by Heather Lyn
Aubrey has been busy most of the day writing her eulogy. I don’t want to bother her, so I do some stuff around the house to take up my time. Now it’s afternoon and I’m hanging out on the back deck with a beer, contemplating if I want to start a fire. I take my last sip when Aubrey comes walking out. She’s wearing one of my sweatshirts over her T-shirt and a pair of barely there sleep shorts. Her hair is down and her eyes are red. Setting the bottle on the deck, I hold my arms open to her. Aubrey comes to me and climbs onto my lap, burying her face in my neck.
“You okay, sweetheart?” I whisper into her hair.
She nods then sits up to look at me. I brush a hand through her hair and cup the back of her head.
“Yeah, I’m okay. Just harder than I thought it’d be. I’ve never been very good with expressing how I feel about stuff, so I wanted to make sure I got it right.” Aubrey leans back against me and takes a deep breath. “So, I figured we could just order dinner in tonight, that okay with you?”
“Yeah, that’s fine. What do you want to order?”
“I was thinking maybe from that new Thai place?”
“Yeah, sounds good. Let’s go check out their menu.” We go inside and I pull it up on my laptop. Once we decide on what we want, I place the order. When it arrives, I carry it all into the living room and set it on the coffee table.
“Noah, you should really think about getting a dining table. I know you have the breakfast bar, but a table would be a lot better, don’t you think?” She starts opening boxes.
“Yeah probably. You want to look at a few furniture stores tomorrow?”
“Sure. Do you have clothes for Friday?” “I have a suit I was going to wear.” This food is so good and I can’t help stuffing my face. I look up to see Aubrey smiling at me.
“That should be fine.” I can see the sadness cross her features, but she shakes it off just as quickly. She digs into her food and we find anything to talk about other than the next couple days. We end up turning on the Braves game and get to see them win in extra innings.
I look at my phone and see it’s about nine o’clock. Aubrey is sleeping, her head in my lap. Carefully standing, I grab the empty boxes of food and throw them away, putting the leftovers in the fridge. I lock the front door and shut all the lights off. She’s still asleep, so I gently pick her up and carry her to the bedroom, lay her on my bed, and pull the covers over her. After brushing my teeth, I shut the bathroom light off and go back into the bedroom, climbing into bed next to her. She rolls over in her sleep and tucks herself against me. Leaning down, I place a soft kiss to her forehead.
“Love you, babe,” I whisper before drifting off
***
The next morning, I wake up and see Aubrey still asleep next to me. I grab for my cell phone and look at the time—it’s ten thirty. Getting up without waking her, I go into the bathroom to take a quick shower. After letting the water get nice and hot, I step into the stream and place my head under the water, washing my hair then scrubbing my body. Finished and with a towel around my waist, I quietly walk into the bedroom to grab some clothes. Aubrey is still asleep, so I grab my stuff, trying to make as little noise as possible. I head back into the bathroom to get dressed, using the towel from my waist to briskly dry my hair. Stepping into my boxer briefs, jeans, and a shirt, I throw the wet towel into the hamper. When I come out, Aubrey is sitting up in bed, talking on her cell. She looks over and gives me a smile before going back to her conversation.
“No, I agree, it would be nice. But if she’s not up to it, you can’t force her, Land. Just let it be. It’s fine. I gotta go, but I’ll see you tomorrow, okay? Love you too.” Shaking her head, she drops her phone on the bed.
“Everything okay?” I sit next to her, my hands on her legs.
“Yeah. Landon thought Mom should speak tomorrow, but she says she’s not up for it. And typical Landon wants me to convince her. I get where he’s coming from, but she’s still processing everything. We all are. I mean, she can barely talk to us about Dad without going into hysterics, and my stupid brother thinks she should give a eulogy.” She gets up from the bed and goes into the bathroom, turning the water on.
“Hey, babe, you still want to look for a table today?” I call to her.
She steps out of the bathroom nodding, toothbrush in her mouth. I smile at her then head out to the kitchen to make coffee. I brew myself a cup then set another under for Aubrey. She comes walking into the kitchen, fully dressed, just as I finish pouring her cream into the mug. I hand it to her and give her a kiss.
