by R S Burton
“Not about much.” I replied honestly. “I’m still recovering.”
Tobias chuckled and lifted his head up to kiss me on the forehead. “Stay with me tonight?”
I frowned, It was getting late, going home seemed almost counterproductive… and yet so did staying. I was falling, hard and fast for a man who didn’t seem to be able to reciprocate. One minute he was loving and tender, and then the next he shut off like a light switch.
“Do you think that is wise.” I whispered, looking down at the three freckles underneath his left nipple. I traced them in a triangle with my forefinger.
“Probably not.” he admitted. “But I still want you to stay.”
“Okay.” I replied. I wanted to ask what this was, what we were. Was I his girlfriend now? Or was this purely a sex thing for him? Did me staying again mean something? This was all information we should have worked out before we’d touched one another, but lust had got in the way and now I had no idea where I stood.
“Stop thinking.” Tobias murmured. “Overthinking everything that happens leads to a meaningless existence.”
“You sound like you’re speaking from experience.” I said with a sad smile.
“I guess I am.” he replied.
I rest my head back down on his chest, his heart was still beating fast, and his breathing was shallow. Whatever was happening between us, wasn’t just happening to me. I was almost sure of it. I fell asleep sometime later, no less confused but somehow more content than I had been in a long long time.
I was drifting in and out of sleep when Tobias climbed out of bed sometime later. He was almost hyperventilating. The door closed behind him, leaving me alone in the darkness of his bedroom. I looked at the clock, it was almost 1am. I got up, and walked down the hallway.
“I had another nightmare.” he sounded afraid, like an innocent child. “Yes… she’s here.”
Tobias paused, and didn’t say anything for a while. I felt bad listening in and began to walk back to his bedroom. “I told you… not for years, not until she came into my life.”
It was me. I was making him have nightmares.
I walked back into his bedroom and put my clothes on. I didn’t want to hurt Tobias, but my presence was only contributing more stress to whatever it was that had made him the way he was. I walked out into the living room, which caught Tobias’ attention.
“Gert, I have to go.” He exclaimed in a worried voice as I reached the door of his apartment.
Tobias stood and walked over to me “You’re leaving now? Its 1am?”
“I heard you leave the room, I followed you out…” I stopped and turned my head to look at Tobias. “I’m making you have nightmares?” I had tried to hide the hurt from my voice, and failed miserably.
Tobias swallowed hard, he hesitated to answer, which was more than enough confirmation. I tried to open the locked door so that I could leave.
“Ruby, please. Don’t go.” He begged.
“I’m making you have nightmares Tobias.” I replied, making a statement this time. “Can you open the door.”
Tobias grabbed my hand and turned me around. “Ruby, please, just stay…” I knew he wanted to say more… but something was holding him back.
“Why?” I replied.
“Because I like the way I feel when you’re around.” He exclaimed, his voice was loud and unapologetic, but it also completely contradicted everything he had said to Gert… whoever Gert was.
“Do you? Because a minute ago…” I reminded him I’d heard his confession.. He frowned, his eyebrows narrowed and his fist clenched.
“Fuck what I said a minute ago Ruby. That has nothing to do with you, I’m dealing with it.”
I frowned, and ignored the hurt in my heart as I realized that while I’d been falling in love with Tobias over the past couple of weeks, he wasn’t falling back. He still didn’t want to let me in.
“I can’t…” I stopped and took a shallow breath. “and this can’t happen again. From now on you’re just my boss.” I wasn’t even sure it was possible after everything that had happened, but this, whatever it was, wasn’t going to work. I’d already spent time in a relationship that had damaged me, I couldn’t do it again. Even if with Tobias the damage was different.
“ Just your boss.” He spat out. “You think that's anywhere near enough for me?”
“It’s going to have to be. I don’t know what happened between us in your mind… but in mine, I met an amazing man I could... “ I stopped, unable to bring myself to admit just how deep my feelings had gotten in such a short time. “I need more than sex, I want to let you into my life and I want to be let into yours.”
