He knew there was a solution to the problem. There had to be. But whatever it was, it eluded him. He ran different scenarios in his mind. He wrote letters. He’d considered renting a billboard, but had no idea what it would say.
Don’t leave me was a start. Marry me was out of the question. They were already married. Let’s not get a divorce was too twisted.
What he didn’t understand was what had changed. If she loved him now, she’d probably loved him for a while. So wasn’t their being married a good thing?
Someone knocked on his door. He pulled it open, eager to see Destiny. But instead his sister stood on the porch.
She put her hands on her hips. “Seriously, you could at least try not to be so disappointed it’s me.”
“Sorry.”
“Hoping it was your new bride?”
He nodded and stepped back to let his sister in. She walked past him then turned to face him when he shut the front door.
“What’s up?”
He asked the question in his best casual, “I’m fine. Ignore the signs of strain and tension” voice. Apparently, it worked because Shelby didn’t ask any questions. Instead she said, “I’ve been thinking.”
“About?”
“What you said before. About the business and me and us.” She sighed. “You’re a good big brother, and I love you.”
It was obvious she had more to say, so he waited.
“And I’m sorry.”
Not what he expected. “About?”
“I’ve sent you mixed messages. I ask your advice then get mad when you give it. I want you to rescue me but only sometimes. It’s not clear to me, so it sure can’t be clear to you, either.”
He relaxed a little. “Okay. So where does that leave us?”
She smiled. “I would like to borrow the money from you, but only as a loan. I’ll pay you back, with interest.”
“What if I don’t want to give you the money anymore?”
She laughed then hugged him. “You’re a funny guy.”
“Not everyone thinks so.”
“Then they don’t know you well enough.”
He didn’t think that was Destiny’s problem.
Shelby studied him. “Want to talk about it?”
“There’s nothing. I’m fine.”
“Then why are you still living here instead of with Destiny?”
She had him on that one. “It’s complicated. She’s...” Not mad, he thought. Disappointed? Hurt? “Upset.”
“Did you try to fix things too much? You do that, Kipling. You mean well, but sometimes people want to be more than a project.”
“I don’t see people as projects.”
She raised her eyebrows as her hands returned to her hips.
He sighed. “Sometimes I do,” he admitted.
“Enough that it’s hard for the rest of us to be sure where we stand and if we matter. You’re my brother, and I don’t always know if you’re excited about helping me or taking care of the problem.”
Was that what had gone wrong with Destiny? He hadn’t made it clear he cared about her and the baby?
“Doesn’t what I do matter more than what I say?”
“Not always.” Shelby hugged him. “You’re a really good guy. If Destiny isn’t seeing that right now, then give her a little time. You’re not wrong to care.”
“Thanks.” Although he knew he had to be wrong about something because Destiny didn’t want to stay married to him. “You doing okay?”
“I am. I had a brief but horrible relationship with Miles, and I’m now officially over him.”
“What? Miles the pilot? He’s a player.” And soon to be dead, Kipling thought grimly.
“Yes, I see that now.” Shelby shook her head. “Don’t go there. Don’t take on my problem. I bought into his charm, and I learned a good lesson. I’ll recover.”
“You’re my sister.”
“Thanks for the clarification.” She wrinkled her nose. “I mean it, Kipling. I have to figure this out on my own. Don’t mess in my personal life, okay?”
He nodded slowly. “Sure. Come to me for money but not advice.”
She flashed him a smile. “Exactly.”
* * *
NOT SURE WHAT TO DO with himself, Kipling walked through town. Just his luck, no one was getting lost on a very busy holiday weekend.
Tourists mingled with locals. The smell of barbecue mingled with the scent of lemons and fresh churros. He nodded at people he knew, stepped out of the way of unsteady toddlers and rescued a balloon that nearly got away.
All of which should have made him feel better. Connected, maybe. But it didn’t, and he wasn’t.
He missed Destiny. Without her, he couldn’t seem to think straight. Or sleep. Or know what was going on. He could have gone to see her. He knew that she and Cassidy were out mapping the last parts of the mountain. He could have joined them. But then what?
He crossed the street and headed for the park. Live music played. Music that made him think of Destiny performing at The Man Cave and how she’d lost herself in song.
She was amazing, he thought. Powerful and talented. Beautiful. She’d claimed to love him and then told him she wanted a divorce. What was he supposed to do with that?
The truth was, he wanted her back. He missed her and—
He turned at the sound of teenage boys laughing and saw Carter standing with his friends. The second Kipling spotted him, he knew what he had to do.
He walked toward the teen. Carter saw him approaching and straightened. While the festival spun on around them, Kipling felt the afternoon grow quiet—at least in his head.
“Hey,” he said, when he was in front of Carter. “I wanted to tell you I’m sorry. I don’t approve of you kissing Starr, but I get why it happened. Mills women are tough to resist.” He raised one shoulder. “Yelling at you wasn’t my finest hour.”