“Mm. Thank you. You’re my hero.” She blows on it before taking a sip.
Laughing, I lean against the counter. She smiles at me over the brim of her cup.
“So, you want to get some food before we go or just head out to the store?” I finish and place my mug in the sink.
“Nah, I’m not that hungry. I just needed this. Give me a second and we can go.” Coffee cup in hand, she heads back into the bedroom, grabbing a pair of socks and then a pair of sneakers. Aubrey goes into the bathroom with her makeup bag and brush, and as I finish tying my shoes and grab my wallet and keys, she comes out. Taking a final sip of coffee, she turns to me with a smile on her face.
“All right, let’s go!”
After locking the door behind us, we head out to my truck. We decide to start at the furniture store over next to the mall, so it only takes us about fifteen minutes to get there. Aubrey’s holding my hand tightly as we walk around, going to the dining section to browse.
“Oh, Noah, this one is perfect!” Aubrey is standing next to an oak set, with six chairs and a removable leaf. I go over and take a look at it. The price tag says $499, which is fine with me. I sit in one of the chairs, and it’s pretty comfortable.
“You’ll have to get some cushions for it, maybe a nice gingham pattern, red and white. Oh, or maybe green and white.” She’s bouncing around, running her hands over the backs of the chairs.
“Baby, it’s just a table. Why are you so excited?” I can’t help the laugh I let out.
Her cheeks immediately turn red and she looks down at the floor. “You love me, Noah. Right?”
“Baby, I love you so much. You know that. But what does that have to do with a dining table?”
I stand up and pull her to me, forcing her eyes to meet mine. She takes a deep breath.
“Well, I just thought maybe you’d want this to be our table. That we feed our children at someday.”
Holy hell. I think I just fell even more in love with this girl.
I bend down and seal our lips together, pulling her tightly against me.
“Do me a favor, babe. Hop up onto it. I want to make sure it’s sturdy enough.” She raises an eyebrow at me, but complies, looking at me once she’s settled on top.
“Yeah, Noah, it’s plenty sturdy. Why?”
I stand between her open legs, placing my palms flat on the table.
“I want to make sure it won’t break when I fuck you on it tonight.” Needless to say, that ends up being the table we get. And once we have it all put together, I make good on my promise. When we’re finished christening the table, we head back into the bedroom where we spend the night in each other’s arms.
***
We get up early the next day, the day of Mike’s memorial. Aubrey has been incredibly quiet and closed off since we got up. We take showers, and I get dressed in my black suit with a gray dress shirt underneath. I only have a couple ties to choose from, so I go with the solid black one. I run a brush through my hair, wishing I thought to get a haircut. It isn’t too long, but whenever it gets past its usual cropped length the waves always become unruly. Luckily, Aubrey comes to my rescue, walking into the bathroom with some hair product in her hands. She motions for me to sit on the closed toilet seat, then stands in front of me and runs her fingers through my hair, trying to style it just right. When she’s satisfied, she wipes her hands on a towel and smiles at me.
“Much better. Maybe you should
get it cut, Noah.” I can tell she’s been crying; her eyes are puffy and bloodshot. It hurts to know how much she’s suffering right now.
“Thanks, baby. And I think I’m going to. Maybe tomorrow or Sunday. Definitely before I go back to shift on Monday.” I stand up and look in the mirror. She’s managed to control my curls, and they’re brushed back off my face. I actually look pretty decent.
We have to stop at her apartment so she can get ready. Kennedy is in the living room, looking at something on her cell phone. I half expect to see Grayson sitting next to her, but he isn’t.
“Hey, guys! Aubrey! Let’s get you ready.” Kennedy rushes over and gives Aubrey a hug, then drags her back to the bedrooms. I take off my suit coat, drape it over the back of the couch, then sit down and make myself comfortable. Looking at my watch, I see it’s only nine thirty. Aubrey told her mom we’d be at the funeral home by ten thirty to help get everything ready.