“I’ve let you in more than I’ve ever let anyone Ruby, isn’t that enough?” He pleaded.
“No… it isn’t.” I whispered sadly, wishing anything I was wrong. “One day maybe… maybe you’ll find someone you don’t need to hide your pain in front of.” It just wasn’t me.
“Ruby.” He mumbled, his voice was tight.
“Let me out.” I said calmly.
Tobias reached across and unlocked the door. “I’ll have a staff driver take you home.” His voice was cold, the switch had been flicked. Icy Tobias was back in the building.
“You’re not waking anyone at this hour.” I replied.
“Then I’ll take you myself. You’re not walking.”
“I’ll catch a cab.” I replied. “I have money.”
“Ruby.” Tobias exclaimed, his voice was loud and I could tell he was frustrated. I jumped out of shock rather than fear, but immediately Tobias backed off, away from the door and away from me. “Just go.” He whispered, his voice empty of emotion. “Leave me.”
I looked at him, there was an innocence to him, the same one I’d seen only moments ago when he had been on the phone, one that made me want to stay and hold him.
“I’m sorry.” I murmured, as I stepped through the door. I stayed glued to that spot though, unable to move any further.
“Don’t be. You’re right. I’m not able to give you what you want.” He replied, his voice cold again. “Goodbye Ruby.”
He closed the door behind me and with a heavy heart I walked down the corridor and toward the elevator. I pressed the button to go down and waited for the doors to pop open.
Tobias’ door opened again, drawing my attention back. “Just give me tonight.” He whispered.
“Tobias.” I pleaded. If I stayed tonight, it would make leaving all of this behind tomorrow that much harder. I was a sucker for punishment, I’d proven that much already but even I had my limits.
“Tomorrow I’ll let you go. I won’t bother you anymore.” He exclaimed. “I’m just not ready for this to end tonight.”
I let myself look at him as stupid as it was and it was all it took, I was all in. His eyes were soft, his face flushed. He wasn’t smiling, but he wasn’t angry either. There was another emotion coursing through him, one I couldn’t put my finger on. Fear, sadness… both. I walked away from the elevator and back down the corridor toward Tobias.
“Tonight.” I whispered, sliding into his embrace.
He nodded and kissed me, silencing the discord hovering overhead. I found myself falling into his embrace further as he moved backward and closed the door. He unbuttoned my blouse, focusing solely on the task as if it was of the utmost importance. Once it was undone, he shrugged it down my shoulders and off my arms until it fell to the ground. His mouth settled on my collarbone, laying soft kisses on my bare skin.
He lifted me up without a word and walked across his apartment floor, back into his bedroom. He lay me down on the bed, he propped himself up on his arms and our eyes locked. He smiled before kissing me, sweeping me back into his orbit. His hands moved over my stomach, hooking into the waistband of my skirt, grazing the skin ever so slightly. I lifted my hips to meet his, but he pulled back, a mischievous smile moved across his face as leaned back.
“This time, we’re going to take our time.” He whispered.
/>
“Tobias.” I whimpered. “I can’t.”
Tobias pressed his mouth over my nipple on the outside of my bra. I shivered and bit my lip. He was driving me crazy, all of this mind blowing sex… I knew I was setting myself up for disappointment, for an imminent heartbreak, but stopping it was going to be like trying to stop a train with my bare hands. Impossible.
I grasped out for him, only getting a handful of his shirt in return, he shrugged it off, allowing my hands to touch the warmth of his back. His skillful mouth had me shivering even through the fabric of my bra but it wasn’t long before it wasn’t enough. I sat up, removing my hands from his back to reach around and unclasp my bra. I removed it, which was met with a nod of approval from Tobias. He cupped my breast in his hands, returning his mouth to the mounds once more. I let my head fall back onto the pillow. Tobias trailed his kisses back up to my mouth, claiming it with his.
