by PJ Schnyder
The healer drew Mackenzie off the stool to face her, hand in hand.
“First, you are a shapeshifter fresh off your first heat. Obviously, the bloodletting quenched it.”
Adam cleared his throat and Mackenzie's cheeks flushed a deep red. There had been another interaction before the fighting.
“Or otherwise,” Chryssa amended. The hint of a smile tweaked the corners of Marcus' mouth. “In any case, you are suffering the letdown, it happens after the high of a kill. And at the same time you’ve got the moodiness following naturally after a strong heat.” Mackenzie flinched, but Chryssa kept her tone clinical and devoid of judgment. “Second, you are a shapeshifter who has never shifted fully. You need to shift to be whole, mentally and physically. It's a part of you now, and you need to spend time in both forms to maintain health. Because you haven't, your condition is degenerating. Third and last, you have too much trauma in your head.”
Chryssa tugged on Mackenzie's hands, drawing Mackenzie close and hugging her.
“To treat all three,” Chryssa said gently, rubbing her cheek against Mackenzie's. “I want you to shift . You need to spend time in your cat form to clear your head. Perspective is different in cat form, simpler. Your head is too full and you can't see your way clear. You're a shifter now, you need to clear your head our way. And then, you need to spend time with the pride. We heal together, and as wonderful as Adam is, you need more contact.”
Anxiety hung in the air, a vibrant edge, poised but held leashed by Mackenzie. Hesitantly, her hands came up to return Chryssa's hug.
“I don't know if I have enough control.” She made it an honest confession. “And I'm afraid I'll hurt someone again, maybe kill again.”
“I scent no madness in you, Mackenzie.” Chryssa held firm, and her eyes locked Mackenzie's to give her the truth. “I sense you are vulnerable and a predator can't afford to be vulnerable for long, but no madness. The other two reeked of it.”
“What about control?”
“All of the juveniles have to learn control,” Marcus added his own reassurance. “Adam will run with you, and we'll send Liam and Cal along with you for a romp. It'll give them good practice to tussle with your cat.”
“Won't they be mad at me?” Heat returned to Mackenzie's face with embarrassment, remembering the incident at the bonfire.
“Pfff.” Chryssa waved a hand lightly. “Those two are always trying to impress females. It serves them right Adam staked a claim, you're too much for them to handle anyway.”
“They can give you something to take a whack at as you're heading through the forest.” Adam was a little grumpy. “Your cat is full grown, so it'd do them some good to deal with you.”
Mackenzie mulled it over, the anxiety having dissipated as the conversation moved along. Still reluctant, but definitely woken from the half-life she’d been in a few minutes prior.
“I won't hurt them?”
“They've had training.” Marcus didn't seem concerned. “And their dominance is a known quantity. It's not likely you will be able to dominate them both at the same time, but it'll give a decent measure of what you can do all the same. I'll be there supervising too.”
That alone seemed to comfort Mackenzie, surprising Adam. She had little trust in herself, but Adam supposed he shouldn't have been surprised she had faith in the pride. She had a strong sense of family.
Mackenzie chewed on her lower lip as she considered, wrestling with her fears and anxieties. They all gave her time in undemanding silence. Cats knew how to wait patiently. Finally, she seemed to put herself back together again, layer by layer, until she squared her shoulders and looked at them all. “When do I try?”
“Now is good.” Marcus grinned, his posture relaxed and unworried.
She gave them all a hesitant smile, and then seemed to remember something. Cocking her head to one side, her delicate brows came together as she thought hard.
All of them leaned forward in concern, and Adam felt another squeeze of anxiety around his heart. “What's the matter, Kitten?”
She looked up, not at Adam, but at Marcus. “Wasn't there supposed to be coffee?”
Shocked silence held for half a heartbeat and then Chryssa, Marcus and Adam all laughed. Mackenzie shifted from one foot to another, shy but game to join in, and yet not quite sure how. Adam covered the distance between them and folded her against his chest, dropping a kiss on the bridge of her nose.
