“I don’t know! My memory is full of holes. I can’t remember anything clearly anymore.” Frustration sharpened the dull pain shrouding her head. She squeezed her eyes shut and growled in disgust. “Oh, forget it. For all I know, I’m remembering someone I saw on TV or something Dane read to me out of that stupid book.”
Dane waved the novel again. “Are you sure you don’t want to hear more? I think we’re like two pages from a major sex scene.”
“I’m never having sex again so why should I torture myself?”
“Never?” he asked.
She snorted. “You think some man is going to find this attractive?” She waved her hand at her shaved head.
He shrugged. “I don’t know. There’s something oddly sexy about the whole Sinead O’Connor thing.”
“You’re an idiot.”
Manda clapped. “That’s the truth.” She shook her head. “The man is not right.”
“Hey, I don’t see you doing anything to make her feel better.”
Planting her hands on her hips, Manda went face to face with Dane. “You listen here—”
“Enough,” Sara intervened, holding up her hands. Her plate held plenty without dealing with her friends fighting. “Just leave me alone, okay? I’m not in the mood for company right now.”
“See what you did?” Manda hissed at Dane before turning back to Sara. “You best hope your mood changes soon then, ‘cause that bed next to you is getting filled tomorrow.”
“Fine with me. I doubt whoever you put in here is going to be as chatty as you two.” She loved her friends, she really did, but her emotions were grinding her down and there was no one else to take them out on. She swallowed. “I didn’t mean to snap, it’s just—”
“Hush.” Manda stopped her. “Now, don’t you worry about it. We all understand what you’re going through. And we all know what a gigantic butt pain Dane can be.”
“Hey!” Dane said.
Sara smiled. “Thanks for understanding.” She hesitated. “I really would like to be left alone for a bit. I just need some time to think. Or try to think.”
“You got it. Let’s go, Mr. Romance.” Manda motioned for Dane to exit ahead of her, then she shut the door, leaving Sara in silence.
She hit the button to lower her bed back down, then stopped as her gaze hung on the large bouquet of roses.
Someone had spent a lot of money on those. The hospital florist shop wasn’t known for its bargains. Why couldn’t she remember who they’d come from?
Every time she felt like she was close to remembering, the tiny thread of thought slipped away. No matter how hard she tried, she couldn’t grab it fast enough. Her head throbbed with the effort. She inhaled and exhaled a few times, trying to clear the pain.
If she ever did remember, it might be the death of her.
Chapter Twenty-Two
Azrael strode down the hall with more purpose in his step than he’d felt in a long while. Just knowing he would see Sara, even for a few moments, renewed his spirit. Despite Atropos’s warning, he fully intended on talking to her. He had to. Had to explain his plan, how he’d figured out a way for them to be together, even if it was a little tricky.
When in the course of her lifespan the day came that she passed on from a natural, timely death, he would be there, even if he wasn’t the Reaper her soul was assigned to. He’d fight his brothers if necessary. Whatever it took to hold onto her soul, then he would petition the Fates for her to be reborn as a being of his world. A dual being such as himself, who could walk both realms safely.
They could be together forever.
He squeezed the thread in his fist. Just from the feel of it, he knew he drew near to Frances Corbell, the dying mortal whose soul he’d been assigned. Once he reaped her soul, he’d be free to find Sara.
Rounding the corner, he came face to face with Chronos and Kol.
He stopped short. “If you’re here to tell me you told me so, forget it. I’m not listening.”
“We figured that out when you wouldn’t let us into your house, you jackhole,” Kol said.
Azrael tamped down his temper. “Then what are you doing here?”
Chronos spoke before Kol could respond. “I went to collect my threads and Lachesis told me what happened.”
Azrael sighed. It was no secret how Lachesis felt about Chronos. She’d do anything for him, even though he never did anything to encourage her advances. A dalliance with one of the Fates was asking for trouble. “So?”
