I’m not angry anymore. Okay well I am but I can’t blame him. She came before me. I was an accident, a fluke in his life. One that he obviously doesn’t want because if he did he would have put in actual work instead of spending six weeks planning to shack up with another woman.
He’s staring at me. His eyes are pooling with tears. I stare right back. I have nothing further to say.
“You can’t leave me.” He whispers rubbing a tear from his eyes.
“I’m not yours to begin with. You made that choice when you decided Ashley was your future wife.” I say softly. I’m not trying to dig at him. I’m just being honest.
“But we need you. I need you.” He chokes.
“No you don’t, she’s back and will handle everything including what’s between your legs. Stacy will give her Claire’s number and they can get things sorted out with San Diego. But if she likes women you tell her or I will, that if she touches Claire too. I will slice her fucking throat open and watch her bleed to death.” I say darkly acid melding with my words.
Okay I know that’s a bit dramatic. But it’s bad enough the man I love is going to be sharing a bed and sleeping with this woman the rest of his life. She can’t have Claire too. And knowing her she might have already had Stacy. If she’s blonde it’s a sure thing. But I have no idea what she looks like. And I’d love to keep it that way.
The pilot announces out descent into San Fran. Johnathan hasn’t spoken to me. It’s not like there’s much to say.
I take my seat next to Keith and Stacy gets up and comes over tucking himself down beside me. He slings his toned arm around my shoulder and I cuddle my head against him. Johnathan’s face is blank and pale and he’s just staring at me.
I’m kind of proud of myself for not breaking down. And I know as soon as I get off this plane and get to the hotel I am going to call Claire and tell her all about it. Then maybe I’ll cry for the next eight days straight and eat olives and salt and vinegar chips in bed watching Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson movies and Friends reruns. That sounds like the best plan ever.
Chapter Fourteen
We are now at the hotel. I got lucky enough to be alone. Stacy and James bunked up so I could do my own thing. Bless their sweet hearts. James even though he hasn’t spoken to me since we came out of the plane a few hours ago, he’s been by my side. Sad thing is after Bakersfield he’ll no longer be my bodyguard. That’s the only thing I am going to miss about this job. I want to move back to Indiana but I’m not going to leave Claire or Stacy. If she still wants to keep me around a while. So I’ll stay and find a job and get a place of my own. I can’t live with Stacy anymore. Not knowing that he’s working with Johnathan and that Johnathan is going to be with Ashley like he’s planned for the past six weeks.
My life is in a serious state of suck.
I’m lying in bed naked. I just took a long bath in my one bed suite and what sucks the most is Johnathan’s room is right next to mine. When Stacy booked the rooms they are all one right after the other. I grab my phone off the nightstand and call the woman I’ve needed to talk to for the past few hours.
It rings five times and goes to voice mail.
I leave message- ‘Hey Claire, it’s me Emily. Just wanted to chat. Had a bunch of shit happen to me since I’ve been gone. You’d think I’d catch a break. But guess not. Hope you have a wonderful evening. I’m going to catch a quick bite and turn in early. Kisses.’
I text James and Stacy- Goin 2 eat in restaurant down stairs then crash early, nite.
I get dressed in anti-rock clothes of yoga pants and T and go down and have dinner at the hotel’s restaurant. It’s tasty and I was starving. The rest of the night I stay in, cuddle myself in bed, and watch Nick-at-night. Crashing about ten. I’m exhausted anyhow and Claire never did call me back.
‘Baby it’s yours, all yours if you want it tonight. I’ll give you the red light special all through the night.’
My phone sings. Waking me.
I reach over and put it to my ear. I know that ring tone I set it for only one person.
“Hello.”
“Hey, babe. I got your message late last night thought I’d call you this morning.” She sounds chipper.
“Yeah, sorry I shouldn’t have called yesterday. I don’t need to worry you with my problems. Not that you’ll be worried.” I say stretching, sitting up in bed, my back resting against the padded headboard.
I glance at the clock. Holy cow it’s noon. I slept fourteen hours. I guess I was exhausted. And for once, I’m not horny. Yet. Talking to her is like a direct feed line to my pussy juices. It’s that voice and then add the rest of her and it’s trembling on my knees begging for sex. That’s kind of lust I have for her.
