I placed my hands on the island and leaned in. “You wanna fucking hear about my struggling, Olivia? Do you?” I hollered.
She opened her arms wide, teetered on the stool, and offered. “Oh, tell me, Mr. Perfect.”
“How about the last couple of years trying to fucking clean up my wife’s act. Huh, Olivia?” I shouted. “Rehab, therapy, me leaving my job, fucking moving states away from our goddamn life to save our fucking marriage. To save you!” I took a deep breath and tried to release the tension forming in my neck by twisting it left then right.
“Ha,” she snorted coarsely. “And wha… what kinda life you gonna give m-me, Callen?” she muttered incoherently.
I threw my arms out. “Fucking for real! I gave you all this, Olivia. I gave you my heart. My fucking love,” I roared.
She stumbled off the stool, took a swig from the bottle, and waved it around. “Yeah, all this and that.” She pointed the bottle at me. “And a man who’s not even man enough to be able to give me kids.”
I woke with a jolt, sat up, and blinked. A wrenching pain settled in my stomach as I tried to swallow the remnants of the dream down my dry throat. Grabbing my phone, I clicked the button on the side and saw it was only a little after four in the morning. Putting my feet to the cold tile floor, I took a deep breath. I made my way to the cafeteria, and when I reached into the fridge for a bottle of water, a voice had me turning swiftly.
“Couldn’t sleep?” Dr. Meyers asked from his spot at the table in the back of the room.
“Jesus,” I ground out. “Don’t you ever fucking sleep?”
“I got my five hours, I’m good.” He gave a quick nod toward his open laptop. “Bad dream?”
I narrowed my eyes suspiciously and walked toward him, looked at his laptop screen, and saw it was broken down into five sections, all in black and white. He had everyone’s room up on the monitor.
“This what you fucking do to pass the time, spy on everyone?”
He chuckled. “No, just thought I’d check on everyone, and happened to see you spring up out of a sleep you were tossing and turning through.” He waved his hand toward a chair. “Sit.”
I uncapped the bottle of water, and while taking a gulp to quench the desert in my throat, I sat down.
“Wanna talk about it?” he asked, shutting his laptop.
“Nope,” I told him, capped the bottle, and placed it on the table.
He sighed. “Callen, I’ve been very lenient in our therapy sessions lately, even let you miss out on group therapy, but you gotta give me something.”
“Nothing to give,” I muttered.
“Oh.” He signaled to the laptop. “Got an e-mail from Noelle, she pulled out of the program.”
“What!” I shouted.
“Ahhh.” He smiled. “Did I hit a nerve, Callen?”
“Fuck you,” I rumbled and rose.
He followed suit and told me firmly, “Sit.”
I stared at him with cold, narrowed eyes, and sat back down. He went over to the Keurig, brewed a cup of coffee for himself, and came back. “Remember, I’m the final signature on your release papers, Callen,” he said as he sat back down.
“Gonna play that shit with me, Doc?” I raised my chin with frustration.
“Apparently, I need to.” He nodded, then took a sip of his coffee.
I took a deep breath through my nose and spoke. “I like her.”
“Everyone around here sees that,” he returned uninterestedly.
I glanced away, wondering if I should divulge the information I had yet to share with her. When I turned my eyes back to him, I blurted, “She doesn’t know I can’t have kids.”
He nodded slowly with pressed lips before asking, “And this would be an issue between the both of you, why?”
“Come on, Doc, do I really need to spell it the fuck out for you?”
“No.” He chuckled. “But you need to admit your feelings out loud, Callen.”
I focused on the water bottle as I started twirling it around. “I have, to her.”
“Well,” he drawled. “That’s a start and a very productive one.”
I nodded.
“Tell me about your dream?” he insisted.
I shrugged. “It was the one where Olivia told me I’m not a man ’cause I couldn’t give her kids.”
“Mmm,” he hummed. “That one. You haven’t had that dream in a while, have you?”
I shook my head.
“That tells me it’s really bothering you that Noelle doesn’t know you’re unable to biologically father children,” he tested.