For the second time that evening our clothes fell to the floor. Only this time as Tobias hovered above me I flipped around until I was straddling him. We were as close as we could be, his head rest against my breasts as he wrapped his arms around my waist. I moved against him forgetting everything that had happened in the moments prior, when I had been about to leave. I thought of nothing but him and this moment until it took up all of my senses until I couldn’t handle it anymore. I lost all control giving it to him unequivocally. Tobias’ grip on me tightened as he too lost control.
A moment later we fell apart once more, and this time I was more than exhausted. Not just from physical exertion, but the emotional stuff had gotten to me as well. I wasn’t sure how tomorrow was going to play out, but I couldn’t spare the energy to worry about it. I fell asleep for the second time in Tobias’ grip. When I woke the sun was streaming in, I sat up in shock and looked at the alarm clock. It was 9:30am
“Shit.” I grumbled. I looked down at Tobias’ pillow, he was gone, but he’d left a note.
I couldn’t wake you. I only have a couple of meetings today and I’m planning an early day myself. So have a day off (paid of course.)
Also, I’d really like it if you stayed.
x Tobias.
Chapter Fourteen
I stared at the note for ages, he wanted me to stay.. Here. I’d promised him this would end today the night before, and I’d promised myself that I’d stick to it. But despite the constant confusion about where I stood, I didn’t want to close the door completely on something that could quite possibly be love.
I got out of bed and dressed in what little clothing of mine was strewn around the room before I walked into the living room. My bag was on the kitchen island. I fished out my phone and glanced at it. 3 missed calls, all from Tobias. I called him back and waited for him to pick up.
“Ruby?” he exclaimed darkly.
“Tobias? You called me.”
“I stumbled upon the package on your desk when I was grabbing a file. I went to put it in the drawer to keep it safe, but a photo and note fell out. Is this him? Ben?”
Shit. I’d forgotten about the package and it’s contents. I paced over to the window by the balcony and bit my lip. “It’s nothing.” I lied.
“Nothing?! Ruby, the guy’s stalking you.” he replied dryly.
“I think maybe that’s a bit of an over the top statement Tobias.”
“What part of photos of you outside your new apartment and a note saying I see you makes my statement over the top? Are those behaviors normal in the world of dating and breakups?”
He had a point. For a guy who’d never had a girlfriend he sure had a good grasp on appropriate behavior.
“Fine.” I mumbled. “I forgot about it, Jimmy took me to lunch and then… well when I came back into the office you and I… we…” i stopped unable to verbalise exactly what had happened between us in his office.
“You went to lunch with Jimmy?” He replied, his voice was suddenly dull, he sounded void of all emotion.
“He could see I was down, I guess he wanted to cheer me up.”
“I see.” He said slowly.
“It’s nothing.” I assured him, although I wasn’t really sure why I was doing it. Who I chose to spend time with had nothing to do with Tobias Clarke.
“Mmm.” He hummed. “Anyway, In regard to this ex of yours. Contact the police. The security guard at the apartment can stop him from getting in, but the police can keep an eye out for the sick son of a bitch too.”
“Okay Tobias. I’ll call the police.” I replied.
“Are you going to stay at my place?” he sounded desperate, I didn’t want to read into why.
“I meant what I said last night Tobias. I can’t pretend that being your booty call is enough for me. Because it isn’t. I wasted too much of my time with a man who proclaimed to love me, but treated me like absolute shit… I can’t settle for anything less than real love. I’m not a one night stand type of girl, I can’t freeze out the emotion.”
I hoped that Tobias would turn around and say that he felt something, anything… another slither of the man that was Tobias Clarke. But I was sorely rebuffed.
“So you’ll be gone when I come home?” he whispered.
“I think it’s best.”
Tobias sighed heavily. “You should at least have the cops come to mine before you leave. You’ll need to give them the note and the photos anyway.”
“Are you trying to get me to stay?” I smiled ruefully.
“I just want to ensure you’re safe. I’ll be back soon with the package. Call the cops.”