“I want to know, Emily. So why don’t you tell me?” She’s serious in a delicate way.
I give her the entire rundown including the Jasmine stuff, Ashley, me quitting, the lying, all of it including the fact that she will most likely be working with Ashley soon.
“So what are you going to do now?”
“I don’t have a clue. Move on with my life I suppose.” I answer pouty.
“I wouldn’t be angry with her, Em, I know it seems like she’s the bad guy. But she isn’t. You’re two innocent women in all of this. Except you’re the woman he wants and she’s the backup. If anything, I’d feel sorry for her.” She rationalizes. But I don’t agree.
“Yes, but he planned a life with her. Not me. She’s going to be the one who gets to be with him in the end. I will have his children. If he still wants anything to do with them we will see. But eventually they will have children too. I don’t know how much they’ve planned together Claire but I know it’s not a date, its way more. The look on his face when Deacon opened the can of worms will forever be etched in my mind. It’s like a secret that you feel guilty about but you let it eat and eat and eat at you but then it comes out and that guilt is even worse with the person knowing the truth, then living with the eternal guilt. I don’t feel sorry for her. He chose her.” I spout.
“Be angry with him that’s fine. He deserves it babe. I am just trying to make you see the things you’re not. Like the fact he slept with other women when they were together. He wasn’t even dating you and he slept with only one woman. After one night with you. I completely understand his choice. I feel the same in a sense. I won’t have another girlfriend other than Sabrina while you’re still in my life. And when you go, it will hurt like hell and I will move on. But until then you will be my constant. He feels the same for you, I know he does. There is something about you that men and women want Em. Maybe it’s the beauty and innocence but it’s also the sassiness and honesty and you as a whole. You’re not easy to love someone it’s rather hard because you’re so emotionally closed off. Physically you’re a hot wild fire but emotionally you are a cellar with a hundred dead bolts. And the person you want has to break those down without much help to get inside of your heart long enough that you’ll stick around and fight for a relationship.”
“But I do love people.” I add
“You love people yes, friends like Stacy and James and me. You love all of us in your own friendship depths. Which is amazing. You’re very loyal with that love. But the deep down forever kind babe you’re not. You’re the opposite; you love Johnathan I know you do. But it’s not the deep down forever kind because you haven’t opened up that cellar. It might have a few locks undone but you’ve got a long way to go. I know it’s because he’s hurt you so much and so have other people. But when you truly, I mean deep down love someone with everything in you. It makes you needy, you feel lost without them, you couldn’t imagine your life alone without them in it, you would do anything to make them feel better and fix your problems. That’s how true love works babe. Johnathan I honestly think might feel that for you. But you don’t for him. That’s why he chose to be with Ashley. If you love someone and they don’t return the affection it eats at a person’s soul like a cancer. I’ve been there once in my life and that’s why I
don’t get close again. Being with you is the closest I’ll ever be with another person again, Em. But Johnathan has given you his heart, I honestly believe that.” She explains forward but angelically with her lovely voice.
“So what you’re saying is it’s my fault that I can’t love? And why Johnathan chose Ashley? That’s it isn’t it? I did this.” A tear falls from my eye.
“No! That’s not what I meant or said. You are confused and he’s been the creator of that confusion. You didn’t drive him to Ashley; he chose to be with her. He, I think truly felt like she was the other way he wouldn’t end up alone in the whole scheme of things. It doesn’t make it right but being heartbroken makes you do a lot of stupid things. I’m not defending him. I’m being honest as to why he did the things he did. I don’t think it’s right. You shouldn’t keep one door open hoping that the person you want will walk through it, at the same time you open a window and pull another one inside the house with you. It doesn’t work that way. I hope that makes sense.”
“I talk girl. I get it.” I laugh and wipe another tear from my eye. “From your point of view, he loves me and wants to hold the proverbial door open hoping I’d walk in and love him like you think he loves me. But because he’s fucked up in the head he opened a window and pulled Ashley through as a backup? But wouldn’t you think he’s also in love with her too? Why would you plan to marry someone you don’t want to love for life? That sounds retarded.” I express.
