by Lisa Suzanne
“Baby, don’t cry,” I comforted her, kissing her tears away and smoothing her hair back from her face. My heart broke for her sadness, but I knew that eventually we were going to be together, and that was enough for me to hold onto. Her cheeks were flushed and her eyes were rimmed in red and her lips were soft and plump, and all I could think was that even when she was crying, she was still the most gorgeous woman I’d ever laid eyes on.
I held her in my arms until her tears subsided.
She took a deep, shuddering breath. “I’m sorry.”
“For what?”
“I’m just… I’m such a mess right now. I don’t want to waste what little precious time we have together with crying. And we can’t even…”
“Stop,” I said. “You’re not a mess. You’re beautiful. And we will. We’ll get there.” As much as it pained me that I couldn’t take her to my bed and fuck those tears right out of her system until there was a smile on her face, I was happy just to be holding her. I was still in utter shock that she was back in my life. I gazed down at her.
“That look in your eyes…” she said.
I knew what she was talking about. There was no way I could possibly conceal the need I had for her, the depth of my desire, the level of my feelings.
“It’s the same way you’re looking at me,” I murmured, placing a tender kiss on her forehead and tucking a strand of hair behind her ear.
“Tiger,” she whispered.
I crushed her against my chest, and her arms curled closely around my neck.
“I know you’d always put me first,” she said so softly that I almost didn’t catch it. But I did, and she was right. She knew it without me having to say anything at all.
“Of course I would,” I whispered into her hair, breathing in her citrus scent deeply. “I already do.”
“I know you do.” She leaned up and pressed a kiss against my neck. TJ hadn’t calmed down since she had walked in the door, and that sweet, gentle kiss was almost enough to alleviate him. She had me so worked up that just the feel of her lips on my skin nearly made me spiral into an intense orgasm.
I didn’t want to ever let her go, but I couldn’t hold her in my arms and not touch her. My desire for her was too strong.
“I have something for you.” My voice was husky.
She pulled back from me, a smile playing at her lips. “Oh?”
I patted her bottom, and she stood. I grabbed her hand and led her to the kitchen, where my wrapped gift sat on the counter. I handed her the box with the card on top.
“Wait,” she said. She walked to the door, and I panicked for a second that she was going to walk out of it. Instead, she picked up her purse. “I brought something for you, too.”
She pulled a gift from her bag. There was a card sealed in an envelope on top of it.
“Cards first?” she asked, her face lit with a pretty smile.
I nodded.
“Same time?”
I nodded again.
We both took the cards and ripped them open. We pulled them out of the envelopes together, and when we each got a look at the picture on the front, our eyes met. Laughter danced in her brown eyes.
It was the same card.
We had bought each other the exact same card.
A giggle escaped her lips, and I chuckled. After the emotional conversation we’d just had on the couch, this felt good. Therapeutic. Invigorating. Our giggles turned to howling laughter, the gut-wrenching kind that left your abs hurting for two days. Tears streamed down her face, and I found myself wiping my own eyes, too. She doubled over, trying to catch her breath between her laughing, and I snorted at one point, only spurring our laughter on even more.
When we calmed down enough to actually open the cards and read each other’s messages, I found perfect penmanship inside the one addressed to me. It almost looked like a font.
Tiger,
Rawr is right. I will never forget that night with you, and I long for the time when we can recreate the magic that was our one night together. I need some time, but I also need you to know that the time you give me now is a means to an end that will finish with me in your arms. I don’t even know how to categorize what I’m feeling right now, but this thing between us is powerful and right. I thank my lucky stars every single day that I found you not once, but twice, and once I’m available, I’m never letting you go. Thank you for giving me every single thing that I need and for being everything I want.
-G
She finished reading the same time I did, and I saw tears shining in her eyes again. I pulled her by her hips until our bodies were as close as they could be, and I leaned my head down and took her lips with mine. I knew it was wrong to kiss a woman who had a boyfriend, but I wouldn’t allow it to go further than kissing, and she wouldn’t, either. She had class, and so did I.
Our cards had been the same, and the messages we’d each written inside had been nearly the same, too.
I loved her more and more every second.
I pulled back first because if I didn’t, I’d have a hard time stopping.
“Open your gift,” I said, trying to catch my breath from just being in the same vicinity as her.
“You, too,” she said.
We ripped the wrapping paper off our packages together, and I found myself staring at a black and silver picture frame holding the photo I had snapped of the two of us. The same photo that was in the locket she was about to open.
I knew without a shadow of a doubt that we were two halves of the same soul.
“Aww,” she crooned when she saw the stuffed animal. She hadn’t seen the necklace yet.
“For you to sleep with until you can sleep with your real Tiger.”
“I love it,” she grinned. She hugged it to her chest, and suddenly I was jealous of the stuffed animal.
She pulled it back and looked again, and that’s when she noticed the locket. “Oh,” she breathed, fingering the heart. “Oh, Travis, this is beautiful.”
