder rolled through his body. I felt it through my braid as his hand trembled against my hair.
“I'm sure I could come up with something for you to do.”
Chapter Sixteen
The drive to the church was the first time I was outside of the estate since Mr. Wrightworth had dropped me off. I had been in my garden, I had been outside, but I hadn't been away from the estate. The strange part was that it didn't seem to bother me that I hadn't left before.
Perhaps it was the fact that the estate was simply so large. One could hardly feel cooped up when they had so much space to wander around in.