Kol stepped forward. “So it’s obviously a trap. You think Atropos is just going to let you see Sara again? Why would she do that? Because her heart is overflowing with rainbows and kittens?”
“And you two are here to stop me. I don’t think so.” Azrael brushed Kol aside and kept moving.
Chronos shot an arm out in front of him. “We’re here to warn you and keep you from doing something you’ll regret.”
“How do you know what I’ll regret?” His temper flared. Typical Chronos, always telling him how to live his life.
“I don’t know, but I agree with Kol. Atropos is up to something.”
“Face it,” Kol said. “You trashed her home. She wants revenge.”
“Making me give Sara that potion wasn’t punishment enough?”
Chronos threw his hands up. “I don’t argue that. I only know what Lachesis said.”
“Which was?”
A nurse walked through their midst, oblivious to the three Reapers standing in the hospital corridor. Her path took her directly through Chronos. He shook himself as she moved on, tearing three spots in his robe. Spiders swarmed to the repairs. “I hate when mortals do that. You can hear everything they’re thinking.”
Azrael clenched his fists impatiently. “Can we get back to the matter at hand? What did Lachesis say?”
“That Atropos gave in to you too quickly. That the thread Atropos gave you neither she nor Klotho had seen before.”
“Means nothing.” Azrael started forward again.
This time Kol’s hand stopped him. “We just want you to be careful.”
Dumbfounded, he stared at Kol like he’d just announced he was going to work a few shifts at the Salvation Army. “You want me to be careful. You. Since when do you care about me or anything I do?”
“I don’t care, it’s just...” A deep rumble sounded from Kol’s chest. “You’re the only bloody family I have, all right?”
Chronos cleared his throat.
Kol punched Chronos in the arm. “Besides you, okay?” He glared through his shades at Azrael. “Stop being such an ass and listen. We’re trying to help.”
A baby’s breath could have knocked Azrael down. He’d never imagined words like that even existed in Kol’s vocabulary, never mind that he’d actually say them. Unable to help himself, he smiled.
Kol grimaced and backed up a step. “Wipe that stupid grin off your face. Hug me and I swear I will beat you until not a single feather remains on those pretty boy wings.”
Chronos intervened. “What Kol means is that we may not be close like a mortal family, but we do care what happens to you. You’re as much a part of us as we are of you. And we don’t want you to walk into this situation blind. I’m sure you’d do the same for us.” He sighed. “We haven’t been the best brothers to you, and we’re sorry for it.”
Azrael bowed slightly. Chronos’ words humbled him, dissipated his remaining anger. “I appreciate your warning, but Atropos’s actions don’t surprise me. She and I have never had a peaceable relationship. But trap or not, nothing is going to stop me from seeing Sara again. I love her. That’s all there is to it.”
“Idiot,” Kol murmured.
Azrael smiled. “Love does that to you.”
“Just be careful, then,” Chronos said.
“I will. Thank you for coming. And caring.”
“I knew I was going to regret this.” Kol rolled his eyes and disappeared.
“You’re welcome.” Chronos clapped Azrael on the bac
k, then vanished as well.
Shaking his head with amazement, Azrael continued on to the correct room. His wings brushed the doorframe as he entered the room. The soft glow of medical equipment provided enough light to see, although he didn’t really need it. He knew the first bed held Frances. He sensed her soul easily.
He shut the door and did a quick check of the room for anything unusual. Anything that might be construed as a trap. Nothing seemed out of place. The mortal in the second bed shifted, but Azrael paid no mind. He had a job to do and his love to visit.
He walked between the beds and was about to put his hands on Frances when she opened her eyes.
She stared up at him, but her face held no fear. “‘Bout time you got here,” she whispered. “I’m tired of this pain. I’m ready to go and be with my Walter again.”
“I know, Frances.” He nodded, offering her a comforting smile. Being with the one you loved was all that ever mattered, mortal or otherwise. “You’ll be with Walter very soon.”
