by Blake, Jill
“But why?”
“Because has his own things to, and he doesn’t have time to take you camping.”
“He took Connor camping last year.”
If there was one thing about her son that sometimes irritated her, it was his persistence. No doubt it would serve him well in life, but at the moment it only increased her aggravation—with both Ben and Max. If Max hadn’t shown up tonight, she doubted Ben would have pursued the subject so tenaciously. Out of sight, out of mind.
“Connor is Max’s family,” she said. “We are not.”
“But we could be, right? If you guys got married.”
She felt like she’d been sucker-punched. This was what came of not taking action. She’d waited too long, let things go too far. Her biggest fear—that Ben’s expectations would be raised, and then dashed—was coming true. She needed to break things off now, yesterday, before her son got any more brilliant ideas.
“I am not about to get married just so you can have someone to go camping with.”
“It’s not just for me, Mom. It’s for you too. You like Uncle Max, don’t you?”
Enough was enough. “I appreciate the suggestion, kiddo. But it’s late now. Time to go to sleep.”
###
Max sensed her anger the moment she came downstairs and saw him. Yes, he’d ignored her suggestion to leave, so he could see why she might be annoyed. But this was something more, something dangerous and intense and just below the surface, like an improvised explosive device just a hair’s breadth from detonation. Whatever had happened between the time she’d gone upstairs with Ben and now, it wasn’t good.
“I thought you were leaving,” she said.
He straightened. “We still have things to discuss.”
“I don’t think so.” She knelt beside a group of boxes that had apparently been used as a makeshift table. Several stacks of papers rested on top, along with the remnants of what looked like a take-out meal. She gathered the papers into a single pile, then started collecting the white cardboard containers, disposable plates, chopsticks, and crumpled napkins into a paper bag.
Maybe this wasn’t the best time, after all. But if not now, when? The way she’d been avoiding him lately, he felt like he was running out of options.
“Eva…” He hesitated. “Whatever’s going on, we can work through it, together.”
She slammed the bag down, and it split open along a seam, spilling its contents all over her and the floor.
He bent to help her pick things up.
“Don’t.” She brushed the garbage from her lap and rose, facing him.
He froze at the grim expression on her face. “Eva…”
“I’m sorry, Max. This isn’t working. I can’t do this anymore.”
His stomach dropped. Coming over tonight, he’d imagined many scenarios. But this wasn’t one of them. He thought Eva would at least listen to what he had to say, give him a chance. Instead, she’d come out with both fists swinging.
Well, he wasn’t going down without a fight.
“What can’t you do, Eva? Have a real relationship? Open up your heart?”
“You don’t understand. I’m trying to protect my son. I don’t want him to start expecting things only to be disappointed and hurt when you decide it’s no longer amusing to be here.”
Whoa. Where had that come from? “You’re pushing me out the door before I can even get a foot in.”
“I’m making it easy for you to walk away. That’s what you’re planning to do anyway. Maybe not today or tomorrow, but eventually. It’s your modus operandi.”
He started refute that, but she barreled right over him. “I’m not like the kindergarten teacher, or the art teacher, or whoever else you dated and then dumped. I have a son who’s my responsibility, full time. I have a career. I can’t drop everything on the spur of the moment to spend time with you.”
“Have I ever asked you to do that?”
She tightened her lips.
“Have I, Eva? I’ve been remarkably patient and accommodating. I’ve worked around your schedule. I’ve backed off when you said you needed time, space, whatever. I’ve tried not to crowd you. But I can’t hang around the fringes of your world forever, begging for crumbs of your attention. I want to be a part of your life, a part of Ben’s life, share in the things that are important to you. I realize it’s not all about having fun, believe me. But I also know that things are easier when you have someone to help. I want to be that person for you. I need to be that person. But it won’t work if you don’t let me in.”
“Max…” She broke off.
He waited for her to add something, but she remained silent.
He shook his head. “He really did a number on you, didn’t he?”
“Who?”
“Your husband.”
Her eyes widened. “Why would you say that?”
Until this very moment, he hadn’t been sure. The fact that she didn’t deny it spoke volumes. “Why else would you be so afraid?”
“I’m not.”
He stepped closer, traced a thumb across her cheek, cupped her neck. “Whatever he did, it’s over. He’s gone. You need to let him go and move on.”
She opened her mouth, but he silenced her with a thumb across her lips. “I love you, Eva. I want us to build a life together. But I can’t do it alone. I need for you to be there with me. All of you. No more blowing hot and cold. No pulling back when things get a little uncomfortable. No safety net.”
She didn’t move when he lifted his thumb and replaced it with his lips. A brief, undemanding kiss. A soft exhalation of breath. He forced himself to let her go. “Think about it, Eva. And when you’re ready, you let me know.”
Chapter 26
The good thing about running was that it didn’t allow for much talking.
The bad thing was that you couldn’t run forever.
It was late morning, seventy-five and sunny, with a light breeze off the ocean. Tourists dotted the beach, a small preview of the influx expected tomorrow for the July 4th holiday.
