Barefoot and Lost

by Brian Francis Cox

  ‘It’s my second day; my Gran was looking after me until she died last week. What’s it like at Saint Gabriel’s?’

  ‘Alright, they are very strict but they let me stay with Mir’ that is the main thing.’

  Three blasts on a whistle echoes off the castle walls ‘We have to go I can’t see the boys can you?’

  ‘Over there by the wall, I can see Cyril can’t see the other two.’ Cyril sees me waving and comes running.

  ‘Where are the other two?’

  ‘I don’t know, they ran off and left me when I tripped and cut my knee.’

  ‘Okay, we will have to go now, if Fatty says anything leave the talking to me, I’m already in trouble a bit more won’t make any difference. Cyril have you got a handkerchief?’ Cyril shakes his head.

  ‘No, okay, let me quickly tie mine around your knee, and limp very badly and hold onto my arm, let Fatty think you are hurt.’ I can see Fatty with her hands on her hips looking our way, she seems annoyed. ‘Sorry Marjorie, Cyril fell over, I couldn’t look after him and Miriam as well so I asked Rachel to look after her sister, I told the other two boys to go on alone, I hope you don’t mind?’

  ‘What happened to him?’

  ‘Miriam wouldn’t stop crying so I made the six of us stay together, I got Rachel to sit with her sister. I was chasing the boys around the ruin, Cyril fell, and cut his knee I was bandaging it just as you blew your whistle.’

  ‘Well thank you Phillip it would appear that you have acted very responsibly. I have another job for you, I want you to go to the bakery with Anne and collect our lunches, and while you are doing that I will attend to that knee.’

  Marjorie turns to speak with Anne I bend down to Cyril, ‘The cut is not very bad but make out you have twisted your knee and it hurts to walk, do that for me then none of us will be in trouble.’

  On the way to collect lunch Anne asked the same questions about Lion as Fatty did, I told her much the same that I really didn’t know Lionel, she seemed to be satisfied with that. We are now halfway back from the bakers and we haven’t spoken since.

  This suits me as I want to avoid saying anything in case I say something about Flynn. I want to talk it over with people I can trust before I decide what I am going to do.

  Anne is carrying two wicker shopping baskets and I am carrying twenty four of the one third of a pint sized bottles of milk. They are in two wire crates and are quite heavy, it’s a good thing my arms are strong from swimming. What about swimming, will I swim again; did anyone tell Len I was sent away? I expect June has told him, he would have been so disappointed, maybe I could write to him but I don’t know his address, I suppose I could send it to the baths. I know I promised to write to June, I’ll ask her to pass it on. I miss swimming, June, Pop and most of all Gran and my best friend Jet. Oh I forgot Michael, what about Michael? ‘Phillip, are you with us or not, you can put the milk down now?’ Fatty is speaking to me.

  ‘Sorry, I was thinking about my Gran and my Mum.’

  ‘Well I suggest you stop dwelling on the past, it was a bad dream, forget it we are your family now. The sooner you put the past behind you the sooner you will settle into Saint Stephens, it will be for the best believe me.’ What a stupid women, how could I ever forget my Mum and Gran? Don’t care what she says I will never forget them.

  Lunch is two thick slices of fresh crusty bread spread with strawberry jam, and a bottle of milk. We are all seated on the grass beside the river; the sun has come out Fatty needs her hat after all. I have joined Rachel and her sister. Miriam is really nice; she has stopped crying and has given me one of her pieces of bread. Rachel is funny making me laugh pretending she is fat and talking like Marjorie. I like her and I am sure she likes me too; she thinks I was great fooling Fatty. Rachel’s birthday is September, she will be eleven.

  ‘Where did you live before you went to live with that lady?’

  ‘We were living in Woolwich, when Dad joined the RAF in nineteen forty one; we stayed on there for nearly a year. The bombing became very bad around us so Mum sent us to Penhurst as evacuees. She stayed in London for a while, we saw her most weekends when she wasn’t working. She told me she felt wasted working in a shop and asked me did I mind if she joined the RAF because she wanted to do her bit, whatever that is. Of course I said yes thinking she would be with Dad.’

  ‘Was she?’

  ‘I don’t think so, dad was stationed at Biggin Hill and mum at Bletchley, I think they are a long way from each other. Anyway on mum’s first leave they met up in London, they were in a cinema that was bombed, they were both killed,’

  ‘That is terrible who told you all this?’