“We'll get you coffee before we start.”
“Oh, good.”
His Mackenzie had almost completely returned, still a little fragile, but back.
Chapter 15
An hour later, Mackenzie stood in a small clearing with an audience of children and juveniles. The strength she'd gathered to agree to all of it had been left behind at Adam's home.
“You're sure I won't hurt anyone.”
“Positive, now that you've had your coffee.” He stood, relaxed, with a hand resting lightly in the curve of her lower back. She drew comfort from it, aware he’d kept up small touches and light contact nonstop since they'd left his home. Grateful for them, she leaned into him.
“I'd have thought this would be easier without an audience.” In a way, she embraced the mild flash of irritation she experienced. Being irritated tended to be safer than being afraid.
He leaned close and dropped another kiss on her forehead. “Liam and Cal must have been told somewhere near the kits.”
Currently, no less than half a dozen toddlers and small children scampered around Liam and Cal demanding to 'help' train her. They’d taught her to dance, after all, so why not help teach her to shift.
“I am not getting naked in front of all these people.”
Chuckling, he held up a knapsack. “Shift in your clothes. I packed you a fresh set for later.”
“Are you always like this?”
“Like what?”
“So perfect; I wonder how you're still single.”
A large, warm hand curled around the back of her neck, tilting her head as he stole a kiss full of the taste of rich coffee and spice. “I'm not single anymore, Mackenzie.”
Silent, she wondered if she would be blushing multiple times an hour for the rest of her life.
“Adam, you giving lessons?” Liam called over. “I need to learn how to do that to a pretty girl.”
Adam hand slid from her neck to rest again on the small of her back. “Find a girl your age to practice on and I'll consider it.”
“It’s going to take some time getting used to this.” Mackenzie hid her face in his arm.
He looked at her with warm amber eyes. “What, Kitten?”
“PDA. Public displays of affection. It's looked down upon in the city, but here, every member of the pride trades little touches of affection out in public all the time. Like…kisses.”
He rumbled deep in his chest, a pleased purr. “Do you like kisses, Kitten?” His hands lightly passed up and down her back in a soft caress. “You know we shapeshifters are possessive. I like giving you kisses so every single male here knows you're with me. Every touch leaves my scent on your clothes, your skin.” His lips brushed across her forehead.
Raising up on tiptoe, she pressed her lips against his cheek. “I like kisses.” When he looked down at her, a smile playing across his lips, she reached up again and placed a soft kiss on the corner of his mouth. “And I kind of like the idea that everyone knows you're with me, too.”
“Let's get to the main event, shall we?” Marcus interrupted with mock impatience, breaking through the warm cocoon of mood they had created.
The blood immediately rushed from her face, leaving her cheeks cold, her eyes darting around to take in everyone there. Marcus and Chryssa stood over the half dozen children as Liam and Cal walked towards the place where she stood with Adam. It was a lot of people to have around. All of them could be targets if she lost of control.
Marcus sympathized with her concerns earlier and had mentioned to Adam his wariness at exposing the k
its to the potential danger of an out-of-control shapeshifter, but Chryssa convinced him to let the children stay.
“Mackenzie is the oldest of three and by nature, very nurturing.” Chryssa had reasoned. “Her desire to protect her siblings from herself drove her out to seek us. She won't hurt children.”
When the healer had a hunch, the alpha rarely overruled her judgment, Mackenzie learned. So, he watched from the sideline and waited, ready for the worst but giving her an encouraging nod.
“Just like we practiced before, Kitten.” Adam said, his hands on her upper arms in a soothing caress. His head bent until he hovered a breath away from her.
She closed her eyes. “I'm trying.”
Claws slid smoothly from her fingertips and bare toes. Her hands shifted partially, caught in the intermediate phase between humanoid and big cat.
“It's not going beyond this.” She strained, her vocal chords caught in the change. Her effort visibly drawing every line of her body taught.
“She's trying too hard,” murmured Chryssa from her place next to Marcus. Mackenzie’s hearing was sharper, the tips of her ears aching.