I shrugged. “I guess so.”
After a few more words, I went back to my room. Since I didn’t want to chance falling back into a nightmare, I sat at my desk. My fingers lay on the cool metal knob of the drawer where Ben had put the file. There were times I’d thought about throwing it out and letting the past stay where it belonged, but I had this nagging ache in my gut that needed to be satisfied. I’d also convinced myself that if I read through it, looked at the pictures, that the demons would fully evaporate.
So with that thought at the forefront of my brain, I took out the manila envelope and opened it up.
Chapter Fourteen
Noelle
*~*DAY 50*~*
“Shit, Noelle, do you think that’s a good idea?” Aurora asked.
I’d just got done filling her in on what’d gone on since our last conversation. She was questioning whether moving in with Callen was a smart idea.
“I really like him, Ror,” I whispered.
“Yeah, sweetie.” She sighed. “I get that, but Noelle, he needs to know about your dad.”
I took a deep breath, trying to keep the wet behind them at bay. “I know.”
“I’m worried about you,” she said gently.
“Don’t be,” I told her quickly. “I’ll tell him.”
“Noelle—”
“I will,” I blurted out, and added more softly, “today.”
I ended my call assuring her I was okay, that she didn’t need to fly out, and that I’d tell Callen. Once I finished my morning routine, I took off to work with an ache in the pit of my stomach. She was right, I needed to tell Callen the truth, but before I did that, I had to confront my father.
*~*~*
Me: I’m going to be a little late today.
I placed the cell on the desk and went to the copy machine. After I’d started the next cycle of flyers, I heard the phone vibrate.
Callen: Everything okay?
Staring at those two words, I would have liked to type back no. Because in reality, everything wasn’t okay. I had the pending doom of my secret lying on my shoulders. Here he was, ten days from being released with hopes and dreams of making a life together, but I held our future in my hands, his future in my hands.
Me: Yep! Just a lot of paperwork today.
After I hit Send, I looked up to the ceiling, silently praying for God’s forgiveness for lying yet again.
Callen: Gotta go to group, sweetheart. Text me when you leave.
“Ellie?”
Quickly, I tapped at the little screen.
Me: I will. Be good. :)
As soon as I slipped the cell into my purse by my feet under the desk, I called back, “Coming.”
I walked out of the office and down the hall, finding my father sitting in the front pew of the sanctuary, eyes focused on the altar. So as not to interrupt his moment, I quietly sat down two feet away from him. Apparently, he hadn’t been in deep thought, because when I sat, he spoke.
“Have you received any unusual calls recently?” he asked, eyes still fixed ahead.
“Umm,” I drawled, considering all the calls I’d taken in the past week. “No, why?”
He rotated to face me. Voice stern, he said, “We need to talk, Ellie girl.”
Uh-oh!
As everything I’d been doing ran rampant through my head, I concentrated on one thing, and that was getting his story. This had gone on too
long and should’ve been addressed a long time ago. And with my future plans, now was a better time than any.
“I agree,” I told him quietly.
He sighed heavily, turned his eyes back to the altar and told me, “Someone’s been looking into me.”
“What?” I asked in confusion.
“Fred told me someone came into his hotel, asking questions about me.”
“Fred, Fred Fulton that owns the hotel in Atlanta where you attend retre—” I stopped midsentence, because it all fell on top of me in a split second.
The file that Callen had. One of the many pictures I’d seen was the front of the elaborate hotel that Fred Fulton owned.
“What have you done, Daddy?” I asked in a whisper, already knowing most of it.
And without any hesitation in his voice, he steadily told me everything. Everything. There had been more to the story, which I hadn’t known. And with every word that came out of his mouth, my blood not only boiled, but the disgust I had for my father before now turned into revolting hate. He was the man who’d raised me and made me the center of his life, before Pamela came flouncing in, the only man I thought the world revolved around, but I knew once this conversation was over it would be the last time I actually spoke to him.
“Please,” he whispered sorrowfully. “Say something.”