  ‘Mrs. Smyth, she apparently knew at the time but never told us.’

  ‘Didn’t you think it was strange that you never got letters?’

  ‘No, not really, I just thought they were too busy fighting the Germans that they didn’t have time. You see we always got birthday cards and Christmas presents but, it wasn’t until after the war that we were told they were sent to us by Peggy and Bert, who felt sorry for us but were forbidden by Mrs. Smyth to tell us the truth.’

  ‘Do you think she was being kind so you wouldn’t be upset?’

  ‘Yes, probably ’

  ‘What I don’t understand is if she felt like that, why didn’t she want to keep you?’

  ‘I don’t know, maybe it was her husband’.

  ‘I think it was like me, June and Mr. Milligan wanted to keep me but the council wouldn’t let them that is why I’m at St S’s, bet that is what happened to you. If you have no other relatives that’s what they do, I think it stinks.’

  The column has been re-formed our wagon master is at the head, with a wave of the hand we start our slow amble back to the bakers to return the baskets and bottles, then back onto the High Street to confront the stares of pity once again. The journey back on the coach is boring no one is allowed to talk, but I did get a chance to ask Rachel that, if we met again could we talk some more she said she would like that.

  Jack, Brian and Toby are sitting on their beds looking bored, ‘Hiya what have you three been doing today.’ Toby swings around.

  ‘Where the hell, have you been, we thought you had run away or the Reverend had locked you up, we’ve not seen you since you went to his office this morning?’

  ‘I’ve been on a bus trip to Tonbridge to keep me away from the police.’ Jack looks surprised ‘What the hell are you talking about? In great detail, I tell them everything from the meeting in the office, to me meeting Rachel and, that I had to go again, after supper, to apologize to Flynn.

  ‘What are you going to say?’

  ‘I don’t know Jack, I expect I will think of something, do you think if I tell the Reverend what really happened with Flynn and why Lion hit him, will he believe me?’ Brian turns to Toby ‘Tell him Toby, what happened to you; tell him about Flynn giving you PT.’

  ‘PT do you mean physical training?’

  ‘No Phil, penis therapy, that’s what Flynn calls it.’

  ‘Well yeah, he tried it with me the first night I had a bath. I shouted so loud and ran out into the corridor naked; Mam came to see what was going on. Flynn made out I was acting the goat. Mam told me not to be stupid and get dressed. I never said what Flynn tried to do. He tried a couple of days later to get me to go to his room and was being very nice, I told him not to be nice to me or I would shout and scream. He only talks to me now if he has to, and I only speak to him if other adults are nearby.’

  ‘So what should I do?’

  ‘I think you should say sorry, you don’t have to mean it and then keep out of his way. I don’t think he will try it again, it is only those that are frightened to speak up that become his favourite boys and once, you’re one of those you’re trapped forever.’

  ‘Do you think Mam and the Reverend know what he is like, if they do why don’t they stop it?’

  ‘Maybe they do, maybe they are doing the same thing, and we don’t know what goes
on in the girl’s dormitory, nobody, talks about it. I think; do what I did and make a lot of noise or deal with it in your own way, whatever you think.’

  ‘I’m not sure what to do, think I’ll wait and see what happens after supper.’

  Supper is no improvement on last night, the same watery soup, one sausage, one potato and a lot of sloppy cabbage I’m still hungry, goodness know how I would be if I hadn’t had Miriam’s bread. Flynn is standing by the door chatting to one or two boys as they pass. I wonder if they are favourite boys, could be, he has his hand on their shoulders as he speaks with them. I’m getting closer, if he puts his hand on my shoulder I’m going to scream and shout. ‘Ah Phillip we have some unfinished business I believe, wait here until the dining room is cleared then we will go to the Reverend’s office together.’ At the top of my voice I shout, ‘AFTER CAN WE GO TO YOUR ROOM FOR PT?’

  ‘Be quiet, what are you talking about?’ Flynn’s face is going red and he is looking around to see who has heard.

  ‘PLEASE MR. FLYNN I WANT TO GO TO YOUR ROOM FOR PT, I WANT TO BE ONE OF YOUR FAVOURITES, PLEASE TAKE ME.’ Several kids have now stopped and are looking to see what the noise is about. Mam and the Reverend, on the stage at the end of the hall are now looking my way.

