I placed my hand over my stomach. “I won’t be able to hide you forever little one. What will I do?” That night, my mind raced with Merrick and the woman I saw at his camp. Were there more? Did he love her? I sat up with tears running down my face. Throwing back the covers, I pulled my heavy wrapper around me and shoved my feet into my slippers. I needed to clear my head. I needed fresh air.
From the turrets, stars filled the cloudless winter sky and the snow covered hills glistened from the light of the full moon. I leaned up looking out over the turrets. Cain was wrong. The Immortals hadn’t returned today. I shivered as a breeze caressed my legs like icy fingers dancing across my skin.
Suddenly, loud thundering echoed in the distance. I looked down at the road exiting the forest as a group of three riders emerged. It was the Immortals. I heard the guards yell and quickly raise the portcullis. The Immortals, never slowing down, charged through the open gate, into the lower bailey and continued to the upper bailey.
I quickly followed the parapet walls making my way up to the upper bailey were the Immortals were unsaddling. Peeking down through the parapet, I stared at the men below. Merrick appeared worn and tired. Did he think about me? Would he be happy to see me? The Immortals disappeared into the keep and I pulled my wrapper tighter around me as a cold gust of wind blew over me. I quietly snuck back into the keep and tiptoed to my room. I snuggled under the covers and held my stomach. “I can’t give up can I little one? I promised my mom I wouldn’t. I’m not going to let her down.” I fell asleep with a smile on my face and my hands on my stomach as I thought up plans to make Merrick love me. Merrick would be happy to see me again, if I had anything to do with it.
* * * * *
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
The next morning, I quickly rose, ate some of the loaf of bread on my bedside table hoping to curb the nauseating feeling, and readied myself to see Merrick. I wanted to get down to the great hall in-case Merrick came down for breakfast. I hustled down the corridors, only stopping twice to lean against the walls to catch my breath, willing myself not to throw-up. I collected myself before I went into the great hall, smoothing my skirts and my hair. I wore one of the last three dresses I had from Elise, which still kind of fit.
The pale yellow made the red, gold and auburn colors in my hair standout, creating a healthy glow to my skin. I swore my chest grew a cup size and my middle felt a hair thicker. I pulled up the low square neckline which my growing chest poured out of and headed into the great hall. It was still early, but servants were already busy setting up for breakfast and stoking a fire which roared in the huge hearth invitingly. I saw Blake just sitting down at a long bench table and walked over to join him. This morning, no matter how hard it would be, I planned to ignore Merrick and appear to be perfectly happy without him.
“Morning, Blake,” I said sitting down across from him.
“Jilly? Ye’re up early. I havna seen ye down here ta break ye’re fast in quite a while.”
I felt my cheeks warm. “I had the flu. I finally feel better. Mmmm, this looks delicious,” I lied as my stomach jumped into my throat when I spotted a hot steaming bowl of porridge.
“Weel, ye look verra well ta me,” Blake said with blushing cheeks as I caught him glance down at my cleavage. I grabbed a couple pieces of bread and smothered them with the blackcurrant jam. After a couple bites, I felt assured enough I wouldn’t need to run for a chamber pot. Blake cleared his throat. “Did ye hear the Immortals are back?” he asked taking a huge bite of porridge. “I canna wait ta hear aboot the battle. I bet they killed men with their bare hands.” Blake glanced up and smiled at someone behind me. “Och, ye’re back!” I plastered a smile on my face as my heart beat ten-fold. Was Merrick standing behind me? I slowly turned around. Gideon walked toward us. He was very handsome with his boyish looks and a bright smile across his face.
“Blake, good ta see ye again,” Gideon said. He turned to me and bowed politely. “Jillian.”
“Here,” Blake said, “take a seat and join us. We’d love ta hear aboot the battle. What happened?” Blake asked excitedly.
Gideon laughed taking a seat next to me. He dished himself up a heaping bowl of porridge and grabbed half the loaf of crusty bread. “Weel, I hate ta spoil ye’re picture o’ a bloody battle,” Gideon said smiling, showing his pearly white teeth, “but when we arrived at Caithness, the fighting was o’er. It seems the whole battle started over stolen cattle. The feuding men settled it between themselves. We ne’er lifted a finger.”
“That bloody stinks!” Blake yelled, pausing with his spoon half-way to his mouth. “The least ye coulda done is make somethin’ up!”
