Of course, most times he wasn’t sure if he would make something worse or better. There were a lot of things he didn’t understand about her. Her temper ran hot and cold, whether they were in bed, in class, or studying. An off-hand comment might irritate her enough that she’d find another seat in class and ignore him for the entire afternoon. Or she wouldn’t seek out his help with something until he was almost done with his homework. Many times, he was tempted to let her copy his work, but he was afraid someone might actually read it and be able to figure it out.
But then there would be other times when she would insist on holding his hand or more explicit displays of affection, and that often came about when he was talking to Martin. It got to the point where Martin would groan when he saw her coming and quickly retreat. This didn’t do anything to endear him to Kyra, who stopped just short of demanding that Mitch not speak to him anymore, a request that would have been hard to manage since the two were roommates.
There was some bickering as well, and it was only because Mitch wanted to avoid a full-blown fight with her that they didn’t have them. She would playfully or not so playfully criticize some of his little quirks or things he’d said in class. He would ignore most of her comments, no matter how much they might sting, because he knew how much it would upset her if he responded in kind. Being ignored only made Kyra more critical or whinier, and if ignored for too long, she’d huff off. Mitch would usually wait to see if she was going to cool down on her own or if he’d need to cajole her with a small gift or an apology. It was usually easier to say that he was a jerk, it was all his fault, and that he’d try to stop being that way. And they’d usually make up quickly, and for a day or so Mitch would welcome her affection.
But one time, Kyra got him. They were in her room and she was crying. "What do you want from me?" she asked. "What do I have to do to get you to stop treating me this way?"
"What way?" he asked in frustration.
"The way you ignore and treat me like I’m not there, except when we’re in bed, and sometimes even then. What do I have to do to be a real person to you?"
Mitch turned red as if he’d been caught. As much as he’d tried not to- for his own sake, for Kyra’s sake- Emily was always in his thoughts, somewhere. Sometimes she was sitting next to Kyra, no matter what she was doing. Worst of all was when she was sitting next to him when he was alone. "Was it everything you thought it would be?"
Kyra wasn’t stupid. Of course she’d know someone was there, even if she couldn’t see her. It was all his fault.
"I’m sorry," he whispered, then kissed her tenderly. He closed his eyes as he willed Emily away. "I’m going to be better, I promise."
Kyra smiled and Mitch clung to her. This was how he was going to stop hating himself, by being better for her. Because that was the only way, right?
CHAPTER 31
Jessie had demanded Emily's presence for the duration of the break. They spent their time together cooking (mostly Emily), eating (mostly Jessie) and talking about Jessie’s semi-complicated love life. They waded through a few more details of the Hendrickson/Bartolome family trees, plus the attached Abbot branch (Michael was an Abbot), Jessie’s other friends and the mysterious Aunt Lucy. "You get the prize for Most Messed Up Family. Damn, I thought I had a lock on that!" Emily said.
Jessie matter-of-factly shook her head. "You don’t have enough mass. The more people, the more possibilities for deviance."
Jessie found a way to include Richard more than a few times. Emily sensed that Richard did not approach his complicated family history with nearly as much levity as Jessie did, so Emily never asked him any questions about it. He was, though, quite willing to talk about the solar car, and while Jessie's eyes glazed over, Emily was happy to listen for hours at a time.
When it was just the two of them, Jessie talked much more than Emily did. Which was fine, because Jessie got funnier and lighter the more she got off her chest. But on the day before Jessie had to leave, she decided it was Emily’s turn to talk.
"So what are you going to do when I’m gone?"
"Study?"
Jessie threw a cushion at her. "You’ve been studying since before Christmas! What would you have done if I hadn’t been here?"
"Studied more."
"Richard likes to study too, and you should have seen the way his eyes popped out of his head when I told him how well you cooked."
"Jessie, stop."
"What? Okay, fine, you don't want to date him. You could just go to the house after he drops me off and blow off a little steam with him. And then Drew will come back and you'll realize Richard's much better-"
"Would you shut up please?"
Jessie leaned forward gleefully. "Remember when we went out to dinner and you were telling that boring story about the fur march on Newbury Street and the girl who threw paint on herself? He was totally eating it up."
"Yeah, Grasshopper, let me explain one of the facts of life to you: sometimes you try to make your friends feel at ease when they’ve got the spotlight on them. It’s called being polite, and a lot of times it makes it easier for people to talk and share. And that wasn't a bad story."
"Yeah it was. And I’ve watched Richard work that polite thing all his life, but this was different. You could have been talking to him about a vegan liberation unit or the life cycle of a dust mite, and he would have been hooked. He likes you."
"You are awful!" Emily stormed into the kitchen to make some tea. She thought she’d seen Richard looking at her in a certain way; she definitely saw him looking away from her quickly more than once. She liked being around him, but only as long as she pretended not to notice. Why did Jessie think it was fun to stab at that?
Jessie sauntered into the kitchen and leaned against the counter. "What? He's sort of experienced."
Emily turned red. "Is there a reason you're trying to pimp your cousin out?"
