by Barbara Gee
She started giggling. “We can’t talk about that in a home improvement store, Tanner. You’ll get me all hot and bothered and I won’t be able to concentrate on the paint. Here,” she said, shoving a selection of paint swatches at him. “Pick your favorites of those grays. Then we’ll move on to the blues.”
***
They stayed in the store until it closed after all. Izzy had gone in convinced she knew what she wanted, but Tanner had made some good points and suggestions, causing her to consider other options. Quartz instead of granite, for one thing. Low maintenance, less expensive, and just as beautiful. She got excited about that.
Exploring the vanity aisle had led to faucet decisions, for the bathroom and also the kitchen, and from there they’d wandered through the appliance section, where Izzy had fallen in love with a gas stove. She wasn’t sure she could justify the cost of buying it and installing a gas line to the kitchen, but it was something to consider.
She yawned when they got back in the car. “I’m glad you’re driving,” she told him. “I might fall asleep.”
“Go ahead and put your seat back and take a nap. I can find the way home.”
It was tempting, but she didn’t want to waste any of the precious time she had with him. “No, I can make it. Tell me about your house in Minneapolis,” she said, leaning down to unbuckle her shoes. She kicked them off and curled her legs under her, turning toward him and enjoying the view of his strong profile lit by the dash lights.
“I don’t have a house, just a condo. I’m so rarely home it seemed easier to buy a condo with no outside maintenance to worry about.”
“Agent Luther said you work way too much.”
He gave a one-shouldered shrug. “I probably do, but I feel like I’m wasting time if I’m just at home doing nothing.”
She thought about that for a moment. “I know working so much isn’t good for you, but I have to admit I can see why you’d feel that way,” she told him.
He glanced at her in surprise before returning his attention to the road. “You can?”
“I think so. I mean, your job is saving lives. Even when you’re working in the computer lab, I assume you’re trying to catch bad guys. So every minute you’re not at work is another minute they can continue their evil.”
He reached over and put his hand on her knee. “That’s it exactly. When I’m home, I think about the progress I could make in an hour at the lab. On some projects, that one hour can make a big difference. It could stop one more weapon getting into the wrong hands.”
Izzy covered his hand with both of hers, hearing the quiet passion in his voice. “Even though I understand where you’re coming from, it can’t be good to put so much pressure on yourself. You work with a team, right? Let them share the burden.”
He nodded. “Yeah, I know. I need to find a better balance.”
“Easier said than done, I’m sure.” She smiled. “It might be selfish, but I’m really glad Agent Luther decided to force the issue and send you away for a while. It worked out well for me, plus it shows he really does care about you.”
“He does, but he also feels guilty about the next job. He thinks giving me some time off will make it better.”
His words made her feel cold, but she hid the reaction as best she could. She gathered her courage and asked another question.
“Luther said it’s going to be a tough one. By that, does he mean even more dangerous than usual?”
He hesitated. “I haven’t been fully briefed on it yet,” he said evasively.
“Don’t try to protect me, Tanner,” she said firmly. “From what you do know, is it going to be your most dangerous job yet?”
He exhaled slowly and Izzy shivered. She knew he wouldn’t lie to her, but she could tell he was trying to pick his words carefully—which basically answered her question.
“It is, isn’t it?” she pressed, wanting him to trust that she could handle the truth.
“It has the potential to be, yeah.”
She let that sink in, holding his hand more tightly. Please, God, please give me the strength I need to stand by him, to support him and not be crippled by my own fear.
“When you were tortured, what did they do to you?” She hadn’t planned to ask him that, but she felt she needed to know how bad things had gotten for him. She couldn’t understand all of who he was if she didn’t ask the tough questions.
He gave her a sideways glance. “I thought tonight was about making good memories,” he said.
“It is, and I’m sorry to ask, but since we’ve somehow got back on the subject, I think you should tell me. You had to know I’d ask eventually.”