Gideon smiled over at me. “Jillian, do ye think Blake would want ta hear aboot the band o’ robbers we ran into?”
“Och, I kenned it, tell me!” Blake said quickly. Gideon and I laughed. Continuing with the story of his adventure, Gideon began to relate the fight with the robbers. I half listened as Merrick and Alexander strolled into the hall stealing my attention. My breath caught as I wiped my clammy hands on my skirts under the table. Merrick looked so handsome. His dark hair brushed his shoulders and his black chausses and white tunic made him appear with an air of roguishness. I concentrated on eating as they made their way over to our table.
“I was just telling Blake and Jillian aboot the band o’ robbers we fought,” Gideon said when Merrick and Alexander sat down next to Blake. I looked up and smiled. Damn, I was terrible at pretending to be indifferent to him. Oh well, it didn’t matter anyway, neither man acknowledged me.
“I-I hope you guys were all right,” I said, trying to get Merrick to look up at me, failing again at the plans I had made for myself to follow. Merrick dished himself up and began eating without so much of a glance over at me.
Alexander scowled at me with a cold glare. “We’re Immortal,” he said in disgust. “We canna get hurt.” I felt my cheeks grow warm and I abruptly avoided Alexander’s stare. I had to think of something intelligent to say. Just when I was about to comment on the weather, a red-haired servant girl meandered over interrupting…or perhaps saving me from more embarrassment.
“It’s good ta see ye strong men returned unharmed,” she said reaching in-between Merrick and Alexander, thunking down a huge platter of roasted sausage on the table in front of them. I couldn’t help to notice how she rubbed her plump chest up against Merrick’s arm. He turned, smiling up at her.
I couldn’t do this. My heart wasn’t that strong. I couldn’t watch this. Suddenly, I threw my hand up covering my mouth as the aroma of cooked meat filled my nostrils. I gagged in my hand as all eyes turned fixating on me. I quickly fumbled from the seat and ran out of the great hall with my hand covering my mouth.
I lay on my bed crying as I thought of the smile Merrick should have smiled at me instead of the server girl. I made a complete fool of myself downstairs. He made it very clear; he didn’t care about me anymore. One thing I was lucky with was I left the great hall just in-time. I had just made it in my chamber when I couldn’t hold my vomit down anymore. As I lay on my bed, I wiped the tears away. Did Merrick even wonder if I was okay? The jerk! Somehow, he wound his way into my walled up heart leaving me stuck with memories of him while he easily rid me from his thoughts. If only I could forget him as easily.
I quickly sat up drying my eyes with my skirts when a loud knock sounded. My heart raced. Was it Merrick? I walked to the door and opened it. My heart fell. Gideon stood outside my door. “Are ye all right?” he asked with a concerned look.
I nodded. “I think I still have a touch of the flu.”
Gideon scanned both ways down the hallway. “Can I come in for a wee moment?” I slowly stepped aside allowing Gideon to pass by. He walked in and over to the window where he turned leaning his back up against the sill. I closed the door and went over to the edge of my bed sitting down. “I ken I’ve ne’er really talked ta ye much, Jillian, but—.“ He made a weak smile and rubbed the back of his neck with his hand. “I can
see how much Merrick and ye are hurting.” He glanced up at me through lowered lashes.
“I don’t think Merrick’s hurting,” I said softly as I played with a handful of my skirts, smoothing imaginary wrinkles away.
“He seemed concerned when ye left the table this morn.” I glanced up at Gideon with a doubtful look. Gideon turned, peering out the window.
“If he still cared about me, he wouldn’t have bedded the brown-haired girl in the cam—“ Gideon spun around and I quickly covered my mouth realizing my mistake.
“How did ye ken what happened?” he demanded. “Did ye follow us?” He ran his hand through his thick black hair. “No, ye couldna. Who told ye?”
I stood up shaking my head. “No, please. I already said too much. I wouldn’t be able to forgive myself if she hurt you guys.”
Gideon strode forward stopping in front of me and placing his hands on my shoulders. “Jillian, do ye speak o’ a Guardian?” I looked away from his penetrating gaze. He lightly shook my shoulders until I glanced back up at him. “Jillian, ye’re no match for one of them, let alone Rowena. She’s heartless, mean, the worst o’ all o’ them. What did she say ta ye?” Tears filled my eyes as I shook my head. “Jillian,” he said more softly, “please, tell me.”
