by Honor James
“You do know that I will never and have never harmed an innocent man, woman, or child, Lacey,” he said softly. “This type of behavior seems more like that of a rogue. One of ours that is suffering delusions or having mental issues. Because of our added strength and other attributes it’s very dangerous.” He let out a sigh, his chest heaving and then depressing under her cheek. “We should go to the house. I need to call the Regent about this and we can also grab lunch and see where Ansell got to.”
“I know that you haven’t. I know that neither you nor Ansell would ever do anything that would endanger anyone. And that makes me feel remarkably calm and relaxed. You are good men, both of you. I love you for that even more than you can know. But for now it’s time to be professional once more huh?” she asked with a smile.
“Sadly, yes,” he said, drawing back from her. He cupped her face, his palms warm, as he stared down at her. “I love you as well, little mate,” he said softly. With a light brush of his lips to hers he opened the door and stepped out. “Most of the evidence was destroyed, though the lab thinks they can salvage a few items. Unfortunately we will have a time to wait since they have to go at it carefully.”
“We will take whatever time that we need. We will do whatever is necessary in order to ensure that we catch this asshole. We will do what it takes, because that’s what we do. Right?” she asked happily.
“Of course it’s what we do,” he said with a smile. “Come on, let’s get to the house. I need to report this and get things moving on the other end. Don’t worry, my dad had contacts that can be trusted to keep everything low key. And whatever he finds he’ll share so we can do our job on this end.”
“That’s a very good thing. It’s good being you sometimes, huh?” she asked. She was happy that he had such a close tie to the Regents and all that, with his father and so on. “Let’s get this over and done with, shall we?”
“On occasion it has been helpful, other times…” He fell silent. The look on his face told a different story before it cleared away. “For now let us hope it’s for the good.” He took the lead, moving ahead of her to the elevator, but stepped aside to let her into the empty car. Hitting the button for the main floor, Zhubin leaned back into a corner.
Chapter Eight
His day had gone from bad to hellish before he’d finally gotten the lead he needed. After the call from the Regent he’d spent time in one hole-in-the-wall after another. While he’d found that humans as a whole were rather accepting, there were many that just figured he and his were something to be eradicated. There were the holy groups figuring the influx of races was God’s way of punishing them for being unfaithful. There were groups of rebels that figured if they killed enough of them off they’d leave Earth alone. Hell, there were even so-called followers or groupies, mainly women, who were making it their life’s ambition to fuck everything non-human they could.
The fanatics, holy or otherwise, were easy enough to figure out. The groupies, though, could be twice as dangerous and you’d never see them coming through their words or actions. Humans were weird, plain and simple. Some days he questioned being amongst them. Others he didn’t mind. But on a day like he’d just had, he wanted to kill them all and to hell with the ramifications. One thing that was constant was that humans were a pain in the ass.
Well, except for one or two. Lacey was one that he didn’t mind now that she’d started to warm up and dropped the act. She was also his mate, a glowing reference for her as a human in his mind. She was also a good person. Oh, he knew she had moments where she could be as feral as any Luhpyne around but she also had moments where she seemed so vulnerable.
Walking out of the last bar on his list, Ansell scratched it off, reported in to AEDA headquarters and then moved onto the clubs. He was trying to be systematic about things. The AEDA knew he was currently on a job for the Regents which meant it overrode all AEDA directives. But they were also his backup and he’d assured his Captain that if he was needed they could call on him to step in and assist.
So far all he’d done was walk through noisy bars full of drunks and women trying to grope him in his search. Worse yet, he now had clubs, noisier and wilder than the bars, to go through. It was proving to be a long, long day. Moving to his vehicle, he keyed up his phone chip and called Zhubin to let him know that so far there’d been no luck, and that he was going to go another two hours and then stop over at the house.
Listening for a time, he hung up after a few more words. Lacey wanted to chat with him, which meant that she and Zhubin had obviously covered some of the basics. Ansell had to wonder, though, if his friend and brother in life had explained to her that unlike himself, Ansell was a much harder nut to crack emotionally. Zhubin knew everything about Ansell. But what he may have shared was still in the air. He’d have to talk to his friend before he had his chat with Lacey. Best to know what had and hadn’t been said.
* * * *
Four hours later, longer than he’d planned, he was at Zhubin’s Earth home. It was his, too, but Ansell preferred being on the other side of the Veil line when he finally slept. It wasn’t because of the fact he didn’t fully trust humans. He did. But it was because, when he finally broke down to sleep, he slept like the dead. And only the chamber in his other-side home was equipped to keep him safe.
Letting himself in Ansell let out a breath before shutting the door and locking it. Moving in a nearly silent manner he headed for the voices he could hear in the kitchen. Lacey’s scent was starting to permeate the air. She’d been there a while. Pausing, he took a deep breath and let it soothe his beast. Opening eyes he hadn’t realized had drifted shut, he stepped around the door into the kitchen.
* * * *
“Ansell.” Zhubin’s voice alerted her that they weren’t alone. He got up and moved around to a spot at her back. There was a low conversation in, well hell, what was that? It wasn’t English, that was for sure. Then both men came around her seat into view again.