“Isn’t it enough to know I survived it?”
“No, because my imagination is running wild. I want to know what really happened. What did they do to you, Tanner?”
He stared at the road, his hand tightening on the steering wheel. “Not enough to get me to talk.”
“But what were your injuries?” she persisted.
A muscle jumped in his jaw. “Why do you want to know? How does that help?”
“I don’t want to know, I need to. I need to know what you’re facing out there, so I’m better prepared to deal with it if it happens again. Which I hope and pray—and pray some more—that it doesn’t.”
His face relaxed fractionally. “I have to admit I like the idea of you praying for me, Iz. I’ve never had that before.” He pulled his hand away from hers and rubbed the back of his neck. Finally, he spoke again, his voice low, his eyes fixed on the road ahead. “Both legs were broken, I had a bullet wound near my left knee, I was missing a few fingernails, and had some lacerations. Also a lot of bruising and some, uh, electrical burns. And some after-effects from the waterboarding.”
Izzy felt like she couldn’t breathe. When the tightness in her throat eased, she asked him to pull the car over.
“Now?” he asked.
She nodded. “Please pull over and stop the car.”
As soon as he did as she asked, she unfastened her seatbelt and scooted over the console to curl up in his lap, wrapping her arms around him and burying her face in his neck. She tried to hold back her tears but it was impossible. What he’d already been through was horrific, and he could easily be going back for more of the same. How could he stand it? How could she?
He rubbed her back soothingly, his other hand tangled in her hair. “I’m sorry, baby,” he said gently, “I don’t want to make you suffer for me.” He pressed his lips against her head. “I hate to show you the ugly parts of my life, but we’ve taken this too far and I don’t know how to stop it now.”
“I don’t want to stop it,” she said thickly. “I want to be here for you, no matter what. I’m just so scared for you. I can’t stand the thought of you being harmed. Tortured. I’d do anything to protect you from that, but I’m totally helpless and I hate it so much.”
“Izzy, look at me.” He waited until her wet eyes met his. “Having my cover blown was a fluke. A mistake by a rookie agent. I’m not denying the danger, sweetheart, but I’m not new at this, and I have a lot of tools available to me. I’m going into this fully expecting to succeed.”
Izzy smoothed her fingers over the spot on his jacket that was wet from her tears. “I wish we could make it go away. I wish Luther would call and tell you they’ve already arrested all the men, and they don’t need you anymore.”
He grunted. “That would take a miracle, I’m afraid.”
She smiled sadly. “I believe in miracles. Do you?”
“I didn’t.” His eyes locked on hers and his hands slid down to her waist. “And then I met you.”
When his gaze dropped to her mouth, Izzy felt her body temperature instantly rise a few degrees. She suspected he was trying to distract her from thoughts of his torture, but she went with it.
“That’s a sweet thing to say.”
“Kinda hard to hold you in my lap and not turn a little sappy,” he teased.
“We’re now going on
five hours without kissing,” she said, raising her brows suggestively.
“Tell me something I don’t know,” he growled. “But this isn’t the ideal setting for fixing that. Some nice country-boy is going to stop to see if we’re having car trouble, and then we’d have some explaining to do.”
He picked her up and set her back in the passenger seat. She fastened her seat belt, then looked at him. In spite of his words, his eyes were still on her lips and she fought the urge to drag his head down to hers.
“I think we need another change of subject,” she said, feeling as if she were about to combust. This man!
He laughed, but obliged as they got back on the road. “Okay. So, Tuck said he gave Agent Luther a tour of the retreat center early this morning, before he had to leave for the airport. Sounds like he was impressed, especially with the ice rink. It’s too bad Boone isn’t here yet. Luther’s a huge hockey fan, and seeing Boone in action would have been a highlight for him.”
“He didn’t miss him by much. Jolene was going to leave around lunch time to pick him up at the airport.”