Her lids drooped as his arms went around her. Without further words, he released her soul, offering a silent wish for her and Walter to be reunited as soon as possible, then eased her empty shell back to the bed.
“Az...”
He looked down at Frances. He was certain he’d released her soul. Could this be the trap? Laying his hand on her body, he double-checked. No life. Maybe the sound had come from the machines. No matter, he had to find Sara.
“Az...”
The voice came from behind him, definitely not a machine. He turned around. Maybe Kol was playing a trick on him, trying to make up for his earlier confession. Or trying to make his prediction come true.
A hand reached up from the second bed. “Az.” The voice was faint and thready, but familiar.
He went closer, peering through the darkness. The bed held a woman, hair gone from the cancer drugs and being shaved for surgery. Her face was drawn and pale, except for the heavy circles beneath her beautiful brown eyes.
Bile rose in his throat. Sara. What had they done to his beloved?
He reached for her hand, intending to press it to his cheek, then realized that would only cause more damage. He’d never imagined the cancer would leave her like this. He wished now he’d taken the Fates house down to rubble.
“Az...Az...” She blinked, like she was trying to focus. Trying to remember.
He stepped back. This had been a trap. A plan to use his own selfish desires to torture him further. Sara wouldn’t recover from this. Because of him, she’d die before her time, become a Shade and be bound to wander forever alone. Atropos had wanted him to see his beloved and understand there was no hope for her.
He had to leave while he still could, before she remembered him and lost any chance she had for a timely, peaceful death.
She deserved that.
He backed away, turning around once he’d passed Frances’ bed. His hand reached the knob, its cool metal twisting in his hand.
“Azrael.”
Too late.
Chapter Twenty-Three
Sara smiled. She’d finally hung onto a thread long enough to remember something. It felt good. Really good. Even though she wasn’t sure what to do with the piece she’d caught.
“Azrael.” She said it again, watching the winged man by the door stop and turn around to look at her. Maybe it was his name. She wasn’t sure. Pain meds made her so foggy.
He seemed scared. Or worried maybe. She didn’t know why. “Azrael.” She said it again, just to taste the joy of remembering.
“This is...just a dream,” he said.
“That’s nice,” she answered. “This is a much better dream than the ones I’ve been having.”
He came closer. “Why? What are they like?”
She half-closed her eyes. She was sleepy all the time lately. “Usually something pressing on my head.”
She ran a hand over the peach fuzz on her scalp. “I thought maybe in my dream I’d have hair.” Wistfulness welled up in her. “I want it to grow back blonde and curly. Wouldn’t that pretty?”
“I think straight, brown hair is beautiful.” His voice hitched, caught on the last word.
His statement flipped a tiny switch to an even smaller light. “My head hurts.”
He swallowed and dropped his gaze to the floor. “I know. I’m sorry.”
“Everybody says that, but it’s nobody’s fault.”
“Sara...” He closed his eyes. Was he having trouble breathing?
He knew her name. “Are you an angel?”
“No.” He looked up. “Yes. Yes, you’re dreaming about an angel.”
“That must be how you know who I am.” She opened her eyes a little more to see him better. “Can I touch your wings? They look so soft.”
He hesitated. Maybe she’d scared him. She should say something nice, to make him feel better.
“Are all angels as handsome as you?”
He smiled, lighting up the flecks of blue in his eyes. Those eyes. And that brilliant, blinding smile. Her head ached with it, but the pain was good and fresh, like a drink of bone-chillingly cold water on a hot, hot day.
Those eyes.
“Azrael.” She said it again with new meaning. Sharp memories lanced through her. “You are an angel. The Angel of Death.” She struggled to sit up. “Are you here to take me?” She wasn’t ready to die. There was something that felt unfinished in her life.
“No, I’m not here to take you.” He shook his head, frowning. “This is just a dream.” He backed away as if to leave.
“Please, don’t go. I’m not scared of you, I know that much.” She reached out but he wouldn’t take her hand. Every second brought a snippet of her past, but the last flash stunned her. This wasn’t just any man. Her jaw fell open and her fingers curled back to point at him.
