“No, it’s more than that. I’m giving my baby up for adoption. But I want you to adopt her.”
The nurse put a comforting hand on Maria’s shoulder as they entered the elevator. “Honey, you have a few months to make this decision. For now let’s just take a deep breath and remember the goal is to keep this baby healthy. Are you having a boy or a girl?”
“A girl,” Maria whispered. “A little girl.”
They didn’t have nine months to prepare; they had four. Maybe less.
Lucy had never felt so alone.
* * *
When Dane arrived at the hospital to visit Elaine, he’d discovered that Elaine, her mother and Jerry were all being charged for arson. As he headed down the hall, he bumped into Alex Palermo.
“Alex, I didn’t expect to see you here.”
The younger man pushed the elevator button. “They’ve admitted Maria. She was having contractions this morning. I think Jerry upset her and it escalated from there. What are you doing here?”
“I wanted to visit Elaine, then found out she was arrested. I never saw that one coming.”
“I’m not really surprised. There are still a few people around who are followers of the great Jesse Palermo.” Alex pushed the button for the second floor. “I thought maybe you were here to see Lucy.”
“I guess I am now. I want to at least check on Maria.”
Alex shrugged, as if it didn’t matter to him, but Dane thought Alex liked giving people that opinion of him. Just like Lucy wanted everyone to think she was the tough and detached soldier and bodyguard. Every now and then he thought the real Lucy appeared. She was compassionate, kind and loved her family. She loved the ranch and raising decent horses. She loved old farmers and simple women like Bea Maxwell. He knew those things about her, but she always denied that part of herself existed.
When they got to labor and delivery the nurse pointed him to a waiting room. Waiting was the last thing he wanted to do. But he sat down because this wasn’t his fight. It wasn’t his family. And yet he was here, waiting.
Alex stretched his legs out in front of him and put his hands behind his head. “Maria has been through a lot. She’s been forgotten more often than not. I guess we’re to blame for that. We all got busy doing our own thing and we expected our mom to be a mom. Some people don’t know how to be parents.”
“I think she’ll be fine,” Dane answered. “And you’ve all done your best.”
“Right, our best. I’m not leaving after this. Maria needs someone who will stay put and be her family.”
“Lucy is here.”
“She won’t stay. And I don’t blame her. She’s worked hard building her business. But I don’t mind staying. I had a pretty good year and I put some money in the bank.”
Dane didn’t know what to say. About Lucy not staying, or about Alex having a good year. Instead he let the conversation drop. The television was on. The program was a court show with a dramatic judge. Mindless entertainment. Exactly what he needed.
“Can I ask your advice?” Alex said as they waited.
“You can ask. I’ll try to answer.”
Alex leaned forward. “I have a line on some good bucking bulls. I know that’s going to make Lucy mad. But I have a knack for training them. I’ve been working with a friend and he’s been teaching me.”
“So what’s the question?” Dane didn’t see the problem.
“Well, it’s going to make Lucy mad.”
“I guess that’s something you’ll have to work out with your sister, isn’t it?” It was Lucy speaking. She entered the room like a storm cloud, giving her brother a look that set him to squirming like a five-year-old caught putting gum in a girl’s hair.
“Lucy, don’t be mad. It’s just...this is what I want to do.”
“Right, of course it is.” She put her hands up. “Don’t explain. It isn’t any of my business. It’s your life. Your money.”
“Lucy,” Dane warned. She gave him a look that explained that in no uncertain terms it wasn’t any of his business.
“How’s Maria?” Alex asked.
Her expression softened. “She’s going to be okay. So is the baby. She needs to rest and drink more water.”
“Can I go see her?” Alex was already on his feet.
“Yes, hit the buzzer and tell the nurse who you are. They’ll let you in.”
Alex was braver than Dane would have guessed. He stopped in front of his sister and hugged her before leaving the room.
They stood staring at each other after he left. The door opened, a family entered the room, not seeming to notice them. They were loud, laughing and talking about the baby that was on its way. Dane took Lucy by the arm and led her from the room.
“Let’s walk.”
He steered her toward the vending machines. They could probably both use a cup of coffee, even if it was instant.
“He doesn’t need bucking bulls,” she said as she waited for coffee. “And I don’t need to calm down.”
“Long night?”
Her face started to crumble but she didn’t cry. She squeezed the bridge of her nose, eyes closed, and when she was calm she faced him. “Yes, a long night. Maria. She wants me to adopt the baby.”
“You would make a good mom.”
“I don’t know about that. The idea is frightening. What if I can’t? And also, I have a business. Sometimes I travel.”
He noticed she didn’t mention Bluebonnet or the ranch. He was starting to connect the dots.
She was running scared, trying to escape the emotions.
“Let’s start with the bucking bulls. It’s his dream.”
Her gaze darted at him and then away. “Yes, it’s his dream. But it’s dangerous. And expensive.”
“Your brother isn’t your dad. And you aren’t your mom.”
She sipped the instant coffee and didn’t respond.