She took it off of the tiger and handed the tiger to me, and then she opened the locket and saw the picture inside. Her eyes met mine. “My God,” she said. “We really are meant to be together.”
I grinned, and I set the tiger on the counter. “Let me,” I said, and she handed me the necklace and then held her hair up so I could clasp it for her. My lips found her neck, and she leaned back into me and moaned softly as I kissed and licked the sweet skin of her neck. She tasted like the creamy filling inside of an Oreo and she smelled like a summer day. God, I couldn’t get enough of her.
She exhaled and walked out of my reach. “I have to go.”
I nodded. “Thank you for coming.”
“I don’t think I’d have been able to stay away.”
“Where does he think you are?”
“Told him I had to go shopping for a present. It wasn’t a lie.”
“I bet he never suspected it wasn’t for him.”
She shook her head.
“When can I see you again?”
“Soon. I promise.”
“Gorgeous, I still don’t feel like I know anything about you.”
“Shh,” she commanded. “We’ll have time for that.”
“Can I text you? Does he check your phone?”
“Please text me. I don’t think I’ll be able to handle not hearing from you. He won’t check my phone.”
I nodded. “Okay.”
She walked into my arms, squeezing me tightly. My heart broke knowing she was leaving, but I had to let her go. I held her against me, memorizing the feel of her body against mine, and then she pressed a soft kiss to my lips. She turned and left.
The second the door shut behind her, I found my phone and fired off a text. I miss you already.
There was a knock at my door ten seconds later. I opened it.
“God, I miss you already, too,” she said, and then she flew into my arms, her lips crashing violently to mine.
I would never, ever get enough of this woman.
We kissed in my doorway for a minute, our hands everywhere, and then she turned and left. For real this time.
CHAPTER 10
The rest of my night was an odd mixture of feelings for me. I didn’t want to be alone with my thoughts, so I headed over to Skips. I claimed my usual stool, finding Max behind the bar. He nodded a hello. Tracy was working, and she brought me a Miller Lite before I even had the chance to order one.
The place was relatively empty for a Saturday evening, but then, I figured, most guys weren’t going to bring their Valentine’s dates to a bar like Skips.
“You talk to her?” Tracy asked, poised next to me to appear as if she was taking my order as I sat at the bar.
I couldn’t help the grin that spread across my face.
“And?”
“And it’s going to work out. Eventually.”
“She still with him?”
I nodded. “He proposed to her last night.”
“Jesus.”
“I know. She said no.”
“Why didn’t she break things off with him?”
“It’s complicated, but it boils down to her trying to be gentle with him.”
Tracy shrugged. “Why?”
“Because she doesn’t want to hurt him. And I understand that after what I went through.”
She nodded. She understood where I was coming from. “Can I get you anything to eat?”
I placed my order and she left to put it in and take care of some other tables, and then she poured herself a diet coke and sat on a barstool next to me.
“So what happened?” she asked, her eyes narrowed at me.
I took a sip of beer. “Nothing like that.”
“No?”
“No. She’s still with Spencer, and we both respect him.”
“Good for you. That’s some strong-ass willpower.”
“Tell me about it.”
“Explain to me again why she’s with him?”
“It’s complicated.”
“Always is. But this is life, not a Facebook status. Spill.”
I chuckled and drummed my fingers on the bar. “The short version is that they broke up before she went to Phoenix. She and I hooked up, she came back from the trip heartbroken and found comfort in the ex who was begging for her to come back to him. And then a few days later she runs into me. She doesn’t want to break his heart, so she’s letting him down slowly. And,” I paused, emphasizing my next words, “I can appreciate what she’s doing.”
“Why?”
“Because I had my heart broken in a goddamn love triangle. Jules ultimately did what she had to do, and it was maybe the right move for her. It was strong and passionate and she took a stand, but she didn’t think about the fallout from that. Lindsay, on the other hand, understands what it’ll be like for him. She can’t just dump him two days after they got back together.”
“Isn’t staying with him only giving him hope?”
I shrugged. “Maybe. But she’s trying to get him to see that they aren’t right for each other. She keeps telling me she just needs time, that she doesn’t want to hurt him.”
“Playing games doesn’t work, Trav. Tell her to get it over with.”
“She’s made up her mind. I can’t stop her, and I don’t want to. I think she’s doing the right thing.”
We both heard the sound of a bell from the kitchen. “Hold that thought,” she said, and she headed to the kitchen to get food to deliver to one of her tables.
A group of men came in to play pool, so Tracy was fairly occupied after that. I hung out for awhile and had a couple of beers, watching my favorite sports network and shooting the shit with Max since it was a fairly slow night. I decided to head home after awhile, so I paid my bill and kissed Tracy on the cheek as she walked by me on my way out.
I found being home alone on Valentine’s Day to be a terrible idea. First I had loved Julianne with my whole heart, and she was now with another man. And now I loved Lindsay with my whole heart, and she was with another man when she should’ve been with me. I thought about Tracy’s words, that by staying with Spencer, Lindsay would only be giving him hope, and then I had the awful thought that she was with him at that moment, in his arms, maybe in his bed.
