He disliked Carl because Carl had everything, and thought he was better than everybody else because he chose not to use the connections and wealth he had inherited. But he didn’t recognize that he did use it, every day – he knew the people, he knew the language, and he had the right pedigree. No matter what, that played a part in his individual success, and he always refused to acknowledge it.
The moral superiority he seemed to assume he had was another irritating part of it. The few times that Harrison and Carl had met, they hadn’t gotten along very well.
Harrison avoided Carl as much as he could. But Leigh was a grown woman who had made her choice, and she seemed to be happy with him, so Harrison had to swallow all his objections. Leigh would definitely not take kindly to him interfering in any way. She was quite fiercely independent, and that was one of the many things he found attractive – no, he corrected himself, not attractive – interesting about Leigh.
Apart from, of course, her goodness and her honesty, both of which still made him wonder how she would deal with being a lawyer. But if anybody could make being a lawyer an honest job, it was Leigh.
Harrison brought himself out of his reverie and realized that Leigh was looking away, and she looked unhappy. He couldn’t stop the surge of protectiveness that rose in him when he saw her look like that – vulnerable and sad.
Leigh was never supposed to be sad. She didn’t usually waste time being sad, he knew that, too. She faced problems directly and solved them instead of wasting time and energy moping around. He remembered, very well, how she hadn’t let him mope around, either. He’d thought he was entitled to it, and maybe he was. But Leigh had wanted him to be happy, and she had found ways of sharing his sadness and turning it into poignant sweetness that he saw, now, had given him hope when he’d given up all hope.
He couldn’t bear to see her with that look on her face.
“Leigh, what’s wrong?”
His quiet words made her turn to him, and she smiled, but the smile faltered when he looked at her.
Of course Harrison could see through her. He knew her so well. How had she gone for so long without seeing him?
She wanted to talk to somebody, about everything. She realized, with a jolt, that she didn’t have any friends she could talk to about this. Most of her friends were friends of both Carl and her. She couldn’t talk to them about problems with Carl, because everybody seemed to have taken for granted that they were the fairytale couple – that they would always be together, because they were meant to be.
It was a heavy burden to bear, and now that she was cracking under it, just a bit, she realized that she needed somebody.
Harrison would listen, she knew that. Harrison always understood, and he would always be there for her.
There was something about that night, with the still air and the bright moon, with bits of laughter and conversation filtering in through the open windows, lights and shadows mingling to form wonderful patterns, that made her want to let go. She wanted to feel free, and simply be.
With Harrison, she could do that. She knew she could.
But still…
She owed Carl some loyalty, didn’t she? She knew that Harrison hadn’t taken to Carl. She had been surprised that that hadn’t changed. She knew that he was protective, which she considered one of his flaws, since she was extremely independent.
But even after Carl and he had spent some time together, Harrison hadn’t warmed to him. Carl was charming and engaging. People usually liked him. He’d been shocked and disgruntled to find that Harrison was an exception to the rule, and showed no signs of being won over, no matter what.
Leigh had learned to accept it, and knew that they would both have to tolerate each other for her sake. She had stopped having fond dreams of magical family get-togethers, though, and that hadn’t been easy.
So now, she wasn’t sure if she should talk to Harrison about everything that was bothering her. She knew he’d be on her side, of course. But if… No, when, she told herself. She couldn’t think of it as ‘if’.
When she and Carl worked things out, wouldn’t this lead to more animosity between him and Harrison?
But that ‘if’, the fact that she had thought ‘if’, hung heavy on her. She had already thought about it, she realized, guiltily. She had stopped taking it for granted that she and Carl would sort everything out, find middle ground, and be together forever.
The realization made her feel a bit dizzy, and she clutched the side of the ledge as if she was suddenly afraid she’d lose balance. She felt as if the entire world had suddenly gone off-kilter.
“Leigh, are you all right? Should I get a doctor? There are about a dozen in there.”
Leigh shook her head, and held on to his arm as he placed a hand on her shoulder to steady her.
Yes, she felt better holding on to him. She had always been able to hold on to Harrison, lean on him.
And that little spell made her realize that she needed to take care of herself. She needed to find a space where she could figure everything out.
She’d been trying to do that alone for the last few weeks because Carl refused to help. If Carl wouldn’t give an inch, she needed to get comfort and help where she could, because she needed it.
She owed that much to herself.
She wasn’t being disloyal by talking to Harrison, of all people, about it.
“Leigh, you look pale. I think maybe I should take you home. Can I call Carl? Should I? Where is he, anyway?”
Leigh almost chuckled, and shook her head again.
“Talk to me, Leigh,” said Harrison.
And Leigh decided to do just that.
Chapter 3
“Carl and I have been having problems,” she confessed.
Harrison didn’t say anything, but he looked…
Well, it wouldn’t have mattered. She had to talk to him.
“He’s always wanted to take a year off and go on a backpacking trip across Asia, and maybe South America and Europe, too. You know I’d love that, but we always said we’d do it by the time we’re thirty, and, well, he’s twenty eight now. He’s quite… Well, I guess I’d say disgruntled that we haven’t done it yet. And we don’t seem very close to doing it.”