“Lacey.” Ansell acknowledged his mate.
“Ansell.” Lacey watched him carefully and then, before she could stop herself, blurted out, “You don’t seem happy to see me, to see me here in your home where I am now. Are you positive that you are going to be all right with me being around as much as I plan on being around? I want a life here, I want a life with the two of you but not if you don’t want it. Will you talk to me, please?”
Both men were staring at her like she’d sprouted a second head. “I just got here, had a long bad day, give me a few minutes to relax, huh. And why wouldn’t I want you around?” he asked, looking confused.
“I don’t know. I just…” There was a pause, a hesitation. “Honestly I’ve been worried like crazy that I wouldn’t be good enough for the two of you. I’m human and you two are so very much amazing and fantastic men. I don’t know how to be good enough for you.”
“Not all that amazing,” he said, opening the juice up. “And you’re more than good enough, Lacey. You’re the one we worry about not being good enough for. We are, after all, the outsiders here, Lacey. The fact you even put up with us as your partners as long as you have stuns me. I would have thought you’d kick us to the curb long ago.”
Snorting, she laughed. “Honey, you boys are far too attractive to kick to the curb. Add to that the fact that you are mine, there was no way that I was letting either of you go. I personally happen to adore you boys, everything about you. I need you both in my life, a great deal. I want you both in my life, a great deal. Now and for all time.”
“Then why are you worried?” he asked, lifting the bottle to drink it down slowly. He closed his eyes as he lowered the bottle and rolled his head around on his neck. “I’m going to hit the shower before I contact the Regent.”
“Go for it,” Zhubin told him. “Dinner will be ready in about an hour.”
“I want to discuss with the two of you to find out who would want to be the father of our children, who wants that honor?” She blurted out quickly before she co
uldn’t get those words out of her mouth.
“So Zhubin has discussed much with you,” Ansell said, shooting his friend a look. “Good, then you know how to make the choice too.” Moving suddenly, he stopped next to her and touched her cheek with a finger. “Listen to your instincts, Lacey, go with the choice that’s best for you.” That said, he pressed a kiss to her cheek.
She was ready to scream. “I have no fucking idea what to do. I don’t know which way to turn, what to do or how to do it.” Rising, she moved to Zhubin and leaning against the door said, “I don’t know what to do. I really don’t. Help?”
“We can’t make the decision for you,” he said softly. “Come, I’ll call the Regent and have him bring mother on. You and she can talk privately while I finish the vegetables and get the table ready. She will help you with the choice, Lacey. She had to make it herself, so she will guide you in the decision.”
Lacey reached out and grabbed Ansell. “What do you want? This isn’t fair at all, knowing how much I want you, how much I need you in my life. It’s not fair choosing who will be the father of any children that we have. I don’t like it. At all. I want to know what the two of you think. Who wants to be the sperm donor even though you will both be father to any child that we have.”
He looked down at her before looking to Zhubin. He didn’t speak for a long time before he looked at her once more. “You need to look at all the information before you and follow your heart. I don’t know what to tell you, Lacey. It’s been this way since things changed in our realm. I…” He paused and ran a hand through his hair. “That’s the best I can advise, little mate.”
“I can’t make a decision without knowing just what it is that you guys want and need as well. We are all in this together. It’s not just me, it’s all three of us. This is such a massive choice, a huge decision. I never want for one of you to look back one day and be angry with me because you aren’t the biological father to our children. Please,” she begged.
Ansell let out a low growl as he faced her fully. His large hands gripped her waist and lifted her, her ass hitting the counter a moment later. It put her almost eye to eye with him, definitely helped by the fact he leaned in. “My personal opinion is that you should choose Zhubin. I know nothing of my past, including my genetic background. He’s the better choice in every way. Now, I really need a shower before I call the Regent. So if you’ll excuse me.” He stepped away and left the kitchen.
Lacey growled and marched right off after him. “Don’t you dare walk away from me,” she grumbled. Grabbing him, she turned him to face her. “Ansell.” She touched her fingers to his cheek. “Ansell, you mean so very much to me. You truly do. I love you every bit as much as I love Zhubin. I could give a good hairy hot damn who your genetic donors are, your family is who you make it and if you ask me, you have a damn good one.”
“That I do, but you also wanted my take on it, Lacey. You have it, make of it what you will,” he told her softly. “I never wanted kids, ever. So maybe that’s what you need to hear to understand why I said what I did. I don’t mind others’ children but I have never once wanted any of my own. Zhubin doesn’t know that and I’d appreciate you never telling him.”
“But.” Lacey hesitated and felt her heart hurting, it felt like it were going to explode. “You don’t want children. Do you want me?” she whispered, the hurt and uncertainty clear in her tone. “Because one day I truly do want children. I want to be able to have a family, have babies. I really do.”