“Hey, Big Mac, like this.” Liam and then Cal each Shifted for her, close enough so she should have been able to feel the energy of the Shift and follow their lead. Her feet had raised onto tip toe and shifted as far as the intermediate phase as well. But from that point, Mackenzie couldn't make progress.
The children milled about impatiently. They murmured amongst each other.
“Stay back or go home,” Marcus growled to them.
“But she needs help.” A little boy with wise eyes made it a statement. Little Sho took the spot as the leader of his age group. Mackenzie had heard Marcus mention to Adam that he’d been keeping an eye on the boy because even at the tender age of ten, he showed incredible potential. “Pride members help each other.”
Fighting tears, Mackenzie kept trying. The alpha felt the energy of the Shift hovering around her, at the brink but out of reach.
“Shifting comes easier for us,” Sho continued with simple child logic. “Adults think too hard about it.”
“That’s true, Sho,” Marcus admitted. Most shapeshifters lost the ability to Change instantaneously as they came into adulthood. They couldn't shift on the move and had to focus for a few moments more to take their other form. Only the very good fighters, like Adam, retained the ability to shift with speed. For kittens, it came as easy as breathing.
Sho broke from the group.
Marcus growled, but Chryssa exclaimed, “No! Look! She's controlling herself.”
Turning, Mackenzie watched in growing horror as Sho darted toward her.
Worse, Marcus held back even though under normal circumstances, he’d have lunged for the kit. As alpha, he could be faster than any cat in the pride, and he’d kill Mackenzie before allowing danger to come to the kit.
Sadly, she would have let him.
But Sho had other ideas.
“N-no,” Mackenzie raised her hands to ward him off, desperately clamping down on her panic.
Arms outstretched, Sho leaped at Mackenzie, shooting straight through the energy around her and onto her chest, shifting as he did so.
Instinctively she wrapped her arms around the jaguar kitten as his momentum knocked her off her feet. Like the night of the bonfire, she caught him reflexively to keep him safe.
Her heart pounded in panic at the thought of the little kitten harmed. Instinct told her the child shouldn't be within her energy while she was caught between forms and she had to do something with it before it affected the kitten. The energy snapped around her as she fell.
“Mackenzie!” Adam took a step forward, faltered, and fell to one knee.
A tawny gold cat stood over the cub with touches of black and white at her muzzle and the tips of her ears. Her jaw dropped as she panted slightly in distress. She’d shifted, instantaneously.
Sho immediately shifted back to a little boy and wrapped his arms around her very solid neck, “Yay!”
Immediately as one, the children piled on top of the hapless Mackenzie in her big cat form. Marcus let out an exasperated huff.
“She's so smooth, all one color.” Sho made the curious comment. The boy's eyes were wide as he studied her. “But she’s not black like you are, Adam.”
“The southern peninsula panthers used to be called cougars or mountain lions.” Adam approached Mackenzie to run a hand over her silken pelt. “They’re not the same as the panthers in our pride.”
“She's not all one color, Sho!” A little girl protested, bending to crawl under Mackenzie. “Her belly is white like ours.”
Mackenzie held perfectly still, her paws planted on the ground as the children danced around her. Afraid of hurting them, she didn’t budge.
“She was never a danger to the children,” murmured Chryssa to Marcus. “You would have known.”
“The cat knew,” Marcus admitted with a grunt. “But, the man had his doubts.”
Adam shook his head as he walked to Marcus' side, leaving Mackenzie to the mercy of the children temporarily. “This man is humbled by a ten year-old.”
Sho grinned at Adam as he threw his little arms around Mackenzie's neck again. “I jumped into her arms before, at the bonfire. She almost shifted then, I felt it. So I figured this time she would, 'cause the tingles were so close anyways.”
Mackenzie rumbled, but turned to give Sho a nuzzle against one cheek. He giggled.