“You love me.” Her hand trembled, but she knew in her bones it was true. “You...you...asked me to marry you.”
He rubbed his hand across his face and began nodding slowly.
“And I said yes.” Her fingers rose to her mouth. Her heart thudded like it might burst. Another realization, as bright and shining as a newly minted coin, revealed itself. Her hand fell into her lap. “I love you, too.”
His eyes filled with longing. “Sara. Sara.” He returned to her bed. “I shouldn’t be here. You shouldn’t be seeing me. This isn’t going to help anything. I’m sorry. I never meant for any of this to happen. I didn’t know.” He bent his head. “I didn’t know.”
“You didn’t know what?” The fog in her brain was still thick in some spots and his words weren’t helping. “What didn’t you mean to happen? For us to fall in love? Why am I in love with the Angel of Death?”
“You weren’t supposed to remember.” He lifted his head, his gaze coming to rest on something across the room. “I shouldn’t have left the roses behind.”
The roses.
A hot bolt of pain shot through her and she cried out. Everything came back in one boiling gush that cleared away all remaining fog.
Meeting him in Edna’s room. The ride on Pallidus. Dinner at her house. Dinner at his. Vegas. The wedding.
The potion.
“You lied to me.” She pounded his chest with her fists. As weak as she was, she doubted he felt much, but hitting him certainly made her feel better. “You lied to me and left me to die.”
“No, Sara.” He caught her hands, brought them to his mouth and feathered kisses over them. “I left you here to live.”
He explained everything that had happened, holding her hands all the while.
She nodded. “You’re right. I never would have taken that potion if I’d know the truth.” She wriggled one hand free and weakly punched his chest again. “That doesn’t mean you’re forgiven.”
“I’m okay with that.” He kissed the hand he still held. “I can’t stay. The longer I’m here, the worse it is for you. I’m just glad I got to see you one last time. Touch you.” He bent and pressed his mouth to hers. “Ki
ss you.”
She reached for him, wound her fingers into his hair. “I love you, and I’ve missed you, but there’s one thing you should know.”
“I missed you, too.” He kissed her again. “What do I need to know?”
“You’re not leaving without me.”
“What? No.” He pulled away. “I can’t.”
She held onto him, refusing to let him go again. “Why not? Reap my soul, take me with you.”
“You’ll be a Shade.”
Nothing mattered but being with him and anything was better than being here and going through this misery alone. “I know, but—”
“No.” He undid her grip on him and paced to the end of the bed. “I tried to distinguish one Shade from another and I can’t. Unless you were able to find a way to communicate with me, which I doubt is possible, you’d be trapped in a horrible limbo.” He swung around to face her. “I can’t spend the rest of my existence knowing you’re out there, but that I can’t reach you.”
Deflated, she sunk into her pillow. “I want to be with you. That’s all I care about.”
“I feel the same way, but it has to be done correctly. And I think I have a way...but it will require patience. And cooperation. And you doing your best to recover.”
She propped herself up on her elbows. “Tell me.”
When he finished, she shook her head. “No. Number one, I don’t want to wait that long. Number two...” She collapsed down and twisted the sheet around her hand. “I don’t think I’m going to survive this. They couldn’t get the entire tumor with surgery, so they went after it with radiation. No dice. I start chemo tomorrow. It doesn’t look good. I’ve worked on this floor long enough to know what the survival rates are for cancer like this.”
He leaned against the bed, like he was about to speak. To try to convince her, she was sure. She patted his hand. “And based on recent events, the Fates don’t seem all that willing or likely to do nice things for you. Turn me into a Shade and trust me, I’ll find you.”
“I’m not willing to take that chance.”
She sighed and stared at the ceiling. Why did she have to fall in love with a man she’d never get to be with? Anger kept her quiet. She didn’t want him to think she was mad at him and have that as his last memory of her. There had to be a way for them to be together.
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