I couldn’t think like that. It wasn’t healthy and it probably wasn’t true.
But just to be sure, I sent her a text. I miss you.
I waited for a reply that didn’t come for twenty minutes. Enough time for her and Spencer to finish their sexual encounter. I convinced myself that I was being stupid.
I miss you, too. This night is hell.
What are you doing?
S took me to dinner. Now I’m faking a headache.
That helped alleviate my fears a little. Come over here.
You know I can’t.
I did know that, but I suddenly wasn’t sure why. Tracy’s words replayed in my head: “Tell her to get it over with.”
Was she right? I didn’t want to fuck things up with Lindsay, but I also didn’t want to give her the time she claimed she needed. I didn’t want her to need time. I wanted her to end things with Spencer immediately, even though it contradicted everything I’d thought earlier about how she was handling things. I wanted her to be next to me; no, I needed her to be next to me.
I wasn’t sure when she had become such an important part of my life, but she had.
And the moment I had the thought that I wanted her to leave Spencer for me was the moment I truly understood Julianne’s motivations. She hadn’t meant to hurt me, even though that had been the end result. I still wasn’t past what she had done. I was still hurt by being jerked around and dumped by my best friend. I would’ve thought she’d have more class than to fuck and then abruptly end things with someone who had been such a big part of her life for so long.
But I got it. Now that I had Lindsay in my life, I knew what it felt like when you felt so deeply for someone that you couldn’t breathe without that person. And while I’d always thought that was what I felt for Jules, I realized that I’d been breathing just fine since I had cut her out of my life.
But ever since the morning Lindsay had left my apartment in Arizona, I’d had a damn hard time breathing.
I typed out a text and stared at it for a full minute before I sent it.
I was ready to battle for her.
I needed her to know where I stood because I needed to breathe again.
My heart raced as I pressed the send button. Get it over with, G. End it with him. Be with me.
I waited for a reply, but one didn’t come.
Being alone was making me miserable. Not that I would’ve shared my pain with anyone, my roommate included, but I still felt like having someone else there would’ve at least been a distraction. Dan and I could’ve headed to Skips to play pool, or we could’ve played video games. Anything would have been better than spending the evening by myself.
The waiting was pure hell, and knowing that Lindsay was in her own hell only made me feel worse.
I headed to the kitchen and cracked open another beer, draining it in about ten seconds flat, and then I grabbed another one to drink at a more reasonable pace.
I sat on the couch and flicked on the television, but I couldn’t focus on anything. Basketball was suddenly boring as I thought of Lindsay’s perfect lips. I stared blankly at the screen, thinking of her and what she was doing at that very moment. I had never been so consumed by a woman before in my life, and the depth of what I felt for her scared the hell out of me. Shit, I couldn’t think of a single time in history when I’d favored merely thinking about a woman over watching a basketball game.
I considered a run, but I was several beers into the evening, and I’d already gone for one earlier that day. I thought about calling my family, but it was Valentine’s Day. They’d all be out. My dad would take my mom to the same Italian restaurant they’d gone to every year for Valentine’s Day, birthdays, and anniversaries. Liz and Wes would hire a babysitter so that they
could have a date night away from the kids. I wondered what Bill and Mike were up to, but I felt stupid calling them to check in and say hi on a Saturday night when I was in a new town. They’d think I was a loser who hadn’t made any friends. I thought about calling Craig, but we weren’t close enough yet for me to dial him up without Dan there as a buffer. So I stared blankly at the television, feeling lonely as I pondered how much I missed Lindsay.
There was a knock at my door just as I finished my beer. I glanced at the clock; it wouldn’t be Tracy because she was still at work. Maybe Dan forgot his keys?
I headed over to the door and threw it open.
I was stunned to find Lindsay standing in front of me in black sweatpants and that same sweatshirt that hung off of her shoulder. She was, as ever, absolutely gorgeous.
“Hey,” I said softly, pulling her into my arms when I saw her tear-stained face. I kicked the door shut behind her.
“Hey,” she whispered into my chest, dropping her purse by the door. I held her while she cried, stroking her hair and rubbing her back as sobs racked her flawless body.
I didn’t say a word for fear that I would speak and find that she was just a dream. I just held her against me.
A deep breath made her body shudder beneath me, and then she spoke. “I did it,” she said.
“You did what?” I asked, totally confused.
She pulled back and wiped her eyes, and then she looked up into my eyes. Hers were a mixture of sadness and optimism. “I ended it. With Spencer. Once and for all.”
Hope permeated my blood. “You… you did?” I was shocked.
She nodded, and then she wrapped her arms around me, clasping her hands behind my back. “I couldn’t stay away from you for another second.”
I was literally shocked for a moment. “I thought… I thought you needed time.”
“I thought I did, too. But I suffered through dinner, and then he wanted to get intimate, and I couldn’t take it another second.”
“So you faked a headache?”
She nodded. “And then I got your text, and it destroyed me.”
“I didn’t mean for it to hurt you.”