“The kid is going to give me white hairs,” growled Marcus, but without anger. Mackenzie would have hurt herself before hurting anyone else, obvious in the way she stood with all four legs braced, her paws almost buried in the ground so she didn't accidentally swat a child.
“Enough for now.” Marcus rescued her before a child ended up on her back. “It's time to let Mackenzie test out her cat and give her some bigger playmates to roughhouse without here.”
A chorus of “awwwwwww” met his statement, but the children obeyed, giving Mackenzie a clear space.
She watched all of them, her eyesight even clearer than before and lower to the ground. The tiniest movements attracted her attention, and the breeze teased the tiny hairs on her ears so she felt herself flick one instinctively. Her paws stayed well-grounded in the earth, pads feeling the soil beneath.
Everything she had ever known about balance left her in the shifting. She took her time stretching, getting a feel for the way her cat's body moved.
It rose up out of her core and joined with her. Suddenly, the old Mackenzie faded into memory. Jumbled pieces inside her soul shifted and settled into place. The new Mackenzie existed as woman and cat, both aspects of the same person. Happiness swept through her as pain she hadn't even recognized ceased.
“Progress.” She heard Chryssa say as she walked around the clearing, nudging Sho as she passed by.
“Moves better than most,” commented Marcus.
Mackenzie shot him a look. Better than most indeed. She turned and nipped the nearest juvenile, Liam, in the shoulder and took off through the woods. The children squealed in delight.
“Hah! I told you she gets spunky when she gets her tail in a knot.” Adam watched the juveniles take off after her. And then he called out. “Stay close by, Kitten!”
Of course she heard him.
Rain drops began to fall as Mackenzie dashed through the forest, letting the cat aspect of her come to the forefront of her awareness. She could hear the two juveniles behind her, immature males. They wouldn't catch her, both aspects of her personality agreed.
Every time one of her paws touched the ground, every time her muscles bunched and stretched, Mackenzie got a feel for her form. Stronger, faster, more powerful than them, she led them on a wild chase. With practice, she'd have grace they couldn't manage.
But she slowed once in a while, letting them almost overtake her. The first couple of times, they managed to shove her and make her stumble. As the run continued, she gained better control. She'd dodge to one s
ide and then reach out with a paw, careful to keep her claws retracted, and bowl one or the other over. Then, she took off again.
Maybe if she'd had more experience in her big cat form, Mackenzie would have noticed the smell despite the rain. Maybe if the two juveniles had been more seasoned, they would have caught it. As it was, the sound alerted her first.
Like the big fans in the city, circulating air, it overlaid the natural sounds of the forest like white noise only more concentrated and quieter. Mackenzie paused in the rain, trying to filter it from the other forest noises still unfamiliar to her. Recognition caught her attention amidst all the others.
Liam and Cal pounced on her. Distracted, she bowled them both over and sat on them, still trying to catch the sound again. Growling, they struggled under her paws, but Mackenzie growled back. She thought hard about the danger. This time her will rolled over them both as she growled and they went still.
Something wasn't right. She didn't like it. Lying still and finally catching the sound she’d heard, Liam and Cal confirmed with slightly distressed noises. Or at least, her inner cat interpreted their noises for her.
Nudging each of them, she sent them back the way they had come. The forest had gone silent. Alarm shot through Mackenzie.
The boys became streaks of gold and black running through the trees in front of her. Too many targets. Her cat knew another hunter trailed them, and a hunter preferred prey that broke off and singled itself out.
Leaving the boys, she shot in a different direction, hoping to draw the unseen threat away from the juveniles and away from the kittens they returned to.
Desperately, Mackenzie ran, leaving the cat aspect of her personality to navigate the forest as the human part of her thought furiously about all she knew of the strange danger. Adam had told her they hunted in the forests and in the cities alike, with technology alien to either environment. The odds definitely didn’t lean in her favor. She didn't know how to be a big cat well enough to hide from the hunter, the forest still unfamiliar.
She cursed mentally, holding in a growl in an effort to run silent. Too new, too new. Adam’s right and he might not get the chance to gloat over it.