Stuart joined in the good-natured teasing. “What woman has caught your fancy, lad?”
Hope had come to understand the ways of men more than she ever thought possible and she chose her words with her newfound knowledge in mind. “’Tis your wife who has won my heart, Stuart.”
Stuart laughed and leaned across the table. “Every man fancies my Mary, not only for her beauty but for her cooking skills.”
“Go on with your tall tales,” Mary scolded playfully, though her full cheeks blushed pink.
Stuart gave his wife a sound kiss on her lips and her cheeks turned scarlet. Stuart laughed and nuzzled her neck. She giggled and leaned more closely against him.
Hope envied the loving couple. They had found true love. But then no marriage had been arranged for them. They had made their own choices. Their lives belonged to them.
“Let yourself love, Harold,” Stuart said. “It will be the only way you find the love you search for.”
Was it that obvious she looked for love that she could not keep it out of the eyes of a young lad? Or had these feelings for Colin surfaced without her realizing it? Did she actually wear her heart where all could see?
She stood grasping the edge of the long table. Her head grew light and the hall spun in front of her eyes.
“Are you all right, lad?” Stuart asked.
“Aye, that I am, Stuart, though I would be better if I could call Mary mine.”
Her teasing brought a laugh from them both and on swaying legs Hope took herself off, Lady keeping close by her side.
Hope thought to go to the healing cottage. She had called it her own since their arrival and enjoyed the privacy it afforded her. But her thoughts continued to center on Colin. At this moment he was with that woman being intimate.
Her stomach rumbled and her head spun. She did not feel at all well. She could seek out Faith and ask for a calming brew, but the last time she had looked, the Devil and his lady were snuggled tightly to each other and it seemed they did not wish to be disturbed.
She took slow steps to the great hall doors, the distance she had to travel to get to them appearing miles away. It seemed like an endless journey until her hand finally touched the metal latch and she opened the door.
The cool spring air would normally have invigorated her but with all the wine and food she had consumed, the night air only managed to worsen her condition. She wanted nothing more than to make her way to the healing cottage and fall into bed.
She stumbled over her own feet as she attempted to get to her destination. The more steps she took, the more her stomach protested, the more her head spun and the more she doubted she would remain alive.
She braced herself against almost every cottage she passed by, and she knew eventually the cottages would end and she would be on her own. There would be nothing for her to lean on. She doubted she had the strength to stand without support.
“Lady, I do not think I will make it,” she said, rounding the last cottage and seeing the void of darkness stretch out before her.
Lady whined in worry and watched as her master took cautious steps forward, her hand reluctantly moving off the wall of the nearby cottage.
It took only seconds for Hope to realize her error. She had drunk far too much wine this night and was now reaping the consequences. She took two more steps when suddenly her protesting stomach revolted and she was forced to her knees to empty it.
Lady whined loudly, paced back and forth beside her and, after listening to Hope wretch for a moment or two, took off.
Hope felt too sick to worry that her dog had abandoned her. Besides, she was dying—she had to be, she felt so horribly ill. The sooner death claimed her, the better off she would be.
Tears trickled down her cheeks. She would never know love. She would never wed. She would never bear children. She would die a drunken young lad.
Hope wretched again.
Colin stood bare-chested, about to remove the last of his clothing and his boots, ready and eager to join Kathleen who was lying naked in her bed, when he heard the bark, sounding loud and clear.
He shook his head, intending to ignore it.
It sounded again, this time frantically.
Colin looked to Kathleen. “My apologies.”
Kathleen gave him a sorrowful smile. “Another time, Colin, promise me.”
“You have my promise,” he said with a smile that made his departure all the more difficult for her.
Colin slipped on his tunic as he followed a frantic Lady.
He heard the sound of retching before he rounded the corner of the cottage.
Lady stopped beside her master and barked as if she expected Colin to make her well.
Hope breathed a heavy sigh. “Thank God you have returned, Lady. I am dying.”
“Nay, you are not.”
Hope did not have the strength to turn and look at Colin, and she preferred not to gaze upon him one last time. The sorrow would be too much to bear, but then she was dying, so what difference could it possibly make.
She shook her head at her own confused musings.
“You drank too much,” Colin said and stepped forward.
“Go away,” Hope ordered, her hand waving him away. “I wish to die alone.”
Colin laughed and went down on bended knees beside the lad. “You are not dying.”
“I must be,” she insisted. “One cannot feel this horrible and not be dying.”
“Believe me, one can.”
“Death would be a relief compared to this suffering.”
“I have thought the same myself often enough.”
“And still you drink?” she asked incredulously. She herself did not intend to take another sip of wine. Never, ever again.
“As will you.” His soft laughter irritated her.
“I am no fool to cause myself to suffer so again.”
“Believe me, Harold, all men are fools when it comes to drink and women.”
“I know not enough of either, nor do I wish to,” she said adamantly. She hugged her sore stomach and yawned, wishing she was in bed and wondering how she would get there.