Eva slowed to a walk, waving Nina ahead. “Go on, I’ll catch up.”
For the last three weeks, they’d been running together after dropping off Ben and Connor at camp. Eva kept waiting for her friend to bring up Max’s name. After the first few days, she began to relax.
Today, Eva was particularly grateful for Nina’s discretion. She’d stayed up half the night replaying her confrontation with Max, and was no closer to a decision that when he’d left.
It was supposed to have been so straightforward. Sex without strings, with a man who’d elevated the concept to an art form. Who could have guessed that Max would be the one to change direction mid-stream? That he’d fall in love and want a long-term commitment? She still couldn’t wrap her head around it.
And yet, there it was. Like a ray of sun, penetrating a dense gray cloud cover, his words hinted at the possibility of brand new life amid a landscape that had been dry and barren for far too long.
Part of her wanted to embrace his offer and throw caution to the winds.
But her pragmatic side urged her to be careful. She’d learned the hard way that men were not to be trusted. Some were simply incapable of keeping their pants zipped. Her husband had been one of those. Likewise her father. What she knew of Max’s track record put him firmly in the same category.
She didn’t question his sincerity. When Max said that he loved her, she believed him. The doubts she had centered around his ability to follow through. How long would he remain content once the thrill of the chase was gone? A few months? A year? Five years? Would he chafe at the restrictions of family life, and ultimately resent her and Ben for holding him back from enjoying the freedoms he was used to?
Last night he’d accused her of being afraid. It was true, she was. Afraid of making the wrong choice. Afraid of abandoning her safe little world for the possibility of love. Afraid that if she didn’t step off the cliff and take the risk, she would regret that even more.
> Nina doubled back and joined her for the cool-down. “You’re losing weight.”
Eva shrugged. “A little, maybe.”
“Max is, too.”
She tensed, letting the comment slide without response.
Nina continued, despite the lack of encouragement. “I don’t think he’s eating. Claims he gets stuff at the hospital. But he’s only at work three days a week.”
Eva refused to be drawn in. “I’m sure he can take care of himself.”
“That’s what he said. Told me to stop bringing him food.” She stopped beside a low wall and propped the ball of one foot against it, leaning in to stretch her calf. “You think it’s the chia seeds?”
“What?”
“Maybe I should use flaxseed instead.” She switched legs. “Connor hates fish, so I’m trying whatever I can find with omega-3’s that isn’t fish.”
“Clever.”
“Problem is, no one seems to like it. The chia seed muffins might have been the last straw for Max. What do you think?”
Eva shrugged. Kneeling on the ground with one foot forward, she stretched her hip flexors and hamstrings.
Nina watched. “So did you and Max work things out?”
So much for discretion. She wondered how much Nina already knew. Obviously not everything, or she wouldn’t have asked the question.
On any other subject, Eva would have been happy to confide in her friend, ask for advice. But what were the odds that Nina would have an unbiased opinion about her own brother?
Opting for a noncommittal response seemed her best bet. “Not exactly.”
Unfortunately, Nina didn’t take the hint. “What did he do wrong this time?”
“Nothing.”
“Then what’s the problem?”
“The problem is that he’s too used to getting his own way. All he has to do is smile and flash his dimple and no woman in her right mind would say no.”
Nina studied her. “I take it you said no?”
“You told me yourself he has itchy feet and a short attention span.” Eva untied the windbreaker from around her waist and pulled it on. “I’m not sure that’s a good basis for a long-term relationship.”
Nina hesitated. “Max is pretty casual, most of the time. Easy come, easy go. But when it comes to important things, he’s rock solid.”
Eva glanced at her.
Nina lifted her sleeve. “You know what these are?”
A series of razor-thin silvery lines marched up the inner surface of Nina’s forearm. Over the years, Eva had wondered, but it wasn’t something Nina ever discussed. “They look like scars.”
“Yeah. I used to cut.” She started walking.
Eva fell in step beside her. Bikers and joggers accelerated around them. A father and son in dripping wetsuits carried surfboards across the path toward the parking lot nearby. Seagulls circled overhead, swooping down to fight over a few discarded food wrappers in the sand.
“What happened?” Eva finally asked.
“When our parents died, things fell apart.” Nina kept her gaze focused firmly ahead. “Money wasn’t the issue—there was a trust fund that outlasted our parents. But there wasn’t really anyone who could handle Max. He was sixteen, with a real chip on his shoulder. Resented anyone trying to take over, telling him what to do. He’d stay out late, get suspended for smoking and drinking, wreck the car, hang out with friends who had no respect for other people’s property—you name it, he did it. Made it hard on anyone who tried to take us in. We went through a series of homes—cousins, great-aunts, distant relatives who didn’t care to be saddled with the responsibility of two kids, no matter how much money was available for their troubles.”
“Sounds like you both had a rough time. How old were you?”
“Twelve.”
“I’m so sorry.”
Nina shrugged. “It was a long time ago.”
“So what happened?”
“While Max raged at the world around us, I went the opposite direction. Withdrew from everything and everyone. Stopped eating. Started cutting. It made me feel better, more in control. For a little while, anyway.”