“Lucy, Alex isn’t going to buy bulls and suddenly become a mean drunk. Let him pursue his dream. What can it hurt? And what would it hurt to let someone love you?”
She set the coffee down on the table and stared at him as if he’d just grown two heads. “You don’t love me.”
“I do, and I’m not sure what to do about it. You’re trying to find the nearest escape route. That doesn’t bode well for the future.”
“I’m not good at this,” she admitted. “I’m not good at relationships and I don’t want to hurt you. Or Issy. I also don’t want to be hurt.”
“Right. But in the end, you’re causing your own pain because you close all the doors before they can even open.”
“I have to go.” She tossed her coffee cup in the trash. “I told Maria I would be right back.”
“There’s the door.” He pointed and she took his advice and left.
But he hadn’t planned on her leaving. He had hoped she would see what was right in front of her, a man wanting to be a part of her life. Instead she saw monsters under the bed and couldn’t let herself stop running from the past.
He understood, because he’d done his own hiding. His own running. Until Lucy, he hadn’t ever imagined letting a woman into his life, into his daughter’s life.
Now he couldn’t imagine his life without her.
Chapter Seventeen
Lucy stood on the balcony of her apartment, coffee in hand. In the courtyard, people lounged around the pool and others sat in groups in the garden areas. Gas fires burned in the fire pits, even though it was a June evening and the temperature was in the eighties. She turned to go back inside, where Maria was lounging on the sofa, binge watching romantic comedies.
They’d been here for two weeks. Just Lucy and Maria. Lucy had brought Maria to her apartment because it was closer to the hospital and because she had to work. It was a good
solution, since the doctor had put Maria on temporary bed rest that first week out of the hospital and asked that she come in immediately should she start having contractions.
Maria looked up from her show and patted the sofa. “You could sit down.”
“I can’t.”
“Because you’re worrying about work, the ranch, Alex, Marcus, me. What don’t you worry about?”
Lucy shook her head and bit back a grin. Maria was pretty good at deciphering her moods. “I don’t worry, I contemplate.”
“You contemplate all of the things you have to worry about.”
“I guess. But right now I have to contemplate a job I have in Dallas. Will you go with me, stay here or go home to Bluebonnet?”
“Home, I guess, since I’m not having any problems. Not that I don’t love city life, but I’m a country girl at heart and I miss my dog. And Issy.” She gave Lucy a meaningful look but Lucy didn’t bite.
“I can take you back tomorrow.”
Maria sat up. “Will you stay in Bluebonnet or come back here?”
“Probably come back here. After the Dallas job.”
Maria drew her knees up, a sign that she was settling in for a long conversation. Lucy headed for the office and her paperwork.
“I need to get some plans drawn up for a job,” she called out, hoping Maria would let it go.
“What’s the job?” Maria had followed her to the office. She sat down in the chair next to the desk, again curling up.
“A corporate guy. Big business. People hate him.”
“Nice.” Maria studied the papers on the desk. “Is he young and single? Handsome?”
“No, he isn’t. This is real life, not a fairy tale.”
But for some reason Maria’s words made her think of Dane. Because she missed him. She had missed a few people in her life. Usually family. Sometimes a friend. She’d never missed anyone with this empty ache that wouldn’t go away.
“Oh, you do miss him.” Maria chuckled as she made the observation.
“What?” Lucy slid the plans to the side of her desk. “Stop. I need to work.”
“No, you need to confront what’s right in front of you.”
“A younger sister who won’t go away?”
Maria picked up a pencil and tapped it on the desk as she studied Lucy. “No, confront your feelings. You love Dane Scott. I think you’ve always loved him. You doodled his name in your notebook when you were sixteen.”
“I did not.” She got up from the desk. She tried to escape but there was nowhere to go.
“You did. I read your journal.” Maria’s expression fell and her eyes narrowed. “I’m sorry for reading it, and I’m sorry for everything that happened. I’m not sorry that it ended when I was little so I didn’t have to live through it.”
Lucy sat on the edge of her desk. “You lived through our mother, her relationships and her flighty behavior.”
“I always had Essie, though. She’s been more of a mom to me than anyone. And you’ve been a mom for the last couple of months. You don’t realize this, but you’re good at it.”
Speechless, Lucy stared at her sister, trying to find the right words.
“Maria, thank you.”
“You’re welcome. And that isn’t a plan for a security job. Remember, I read your journal a dozen years ago. I’m still snoopy and you do occasionally leave me alone. You’re coming up with a plan to help the women at the shelter. Empowerment classes. Self-defense. Self-motivation. I like it.”
Lucy rubbed her hands down her face and shook her head. “That’s it. We’re going back to the ranch.”
“Right now? You’re taking me home?”
“Get your clothes. I can’t take it anymore.” Lucy walked out of the room. Stormed actually. It felt good. It felt empowering. And it felt as if she’d just shocked her little sister.
* * *
Lucy woke up in her bed at the ranch. She woke up to the dog snuffling around in her room, a rooster crowing in the distance and someone singing from the kitchen. It wasn’t the radio because it was pretty close to horrible. She forced herself out of bed and down the hall.
