by Leslie North
And failing miserably.
Now that he was in his thirties, the allure of getting shitfaced just didn’t hold the same fun as it did when he’d been younger. Not to mention the fact his heart still felt like it had been squashed by a Mac truck. He missed Aileen, dammit. Even if chances were good she’d never set foot in his life again.
“Sorry about giving you a hard time the other day, bud,” Murphy said, coming up beside Heath and clapping him on the shoulder. “It was a shock, you know. Thanks for keeping her safe.”
“No. I deserved it. I should’ve told you sooner that Aileen was fine, but I didn’t. For that, I’m sorry too.” Heath took another swallow from the bottle of stout he’d been nursing since he’d arrived an hour prior. His mind flooded with memories of him and Aileen talking, laughing, snuggling in his bed, and his chest squeezed with yearning. “Won’t apologize for the rest though. I love her, man.”
Murphy gave him some serious side eye, his jaw tight. “Suppose she could do worse than you.”
“She could also do a hell of a lot better.”
“Nah.” Murphy snorted. “Sure, you’re bossy and pigheaded and you could use some serious lessons in beard maintenance if you ever decided to go with the lumberjack look again, but otherwise, you’re okay.”
Heath chuckled. “Gee, thanks. And there was nothing wrong with my beard.”
“It looked like Grizzly Adams on crack.”
“It was a statement against society’s rules about appearance and gender norms.”
“What-fucking-ever, dude. It was whack and you know it.” Murphy shook his head. “Anyway, just take the damned compliment, okay? I give you permission to date my sister, if she ever forgives you.”
And there was the rub. He’d not heard a word from Aileen since that day in her apartment, though he’d seen her exclusive coverage of the new deal between Daveed’s father and EnKor run in this morning’s paper. She’d gotten her scoop, just like he’d promised.
“Yeah.” Heath gave a sad little shrug. “Don’t see that happening anytime soon.”
“Me neither, unfortunately.” Murphy took another swig of his beer. “Coen family trait. Stubbornness.”
“Tell me about it.” Heath looked over at his friend. “I had to lead you on all those missions, remember?”
“I remember.” Murphy stared out the windows. “It’s weird, you know? Being a civilian again. I mean I’m happy to be with Shayma and all, but it’s hard transitioning back to regular life.”
Heath nodded. “I was lucky. I had BrightStart to keep me busy. You need to get a job.”
“No shit. Except I have no idea where to start. I figure I can put my SEAL training to good use in security maybe, or law enforcement.”
“If that’s the direction you want to go in,” Heath said, glad for the distraction of a topic not involving Aileen and how much he missed her, “BrightStart is looking for a new head of security.”
“Thanks, but I don’t want any handouts.” Murphy crossed his arms.
“No handouts here. You’ll have to go through the application process like everyone else, interview with HR, all that shit. If you’re the best candidate, the job’s yours.”
“Really?” Murphy asked, smiling.
“Yeah, really.”
“Thanks, man.”
“No problem.” Heath took another swallow of his drink as Daveed joined them. “What’s up, groom-to-be?”
“I can’t wait to get home and get out of this monkey suit,” Daveed said, tugging at the collar of his tux. “Did you guys see the television hosts set up at the front of the room for national broadcast?”
“Nope,” the guys said in unison.
Honestly, after all the tabloid coverage of his break-up with Mel, Heath had had enough of the media to last him several lifetimes. Besides, he was a Goldwin, he was used to having paparazzi stalk his every move and celebrities hanging out at every corner. No biggie in his world. He did make a mental note to avoid the front of the room though.
“Darling, there you are,” Mel said, snuggling in beside Daveed. “I’ve been looking all over for you. These crowds are amazing.”
“Yes. I tried to rent the whole place out, but the networks beat me to it. Apparently this is prime ball-dropping real estate right here.” They all turned to gaze out down Broadway at the perfect view of One Times Square and the glitter LED globe teetering atop a spindly metal spike. “Go figure. In Al Dar Nasrani, we have a ceremony on the beach with fresh flowers and candles and send our wishes up to the heavens tied to palm leaves attached to balloons.”
Murphy snorted and tucked Shayma into his side, kissing the top of her head. “Sounds too Disney for my tastes.”
“What would you prefer?” Daveed asked, his tone as flat as his look. “Naked women and flashing neon signs?”
“Nope. What I have right here is fine with me.” He bent to kiss Shayma, then grinned. “Good old, all-American festivities.”
“Don’t look so sad, Heath,” Mel said, her small smile hopeful. “She’ll turn up.”
“Nah, she won’t.” He pushed away from the wall and downed the rest of his stout in one gulp before heading toward the bar. “But it was a real nice dream anyway. I’m going to get another one. Anyone else want anything?”