"Yeah. I want him to be happy, and I think you’d make him happy."
"As a friend," Emily said firmly, pouring tea for the two of them.
"I think you both deserve more than that."
"I’m with someone else."
"Things change. Que sera, sera."
"What is the matter with people? That’s not how I left things with Drew."
"Come on, you know Richard’s starting to grow on you."
"Look, I like him more than I did the day I met him. I think he’s sweet and smart. But that doesn’t mean I want to rip off his clothes. And oh yeah, wouldn’t a relationship be difficult if I have to leave every time Michael shows up?"
"Are you kidding? Miranda almost passed out when you refused to leave. You’re the only one that never ran away from him. I think Richard’s impressed, too."
"As nice as it is to be impressive, no."
Jessie shook her head. "Richard is the nicest guy either of us has ever met, and you know it. I thought you were the smart one. You know, interested in people for ‘better’ reasons or whatever."
"I’m a person, not a robot. I want the same, stupid things everyone else does. I want passion and chemistry and..." she smiled, then shook her head. She didn’t think Jessie would get it if she said "stars." "I like Richard a lot, but I don’t have any of that with him. But now maybe it’s going to be weird because you had to bring this up."
"I didn’t say anything to him. It can be our little secret until you come to your senses."
"Yeah, whatever." They walked back into the living room.
"What’s so great about Drew anyway? He looks like an overgrown ten-year-old."
"What is that supposed to mean?"
"You just finished telling me that you need passion and spice. You’re really getting it out of him?"
"I take it you don’t find him attractive?"
"I'm shallow. I like them handsome."
"So you can only have chemistry with people who look like gods?"
"No, but he looks like a baby, and that’s kind of what you and Richard made him sound like."
"He’s a nice guy, Jess. Stop being so prejudiced, because even if we do break up, I’m not dating Richard."
"Oh my God, you haven’t slept with him yet!"
"What?" Emily sputtered.
"You haven’t slept with him yet. Was that his idea or yours? No wait, Miss Passion and Chemistry. That was his, wasn’t it? He’s a virgin, isn’t he?"
Emily was mad and then embarrassed to be mad. "Jessie," she said slowly. "Will you just stop?"
"I’m gonna take that as a yes."
"And then that’s going to be the second time you’re wrong today. He isn’t."
"How do you know?"
"Because he told me." Those words sounded stupid as soon as Emily said them, and then she was even madder at Jessie.
"And why do you believe him?"
"Because if he’s lying he made himself look like an idiot."
"Because...?"
"Because he told me he was hopped up on pills that he stole from someone’s medicine cabinet and didn’t remember anything except waking up naked with someone and seeing a condom box nearby." She paused. "Does that sound like a story you’d make up to make yourself sound better?"
"Only if you wanted to explain away your lack of skill but not look like... a virgin. Because, you know, even if you haven’t screwed him, skill can still be an issue. And it is, right?"
"And he had a long-term girlfriend, whom he lived with!" Emily said triumphantly.
"That’s just wonderful. But how can you be sure he slept with her? And since you’re trying to avoid the skills question, I’ll ask again. Are they there?"
"What? Jeez- why are you so concerned about my sex life?"
"Because if you’re sleeping in someone’s bed you should have one."
"And I do."
"Sorry, let me rephrase: you should have a satisfying sex life. But you’re right; I’ll mind my own business. I’ll just tell you though that Richard has done his share of adult dating, so once you’re tired of playing house-"
"Just shut up!" Emily said before she threw a cushion at her.
CHAPTER 32
Despite the harassment about Drew and Richard, Emily was sad when Jessie left. She comforted herself with their plans to make plans for Jessie’s next break.
Zainab returned at last. She elaborated on the many stories she had started in email about her brother, her step-brother, some late-night partying with the little sister, and the influx of relatives from all corners of the globe.
"And did you see your mom for Christmas?"
"No, but I did wish her a Merry Christmas when she called."
"How long are you going to stay mad at your mom?"
"Not sure, but I think I’m well within my rights to hold my grudge until Valentine’s Day."
"She’s family!"
"I’m not the one who forgot that."
"Okay, my petty one. When is Drew coming back?"
"Why? Are you worried that I can’t take care of myself?"
"I know you can take care of anything. I just thought you might like to see your boyfriend after he’s been gone for almost two weeks."
Emily smiled. "He’s home on Friday."
"Friday?!?" Zainab was incredulous. "That’s on the second! Who wants to spend New Year’s with their parents?"
"I don’t think it was his choice. But he did promise to make it up to me when he gets back."
"And how’s that exactly?"
"I think he mentioned chocolate... and some other things."
~~~
Emily begged off going to the New Year’s SGC party with Zainab. She went to sleep at her normal time, though she did spend a few minutes lying awake and wishing for a good New Year, whatever that might mean. Friday, she thought, was when her New Year would really begin.
She took the train to the airport and waited an hour before Drew’s flight got in. She was nervous when they called his flight. What if he had changed his mind about her? What if he hadn’t missed her? What if he didn’t want to be with her? There had been emails and phone calls and texts, but all of that was out the window until you saw someone up close.