Colin realized the lad possessed limited knowledge where women and drink were concerned and required guidance and understanding… but not right now. Now he needed a soothing brew to help settle his aching stomach and a soft bed to sleep his suffering away.
“Can you stand?” he asked.
Hope did not even want to try, but what choice did she have? If he scooped her up in those powerful arms of his she would be absolutely lost and probably do something terribly stupid.
So with as much strength as she could muster she brought herself up to stand on trembling legs.
“The cottage is not far,” Colin said as if offering hope.
Unless it was directly in front of her, it would do little good, she thought. Her legs were barely supporting her and she did not know how she would ever find the strength to make them obey her.
She closed her eyes and whispered to herself. “You must have strength.”
She had repeated those words often after her parents had died and she had always found the strength needed. But then that was an emotional strength she sought. This was purely physical. Still, she would not surrender to any weakness. She would fight and keep fighting.
She took a step forward.
Colin admired the lad’s effort but knew it was useless. He stepped forward and caught him as he fell face forward toward the ground.
Chapter Eighteen
“Out!” Colin shouted. “Out and stay out!”
“Do not yell at the lad,” Kathleen scolded, holding the soft wool blanket up over her bare breasts.
Colin looked ready to kill. Ever since two nights ago when he had tucked Harold safely and soundly into bed, the lad had plagued him. He seemed dauntless in his intentions of disrupting his social life. Whenever he was with a woman Harold suddenly appeared. And if it was not Harold it was Lady. She would whine and grumble and make a com
plete nuisance of herself until Colin finally paid attention to her.
He felt as if his intimate life was being sabotaged and he had no intention of allowing it to happen. It stopped here and now.
“Go away, Harold,” he ordered, sitting up in bed and glaring at the lad who peeked around the edge of the door.
“But the Devil wants you,” Hope insisted, though the Devil had only mentioned Colin’s name, never actually demanded his presence. Hope merely wanted to make certain that Colin’s interlude was interrupted. She had of late felt the need to rescue him from senseless liaisons. She told herself it was for his own good, that if he thought of it he would realize that he should concentrate on a permanent relationship, not on meaningless encounters.
At least, she attempted to convince herself of that.
“I think you need to talk with the lad,” Kathleen said, disturbed by the interruption since the last three times Colin and she attempted to get together, Harold had interrupted. “He needs some fatherly advice.”
“I am not his father,” Colin said in a harsh whisper.
“You are a fatherly figure to him and have looked after him since first finding him. He is your responsibility.”
Colin mumbled incoherently beneath his breath as he threw the bed covers off himself and stood.
Hope quickly diverted her eyes from his naked body, then, realizing she had no reason not to look upon him, took full advantage of the fact that she was thought of as a boy. She watched Colin with indifference as he shoved his garments on in annoyance.
He possessed a magnificent body, lean and muscled and flowing in a fluid strength that pleased the eyes and senses. Kathleen seemed to agree, watching him with an appreciative eye herself.
“I will be back momentarily,” Colin said with certainty.
Kathleen laughed. “Somehow I doubt that.”
He sent her a scathing look for doubting his word.
She thought better of her remark. “But I will wait with high hopes of your immediate return.”
“I suggest that you do,” he said with none of his usual charm.
Hope decided now would be a good time to take her leave. She had accomplished what she had set out to do, keeping him from Kathleen’s bed. She slowly moved away from the door.
“Do not dare move,” Colin shouted, approaching the partially closed door with determined strides.
Hope almost ran, but thought better of it. Colin would only search her out, and then? She leaned against the stone wall, waiting for him.
Colin ran his fingers through his tousled dark hair. “The Devil had better want me, lad.”
Hope shrugged indifferently. “I heard that he did.”
Colin crossed his arms over his chest and glared at the lad.
Hope glared back.
Then in a flash Hope was grabbed by the back of the neck.
Lady barked, whined and then let out a howl that would surely bring the walls of the cottage crashing down around them.
“Quiet!” Colin ordered and the dog instantly obeyed. “And you”—he said with chilling eyes focused on Hope—“have explaining to do.”
With a firm hand Colin directed Harold through the village and into the keep. Many villagers glanced their way but none made a comment. It was early evening and many were busy finishing their chores for the day. Colin stopped but a moment in the great hall when he caught sight of Eric talking with Stuart and two other men.
“Did you wish to see me, my lord?” Colin asked with a formality that raised Eric’s brow.
“Nay, I but wondered if you were about, though I had no cause to seek you out.”
“As I thought,” Colin said, annoyed, and tightened his hand around the back of Hope’s neck. “We need to talk.”
Hope thought otherwise. “Lady Faith waits for me.”
“Then she waits.”
“She needs my help.”
“Eric,” Colin called out as he would to a friend, his casual address bringing a smile to Eric’s face. “Please tell your wife that Harold is with me and I will send him to her when I finish with him.”
“I have need of him now,” Faith said, entering the hall in a hurry, her rounded stomach not at all hampering her progress around the tables.
Hope breathed a sigh of relief—a short sigh, since the Devil spoke.