“Stop!” she growled at her brother.
Alex looked up from the pan of eggs he was frying. “Hey, when did you get here?”
“Last night. Stop singing or I’m going to hurt you.”
“I’m thinking that if you don’t want me to raise bucking bulls, I might go to Nashville and record an album. Justin McBride did it.”
“Justin can sing.”
“No, really, listen.” He started singing again.
It might have been a George Strait song but if it was, she didn’t recognize it. Lucy made a face but he just laughed and kept singing.
“Stop.”
“I have another one you might like better.” He started in again.
The dog ran down the hallway barking. From the back of the house Maria asked if there was a cat dying. Lucy gave him a meaningful look but he kept singing.
“I think bucking bulls are a great idea,” she shouted, and gave him a playful shove. “So stop. Don’t ever sing again. Not here, not in the car, not at church. Never. Sing. Again.”
He broke into a church song. Lucy stepped back.
“What is that?” she asked. Because it was completely different. It was good.
“My real voice.” He grinned. “Gotcha.”
“I’m surrounded by siblings intent on driving me crazy.”
“Did you ever think we’re trying to drive you sane?”
“I’m sane. It was confirmed by two different therapists. Slightly broken but not beyond repair.” She poured herself a cup of coffee and took his plate of eggs.
“She’s going to start an empowerment class for the women at the shelter,” Maria said as she came down the hall.
“I should have left you in Austin.” Lucy walked off with her eggs and coffee.
Alex and Maria joined her at the table. Alex shoveled food in his mouth as if it were his last meal. When he finished he carried the plate to the sink, poured coffee in a thermal mug and slipped his feet in boots he’d left by the back door.
“Where are you going?”
“To get my bulls,” he said. “I paid for them a month ago. I thought I’d let you think it was your idea so maybe you wouldn’t be all cranky. But cranky seems to be your favorite emotion.”
“I’m not cranky.”
“Oh, but you are. You choose it.”
She didn’t know what to say.
“Don’t try to argue your way out of this, sis. You use cranky as a defense mechanism. Skunks spray, turtles duck into their shells, you get cranky. It makes people leave you alone. And I’m not saying it doesn’t work for you, but it seems like you might want to dial it down a notch.”
“Thanks,” she mumbled, then she got up and did what he hadn’t expected. She hugged him. “For real. I’m working on this, but it helps, knowing you’ve got my back. And you’re not afraid to pound me over the head.”
Alex winked. “Someone has to do it.”
“I guess they do.” She looked at her watch. “I need to call Boone and let him know I won’t make it for a meeting today. They’ll have to call me on video chat. If you all need me, I’ll be at the church talking to Pastor Matthews.”
“You’re serious about these classes?” Alex asked as he headed for the door. He was walking backward and walked into a wall before she could warn him.
“Yes, I’m serious about the classes.” She also had her own stuff she needed to deal with. If she was going to talk to broken, battered women about empowerment, she needed some empowering from within.
* * *
She pulled up to the church an hour later. Pastor Matthews met her at the door to the fellow
ship hall. His wife was with him. She had coffee ready and she’d even brought doughnuts. “In case you haven’t had breakfast,” she said.
“I have, but thank you.” Lucy sat down at the table across from them.
For the next hour she poured out her story and she cried as she’d never cried before. Because she needed healing from the past. She needed to be an example, humbling herself and finding her own strength. She needed to believe in herself.
“Do you know what I think, Lucy?” Pastor Matthews spoke quietly. “I think you’ve gone through a lot, but you’ve always been stronger than you give yourself credit for. Everything in life has led you to this moment, to finding who you want to be and where you want to be. I think that’s a conversation you need to have with God. I also think this idea you’ve had is a great idea. I think when we opened the door to abused women, we didn’t think about the deeper issues. We were just thinking they needed a safe place. You’ve helped with the security and self-defense but I can see how these women need more. They have to believe in their own value.”
Lucy sat back with her cup of coffee. For the first time in a long time, something felt perfectly right. It was about more than a job, or an obligation. This was a door to help women who had been in abusive situations. She hadn’t come home expecting this, but maybe God had brought her home to show her this path.
* * *
Dane pulled up to the Palermo Ranch. Lucy was home. He hadn’t known until he saw her truck next to the stable. He considered leaving, but he’d never been a chicken and he wasn’t going to start being one now. Instead he parked next to her truck and got out. He was here to see Alex’s new bulls. Lucy lived here. He couldn’t avoid her.
He didn’t want to avoid her.
He found them both in the corral behind the stable. The bulls, three of them, were grazing the meager supply of grass in the small enclosure. Alex was on the tractor moving a bale of hay. As he approached the corral, Lucy turned his way, her eyes widening when she saw him.
Standing there looking at her like that, he couldn’t really make sense of what had happened between them. The only thing he could think of was that he wanted to kiss her. A breeze picked up and blew her hair, then she pushed it back with one of those hands he loved so much. Strong but gentle.
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