Harrison just nodded.
At least he wasn’t judging her.
Leigh plowed on.
“I can’t take the time off, Harrison. I’ve worked so hard, done so much grunt work and I’m finally getting to do what I like doing. I’m finally getting to show that I’m good for more than just looking up page numbers and finding the exact words used in judgments and sentencing that somebody else has already found. I can finally do work that might even make a difference, except apparently I can’t, because I must take a year off and go tramping over someplace that will not go away in a few years, to stay on my boyfriend’s schedule!”
Leigh’s voice rose, higher and higher, as she went on. Harrison nearly stepped back in alarm.
It sounded to him like Carl was being a bit of an ass.
Leigh breathed harshly, wondering where all of that bitterness had come from.
But she knew, didn’t she? She knew that the bitterness had been building with each day of petulant pettiness from Carl.
“How about if you could take a month off, instead of a year? You could do that. A month won’t make much difference at work. You’ll still have to play catch up, of course, but you won’t have to start from scratch all over again, and that’s an advantage, isn’t it?
Leigh looked at him gratefully. She should’ve known that he’d understand. She should’ve trusted him earlier.
“I suggested that. I even said that we could do a month now, and start planning for the year off, but not yet. Maybe after I clear my LSAT, I could take a year before I join somewhere. If I do well enough, they wouldn’t mind that.”
Harrison nodded. That sounded quite reasonable to him.
“Well, that sounds like a compromise that should solve the problem. You’ll b
oth get what you want, and you can sort it all out.”
Leigh glared.
“That would work if he was willing to compromise. He thinks he’s already compromised a lot, with how much time I work and how much effort I put into work. He says this is one dream he’s not willing to let go of, not for my sake, not for anything.”
Leigh’s shoulders slumped as she recalled that fight. It had been pretty ugly.
“Sounds like this is about more than just taking a year off, Leigh,” said Harrison, and his voice was gentle.
Leigh sighed.
Damn, now she was doing it, too.
“I guess so. It feels like we’ve been drifting apart. We seem to want such different things from life now. It wasn’t like this before, you know. We used to know each other so well. Now it’s just so many fights and so many misunderstandings. Harrison, I actually volunteered to come for this event. You know I don’t really like them, and I really need a good night’s sleep. But I know I wouldn’t get a good night’s sleep at home. Not with all of this looming over us. I’m hiding from my own boyfriend. Seriously, how pathetic is that?”
Harrison smiled and leaned close to Leigh, slipping a bolstering arm around her shoulder.
“I know it’s not easy, Leigh. I guess relationships never are. I’ve always admired how you made a commitment and were willing to work at it. I’ve never had the guts to do that. Every time it felt like somebody was getting too close to me for comfort, I’d pull back.”
Leigh leaned her head against his shoulder, feeling comforted and somehow strengthened.
“Sounds like pretty good strategy to me right now, to be honest. I mean, look at where commitment has gotten me. I’m hiding out on a terrace at a fancy old hotel, at a benefit for something that’s a good cause, but doesn’t need this dinner. All so I don’t have to go home. Harrison, it doesn’t even feel like home anymore. You remember how thrilled I was to find it? Well, all of that is gone. I just don’t even want to be there most of the time.”
Harrison rubbed her arm, and she felt warmth seeping back into her. If there was something more to feel, she didn’t pay attention to it.
It was Harrison. He was being there for her, being a good friend, as he always was.
“You know that isn’t true. But Leigh, you have to put yourself first sometimes, too. Compromises need give and take. If you’re trying, and he won’t give an inch, how can you make it work, all by yourself? You can’t take such a huge step back in your career. You would resent him if you did that, and that wouldn’t be good for your relationship, either.”
Leigh bit back a sigh again. She was not going to get into that annoying habit.
“I know. But I can’t see what I can possibly do. We’ve been having this fight, over and over again, for weeks now. It started before that, with heated discussions and a few snide remarks. It’s become such a big deal in the last few weeks. There just seems to be no end in sight. I don’t know how to go back to what we used to be. I miss what we used to have.”
The frank admission tugged at his heart. But he couldn’t help it if he thought that Leigh deserved somebody far better than Carl. Carl was not good enough for her, and never would be.
Harrison shied away from asking himself just who could possibly be good enough for her, then.
“You’re unhappy, Leigh. Maybe you could try counseling. Couple’s counseling might help.”
The suggestion was halfhearted. He didn’t think it would help. He didn’t want it to.
Leigh shrugged, and settled back on his shoulder. It felt good, to lean on him. She could lean on him, at least a bit.
“I suggested that, too. I even tried insisting. He said he wouldn’t do it. I don’t know what to do anymore, Harrison.”
Harrison waited for a long moment.
“Leigh, my sweetheart, I think you’re so unhappy because you do know what to do, and you don’t like it.”
His words were gentle, but she heard the underlying finality in them.
She stilled.
“I don’t want to…”
She trailed off, unable to finish that statement. She didn’t want to just give up, did she?