“Their planes probably passed each other then,” Tanner said with a chuckle.
“The only thing good about the Wild getting knocked out in the second round of the play-offs is we get to have Boone back here sooner. That’s a big plus for the veterans. They love him, and it’s so inspiring to see how he relates to them.”
“They wouldn’t have lost if Jax and Vince Abbott hadn’t been injured.”
“I agree,” Izzy said, happy to talk hockey with a fellow Minnesota Wild fan. “Thank goodness their injuries are ones that can heal in time for next season.”
“You think Abbott will make opening day? I heard his hand was sliced pretty bad. Lots of tendon damage.”
“If he has a good physical therapist,” Izzy said with a smile. “He and Boone have become pretty close, so I’m sure Jolene will have some input on that.”
They talked about the team’s chances for next year until they got back to the ranch.
“I have a surprise for you,” Izzy said as they walked to her door, hand in hand.
“You do?” he asked, sounding pleased.
She led him to the loveseat by the window and sat him down. “Wait here for a second. I’m going to change my clothes, then I’ll get it.”
He frowned. “You’re taking off the dress?”
“Yes, because I want to be able to snuggle up to you without worrying about what I’m showing.”
“Well, I’m not opposed to the snuggling part, just promise me you’ll wear it again sometime.”
“We’ll see if I have the opportunity,” she said over her shoulder. She grabbed a pair of jeans and a tee shirt from her dresser, then went into the bathroom to change. When she emerged, she saw he had taken off his jacket and laid it over the back of the loveseat, and rolled his sleeves up to his elbows. He looked so good sitting there, his skin golden against the stark white of his shirt. His dark eyes followed her as she went to put on some music, then walked over to the kitchen area.
Izzy spied the square white box on the counter and smiled, silently thanking Libby for making the delivery as requested. That morning, Izzy had had the idea of asking Kay Desmond to make a cherry pie for Tanner, but Kay couldn’t get to it in time for Izzy to be able to pick it up before their date. Kay still wanted to do it, though, and had assured her she’d have Libby bring it over so it would be waiting when they got home.
Thankfully, both women had followed through, and the pie looked delicious. Izzy cut a slice and slid it onto a plate, her back to Tanner so he couldn’t see what she was doing. Before carrying it over to him, she added ice cream, then covered it with a napkin, prolonging the surprise a bit longer.
“What do you have?” he asked as she sashayed toward him, smiling smugly.
“Something to thank you for helping me with my house.” She dramatically whipped off the napkin. “Made by none other than Kay Desmond,” she said, displaying the pie with its bright red cherries showing through a topping of pastry strips woven into a beautiful lattice design.
His lips pursed on a silent moan. He reached for the plate but she held it away.
“My turn to spoil you,” she said, lowering herself onto the loveseat, her legs curled beneath her as she faced him. She cut into the pie and lifted the fork toward his mouth.
“You’re going to feed me?” he asked warily.
“Open up,” she said, her eyes fixed on the most perfect set of male lips she’d ever had the pleasure of encountering.
He hesitated, then leaned toward her, opening for the bite she carefully fed him.
“Mmm, perfection,” he groaned. “Kay is—uh—she’s—” he broke off as Izzy slowly took a bite of her own, her gaze still on his mouth.
“We’re sharing?” he asked, his eyes going to half-mast as he watched her lick some cherry juice off her bottom lip.
She didn’t answer, just offered him a second bite before taking another of her own. She knew she had his full attention, and she enjoyed knowing she could get to a man like Tanner James.
He swallowed, but shook his head when offered more, his eyes again on her mouth. “Put the pie down, Izzy,” he said, his voice dangerously soft.
She gulped and slowly leaned over to set the plate on the coffee table. His eyes glittered hotly as he watched, and she unconsciously licked her lips again, causing his eyes to narrow further.
“Now finish what you started,” he said in the same soft voice.