Carter grinned. “It’s okay. Felicia explained about the protective instincts of the alpha male in the clan.” The teen chuckled. “Which might not make sense to you, but it’s kind of how she talks. She’s supersmart. Anyway, she’s right. Starr’s almost like your daughter. You have to be protective. I’m glad she has someone looking out for her, you know. Because it wasn’t always like that.”
Kipling stared at the kid. “You’re not a jerk.”
“Thanks, man. Neither are you.”
Kipling shook his head. “No. I mean you’re a good kid.”
“Always have been. Does this mean I can—”
“No,” Kipling told him firmly. “My protective instincts remain intact. But I now have more respect for Starr’s selection process.”
“I think that’s a compliment, so thanks.”
“You’re welcome.”
Carter turned back to his friends. Kipling looked around and tried to figure out what he should do next. Suddenly, a tall, brown-haired woman stepped in front of him.
“I hear you’ve been looking for me.”
She was close to forty, fit, with just enough attitude to make a guy think she knew how to take care of herself.
Kipling had no idea who she was.
“Ma’am?”
The woman raised her eyebrows. “Not a very good way to start, Kipling. I’ve heard you’re charming. Don’t disappoint me.”
Was it him, or had it gotten a little hot in here?
“I’m Jo Trellis,” the woman said. “Of Jo’s Bar.”
“You,” he said loudly. “Finally. I’ve been trying to talk to you for days. You won’t take my calls or return them. You’re never around when I stop by.”
She looked more amused than chagrined. “What can I say? I’m elusive.”
“You’re putting me out of business.”
“Back at you.”
They stared at each other.
Kipling figured it had been her town first. “I’m sure we can find a solution to this problem.”
“I’ve heard you like fixing things. So sure. Fix this one. We all take
care of each other. If you wanted to open a bar that competed directly with me, you should have talked to me first. Or someone. But you didn’t. You stomped in and did your thing without considering anyone else.”
“Hey, wait. It wasn’t like that. The guys around here don’t have anywhere to go. Your place caters to women.”
Her chin rose. “Tell me how that’s bad.”
Oops. “It’s, ah, not. Women should have a bar where they can be comfortable. But so should guys. That’s all I was doing.” He thought about the town and how involved everyone was. “I didn’t think about talking to you. I’m not from here.”
“Not much of an excuse. You should learn how to have a conversation. Words matter.”
He was starting to see that. They’d mattered with Carter, they mattered with Jo. Didn’t it make sense they would matter with Destiny, too? She’d told him she loved him, and what had he said in return? Not a thing.
He thought about everything that was wrong right now. “I’m sorry I didn’t talk to you first. I should have. For what it’s worth, you’ve won. My partners have pulled out, and Nick says we can’t make it solely on tourist dollars.”
Jo shifted from foot to foot. “Yeah, well, about that. I might have made a few phone calls. I wanted to make a little trouble, but I didn’t anticipate how seriously my friends would take my concerns.”
“You didn’t mean to shut me down?”
“Hell, no. I was going to talk to you. Jo’s does a good business, but I’m tired of working sixteen-hour days. I have a hot husband at home I’d like to spend more time with. I’m going to call off the ladies. Your partners will come slinking back. Jo’s Bar is going to be open five days a week and close at seven in the evening. You can have the nights.”
She held out her hand. He shook it. “Remind me never to go up against you again,” he said.
“You got that right. Tell Nick to expect a crowd tonight. I’m going to make some calls.”
* * *
DESTINY CROSSED THE shallow stream. On the other side, she confirmed the GPS signal was still strong. While she enjoyed a day hike as much as the next person, she didn’t want to have to retrace her steps.
She paused for a drink of water. Tall trees offered shade overhead and kept the temperature comfortable, but she was in her third hour of hiking and getting a little tired.
She was out of shape, she thought. She hadn’t been exercising as regularly. That was going to have to change. She had to stay healthy for two. Something she couldn’t mention to Kipling, she thought with a smile. Before she finished speaking, he would have designed a program and signed her up with a trainer.
No, he wouldn’t, she thought, her smile fading. Because they weren’t together anymore. She’d ended things pretty abruptly, and she hadn’t heard from him since.
She missed him, she admitted. A lot. There was a hole in her life and maybe in her heart. A Kipling-size one. She missed how he visibly brightened when she walked in the room. How he listened and then offered advice whether she wanted it or not. She liked how easily he’d adjusted to being a mere mortal after years spent being a ski god.
He was a good man, she thought wistfully. Funny, charming, caring. Instead of getting mad when he’d found out she’d been a virgin, he’d wanted to help her learn to enjoy sex. He was dependable and caring. If only he loved her. Because without loving her, without her being able to—
Destiny stopped in midstride. She slowly lowered her raised foot to the ground and let the swirling thoughts settle. When they did, she nearly fell over from shock.
She was still doing it. She was still running from something—just like she always had. She’d run from her parents when she’d been younger. She’d run from her emotions, her passions, her talents. She’d built up walls and hidden behind them, and she was still doing it. Right this second.