“Of course I want you, Lacey,” he said quietly. Taking her hand in his he tugged her toward the living room. Sitting in a chair, he pulled her into his lap. “I just never wanted to father children and I never will. I know that hurts you, Lace. Don’t say it doesn’t because I can scent it on you. But I will gladly be there with you and Zhubin as you have your babies. I may never be fully comfortable with a label of dad, but if that’s what it takes to have you in my life then I’ll live.”
“I want you to be happy, Ansell,” Lacey told him honestly, and with a sigh, moved from him. “I think that, I don’t know what to think.” She didn’t want to force anything on him but it was very clear that he didn’t want to be a father. He didn’t want that type of family and that’s just what she wanted. As much as it hurt her she said, “I need time to think. If you will excuse me, please?” she whispered and stepped outside of the living room and headed off. She needed time. Time alone. She needed to think. A great deal. “I’m not saying no, I just…” She turned around and looked at Ansell once more. “So you don’t want to be father to my children, but I’m asking you. Point blank, how would you feel if a child of mine called you daddy?”
“It would surprise me since I wasn’t their father,” he said. “But that would be yours and their choice. I won’t lie, Lacey. It will likely freak me the hell out. I may even hyperventilate and require a paper bag. But it’s not the end of the world. When they are older they will be told the full truth, that’s all I ask.”
“So you wouldn’t want to be the children’s father, even if only by name?” she asked softly. “I’m trying to get this all straight here in my mind. I want to get this all straight. Why wouldn’t you want a child to call you father when you would be their father, if not from genetics then by your tie to me?”
He shoved a hand through his hair. “I don’t know how to explain this so it makes sense, Lacey. All I know is that I refuse to support a lie of any kind. I wouldn’t be their father and being called such just feels wrong to me. While I would be there to help raise them, protect them and guide them I wouldn’t be their father. So why would they call me that?”
“So what would they call you instead?” Lacey asked softly. “I want to know. I’m trying very hard to understand everything. So, what would you have children of mine call you? Knowing that we will be sharing the same bed every night?”
“My name,” he said with a frown. “What else would they call me, Lacey?”
A throat clearing in the hall behind her made them aware of Zhubin. “I think the point she’s trying to make here is that, while you may not have given them life, you will be raising them, Ansell. Teaching them, helping them and protecting them. That is all that a father does. It’s what my father did for you.”
“And never once did I call him father even when he requested it. I love him and will always be grateful to him but we are not blood. It is a form of a lie and one not even I could perpetrate for a child.”
“But how would you be able to tell a small child that’s looking up at you as if you hung the moon and stars that you weren’t his or her daddy if they lifted their hands to you and asked for daddy to pick them up? Ansell, you are an amazing man, you really are, and I want you to share that amazing self with any children that we might have.”
“I wouldn’t correct a young child, Lacey,” he said through his teeth, clearly frustrated. “I said when they were old enough, the misconception would need to be cleared up. I’d never do anything to harm a child.”
“Look.” Zhubin stepped in between them. “Let’s table this for now. Ansell, you have twenty minutes before dinner is ready. Go and have your shower. We will all sit, enjoy the meal and then discuss this further after we’ve all digested what’s already been said. All right?” He looked back and forth between them.
Lacey nodded and sighed. She watched Ansell walk away and felt her heart hurting. She looked to Zhubin and had tears in her eyes. “I love him, so very much I love him. I love you too. What happens now?” she asked.
“Now we will eat dinner, try and calm down and then we will talk some more. We may not solve this all tonight, Lacey, but we will solve it. He’s not opposed to being around children, your children. But he does have a point. A lie is a lie to our beasts. Whether it is small or full-born it still makes us hurt. For children, the rules of the beast can be bent but only for so long. Besides, children are anything but stupid. They see and understand far more than most adults ever could or would. Come, let’s get you
something to drink while I rescue the roast from the oven.”
“Is it just me making more out of this than there should be? And do you even want to be the father of our children? If Ansell is that against it, what are your thoughts?” she asked softly. “What do you want to do? I know what Ansell wants, and I respect that, now it’s your turn.”
“I’m all for giving you as many babies as can be managed,” he said and shot her a grin that slid away too soon. He moved into the kitchen and went straight to the oven. “I love kids, always have. I was an only child until Ansell joined our household. Though not from lack of trying on parents’ end, from what I regrettably overheard during those years.” He paused with the oven door open and shuddered. “Some things no child, no matter their age, should ever have to overhear. But apparently my mother had a difficult time carrying me, and a hard labor. So the doctors insisted she never have a child again and then ensured she couldn’t. She slightly smothered both myself and Ansell. Which reminds me.” He turned after setting the large pan on the stove. “Watch out for her and her helpful advice. Gods only know what she may give you.”
“Gotcha. Watch out for the motherly advice,” Lacey said with a smile. “I want a very large family, not right away, but I really do. We have a killer to catch before we can think about having a child but I truly do want as many children as we can possibly have.”
“There you go. We will get him, Lacey. I haven’t heard anything back yet from my father but hopefully there will be news in the morning. Tonight, though, we’re not going to worry about that. We’re going to have a nice meal and spend the evening figuring out where we want our lives to go as a unit, a team.”