I pull my phone out of my pocket and notice I have a few messages, one from my mom asking what time the service is. I respond that it’s from noon to two. One is from my chief, asking how we’re doing, and the other is from Hunter Daniels, the rookie Grayson and I have been training, passing his condolences on to Aubrey. Hunter is a good kid, fresh out of the fire academy. I think he mentioned that he’s twenty-two. He’ll make one hell of a firefighter. I thank him and tell him that one night when we’re off shift, we’ll go out for a beer.
I tinker around on Facebook, updating my profile picture to one of Aubrey and me. Kennedy snapped it on our beach trip. Aubrey is laughing at something Grayson said, her eyes closed and mouth open. I’m staring at her, a huge grin spread across my face. It’s my favorite picture of us.
Aubrey comes walking out a few minutes later in a beautiful grey dress with black heels. She doesn’t have on a lot of makeup, just a dark lipstick, and her hair is twisted back off her face. She looks radiant. I only wish we weren’t going to her father’s memorial service.
“You look beautiful, babe.” I give her a kiss on the cheek.
“Thanks, Noah. We should get going.” Aubrey looks over her shoulder to address Kennedy. “We’ll see you later, okay?”
“Yeah, Grayson’s going to pick me up and we’ll be there.” Kennedy reaches out and pulls Aubrey into a tight hug, then comes to give me a hug as well. “You take care of her today, promise?” she whispers.
I nod and return the hug, noticing Kennedy has tears shining in her eyes. This is going to be rough day for all of us.
After saying our good-byes, we take off for the funeral home, only a couple blocks over from their apartment. When we pull in, I unbuckle my seat belt and turn to look at Aubrey.
“I love you. Just remember that today, okay?” I reach over to cup her cheek.
She’s blinking back tears and I can feel my heart break just a little more.
“I love you too, Noah. Thank you so much for everything. I couldn’t have gotten through any of this if it hadn’t been for you.” She leans over the console to kiss me. I pull away and rest my forehead on hers, taking a deep breath.
“I wouldn’t be anywhere else, baby. You’re my girl.”
Tears coming down her cheeks, Aubrey looks away and bites her bottom lip.
“What? Did I say something wrong? What is it, baby?” I force her to look at me, worried I somehow did something wrong. The last thing I want is to make today harder on her.
“No, it’s just that when Dad and I were dancing at the Fourth of July party, he told me that I’d always be his girl.” She shakes her head then gives me a smile.
“Shit. I’m sorry, Aubrey.” I press a kiss to her forehead then pull her against me.
“It’s okay, Noah. How could you have known? Plus, I think Dad would be okay with that. He really loved you, you know.” Fuck. Now I can feel the tears in my eyes.
“I loved him too. He was an amazing man. I feel really fortunate to have gotten to know him. You and Landon were lucky to have him for a father.”
Aubrey doesn’t say anything else, just opens her door and climbs down from my truck. I jump out and put my suit jacket back on, then round the hood and take her hand. We walk inside together and find her mom and Landon waiting for us in the main room.
“Oh, Aubrey, Noah. I’m so glad you guys are here.” Sharon rushes over to us and throws her arms around Aubrey. I can hear her crying into Aubrey’s shoulder, and I have to swallow the lump in my throat. Landon gives me a quick hug, thanking me for taking care of Aubrey. His eyes are red and he’s obviously having a hard time keeping his emotions in check. When Aubrey lets go of her mom, she stands on her toes to wrap her arms around Landon’s neck, who hugs her back just as tight.
I step over to where Sharon is and give her a hug, rubbing my hand up and down her back.
“Oh, Noah, I can never thank you enough for being there for my baby.” She wipes at her face with a tissue, trying to regain control.
“Nothing to thank me for. I love your daughter more than anything, Sharon. She’s a part of me. Nothing could have kept me from being there for her.”
She expresses her gratitude and, after hugging me again, takes Aubrey into the other room. Landon comes to stand next to me.
“How are you holding up, man?” I ask him.
“About as can be expected, ya know? I’ve been staying with Mom, so I haven’t really had a lot of time to myself. I think that’s been helpful, keeping busy.” He shrugs.