“Okay. I’ll do that now.” I replied. I walked over to the kitchen and sat down at the breakfast bar. “Thank You Tobias.”
“Alright.” He said before ending the call.
I called the police like I’d promised. They said they were sending someone around to take a statement. Tobias returned before the officers showed up. He placed the package I’d received a few days earlier on the benchtop.
“Did you call?”
I nodded as I folded my arms across my chest. I was wearing my clothes from the day before, and in comparison to Tobias in his designer suit, I felt a mess. I pulled at my pencil skirt and looked down. “Good. Well, once they’ve been I’ll take you back to your apartment.”
“Thank you.”
Tobias nodded and walked passed me, down the hall and into his bedroom. He closed the door behind him. He walked out a few minutes later dressed in jeans and a t-shirt. He walked into the kitchen and opened the fridge.
“Have you eaten?”
I shook my head, I was slightly hungry, but I had felt weird about helping myself to food. Tobias pulled out bacon and eggs and a large bottle of orange juice.
“You don’t have to do that.” I said. “The cops will be here soon, and I can make food at home.”
Tobias looked up and shook his head. “I’m feeding you. Accept it.”
“Thank you.” I whispered.
Tobias was frying up bacon when the doorbell rung. He placed his spatula down and walked over to the door. He looked through the spy hole before opening it.
“Good morning officers.” He exclaimed holding his hand out. The officers shook his hand before he welcomed them in. Tobias offered the men coffee, while he finished cooking breakfast. Once he placed the breakfast down in front of me, I picked at the bacon, but now the police were here my appetite was gone.
“Ms Moritz, could you start from the very beginning?”
“Of?” I whispered.
“Your relationship with Mr Grant.”
I nodded, my relationship with Ben wasn’t something I wanted to go over in great detail, but I appreciated the need to disclose.
“I met him in my second year of college. I was lonely, I hadn’t really made any friends.” I began. I looked around the room for something to focus on while I spoke. To somehow make pouring the last few years of my life easier… I looked at Tobias, who was leaning against the kitchen countertop. I shot my eyes away, settling them on the glass of juice in front of
me instead.
“He was nice at first, took me on dates. It wasn’t until he invited me to move in with him after three months that things changed.” I stopped talking. I rued the day I’d let my financial situation make a decision I should have made with my heart. I was drowning in the cost of my student debt, and moving in with someone, sharing the burden, seemed like a good idea.
“He wasn’t nice anymore. I tried to end things the first time he hurt me, but he responded to that by taking my keys and wallet. He wore me down, until I slowly began to give up.”
I frowned and closed my eyes. I didn’t want to share it all, but I knew I had too.
“He made me do things, have sex with him against my will.” I swallowed back nausea. “I thought he’d kill me if I denied him, he’d instilled such a fear inside me.”
“Did he hit you Ms Moritz?”
Tears filled the lining of my eyes. I wanted to weep for the girl who hadn’t felt strong enough to leave. I wanted to weep because now I knew I had been strong enough all along.
“Yes. but never where anyone could see. In the stomach most times, though sometimes I blocked myself and my arms took the brunt.” I sounded weak. For a year I’d let him hurt me like I was his personal punching bag. “Then I found a video.” I swallowed back a ball of nausea, I had blocked the reason for our last fight from my mind since the day it had happened. It had made me so sick I’d lost it at him, the only time I’d ever bit back.
“A video?”
I nodded. “Of me, and him.”
“What was happening in the video Ruby?”
“He was taking advantage of me.” I replied, stone faced. “I deleted it from his phone, but I have no idea if he made copies. I screamed at him, threw a vase, I tried to leave the apartment. But he tackled me and told me I’d always be his and said no one would love me like he did.”
I shook my head. “He let me up, and I made up a story about having a class. He let me leave the apartment I ran away and I blocked his memory and everything that had happened… resolving to start again… but I guess life doesn’t work that way. The past always has a way of coming back.”