“Colin has need of the lad. I will send a man to assist you until Harold’s return.”
Faith did not agree. “I require Harold’s assistance.”
“Why?” her husband demanded to know.
Faith did not fear the Devil and it showed in her eyes. “Harold knows my ways.”
Eric paused in silence, his eyes regarding his wife and then focusing on Harold.
His dark eyes looked as if they pierced a person’s soul and Hope worried for a brief moment that he recognized her identity, but his remark indicated otherwise.
“Colin requires time with the lad.”
Faith looked to Hope with regret. She could not or would not argue her husband’s edict.
Colin gave the Devil a respectful nod and looked to Faith. “I will send him to you as soon as I am finished with him.”
“Remember he is but a lad,” Faith reminded him and hoped her words weighed on his mind.
Colin nodded knowingly. “Do not worry. I do not intend to thrash him.”
“I should hope not,” Faith said firmly.
“Women,” Colin muttered and caught Eric and Borg grinning at him. He shook his head. “Harold will be returned to you safely, Lady Faith.” He wanted to hear no more or be delayed no further so he directed Harold with a firm hand on his neck out of the hall and to his chambers.
Lady attempted to follow but he ordered her to remain behind and she reluctantly did, though a whine and soft howling echo followed him.
Harold tore free of Colin as soon as they entered his bedchambers, but then there was no place for Harold to run so there was no need for Colin to detain him physically.
Colin sat in the tapestry-draped chair by the fireplace, a small fire keeping a chill from the room. “Sit down, lad, we need to talk.”
Hope did not want to be alone with Colin nor did she wish to talk with him. Actually, she did not know what she wanted of Colin. She was so confused by the whole matter. Reflecting on her recent actions and attempts to keep Colin from Kathleen, she felt foolish. But then, were not all her actions foolhardy of late?
Hope dropped into the chair opposite Colin and kept steady eyes on the flickering flames.
“Talk to me, lad.”
Hope did not expect understanding; she thought he would rant and yell and order Harold to keep his distance. His reaction only confirmed what a good man Colin was, which upset her all the more.
She knew not how to respond. She could do nothing but sit there and shake her head and produce a solemn frown.
“Come, lad, your worries cannot be that great.”
If he but knew the truth, he would realize the magnitude of her worries. That thought deepened her frown.
He leaned over and placed a firm hand on Hope’s shoulder. It always concerned him that the lad was of such slim build, but it was no wonder since his appetite was pitiful for a growing boy. Those concerns, however, were better left for another time. At the moment he wished Harold to confide in him, for something obviously troubled the lad. “Talk to me, Harold, I am your friend. And true friends can confide secrets and feel safe that such knowledge will go no further.”
A friend.
Harold’s friend—not Hope’s—she had to remember that. She shrugged, as if not sure she could trust him, and yet knowing she could. Still, there was nothing she could really confide in him.
Colin recalled Kathleen’s words and remembered Stuart telling him of how the lad had inquired about love; perhaps he did need to offer him fatherly advice. And he did it in the best way he thought possible. “I will be blunt with you, Harold, for I know no other way to approach the matter.”
Hope suddenly gre
w nervous. Whatever was he talking about?
“Have you ever been intimate with a woman?”
Hope stared at him wide-eyed. Did he intend to discuss sex with her? She was about to attempt to divert the subject elsewhere when she realized this was an opportunity she could not deny.
She squirmed in her seat, rubbed at the back of her neck and cast her glance about the room, playing the part of a nervous young lad who attempted to forestall answering.
Colin patted his shoulder then leaned back in his chair with a satisfied smile. He had assumed correctly and would handle the matter accordingly. After all, this was one area in which he possessed a definite expertise.
He spoke with confidence. “Intimacy between a man and woman is nothing to worry about. It comes naturally—”
“Easy for you to say,” Hope interrupted, relaxing back in her seat and deciding to be blunt herself, to her own surprise. “Did it come naturally to you the first time?”
Colin smiled, recalling the fond memory and feeling comfortable in discussing it with Harold. “I was lucky. My first time was with an older woman who had experience and unselfishly guided my fumbling hands.”
Hope should have been embarrassed by such a personal discussion but instead she was curious. “So you fumbled?”
Colin laughed. “My hands trembled and I was so aroused that I ached with the want of her. I was not certain what to do first.”
“Then it did not come naturally.”
Colin laughed again and shook his head. “Not exactly. I understood what needed doing, but I was not certain how to go about doing it. I remembered hearing a man, a friend of my father’s, boast about his talent with the ladies. He spoke of how he took his time and made certain that the women never forgot him and how he had often received requests for repeat performances. Then there were the younger lads like myself who were unskilled, and when they boasted it was of quick sessions they themselves enjoyed.”
Hope tucked her legs beneath her in the chair and listened intently.
“I wanted my first time to be memorable not only for myself but for the woman I was with. Fortunately, I met a woman with the patience to guide a young, inexperienced lad and make his first time unforgettable. I learned something very important that first time. And you will do well to remember my words.”
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