Drew got off the plane and ran up to her. He hugged her tight and kissed her. "Did you miss me as much as I missed you?"
She giggled and was about to answer when she realized he had cut his hair. She stood back and looked at him. If possible, he was even thinner than he had been before, and the military style buzz cut only accentuated that. His blue eyes, which had seemed playful before, were intensified by the dark circles under them.
"Is everything alright?"
"No," he said. "You haven’t told me that you missed me."
"Of course I did, you idiot." She pulled him into a longer, deeper kiss.
"Only you could make that sound good."
Drew couldn’t keep his hands off of her once they were home. They spent the next four hours in bed. For the first two hours, it was exciting and tender, but then, after an hour, Emily kept waiting for him to make the move. Maybe she should just be in the moment, but she couldn’t deny that she had spent a while thinking about it while he was gone.
Maybe he didn’t think she wanted to? She moved his hand to certain places, she hinted with her own actions… but nothing. Finally, Drew announced that he needed to go to sleep for an early day tomorrow, kissed her on the forehead and rolled over to sleep.
Emily grabbed her phone once Drew started snoring. There was a text from Jessie.
How was ur reunion?
I hate you.
Richard’s a phone call away. Hey ur right about one thing- BSG doesn’t suck.
OMG- evening not a total failure.
CHAPTER 33
Classes began the next week. Emily marched into her first class like a general coming to the scene of a battle her army had just won. She was prepared and engaged. Everything was going to be as she'd worked so hard to make it.
Emily walked to the student center at the end of the first day, smiling triumphantly. If she could get some of her work done early, then maybe she’d be able to get some kind of job. She wasn’t sure what she’d be able to do with her irregular schedule, but there must be something.
Emily had suggested the student center to meet up with Zainab because she was low on cash (although she knew Zainab would keep her in tea as long as she needed to). She marveled at how quickly Zainab became the hub of activity, if not the complete center of attention. Zainab introduced her to some old and new faces, and Emily was surprised to see a few from SGC. Most surprising was Joe Welles, shaking hands like he was the mayor of Boston. He came up and gave Emily a kiss on the cheek, and Emily did her best not to tremble before he walked away. What angle was he working?
Joe left after half an hour. A few others dispersed then Emily could speak to Zainab in earnest. "What was that about?"
"First day of the quarter excitement?"
"Right, because Joe and his posse always come out to welcome the returning students. Of the winter quarter."
"There might be an election coming up."
"And what are you doing? Pimping Joe to all your friends?"
"I prefer to think of it as introducing him to people that might help."
"And whose idea was that?"
"Joe’s."
"I’m glad he found a way for you to be useful to him. How’s his girlfriend?"
"They’re a little bit rocky right now, actually. You know, the stress of classes and SGC."
"He’s so lucky he has you there to keep him company, provide comfort, whatever."
"I’m not providing that kind of comfort."
"But maybe after he wins in the spring, right? I had no idea you were so patient."
"Sorry Em, some of us have to work for what we want."
"I admire that. I just don’t think you should work so hard for him. Especially when there are other things you could be working for."
"Like what?"
"Like school, Zainab! Remember, the reason you sit in this building and
met all of these fascinating people? Is that worth gambling over some guy you may or may not get after an election he might win?"
"I really like Joe."
"Does he really like you?"
"He likes me, okay? Maybe I like him more right now, but I think that’s changing."
"Zainab, you’re not stupid!" Emily burst out. "Joe is a user. Don’t take it personally. He’s doing what he’s doing to get what he wants. You know that. You know, maybe we’re not going to be friends after I say this, but he’s not going to dump his girlfriend for you. Not because she’s better than you or because you’re not good enough, but because he’s greedy. Maybe he’s charming and useful on occasion, but don’t get sucked in." She was filled with dread, but she couldn’t have kept that to herself.
Zainab waited a moment. "Maybe everything you said is true," she finally said. "Part of me thinks it is. But when he looks at me sometimes, and when he laughs at my jokes, it makes my day. He makes me happy. And maybe I don’t get every little bit of him that I’d like, but it’s better than nothing. And would you stop looking at me like I’m a pathetic idiot?"
Emily blinked. "That’s not what I’m thinking." She threw up her hands. "Maybe you’re right and I’m wrong. Maybe that’s how you’re supposed to love someone, in whatever amount they come to you. I wish I could. It’s got to be all or nothing with me. I couldn’t take small pieces of something I wanted and be grateful for it."
"You don’t have to."
Before Emily could say anything, the phone rang. For the fourth time today, it was Drew. Zainab saw the name. "Case in point."
"I’ve got to take this, but are we okay?"
"Yeah, but since you’ve made your feelings so well-known and I’m not stupid, do you think you can lay off?"
"Fair enough, but if it looks like you’re getting hurt, Joe had better watch out."
"Deal," Zainab said. "Now let’s hear what Mr. Strand has to say."
The Smartest Girl in the Room Page 15