“Didn’t anyone notice what was going on?”
“You’ve never been through this yourself, have you?”
Eva shook her head. She’d been lucky. Even after her father had left, her mother had always been there, a steadfast, comforting presence with plenty of hugs and encouraging words.
“Believe me, you find ways of hiding it. Wear baggy clothes. Long sleeves, even in the summer.”
“How did you get past it?”
“I ended up in the hospital with a pretty serious wound infection. Child Protective Services got involved, threatened to take me out of the home where we were and place me in foster care. It was a wakeup call. Max took over, cleaned up his act, somehow convinced CPS that he could take care of me. He’d just turned eighteen.”
“And did he? Take care of you?”
“Oh, yeah. Stuck to me like glue, made sure I followed up with the eating disorders program, saw the psychologist, went to group therapy. It meant deferring college for a year, until everything settled down. He rented an apartment for us, got me into private school, arranged his class schedule around mine. Basically became a surrogate parent.”
“I didn’t realize…”
“Anyway, we got through it, thanks to Max. Poor guy didn’t have much of a social life until I went off to college. He went a little wild in med school, making up for lost time.” Nina slowed. “I don’t have to tell you that there are no guarantees in life. But when it comes to picking who you want on your team, I think Max is a pretty good bet.”
Chapter 27
With each day that passed without word from Eva, Max became increasingly worried.
Staying busy helped. At work, he was back to twelve-hour shifts, which kept him from dwelling too much on the fact that his phone remained silent. At home, he continued to write. In between, he pushed his body to the limit—weight lifting, biking, swimming, even top-roping at a nearby rock climbing gym.
When he couldn’t sleep, he wandered the house, planning changes to make it more family-friendly. One of the rooms would make a perfect office for Eva—abundant natural light, and enough space for an elaborate computer setup, conference table, and comfortable seating area. There was a guestroom he could easily convert for Ben’s use, with a loft bed, study area, and plenty of storage space. There was even a small room filled with boxes of old sports equipment and memorabilia that had followed him through multiple moves and stages of life—stuff he would love to clear out to make room for a nursery.
Of course, he was getting ahead of himself. None of that would be necessary if Eva decided she wasn’t interested.
He forced himself to put down the phone every time he started dialing her number. He’d said his piece. The ball was now in her court. But it was tough, having to change his route to avoid walking by her house on his way to the coffee shop. Hard not to pester his sister with questions about what she and Eva discussed when they got together.
At night, he lay in bed and stared up at the ceiling, wondering if he’d made a mistake in issuing an ultimatum. Maybe, in trying to push Eva to make a decision, he’d instead driven her away.
He was almost grateful when his twelve hour Saturday night shift dragged into a sixteen hour marathon, thanks to a massive pileup on the 405 with two dead and dozens injured. By the time he and the other ER doctor managed to stabilize and ship off the more serious cases to the nearest Level I trauma center, Max was falling off his feet.
Too tired to even drive home, he changed into fresh scrubs and crashed on a couch in the staff lounge. He woke up several hours later, neck stiff, back aching, leg on fire, phone dead.
Dialing in to his voicemail from a land line, he fast forwarded through a couple hang-ups, and then…
Hi, it’s Eva.
He closed his eyes. As if he wouldn’t recognize the voice that haunted his dreams.
&nb
sp; If your offer’s still open…
Christ, did she doubt it?
I mean, if you haven’t changed your mind…
He didn’t need to hear the rest. Grabbing his keys, jacket, and dead phone, he headed out the door.
###
She’d kept him dangling too long. A man like Max, who lived on adrenaline, couldn’t be expected to hang around, twiddling his thumbs, while she worked through her demons.
But it had taken Eva a while to process everything. She’d had to tamp down the urge to pick up the phone on multiple occasions. This wasn’t a decision to be made lightly, or on impulse. She’d only started to feel like she was regaining control of her life. To cede that in exchange for an uncertain future required a great deal of faith and courage. And above all, love. Because in the end, that was what mattered.
She’d taken the leap across that terrifying chasm, trusting that he would be there on the other side. As the hours ticked by without any response, though, anxiety started to replace hope.
With Ben at his grandparents for the weekend, Eva concentrated on unpacking. The process of sorting through the few possessions they’d brought with them, figuring out where to put everything in the new place, and breaking down the boxes, kept her from thinking too much.
By mid-afternoon, she couldn’t take it anymore. A break, a change of scene, was definitely in order. She pulled on a sundress and headed out into the sweltering afternoon heat. She needed to do a final walk-through of the old house anyway, before handing over the keys to the new owners tomorrow.
She saw the Ferrari as soon as she turned onto the street. Her pulse accelerated as she pulled up to the curb behind it.
Max sat on the steps in front of the door, eyes closed, slumped against the railing. His jaw bristled with several days’ worth of stubble, and the drab olive scrubs looked wrinkled, as if he’d slept in them. He opened his eyes as she approached, rose slowly.
His arms were as strong as she remembered.
She wasn’t even aware she was crying until he swept a thumb across her cheek and said, “What’s this?”