He took orders for two more champagnes for the girls and two pale ales for the guys then started weaving his way through the partygoers toward the packed bar. While he waited, Heath glanced at the TV mounted from the ceiling. Less than an hour to go now. He could do this. Hang out with his friends, ring in the new year, then head home to his quiet, lonely brownstone and wish for things that might have been. Not exactly a Hallmark ending, but life was rarely tidy like that.
“What can I get you, buddy?” the bartender asked.
He gave the woman his order then turned and leaned his elbows back on the bar to look out at the crowd. His gaze caught on a woman with a short black bob near the entrance, talking to one of the bouncers on duty. Through the silver and gold streamers hanging down from the ceiling, Heath squinted past the revelers to see her face and his poor, battered heart stumbled.
Aileen was here.
She walked slowly through the room, trying to avoid being crushed by the people dancing to the throbbing music pounding out of the overhead speakers, her gaze scanning the crowds looking for…
Their eyes met and the world seemed to tilt on its axis. She was wearing a blue velvet dress that hugged her curves like a second skin and stopped just shy of her knees, revealing acres of pale skin, and all he could think about was running his hands up those thighs again, worshipping her breasts, tasting every inch of her until she begged him for release.
He swallowed hard and stared as she stopped about a foot away from him. “You made it.”
Aileen met his gaze directly. “We need to talk.”
* * *
“Sis!” Murphy said, rushing over to grab Aileen in a huge bear hug.
“Hey, bro.” She hugged him back briefly then pushed hard on his chest to get him to release her. “Happy New Year.”
“Same to you, sis.” He kept his arm around her waist, seemingly oblivious to the electricity charging the air between her and Heath. “Glad you decided to resurface when you did. And can I just say that if you ever disappear on me like that again, I will—”
Aileen held up a hand to stop him. She loved her brother more than anything on earth, but he reeked of alcohol and she could do without another lecture tonight. “You’ll step back and let me make my own decisions. Now, if you’ll excuse us, Heath and I need to talk.”
“Oh, uh, sure.” Murphy picked up the drink order for the rest of the group then backed away. “Find me when you’re done.”
She reached over and took Heath’s hand, ignoring his still shell-shocked expression at seeing her again, and pulled him over to a small table for two near the window surrounding the lounge. She’d been to a couple of press parties here for the newspaper and she had to say she was imp
ressed with Daveed. Even more impressed with his father pulling off that deal with EnKor. That effectively put Frank Kent out of the picture and ensured a good financial future for the MacLeans and other retirees like them.
Once they had relative privacy, if you considered a hundred people mere feet away private, Aileen let Heath go and rubbed her arms. “Um, my story ran this morning.”
Heath blinked at her several times before answering. “Um, yeah. Saw it. Good job.”
“Thanks.” She gave him a small smile. “And thank you for saving my files, and for giving me the scoop. It helped a lot.”
“You’re welcome.” He fiddled with the fresh bottle of ale in his hand, not meeting her gaze. “Look, Aileen. I know I apologized the other day, but if there’s anything else I can do to get you to forgive me, please let me know. I screwed up. Bad. And I’m sorrier than you’ll ever know.”
“They’re indicting Senator Lawrence on federal fraud charges,” she said, not wanting to let him off the hook so easily yet. “He’s stepped down from his seat as head of the Energy and Natural Resources Committee. That’s not public knowledge yet though. Got it from a friend in the Washington bureau.”
“Wow.” Heath took a swig from his bottle, his eyes remaining on her now. “Couldn’t have happened to a better person.”
“Yeah.” Aileen lowered her gaze to his chest.
“Yeah.” Heath moved slightly closer to allow people to pass behind him. “So?”
“So.” She took a deep breath and frowned. “I found out about the ring.”
“I’m sorry?” Heath sounded confused.
“The engagement ring you ordered from the jewelers.” Aileen cringed. “I wasn’t snooping, I promise. It’s just that when I was at your condo one day I saw the message light was flashing on the answering machine and well, there it was.”
“Oh. Yeah. It was just some crazy idea I had to make our cover more solid, that’s all. Never picked it up.”
“Hmm. That explains it then. Have to say for a minute I was a bit panicked, thinking it might’ve been for real.” She gave a sad little chuckle. “Not that we were ever that close, right?”
Heath tilted his head, his eyes warm with affection and hurt. “I was. Close, I mean.”
A merry bark of laughter rose from nearby and Aileen glanced over to see Murphy and Shayma and Daveed and Mel, all happy and so obviously in love. Loneliness and loss stabbed inside her for what she and Heath had and could have been, if only circumstances were different. “Must be hard for you,” she said. “Being around Mel now, after what happened.”
“Not really,” Heath said, the frown lines between his brows deepening. “Why would you think that?”