“Actually, Dad, I’ll say two things,” I snapped, and turned to him. “One, I will not tell Noah about this, because it would break his heart and he’d never look at you the same. And I can’t do that to that little boy who looks up to you. But I will tell you this, after today, I will no longer be working for you—”
“Ell—” He tried to cut me off.
“No!” I shouted. “This is my time, Dad. I get to speak and you will listen. When I want to see Noah, I will. You or Pamela have nothing to say about it, because I will use what I know as leverage. So do not test me.”
His head jolted back at the firmness in my words, and just as his mouth opened to speak, I cut him off.
“Not yet, I’m not done.” I pointed at the bench. “You might wanna grab on to that.” He looked at me with curious eyes, and I finally said what I’d been wanting to. “I knew about what you did.” My admission caused him to suck in a breath. “I found your receipts tucked away in the bottom file cabinet drawer in the storage room. I also did my own research, which brought me to Callen Westbrook.” The mention of Callen’s name had my dad grabbing the polished wood of the bench at either side of him, his eyes worried. “Who is an absolutely wonderful man—”
“Noelle,” he rasped uneasily.
“Shut up!” I screamed, and rose. “Years, Dad, years I sat in the back seat of your and Pam’s life. Took what I could get for attention from you when you offered it, which wasn’t often. The only thing that held me glued to this family for this long is Noah. Because if that amazing boy wasn’t a part of our lives, I wouldn’t have stayed as long as I did.” A small part of my heart squeezed as I watched sadness fill my dad’s handsome face, but I kept on. “I’m not taking business courses either. The past few weeks, I’ve been visiting Callen, who’s currently at Mountains Bay Mental Health Facility in Georgia—”
“You’ve been driving into Georgia? Is that why you’re renting a car?” he questioned.
I sighed. “I’m not renting a car, it’s Callen’s car.”
He rose and grated out, “Noelle—”
I raised my hand, palm out. “Don’t! I’ll be moving to Atlanta in the next week to live with Callen.”
“No….”
“Yes, Dad,” I said, turned, and began to walk away.
“I raised you better!” my dad yelled to my back. “Damn you, Noelle, do not walk away from me!”
Right before I was to walk over the threshold, I rotated on my foot and said, “Goodbye, Pastor Riley.”
*~*~*
“Callen,” I breathed, feeling his fingertips skate across the back of my thigh.
We’d only been in the hotel room for one minute before he turned me and pinned my front up against the wall. As many times as I tried to confess everything to him, he kept telling me we’d talk once we got to the hotel room. I let him have that. And now, I was giving in to his touch because I was afraid it might be the last time.
His hands went to my shoulders and slipped the thin straps off and down my arms. I memorized every rough pad of his fingers, and sucked in a breath when my bare breasts slipped free.
“Hands above your head, palms to the wall, princess,” he whispered, his breath hot at my ear, voice filled with need.
I obeyed.
“Good girl,” he praised, then smacked my ass, causing my breath to hitch.
His hands moved and cupped both breasts, flicking each nipple with his thumbs.
“Such beautiful fucking perky tits,” he ground out.
“Callen,” I moaned, digging my fingers into the wall.
“Yes, princess.” His voice was low and rough while he twisted each erect nipple, pulling at the tight buds.
“I need you,” I whimpered.
“You have me, baby.” He ground his rigid cock against my ass.
As he laid kisses to my shoulder, his hands ran down my stomach, taking the sundress with them. The cotton fell to the floor and he hooked his thumbs into my panties; next, they were gone. He pressed into me, pushing my naked body against the wall.
“Love every damn inch of this body,” he huskily admitted while his hands roamed from my belly to my breasts then down my sides to my ass.
Every one of his fingers felt like a hot rope coasting across my cool flesh. The room was silent except for our breathing, escalating my desire. Every breath he breathed across my skin, I felt in my core. The need for him became stronger every second I was in his presence.
I lived for his laugh.
I survived on his smile.
I longed for his touch.