I glanced up into Gideon’s sincere, genuinely concerned face. I felt a tear slip down my cheek. I swallowed, closing my eyes. “I’m carrying Merrick’s child,” I whispered.
Gideon let go of me and began shaking his head. “No, ye canna be. Immortals are no—“
“Rowena cast magic on him. She made him fertile.”
Gideon stared at me with a shocked expression. Slowly, he walked back over to the window stopping with his back facing me. “When are ye going ta tell Merrick?” he asked softly.
I glanced up with a sad smile crossing my lips. “Does it matter? He won’t believe me. He hates me. I heard him tell the camp follower he never wants to see me again, that I disgust him.”
I heard Gideon sigh, not jumping at making an excuse for Merrick. “So, if bearing Merrick’s child is ye’re punishment for using the belt with Cameron, it doesna sound so verra bad.”
I peered up at him protectively wrapping my hands around my stomach. “That’s not quite all of it. If I carry a boy, he’ll—.“ my voice cracked. “He’ll be immortal. Rowena will take him.”
“Bloody hell!” Gideon yelled stomping over to the fireplace and bracing his hands on the mantel. “And if ‘tis a girl?” he asked quietly.
“If it’s a girl…she said I could keep it, but-“
“But what?”
“I’m afraid she might harm the baby if it’s a girl. I-I think I should hope for a boy,” I said sadly.
Gideon turned around releasing another deep sigh. “I’ll talk to the others and see what we can do.”
“No!” I said jumping up and walking over to Gideon. “Merrick will hate me more! I don’t want anyone to know yet.”
Gideon leaned over and softly ran his knuckles down the side of my face. “Jillian, there was ne’er any other woman when we traveled. The woman Rowena showed ye, weel, Merrick kicked her out of his tent shortly after she went in. He’s been in a foul mood ever since he left ye, but I ken there’s been no one else.”
I smiled weakly. “Thank you, Gideon.”
He tucked a lock of hair behind my ear. “I’ll think o’ something. I willna say anything ta the others, but ye better find a way ta tell Merrick…and soon. I have a bad feeling about Rowena, Jillian. No one crosses her.”
* * * * *
That evening in my chamber before dinner, I rehearsed and planned exactly what I’d say to Merrick and how. Two short raps tapped on my door. I opened it up finding Gideon standing in the corridor with a pained expression across his face. “Jillian, I came as soon as I found out. The Guardians have summoned us back to Caithness. We’re heading out tonight. Ye need ta tell Merrick the news before he leaves. I dinna think he plans ta return here. Ye might no see Merrick again, lass.” I quickly ran down to the stables with Gideon. We arrived just as Merrick and Alexander jumped on their horses’ backs.
“Come on, Gideon!” Alexander yelled. “We need ta head out.”
“Wait,” Gideon said, “Jillian needs a word with Merrick before we leave.”
Merrick turned his horse toward me staring down at me with hard, cold eyes. “Then speak…lass,” Merrick said coldly.
I cast a glance at Gideon. He nodded in reassurance. “Merrick, I-I’m…carrying your child.”
A cruel laugh from Merrick filled the air. “Ye really are a devious little slut. Ye willna get me back that way. I ken I canna make ye with child. Tell ye’re lies ta someone else.”
“Merrick, she speaks the truth,” Gideon interrupted coming over and standing next to me.
Merrick scowled at Gideon. “’Tis a shame she’s pulled ye into her deceit. Learn now Gideon, women are no ta be trusted.”
“Come, Gideon,” Alexander said sternly, “we need ta leave.” Merrick and Alexander snapped their horses’ reins taking off into the darkening night. I stood staring down at the mud tinged snowy ground as Merrick and Alexander disappeared over a hill. Gideon patted my shoulder before he jumped up onto his horse.
“I’m sorry, Jillian. I’ll try ta get Merrick ta listen.” Gideon yelled to his horse and galloped away.
