by Barbara Gee
Tanner leaned his tall form against the door jamb, his hands in his pockets. “It’s still really important to me that any decisions you make are done with your eyes wide open.”
She joined him again, purse in hand. “I know it is. It’ll make things harder if Luther decides to limit what I can be told, but harder isn’t the same as impossible. We’ll figure it out.”
Digging in her purse, she retrieved her lip gloss and expertly slicked it on. He swiped the tube from her and squinted at the tiny printing on it.
“I thought so,” he said, a smile curving his lips. “It’s cherry flavored.”
“Of course it is,” Izzy said, giggling at his bemused expression. “Remember when I said you could have me and cherries both?” She held her hand out for the tube and screwed the wand back in. “We’d better go. Being late isn’t going to make a good impression on Agent Luther.”
He took her hand and pulled her close, dropping a kiss on her cheek so as not so ruin her fresh application of gloss. “Here we go then,” he said.
He stopped her one more time just before they walked into Tuck’s house.
“Izzy,” he said, grabbing her hand and tugging her to a halt. His dark eyes bored into hers, searching and worried. “I’m pretty sure once Luther meets you he’s going to let me tell you about my job. What you’re going to hear—” he broke off and shook his head. “It hasn’t been easy to live it, and it won’t be easy for you to hear it.”
She stepped into him, splaying a hand on his chest. “You’ve made that very clear, Tanner. You need to trust that I can handle it, like you did the other night when I told you a lot of things about myself that I’m not proud of. Things I’m downright ashamed of. When I looked at you afterward, I saw no judgment, no disgust. You accept me for who I am now, and my past is part of that person. That’s exactly how I feel about you. Your past helped shaped you. It made you into the man I know and want now.”
“That’s the thing, though, Iz. The man you’re going to hear about tonight isn’t in the past. What I’ve been doing the past six years is what I’m still doing. It’s my present and my immediate future. It is who I am, and while I’m not ashamed of it, I’m not always proud, either. Everything I’ve done has been because I feel like it’s my purpose. My duty. At the same time, it’s dirty and ugly and dangerous. I’ll understand if that’s not something you want to deal with. Not everyone can.” His voice got low and husky. “You don’t have to keep wanting me, baby, I just hope you won’t end up thinking less of me.”
Izzy blinked back her tears. There wasn’t a doubt in her mind that his fears were unfounded. “I won’t. You’ll see.” She slipped her arms around his waist and hugged him tightly for a few seconds. “Now let’s get this over with so we can get on with things, okay?”
***
Izzy was outnumbered at the table of four men, one of them a seasoned and intimidating Special Agent in Charge whom she had just met, and yet she seemed perfectly comfortable. She joined in the conversation and answered Luther’s questions easily and earnestly, her beautiful smile flashing, intelligence and sincerity shining in her warm eyes. It gave Tanner great pleasure to watch the girl he was falling in love with so effortlessly charm his boss. He’d told her to simply be herself, and that’s exactly what she did. She was amazing.
By the time they’d finished eating, Luther appeared to have his mind made up. He looked across the table at Tanner, his gaze frank and stern.
“I appreciate you bringing Ms. Harding here to meet me, Tanner, and I’m not going to beat around the bush.” His eyes moved to Izzy. “I’m sure it won’t come as a surprise to know I’ve checked you out. I looked hard for anything that might be a red flag, and even though I didn’t find anything to be alarmed about, I still wanted to come and meet you face to face.”
“I understand,” Izzy said softly.
“Now that I have, I understand why Tanner has become attached to you so quickly. You’re a special young lady, and his request to bring you into the circle makes sense to me now. I also understand why you would be reluctant to let yourself get involved with a man who can’t tell you what his job is.”
Izzy looked over at Tanner, then back at Luther. “I’m already involved,” she admitted. “I should also make it clear I don’t expect to learn anything tonight that will change the way I feel about Tanner. It’s just that he doesn’t want me to have to make a decision about staying involved unless I know what I’m getting into. That’s the reason this meeting is important to me.”