  ‘Snell shut up, you are making a scene, everyone is looking.’

  ‘I’LL SHUT UP MR. FLYNN IF YOU PROMISE TO TAKE ME TO YOUR ROOM FOR PT.’ The Reverend uses the microphone on the stage.

  ‘Boy stop that shouting; Mr. Flynn, bring that boy to me.’ Flynn grabs my shoulder and squeezes it very hard; I can feel his fingers digging into my skin as he drags me to the stage.

  ‘Don’t you say a word or you may find that you could have a very serious accident?’

  ‘I ONLY WANT TO HAVE PT IN YOUR ROOM, WHY MIGHT I HAVE AN ACCIDENT, WILL I GET HURT HAVING PT IN YOUR ROOM?’

  ‘Snell it is you again, you are a disaster what are you going on about?’ I can feel Flynn’s fingers digging deeper into my shoulder.

  ‘Sorry Reverend, some other boys told me that Mr. Flynn has PT in his room. Before I came here I belonged to a club that did physical training and I also swam in the County championships, I want to continue doing those things when I heard Mr. Flynn does PT in his room I wanted him to include me that’s all.’

  ‘Why were you shouting?’

  ‘Because Reverend, Mr. Flynn wouldn’t listen to me.’

  ‘Snell you are a very strange boy, how could Mr. Flynn perform physical training in his room, it is only a bedroom?’

  ‘I don’t know, Reverend I didn’t know how big it was, I only heard that he did PT in his room that’s all.’

  ‘Flynn, what is all this about?’

  ‘I have no idea Reverend, Snell must be mistaken, he must have misunderstood what was told to him, I will make some enquiries and get to the bottom of it.’

  ‘Yes, please do that; Snell, you apologize to Mr. Flynn.’

  ‘Yes Reverend, do I have to say it twice?’

  ‘What the devil are you on about, get out of my sight I do not want to see you again unless it is to praise you, is that understood?’

  ‘Yes Reverend; sorry Mr. Flynn if you only have a bedroom I don’t want to do PT; is it okay to tell any other boys that might be mistaken if I tell them you don’t do PT; Good night Reverend, goodnight Mam, goodnight Mr. Flynn.’ Mam has not said a word she has an expression on her face that is thoughtful or worried, I’m not sure which, and I think she knows what is going on, maybe involved. Flynn’s red face has turned quite pale, he is looking daggers at me I don’t think he will try it on again and, best of all, I have a feeling like I had when I beat Keith Smith, and also when I won the fifty metres; a feeling of winning

  Chapter Five

  I think I’ve been in bed for a long time, its dark, but a chink of light is shining across my eyes from a gap in the open dormitory door. Hell, is Flynn coming to hurt me, is he going to make out I’ve had an accident? Sitting bolt upright I can hear whispering then Mam’s voice saying, ‘Go back to sleep Phillip.’ I can see two people over by Lions bed, their shadows casting ghostly images on the wall, as my eyes get used to the dark I can see one is Mam as she turns to walk out of the room. ‘Go to sleep, Phillip good night.’ The door closes behind her it’s dark again, I wonder who that is. ‘Phil, are you asleep?’

  ‘Lion is that you, what are you doing back here?’

  ‘Yeah I’m back, it’s a long story.’

  ‘Brian, Jack, Toby, Lion is back.’ Jack switches on the small torch he uses for reading under the blankets; he flashes it around the room until he finds Lion sitting up in bed. We all scramble over to him each of us attempting to shake his hand.

  ‘No don’t do that, I can’t use my hands, that pig the Reverend has just given me six lashes on each hand with his bloody cane, I can’t hold anything they hurt too much.’ Jack shines his torch on Lion’s hands they are bright red, swollen and bruises are starting to form.

  ‘Hell Lion they look horrible, have they put anything on them?’

  ‘No, after he finished caning me he called Mam and she brought me here, what could I put on them.’

  ‘Cold water, my Gran says it is best for bruises, go to the bathroom, fill the basin with cold water and put your hands in, it will hurt at first but will make them feel better after a while.’

  ‘Are you sure? It won’t make them worse, will it?’