She smiled sweetly. “You’re ready for me to kiss you now that we’re not in a cramped car?”
“You have about two seconds to take the lead, sweetheart, otherwise you’re at my mercy.”
Her smile grew wider. “Not that I would mind that particularly,” she murmured before moving to straddle his thighs, careful to stay back and not press too close. “But I think I might like this too.”
Perched on his lap, her face was only slightly lower than his, giving her a perfect angle. She ran her cool fingertips down the sides of his face, scratching her nails lightly through the dark stubble along his jaw. “You told me several times tonight that I’m beautiful, and I can say the same for you, Tanner,” she said, her voice barely above a whisper. “You’re a beautiful man. My beautiful man.” She raised her eyes to his. “You got the my part, right?” she asked, only half teasing.
“I was yours from the moment you cornered me in the barn and scolded me for not being friendly enough. I just didn’t realize it then.”
She pressed her face against his neck and breathed him in. “I love the way you smell.” Her fingers feathered over his shoulders and down his arms. “I love the way you feel.” She returned her hands to his face and looked into his eyes, grinning mischievously. “I love the way you look at me when you want me to stop talking and kiss you already.”
His voice was low and husky. “You’d better do it soon, babe, because your two seconds were up a long time ago and I’m just about all out of patience.”
Izzy made him wait just a little bit longer. She pressed her lips to the pulse point on his neck, reveling in the rapid beat. Then she moved them up along his jaw, making her way to the corner of his mouth. She kissed him lightly there, then on the other side, then ran the tip of her tongue slowly along his bottom lip.
“Oh, and I also love the way you taste,” she whispered.
That was the end of her being in control. He took her head between his big hands and held her still as his mouth came down on hers, parting her lips to take the kiss deep. Izzy gave a tiny moan of pleasure, responding to his kiss as she always did, wholeheartedly and with abandon.
Nothing she’d done in her twenty-six years could compare to kissing Tanner James. She’d never get enough.
Long before she was ready, he broke it off, his eyes boring into hers, his breathing ragged. “If I didn’t think you’d hate me in the morning, I’d do my best to convince you to let me take you over to that bed and show you exactly h
ow I feel about you,” he said roughly.
Izzy gave a wobbly smile, her body trembling with a want so deep she thought it was more of a need. “No you wouldn’t. Even if you didn’t think I’d hate you, you wouldn’t.”
“You’re sure about that?”
She nodded. “Positive. You know it would be wrong, and would tarnish what we have.” Her hands curled around his biceps. “You wouldn’t do it.”
He closed his eyes and let his forehead drop against hers. “Maybe not, but I do want you, Iz. All of you. So bad.”
She shivered at his words. “I’m glad you do, that’s how it should be. I’m also glad I can trust you not to push me for it.”
He grunted. “Yeah, well I don’t think we should get this carried away on a regular basis. I don’t want to put your nice theory to the test.”
“That would probably be wise,” she agreed, reluctantly pushing off his lap and sitting sideways on the arm of the loveseat, her feet on the cushion. She hunched her shoulders and twisted her hands, wanting to tell him how he made her feel, but not sure how to put it into words. She opened her mouth, then shut it again, chewing on her bottom lip.
He watched her, tilting his head curiously. “What are you thinking?”
“I don’t know, exactly.” She lifted a shoulder. “I guess—I guess I just want you to know how different everything is with you,” she said, pushing the words out in a rush. “You know I have a not so glowing history with men, and back then, kissing wasn’t anything special. It was merely going through the motions to get to the sex, which I so stupidly thought I needed even though it seemed to always be a huge letdown.” She looked down at her hands. “With you, it’s kissing for the pure enjoyment of the kiss. Touching because I love how you feel beneath my hands.” Raising her face to his, she let him see the truth of her words in her eyes. “It all feels so good with you. So right. I want you to know that—it’s so completely different from anything I’ve felt before.”
“Thank you for telling me,” he said softly.