Luther gave a thoughtful nod. “In that case, let’s get started.”
Tuck pushed his chair back and stood up. “We can go get comfortable in the living room. I’ll take care of cleaning up in here later.”
Tanner’s tension became almost unbearable. His shoulders went rigid, his jaw clenched. This was it. His future with Izzy would very likely be determined in the next half hour. She was so sure she could handle it, and he badly hoped she was right. Could he, though, if the situation was reversed?
One thing was for sure. He truly wouldn’t blame her if she changed her mind.
CHAPTER 16
Izzy had initially felt cowed by Special Agent in Charge Neil Luther, but then the calm that had descended on her back at her cabin returned. If it’s meant to be, it will be. Such a simple phrase, but one she was clinging to with Tanner. He’d told her to be herself, and that’s what she was trying to do. Having Ryan and Tuck there helped. She knew them well, and responded easily to their humor and quick wit.
She’d felt good about how things had gone during the meal, and her confidence was validated when Luther told her he was going to trust her with Tanner’s secret life. And now it was time.
Luther took an armchair and she settled into a loveseat across from him. Tanner sat beside her, and the other two men chose chairs flanking Luther.
“Here’s how it’s going to be, Tanner,” the older man said, his light brown eyes fixing on his agent’s face. “I’m going to do the talking here. I know you well enough to know if you do it, you’ll want to gloss things over, both the good and the bad. The bad, because you don’t want to alarm Ms. Harding, and the good because you’re a humble man in spite of everything you’ve accomplished.”
Tanner opened his mouth to protest, but his boss held up a hand. “We’re going to do this my way, Agent James, or we won’t do it at all. If you want Ms. Harding to know about you, she’s going to get the whole truth. Or as much as I can tell her, at least. From me.”
“I actually agree with him,” Ryan injected. “You need to sit back and keep quiet, Tanner. Don’t try to spare Izzy, and don’t try to make light of what you’ve accomplished.”
Izzy watched as Tanner wiped a hand down his face, his dark eyes showing stress. “I don’t think I can sit here and say nothing,” he said tensely.
“Then don’t sit here,” Luther said smoothly. “Go to the back of the room and pace, or leave altogether. Your choice.”
A muscle jumped in Tanner’s jaw. “You make it sound like I wouldn’t be truthful, but that’s not the case. I would never lie to her.”
“No, but like I said, you’re too humble to tell her how just how important you are to the bureau. How much you’ve sacrificed. She needs to hear that part, too.”
Izzy reached over and put her hand lightly on Tanner’s thigh. “Let him talk,” she said. “Let’s get this over with.”
He searched her eyes, then squeezed her hand and pushed to his feet. “Go ahead then,” he said to Luther. “I’ll be in the back, biting my tongue.”
Izzy turned her head to watch as he walked to the back of the room and leaned a shoulder against the frame of a large window, facing an expanse of cattle-dotted grassland. Although his back was to them, she knew he wouldn’t miss a word of what was spoken.
She turned back around. “I’m ready,” she said softly, hoping it was true.
Luther leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees, his hands clasped in between. �
�As you know, Ms. Harding, I’m the Special Agent in Charge of the Minneapolis field office. I’ve been Tanner’s boss since he finished his training at Quantico. That means I’ve known him for almost eleven years.” His eye narrowed as he studied her. “I hope two weeks has been long enough for you to realize the kind of man he is. They don’t come any better.”
“If I didn’t know that, I wouldn’t be here.” She smiled at him. “I didn’t even need the whole two weeks.”