  ‘No, I promise. When I had a black eye from boxing, she put cold water on it.’

  ‘What did she do, hold your head under water?’

  ‘Don’t be stupid Toby, she used a wet cloth’

  ‘Come on Lion, I’ll come with you and keep guard while you are in the bathroom.’

  ‘I have a better idea, has anyone used the piss pot? If not we could fill it with cold water, that way we don’t run the risk of being caught’

  ‘That’s a great idea Jack, I haven’t used it has anyone else, what about you Toby?’

  ‘No I never do.’

  ‘Neither have I’ replies Brian in his very gruff voice. Lifting the pot from beside the door I peep out, the lights are out; the corridor is dark and quiet.

  ‘Who’s going to keep guard?’

  ‘I will.’ Brian and I sneak out and creep along to the bathroom. I’ve put too much water in the pot; unless I walk very slowly I’m running the risk of it slopping onto the floor. Leaving me to struggle Brian is running back to the dormitory. I can’t call after him so I whisper,

  ‘Don’t leave me, where are you going’ but no sooner have I said the words he is back with a towel, which he places over the pot.

  ‘That should do the trick he whispers.’ Having too much water gives us another problem; there is not enough room in the pot for Lion’s hands without it over flowing. Toby comes to the rescue with a cup he has taken from his locker he bales out three full cups and throws them out of the window. ‘Glad you thought of that Tobe, my answer was to drink it but didn’t fancy it from a piss pot.’

  ‘My dad used to say the beer at the pub on the corner tasted like piss, perhaps the water in the pot would taste like beer.’ We all start to giggle even Lion is looking a bit brighter.

  ‘What happened, how did you get caught?’

  ‘I started to leave at three but didn’t get away from here until nearly four o clock. I tried to get out of our window but there is nothing outside to grab hold of. I could see that at the bathroom there is a drain pipe going all the way to the ground, so I sneaked down there only to find the bottom half of the window wouldn’t push up, so I had to pull the top one down and climb over it. I had to stand on top of the window frame and reach out to the drainpipe. I nearly fell, I think I cracked the window when I kicked it; anyway it was easy to climb down once I got onto the drainpipe. I got a bit of a scare though; the milkman drove in as I went to go out of the gate.’

  ‘Wow did he see you?’

  ‘I don’t think so, anyway I thought I had better stay off the road but had to give that up as
it was too hard getting over or through the hedges. So I got back on the road and hid each time a car came by. It was easier once I got into Tonbridge, there were a lot of people about so I just walked with them, no one noticed me, I even went into a baker’s and bought two sausage rolls.

  ‘I was in Tonbridge today and I went to a baker.’

  ‘I know I saw you, couldn’t believe my eyes there you were walking alongside a group of kids from here and St Gab’s, following that bloody fat cow Marjorie.’

  ‘Where were you?’

  ‘Sitting on the wall beside the war memorial I watched you wait outside the bakers, then when you all turned down that side street to go to the castle I went to the railway station.’

  ‘Were you able to catch a train?’

  ‘Yeah but it wasn’t easy, I couldn’t go through the station unless I bought a ticket, I wanted to save my money; sorry Phil, your money for food.

  I walked into the goods yard and sneaked back to the platform. The train came after about fifteen minutes but the waiting seemed like hours I was so scared of being caught. I waited until the guard started to shut the doors then I made a dash and jumped on, I found a vacant compartment and sat down very pleased with myself. Just before we came into Sevenoaks I heard a ticket inspector asking for tickets so I sneaked into the toilet but she saw me and waited outside. I knew when the train moved off from Sevenoaks, she would be looking for me, so I decided to get off but she was waiting for me on the platform with a porter, they took me to the station master, who called the police, and they brought me back here.

  ‘When was that?’

  ‘While you all were in Chapel, the Copper waited until the Reverend came to his office, he was so polite ‘Oh hello Lionel been for a little jaunt have you?’ He was all smiles for the Copper but as soon as the cop went he was like Jekyll and Hyde, he started ranting and raving, thrashing about with his cane. He gave me a long lecture about respect and being ungrateful, and then told me I was a thug and how lucky I was that Flynn didn’t press charges for assault. He then told me to hold out both my hands. At first I refused so he lashed me across the back of my legs and, each time I pulled my hands away he would scream, that’s one extra you are going to get.’