How did she know Kipling didn’t love her? She hadn’t asked. She hadn’t given him a chance to talk or explain or even think. They’d never talked about their marriage or explored what either of them expected or needed to make the relationship work. She’d simply told him she wanted a divorce.
Running away from something wasn’t the same as running to something. She’d spent so much of her life thinking about what she didn’t want that she’d forgotten to figure out what was important to her. She was so worried about being unhappy that she never bothered to find what made her happy. Or who.
She loved Kipling. She knew that for sure. But did he love her? Maybe this was a good time to be asking that question. And not just of herself.
“What have I done?” she asked out loud.
There was no answer. Just the hum of insects and the call of a hawk.
She glanced down at her screen. Her exact location showed as a tiny dot. She could see the most direct route back to her car and immediately headed that way.
* * *
MEN HAD BEEN making fools of themselves over women for centuries, Kipling thought cheerfully. He was just one in a long line. If he was going to lose Destiny, he was going to do it in style. With everything on the table.
In the past hour he’d had a call from five of his business partners asking to be a part of The Man Cave again, and a text from Nick saying he was expecting a big crowd. Felicia Boylan, Carter’s mother, had found him and hugged him, all the while telling him how happy she was that he’d shown Carter the complete cycle of a male exchange, from misunderstanding to threatened violence, to apology and resolution. When he’d tried to explain that hadn’t been his intent, she’d brushed off his comments.
He stood there, in the center of the festival, surrounded by people, and all he could think was that he wanted to tell Destiny all about it. Not just tell her, but have her share in it. He wanted to laugh with her and touch her and take care of her.
But the telling was important, too. Talking to her. Words. It came back to those damn words.
He got that actions were significant. Promising to be faithful was meaningless if you went out and cheated. His father hitting Shelby had a whole lot more meaning than the times he’d sworn he loved her. But maybe, just maybe, he’d taken the lesson he’d learned just a little too far. Maybe he’d dismissed the words too quickly. And if that were the case, he just might have a chance at winning Destiny back.
In the time it took him to jog home and grab the keys to his Jeep, he came to several more realizations. He realized that just because he’d never been in love before didn’t mean he was necessarily flawed. He hadn’t been holding back because he didn’t believe saying he loved someone made a difference—he’d been waiting. For the right woman. The only woman.
Destiny had said she loved him, and now all he wanted was to say it back to her. Then convince her, because action was always going to be his thing. But he would say it, too.
Destiny loved him, he loved her, and there was no way he was going to let her go. Not without a fight. And if he made a fool of himself because of it, so be it.
He headed out of town. A quick call to Cassidy gave him the starting point. He had his tracking equipment and working knowledge of the STORMS program. He was supposed to be some kind of search and rescue expert. It was time he put that title to the test.
He pulled off into the rest area parking lot and pulled up next to Destiny’s car. After getting out, he checked his equipment then started entering data. She was an experienced hiker, on a day trip. He knew the grid she would cover, just not which part she would be in right now.
“Looking for someone?”
He glanced up and saw Destiny heading toward him. He opened his driver’s door, flung in his tablet then walked toward her.
There were so many things to say, he thought, but none of them mattered right this second. He cupped her face in his hands and kissed her on the mouth. She wrapped her arms around him and hung on as if she was never going to let go.
“I love you,” he said when they came up for air.
“I had no right to say I wanted a divorce— What?
” Her green eyes widened. “What did you say?”
“I love you. A lot. I have for a while. We’re not getting a divorce without talking about it first. Once you agree to that, I’m going to convince you to stay with me for always.”
“I do love a man with a plan.” Her lips trembled. “Real love?”
“The forever kind.” He kissed her again. “The kind that means I’m not leaving, so you should consider sticking around, too.”
“I will. I am. I’ve been running away from what scared me for so long that I forgot what it was like to run to something. To you.”
He held her close and breathed in the scent of her.
“Marry me,” he whispered. “Not because you’re pregnant or because it’s the right thing to do. Marry me because you can’t imagine spending another day without me. Marry me because we’re a family. You, me, Starr, the baby. Marry me so we can be together always.”
She looked into his eyes. “I already did, Kipling.” She leaned against him. “I already did.”
Kipling led her to his Jeep. She climbed inside. They would deal with her car later. They would deal with a lot of things. But the decisions would be easy, because they were together.
It wasn’t flying down a mountain at seventy miles an hour, he thought as he started down the highway. It was better.
She took his hand in hers. “I’m going to write a song about this.” She grinned. “After we have sex.”
He was still laughing when they drove into town.
* * * * *
Keep reading for an excerpt from KISS ME by Susan Mallery.
“Gritty and magical, angst-ridden and sweet, this coming-home story by bestseller Mallery pulls no punches.”
—Publishers Weekly on Barefoot Season
If you loved Hold Me, don’t miss these great titles in Susan Mallery’s charming Fool’s Gold series:
Kiss Me (July 2015)
Thrill Me (August 2015)
Until We Touch
Before We Kiss
When We Met
Hold Me Page 28