He returned her smile briefly, then went on with his narrative. “He’s also a genius with computers, and I’m not using that word lightly. He spent the first six years of his career doing all things ‘cyber.’ The bureau started him out on the same track as other new cyber recruits, figuring he’d need several years of specialized training before he was ready to contribute. However, they soon realized he was training the trainers. So after a year he was assigned a field office and put to work. I was the lucky agent in charge who got him, and let me tell you, he’s made a lasting mark. He’s what we call a master hacker, but even that term doesn’t do him justice. He can gain access to hostile systems, yes, but he can also keep us safe from those same people. I can’t even tell you how many intrusion attempts he’s thwarted for us, keeping our secrets hidden and protecting our agents. On top of that, if you want to take down an enemy’s computer system with things like worms or viruses, Tanner’s your man.”
Izzy couldn’t help a feeling of overwhelming pride. “He hides it well,” she said with a soft laugh. “Looking at him, you’d never guess he’s a computer geek.”
“No, you wouldn’t,” Luther agreed, “but he’s everything I said and more. He did so well for us that within a year, Quantico was trying to get him back to work directly for them. Thankfully, Tanner wasn’t interested in leaving.”
Luther paused, staring at the floor for a moment before meeting Izzy’s eyes again. “You’d think we would’ve kept him in the computer lab, considering how good he was, but as times changed, we realized we needed his other skills even more.”
Izzy shifted nervously in her seat. “Is this where you start telling me what I don’t want to hear?” she asked softly.
“This is it,” he confirmed, looking past her to Tanner, his expression somehow conveying both fierce pride and an apology. After a moment he continued. “When Tanner was in his initial agent training phase at Quantico, his required psych evaluations consistently pegged him as being unusually well suited for the national security career track. He also came to us almost completely fluent in Arabic and Russian. The homeland people were drooling over him, but the cyber team won out, because that was the greatest need at the time, and his skills are truly exceptional.”
Again he looked toward Tanner, who hadn’t uttered a word. Izzy couldn’t see him, but she knew he had to be uncomfortable listening to Luther singing his praises.
Ryan knew it, too. He gave a low chuckle, glancing over at his friend. “I know you hate this, Tanner, but it’s only fair to let Izzy know you’re brilliant. She might not have realized that yet, since you do a pretty good job of coming across as a normal human.”
“I am a normal human,” Tanner growled, causing Ryan to laugh again.
“You’re as normal as a supremely gifted person can be,” Luther conceded, switching his attention back to Izzy. “About six years ago, we decided to make use of Tanner’s other gifts, too. If you know anything about Minneapolis and the surrounding areas, you know that one of the biggest challenges we’ve faced over the past number of years is what is commonly referred to as home-grown terror. As Al Qaeda followers, and subsequently ISIS, became more active in our community, and as our troubles with terror recruitment rapidly increased, I realized pretty quickly that Tanner possessed the looks, the language skills, and the knowledge needed to become an undercover operative. Someone who could penetrate terror cells right in our own city.” Luther paused yet again and looked at Izzy meaningfully, obviously knowing he had just given her the biggest piece to the puzzle of Tanner.
Izzy heard it loud and clear, and her mouth went dry. Undercover operative. Although that was one of the possibilities she’d come up with when trying to figure out what it was Tanner did, terrorists hadn’t been part of what she’d imagined. She’d pictured drugs and gangs—and that prospect had been terrifying enough. Now that Luther had confirmed the undercover part and thrown in the fact that Tanner’s scene was Islamic extremism, she felt a whole new kind of fear.
In her mind, greedy drug lords and guns morphed into bombs and mass killings. Ruthless men intent on destroying others simply because their beliefs were different. A horrible jihad that took a religion most practiced peacefully, and distorted it into a horrible cause that took violence and hate to a whole new level.
She tried to keep her breathing steady so Luther wouldn’t think she was too overwhelmed to hear more, even though that was very close to being the case.
She could hardly stand the thought of Tanner surrounded by people who lived to destroy, all in the name of religion. How long did these jobs last—how long did he have to live with people committed to death and destruction?
Izzy knew she was pale, and she couldn’t hide the fact that her hands were shaking. Thankfully Tanner wasn’t sitting beside her to see it. When Luther raised his brows, wanting permission to go on, she managed to nod, but her stomach was leaden with dread.