I was in love with Callen Westbrook.
“Callen,” I moaned when he cupped my ass.
“Shhh,” he whispered in my ear. “Trust me, baby.”
“I do.”
One hand spread my cheeks while the other snaked between my legs and cupped me. Sucking in a breath, I added a moan when his fingers rubbed my clit.
“Fuck,” he growled. “So fucking wet.”
I ground down on his hand, searching for more contact.
“Greedy little thing, aren’t ya?” He chuckled, then slipped a finger inside me, twirling it around. Slipping it out, he said, “Give me that mouth.”
I did, turning my head, and met his heated gaze. He glided his finger over my lips, coating them with my juices. The side of his lips tipped up, he gripped my chin, and began to lick the wetness of my pussy off my parted lips.
So. Freaking. Hot.
“Uhh.” I groaned at the intensity that my yearning was spiking to.
He took my mouth in an aggressive kiss, tongue owning every inch as it roamed. When he was satisfied, he broke free and left me panting for air. With one arm wrapped around my shoulders, hand gripping my neck and chin, his other hand wound its way between my legs and he rammed two fingers inside me.
“Oh God,” I moaned on a heavy breath.
Forcefully his fingers fucked my dripping cunt, bringing me higher with every thrust. My pussy gripped his fingers. The buildup was instant, but he kept me on the edge, gliding his fingers in and out, just hitting the one spot that drove me crazy with every deep plunge.
“Wanna come, princess?” His breath was hot against my ear.
“Yes,” I crooned on a throaty whimper.
“Spread,” he demanded.
I obeyed and spread my legs, leaving the cotton of my sundress wrapped around one foot.
“Good girl,” he whispered roughly. “Now, tip that sweet ass.”
Again, I did as he said. And when I pushed my ass out, he rubbed his hard jeans-clad cock against my bare ass.
“Callen,” I murmured.
I lost contact with his fin
gers and felt and heard him making quick work unbuttoning his jeans. Before I could take a deep breath, he plunged into me in one swift move, and didn’t stop. Powerfully ramming into my pussy, he let go of my neck and gripped my hair, pulling it back. I arched, giving him what he wanted.
“My fucking cunt,” he ground out, aggressively thrusting into me.
“Yes,” I screamed, teetering on the edge of extreme bliss.
His hand grasped my hair, mouth next to my ear, breathing heavy and groaning. His cock thrust deep inside, his arm wrapped around my waist, fingers at my clit. All the sensations were becoming overwhelming. I couldn’t catch my breath. Sparkling light started glinting around my eyes. I began to shudder with ecstasy.
And… I came.
I came so hard my legs gave out as my pussy forcefully clamped onto his cock, my juices sliding down my thighs.
“Oh,” I cried on a deep moan. “My God.”
“Fuck yeah,” he groaned, and slammed into me one more time, spilling his release deep inside.
*~*~*
“Ughh.” I took another bite of my sandwich. “They have the best chicken salad.”
Callen chuckled and popped an onion ring in his mouth. I watched as his snicker turned into a smile as he chewed. The idea of watching his face alter as I told him what I knew had my stomach turning. I knew it had to be done, but the transformation he’d made from the day I met him to now was astounding. And… I’d helped him. So how could I crush him?
“I need to talk to you about something,” he said as he placed the dome over his empty plate.
“Okay,” I whispered as my heart began to pound in my chest, my breathing becoming labored.
“I don’t know how to fucking say this,” he quietly admitted, and ran a hand through his hair. “So I’m just gonna fucking say it.”
“Okay,” I mumbled, trying to prepare myself.
Maybe he knew everything and he was about to admit it. Could there possibly be a chance that everything I was so worried about was actually going to be okay?
“I can’t have kids, Noelle,” he blurted.
I knew that… but only found out this morning from my father. And to be honest, I was okay with that information. Being a part of the church for as long as I had been, I did a lot of volunteering. And one of the places I loved to offer my services at was one of the state orphanages. So when my dad had divulged that information, my mind had automatically gone there.
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