Was he kidding! This was it? This was my goodbye to Merrick forever? Without thinking, I ran over and opened Buttercup’s stall. She neighed with wide, wild eyes. Her hooves stomped while she snorted fiercely. “Not now, Buttercup!” I yelled. “I’m not losing the one man that’s made especially for me, because of a stupid horse!” I grabbed her mane pulling myself up and on top of her. It dawned on me a little too late that she should have had a saddle on. Just as I deemed this not one of my better ideas, Buttercup leapt forward out of the stall and ran out of the stable following the Immortal’s trail. “Whoa, I don’t think we need to go this fast! Slow down, whoa! Slow…go slower!” I screamed as I wrapped my arms tightly around Buttercup’s neck feeling my dress ride up my thighs with our increasing speed. My tartan blew off, landing somewhere on the ground far behind me.
It seemed Buttercup had a mind of her own, or maybe just with me. One thing was for certain, she wanted the stallions up ahead. We raced past an incredulous looking Gideon and closed the distance just as Merrick entered the woods. Buttercup increased her pace, recklessly following Merrick into the thickening forest. As Merrick and Alexander slowed down through the dense woods, we gained the rest of the distance ending up right behind them. Merrick did a double take as he glanced over his shoulder at me.
Quickly, he faced forward again, immediately ducking under a small branch hanging out over the trail. Buttercup saw the branch and instantly dug in her heels flinging me off her back and over her head landing in a deep pile of soft snow. The air rushed out of me as Gideon pulled up next to me and jumped off his horse.
Gideon ran over to me. “Are ye all right, Jillian?”
I slowly stood up brushing the snow from my skirts and rubbing my throbbing tailbone. “I-I think I’m okay.”
“That was verra foolish, lass,” he said in a scolding tone. “Ye could’ve hurt yerself or the babe.” My hands flew to my stomach. The baby, what if I hurt him. Gideon noted my worried expression. “I’m sure ‘tis fine, as long as ye feel all right yerself. I told ye I’d talk ta Merrick for ye. Dinna worry, Jillian. I can be verra persuasive when I want ta be.”
Gideon stared past me. I followed his gaze and saw Merrick sitting on his horse watching us. Was that concern I saw on Merrick’s face? Just then, Alexander said something to Merrick making his mouth tighten. Merrick yelled to his horse turning it away from me and deeper into the woods and galloped away. “Make him believe you Gideon…please,” I whispered as tears stung my eyes. I heard Gideon let out a long sigh squeezing my shoulder right before he jumped on his horse and disappeared into the woods.
I made my way slowly down the stone path from t
he stable toward the keep rubbing my bruised tailbone. An icy gust of wind swirled around my ankles and up my knees, chilling me to the bone. “I told you he wouldn’t believe you, mortal.” I spun around, but no one was there. I knew that icy cold voice.
Rowena.
“I know it’s you, Rowena!” I yelled into the frigid night turning around in a circle. Nothing, but a cold, dense fog filled my snowy surroundings. I figured she left after a moment of no movement. Continuing to the keep, I froze as she appeared three feet in front of me.
“Going so soon?” she said with a cold smile.
“What do you want?” I said through clenched teeth. I was cold, bruised, and I might have lost the only shot of happiness in my life. I was in no mood to put up with this bitchy Guardian.
“Ooh, you do have a bite after all.” Rowena took two steps closer staring into my gaze. Her eyes began to glow, swirling with blue smoke.
“Stop!” I cried. I turned my head from the cold piercing needles stabbing the inside of my head. The power she had, and that, just from her stare.
“Don’t forget who’s in-charge mortal,” she sneered. “I see and hear anything I choose!” She glanced down at my stomach and her lips pursed. “For some reason though, I can’t see what you carry.” She gave me a dirty look, like it was my fault. “I’ll be back when the babe is bigger.” She smiled cruelly. “Remember mortal, I have no use for a baby girl.”
I wrapped my stomach protectively, thinking of the helpless babe growing inside me. Suddenly, a cold gust of wind blew over me. I knew without looking, Rowena had left.
* * * * *
For two months I struggled to forget about Merrick. No matter how hard I tried, he always lingered in my thoughts. At least I had his child inside me that grew bigger and bigger. It was a small part of him that I prayed I’d always have. I calculated I was four months along. My baby would arrive around the end of June, or the beginning of July. My stomach swelled appearing as a slight bump, which the dresses I made with Elise’s help, nicely hid. As far as I knew, no one was aware of my condition. My morning sickness disappeared a month ago and now, I just seemed to eat all the time.
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