“Retarded yes, but marriages have been based on worse things than friendship. I think he loves her in his own way. Kind of like you love Stacy but less strong.”
“But I don’t sleep with Stacy, he sleeps with her.”
“Ok… bad example. He loves her as a friend and sex partner. I don’t think he loves her loves her. If he did he would have married her before like she asked him to.”
We finish our conversation which lasts nearly two hours. Claire is a super smart woman with a lot of love insight. She helped me weave the fabric of understanding through my veins. Although I don’t like what Johnathan has done I’ve begun to understand it. If, but only if, it’s in the same context Claire described it as. If he did it because he loves her like he loves me but just wants me a little more then that’s different. Although Claire is certain she’s right. And I have no reason to doubt her until I get the full story. If that time ever comes. I quit and I’m done with Johnathan. But maybe just maybe I can talk to him and find out his reasoning’s. After I get over this anger and pain.
Chapter Fifteen
I spent the rest of the day in my room and I ordered room service and took a long shower. Did a facial, put on my expensive body butter in the afternoon instead of night to be extra soft, and deep conditioned my hair because it needed it. I decided like everything else I will go out with a bang if it’s the last thing I do. So I curled my hair. It’s always wavy with a slight curl but I decided to go with a bunch of big loose curls. I spent nearly twenty minutes applying a smoky eye including a perfect eye line and voluminous mascara. Peach lips for tonight with a thick shiny gloss. When did I all of a sudden become such a girl? No fucking clue. I sprayed on my strawberries and champagne like always. And decided to go all-out sexy in the clothes department. Almost trashy some may say. But that’s the name of the game if you hang with the hottest rockers in the world. Which will only be another few days for me.
My outfit isn’t so much of an outfit as it’s lingerie that could be worn as a dress for a Halloween costume or an orgy party. But I decided to wear it side stage to the concert. It’s ten times sluttier than the corset and skirt I wore the night I met Claire. Which brought me good luck in a sense. This outfit is a red and black spaghetti strap dress with a lace up corset in the back. It took forever to get it tight enough to wear without asking Stacy to come help. It hits me about eight inches past my pussy. I have on black bikini panties. It came with a G-string but those will never be worn on this body. Picking floss out of my ass is not on my life’s to-do list. It has an attached garter to it that has black straps and sexy black thigh highs. Which are hot as hell. If you ever want to feel sexy a garter and thigh highs are the way to go. I put on the same red four inch heels I’ve worn a hundred times before and a black fabric choker. I look like a stripper. But I feel sexy. Embarrassed to be wearing this in public because it’s something you’d wear to your husband’s work hidden under a trench coat. But I’m in the city of San Fran where anything goes. It’s like Vegas but with fewer lights and more homosexuals. Totally awesome!
James just picked me up from my room. We are in the rental Mercedes just him and I and we’re on our way to the concert hall. He didn’t say a word to me on the way down to the car and I’m fairly certain I saw him blush twice. Plus five or six people stared at me the whole way to the car. I can’t wear an outfit like this and expect to be ignored. It screams sex. Stacy might actually murder me because of it. But I don’t care, like I said I’m not going down without a show. This is my night to shine.
The car stops and James gets out and opens my door for me.
“You ready?” he asks with a gentle James smile.
“Yep, do you think this is too much?” I stand and swipe my hand down my short, very short dress.
He chuckles, scrubbing his short hair with his big hand. “Emily, that outfit could never be considered too much. Maybe too little because there’s almost no fabric but definitely not too much.” He grins and takes my hand.
I tag along with him and he adjusts his strides to meet mine. I can’t walk fast with heels and short legs. We reach the side of the brick building and a big man almost as big as James opens the door once James shows him our passes. I tow into the door behind him and we get shut in. The back stage is like most. Packed with roadies, managers and a bunch of other staff helping set up the stage and get the bands ready. Stacy runs the show with the guys and tonight the rest of our crew is here too because the band opening is Ice the Monkey another band Magic Records has signed.