“Yeah, I know what you mean. I’ve been trying to keep Aubrey out of the house, doing stuff. She’s spent a shitload of time crying and stressing out about her eulogy, but that girl has been a rock for the most part. She only falls apart when she’s going to sleep or she thinks she’s alone. I don’t know how she does it.”
I look over to see Landon wipe away a tear.
“Fuck, dude.” He takes a shaky breath and I can see more tears fall. Landon reaches over and pulls me into a rough hug, then slaps me on the back. I can tell he’s embarrassed by his emotions, but they don’t bother me. Whoever created that ‘men don’t cry” stereotypical bullshit pisses me off. He has nothing to be ashamed of.
“Landon. It’s fine. If I were in your shoes, I’m not even sure I’d be able to hold it together. Don’t apologize. Everybody grieves in their own way.”
We stand there in silence for a few more minutes before Aubrey and Sharon come back into the room.
“Noah, can you help me place the boards around? They’ve set up stands for them, scattered around here.” Aubrey is holding a board in her hands, the others against the wall.
“Sure, baby. Do you want them in any special order?”
“No, we just filled them all randomly so it doesn’t matter.”
I grab half the posters and begin walking around to put them up. A picture in the middle of the last one catches my eye. It’s me and Mike from July 4th. I have my arm slung over his shoulder and we’re giving a thumbs-up to the camera and smiling widely. My eyes burn at the memory, remembering how alive and happy he was that night. You never would have thought three weeks later he’d be gone. A tear falls down my cheek as I feel Aubrey wrap her arms around my waist from behind.
“Can I have a copy of that photo, babe? I want to put it in my locker at the station.” I turn to face her and she reaches up to brush the tear off my cheek.
“Of course.” She hugs me, so I wrap my arms around her waist and bury my face in her neck, breathing in the scent of her sweet perfume.
“God, baby. I love you so much. Thank you for putting that on there.” I let a few more tears escape before I pull back.
She smiles sadly at me. “I know he meant a lot to you, Noah. I just wish you could have gotten to know him when he wasn’t sick. He would’ve loved to take you golfing Labor Day weekend. He and Landon always had a guys’ weekend then, and Mom and I hung out with Kenni, drinking mimosas and gossiping all weekend. He knew how much you loved me. He thought of you as another son. I just wish he could be here for everything that hap
pens.” A sob breaks free from her chest and I pull her into my arms.
“Shh, baby. It’s gonna be okay. I promise you.” I press a kiss to the top of her head and then she’s pulling away from me, wiping her eyes dry. “Hey, maybe Gray and I can take Landon on that trip this year.”
“You’d really do that for him?” Her eyes fill with tears again.
“Aubrey, I love your family. I don’t know Landon that well, but I’d like to think that we could become good friends. He’s clearly having a hard time with everything, and he’s still trying to be the backbone for you and your mom. I think he’d like knowing that he could continue the tradition in your father’s memory.”
Aubrey nods in agreement as she leads me into the main hall again. We walk up to the front of the room where they have Mike’s ashes in a small wooden box with a cross on top of it.
There is a framed picture of him on one side, him and the family several years ago at Aubrey’s college graduation. There are tons of flower arrangements set up, and as I scan along the cards I see one signed from my parents and sister. I called my mom when Mike died, while I was waiting for Aubrey to get home, has and she’s sent me a few messages checking in on us since then.
I hope they can make it today. It’d be good to see them.
***
An hour or so later, I’m standing with Aubrey while people stream into the funeral home. They’re all stopping to offer their condolences and sign the guestbook that’s set up at the front door. I can’t believe how many people are here.
Kennedy and Grayson got here a little while ago. After stopping to see us, they’re took a seat in the main service room, which is almost full as they’re getting ready to start the service. My parents arrive a few minutes later and I see them heading for us. My mom goes to Aubrey first and pulls her into a hug.
“Oh, sweetheart, I’m so sorry. Your father seemed like such a wonderful man.”
“Thank you for being here, Molly. Jack, you too. It means so much to me.” She reaches over and hugs my dad.