“It would be giving up,” she said, shakily.
“Maybe some things should be given up, Leigh. Besides, if he really wants to go on this one-year thing, and you don’t go, then do you want to have a long-distance thing with him?”
Leigh considered before she whispered her answer.
“I don’t think it would work. If we can’t communicate properly when he’s here, how are we going to do it when he’s far away, with sketchy network and everything? How?”
Harrison stroked her arm again, a firm touch that lent support and gave more strength.
“I can’t tell you what to do. It’s not like you’d listen, anyway. You’ve always made up your own mind, and you’ve always stuck by your decisions, Leigh. I just want you to know that I’m here for you. You don’t have to deal with anything alone. Anyway, what does Emily have to say about all of this?”
Leigh smiled a bit sadly.
“Emily is off on a project in the Arctic. She should come back in a couple of weeks, but until then… She’s been off the grid for a couple of months now. I just get a few sporadic emails from her. I couldn’t dump all of this on her in the middle of that.”
Harrison couldn’t help but grin.
“Emily would have a few things to tell you.”
Leigh chuckled. Emily never minced words.
Emily had been her friend since high school, when she had transferred and immediately gotten bullied.
Leigh had tried to take her under her wing, but had found her far too prickly for such attention. But Emily and Leigh had become firm friends, and they had taken care of each other through many things.
Emily was a marine biologist who loved her work.
Leigh was pretty sure that Carl and Emily had never really gotten along, though they’d been friendly enough to each other.
“She would. But still… She’ll be back in a couple of weeks, but I don’t think I can last two more weeks, the way things are. I really need some peace.”
Harrison nodded.
“Then it doesn’t sound to me like you have much choice, Leigh.”
“It doesn’t, does it,” said Leigh wistfully.
“Look at it this way. After he comes back, when you meet, if both of you want to get back together, there’s nothing to stop you from doing that. It doesn’t have to be the end, for good, if you don’t want it to be.”
But Leigh wasn’t sure what she wanted. All she knew was that she was tired, and she didn’t want to fight anymore. But she couldn’t give up everything she had worked so hard for, not for the sake of peace. No matter how much she wanted them to stop fighting, she couldn’t do that.
“I guess I could look at it that way. But it does seem very unlikely, Harrison. If we break up, I think we’ll each go our own way. His world is very different from mine now. It wasn’t like that before.”
The soft words did tug at Harrison’s heart again.
How could the man hurt her so? If he loved her, he wouldn’t. Of course he wouldn’t.
Leigh was far better off without him, he told himself again.
“You don’t have to make your choice now, Leigh. You have plenty of time.”
But this time, when Leigh looked up at him, the look on her face was resolute and somehow calmer.
“I don’t. Time ran out when he refused to meet me halfway. Even pretend to meet me halfway, no matter how much I tried. I tried, Harrison. Time ran out when he refused to work on it. So I think we both know that I do have to make my choice. I won’t give up everything I need to give him what he wants. I think… I think it’s time to face it. He loves himself more than he loves me. And I… Well, I love myself more than I love him, too. Maybe that would be healthy if we could both have the determination to make it work, but we don’t. I think my relationship with Carl is over.”
Harris
on saw the tears fill her eyes, no matter how brave she looked. He pulled her into his arms, holding her close, offering her whatever he could.
“Don’t cry, Leigh. It’ll be all right. No matter what, you’ve got people who love you, who will always stand by you. Me, Emily, Martha and Samuel. So many people love you so much, Leigh. You will never be alone. You know that.”
Valiantly, she fought her tears, battling back fiercely even as she took what Harrison offered. She felt his strong chest under her cheek, his large hands patting her head and her back, and she felt comforted.
Finally, she pulled away.
“I haven’t spotted your shirt,” said Leigh, with a smile.
“It wouldn’t matter if you had,” said Harrison, and smiled down at her.
“Let me take you home,” he offered.
Leigh shook her head, and her chin shot up in that gesture that indicated stubborn pride and an absolute unwillingness to concede defeat, to anything.
He knew it well. She would tough it out, because she demanded it of herself.
“No, you won’t. We’re going to have the damn rubbery chicken, listen to a couple of very boring speeches, make a few inappropriate jokes, and then you can take me home, because I came in a cab. Deal?”
Harrison nodded, so proud of her that he thought he might be beaming.
“Deal,” he said, but he knew that not everything he felt at that moment was selfless.
Underneath everything, one thing reigned.
Leigh was single.
Finally, Leigh was single – the one woman he had always wanted, the one woman he had always cared for, the one woman who had always understood him, was single. Or at least, she would be, very soon. Once Leigh made a decision, nothing swayed her.
He knew that she had made that decision.
Carl, that foolish man, had lost the most precious woman in the entire world because he was too selfish to see what he had.
Harrison finally had his chance. He felt guilty for thinking that at the moment when Leigh was unhappy, but he couldn’t help it. He had waited for so long, and he had never expected this to happen.
This Was Meant To Be: BWWM Romance Page 3