She listened as he gave her the basics about Tanner’s first few undercover assignments. He gave few details, saying only that the first job had required infiltrating a mosque that was a front for recruitment of radicalized men, and the second and third jobs had involved black-market weapon sales. Luther didn’t say where things had taken place, or how Tanner had gone about it, only that he had succeeded beyond expectations in each instance.
His fourth assignment was more complicated and had required six months of additional specialized training before he went in. “Of course I can’t give you details as to what he actually did on that assignment, but Tanner was undercover for eleven months,” Luther said. “The information he gathered in that time was invaluable to the bureau. Everything was coming together, and by all accounts he was within weeks of a take-down. Unfortunately, after eleven months of flawless execution, Tanner’s cover was blown by an over-zealous rookie agent who made a bad decision.”
Izzy drew in a sharp breath and stared fearfully at each of the three men in turn, waiting for what came next. It was going to be bad, she knew it. She wanted to put her hands over her ears and shut Luther out, pretend he wasn’t sitting there poised to tell her something she didn’t ever, ever want to hear. Instead, she sat and waited silently, because she had to show Tanner she was strong enough for this.
Luther’s expression softened when he saw her apprehension. He explained as gently as possible that Tanner had been captured, held for five days, and tortured for information. When his captors hadn’t been successful in getting him to talk, they had loaded the severely injured, starving, and dehydrated man into an SUV and set off for a new location, in another state, where a new interrogator was waiting to try his hand at learning Tanner’s secrets.
Leaving the well-hidden location where they’d been holding Tanner had been a risky move, and it had come back to haunt them. With their leaders gone, some of their underlings had braved coming out into the open. The FBI knew who they were, thanks to Tanner’s information, and they’d managed to capture and interrogate four of them. Two had been easy to break. They’d revealed the plan to take Tanner to a city where a “sister” cell was located. Once the FBI knew where they were going and the make of the vehicle they were traveling in, they had been able to pick up the trail.
They’d located the SUV a couple hours from its destination, and had followed it to a house on the outskirts of the city. The property had been promptly staked out, while a large group of agents was assembled, waiting anxiously for their chance at a rescue.
Already shaken to her core by mental images of Tanner being tortured almos
t to death, Izzy received another shock when Luther told her that it had been none other than ex-Army sniper Ryan Anderson who had made a long distance shot through a window to take out Tanner’s armed guard prior to the FBI moving in for the rescue.
That, Izzy realized, was the life-saving act Tanner had told her about. She looked at Ryan, mutely thanking him. He gave her a tight nod, obviously not enjoying re-living that time.
Luther explained that after that mission, Tanner had taken nine months to heal and get another cover in place. His next job had been outside of Minneapolis to avoid contact with anyone who might recognize him. It had been another successful mission, running a relatively short six months.
That was his last undercover job to date, with the intervening nine months spent working in the computer lab.
“I know you want more details, Ms. Harding, but this is as much as I can tell you about the jobs themselves. I can’t tell you Tanner’s exact role, only that he is unparalleled in what he does. Simply put, he’s the best we have.”
Luther sat back, his eyes going to Tanner, who was still in the back of the room, alternately pacing and staring out the window. Tuck got up and brought in glasses of ice water. Izzy would have rather had something hot, just so she could warm her hands. She felt frozen, chilled from the inside out.
“You okay, Iz?” Ryan asked gently.
She nodded jerkily before meeting Luther’s unreadable gaze. “There’s more, isn’t there?” she asked.
Once again, he didn’t beat around the bush. “You need to understand, Ms. Harding, that when you’re working undercover with the kind of groups Tanner infiltrates, day to day life tends to be ugly. Everyone wants to prove themselves, each wants to be more ruthless than the next. Nothing gives them greater pleasure than exposing someone for not being loyal. It gets rid of the competition and boosts their own value. A win-win situation.”