“I will take you to the side stage like always and you wait there for Stacy. Do not go anywhere. This place is packed and I don’t need to lose an overly hot pregnant lady in the thick of it all.” He orders.
I nod. It’s loud back stage. I can hear Ice the Monkey warming up for the show and nearly everyone we walk past does a double take. Yep, I look like a slut.
I follow James to the side of the stage that’s for managers and photographers. He lets go of my hand.
“I mean it, you stay here.” He points to the floor under my feet with gusto.
“But what if I have to pee?”
“Hold it until Stacy comes back. There are a hundred men back stage and dressing like that.” He motions to my outfit. “Is like asking for them to try and sleep with you. And some of them if they proposition you might not be very nice if you say no. That last thing we need is me or Johnathan going to prison for killing a man that’s trying to rape you.”
My mouth falls open. Holy shit I never thought about it that way. In some ways I am such a dumbass. Why didn’t I think of that? I guess I didn’t. Shit!
“You think they’d do that?” I cock my head to the side and twirl my hair innocently. I’m nervous.
“Yes, hot petite red head in that.” He motions to my dress again. “Is like waving a delectable chocolate bar in front of a diabetic and expecting him not to eat the sugar.”
I giggle and cover my mouth. “It’s not that bad.”
“Oh, yes it is. It’s bad enough that your bodyguard had to readjust himself twice. Which tells me it’s not only bad, it’s very bad.”
“I’m sorry James you should have told me. I would have changed.” Now I feel like total crap. I didn’t mean to make him uncomfortable. I just wanted to go out with a bang, so much for not thinking things through. Sometimes I can be such an idiot. I could chalk it up to youth. But honestly it’s all about the gaping wound in my chest that makes me think irrationally and do things that I wouldn’t normally do. I guess that’s how I roll.
Now.
“You wear whatever you want, Em. You’re not the only woman here who looks like that. But you are the only one with substance and a moral code. And doesn’t look like a slut. You look like this sweet innocent girl who’s pushing her sexuality. Which is like bait to sharks. And the sharks here are rockers. Which is in the lineup of things is better than rapists but worse than tax attorneys.” He explains rather forwardly.
“Oh.” I shrug. “I’m sorry James.” I apologize, I can’t help myself.
“Stop. Just be safe and promise me you won’t leave this stage without Stacy or one of the guys. It’s not safe for you.”
“Ok. I promise.” I pout; my lip turned out far enough someone could suck on it.
I pull my cell out of my black clutch and it’s only ten minutes to show time. The hall is full to capacity. It’s so loud. Then when you add speakers it’s crazy loud. I’m glad my babies are in a sac filled of fluid or I’d be worried about them being born deaf.
Ice the Monkey enters the stage they’re a six-member band with two guitarists, a base player, a keyboardist and a drummer. Then of course the main person is their front singer. I think I heard Stacy say his name was Marcus but everyone calls him Ice. Which sounds like Vanilla Ice and there is no one who can touch him and his classic “Ice Ice Baby”. Yep, I used to jam to that as a kid too. Who hasn’t? It’s seriously legendary. Ok, it’s no Rolling Stones “Sympathy of the Devil” or Guns N Roses “Sweet Child O’ Mine”. But it still kicks ass.
They kick off the set and the crowd loves them. The lead singer has a deep husky voice almost metal in the way his sings. It’s hot. By song two I’m dancing and Stacy still hasn’t joined me on stage. To think of it I haven’t seen him since yesterday after the plane. Song three their hit Jungle Bitch is awesome! I can’t believe I’ve never stolen Stacy’s iPod to listen to them before. It’s rough choppy music less smooth than Stricken but they kick ass. We finally hit the end of the song and I am soaking in sweat. Okay not soaking but I’m a little too warm. I take a few steps backward and rest my back against a metal pole. The coolness refreshes my body and drops my core temp back to normal. I turn a little and see a cute brunette standing about six feet from me. I don’t know when she entered the stage but she’s dancing too. She’s a lot taller than me but she dances quite well.
Stricken Rock Series: Complete Box Set Page 35