“You must’ve loved her, if you were engaged. Loving and losing is never easy.”
“No, it’s not.” He slipped his fingers through hers and this time she didn’t pull away, craving his touch and his heat too much. Heath traced gentle circles on her palm with his thumb. “But it was never like that with Mel and me. We both went into the engagement to get our families off our backs, not because we couldn’t live without each other. She’s much happier now with Daveed.”
“And what about you?” Aileen asked, looking up into his eyes.
“What about me?” Heath asked, a slight catch in his deep voice.
“Are you much happier now?”
“Not yet, but I could be.” He placed her hand over his heart and she felt the steady thump-thump beating in time with hers. “Please give me another chance, Aileen. For real this time, no undercover missions or covert goals. Just you and me, and what we feel for each other. At least what I feel for you.”
He bent and brushed his lips across hers, so softly she would’ve thought she’d imagined it if not for the lingering tingle his kiss left behind.
“Please,” Heath whispered. “Darling.”
Aileen wanted to say yes, so badly it made her entire body ache with longing. But her old doubt demons died hard and her questioning ways surfaced. They were what made her an excellent journalist and what caused her love life to be such a wreck. “I don’t know. We’re so different.”
“Differences are good.” He nuzzled her neck and she nearly melted into a puddle of goo at his feet. “And we’re not that different really. Not inside, where it counts.”
“But what about your wealth? You’re rich and I’m not.” Her words emerged breathier than she would’ve liked, but damn. If he kept up licking that spot beneath her ear, the one that made her weak in the knees, she couldn’t be responsible for her actions. “And you’re a total neat freak and I’m a slob.”
“I’ll give my money away,” Heath said, his voice rough as he set his drink aside and slid his arm around her waist, pulling her hard against him. She placed her hands on his shoulders to stay upright. “I don’t care about that. All I care about is you. And we can hire a maid.”
She slid her hands up into his hair, mussing it a bit. “I guess we could…”
“Hell yes, we could.” He nipped her jaw, then drew back slightly. “Listen. Not to get all stalker on you, but I found you once Aileen Coen, I can do it again. Until you tell me flat out you don’t want to see me ever again, I’ll keep finding you, no matter where you go. My heart is yours forever. No returns. No excuses. You can keep it or throw it away, your choice. I love you.”
Aileen blinked up at him, speechless. She’d come here tonight to tell him goodbye, knowing he’d most likely forgotten about her the minute he’d left her apartment, knowing he’d probably never cared about her like she cared about him, knowing this was the end but still needing to see him one last time to have those memories to keep her warm on all the long, lonely nights ahead. But now, here he was—the man of her dreams—telling her he loved her too and that he wanted to be with her, no matter what challenges they might have to face.
“Ten! Nine! Eight! Seven! Six!” the crowd around them yelled as the New Year approached.
“Did you hear me, Aileen? I love you and I want to spend the rest of my life proving that to you.” Heath said, shaking her slightly. “Please give me another chance.”
“Four!” the crowd yelled.
“Aileen?”
“Three!”
“Yes! Yes, I give you another chance. Yes, I love you too and I want to be with you and give this crazy thing between us another chance. Yes!”
“Two!”
“Say that again,” Heath said, grinning now.
“I love you and I want to be with you too!” Aileen shouted to be heard above the cheers.
“One! Happy New Year!”
Cheers rang out around the room. Heart racing and spirits buoyant, Aileen tugged Heath down for another kiss, deeper this time. When they parted, she was panting and Heath’s cheeks were red and his eyes joyful.
Aileen traced her fingers over his handsome face. “I love you.”
“I love you too,” he said, kissing her fingertips.
Happy New Year indeed, she thought. More like happy new life.
Epilogue
One year later…
“Ho, ho, ho.”
Heath gave the traveling Santa who was passing by the entrance to the hotel ballroom a flat look. He was on edge enough as it was without some jolly old elf getting all up in his face with holiday cheer.
Once Santa took a hike, Heath walked over to a nearby mirror and checked his appearance for the umpteenth time. New Tux? Check. Crisp white shirt? Check. Bowtie? Skipped. His soon-to-be-wife had specifically requested him to be “rumpled and ready.”
He scrubbed a hand through his hair again, making sure it was suitably messy then flashed a wide grin at his reflection. Nope. Too much. He tried a smaller smile, but it still felt forced.
What the hell is wrong with me?
Today should be the happiest time of his life. He and Aileen were getting married. All their friends and family were here. The ballroom was beautifully decorated in silver and gold and all things Christmas and a gentle snow was falling
outside. Everything looked like a frigging picture-perfect moment. So, why was he a bundle of nerves?
“Hey, dude.” Murphy walked up to him and slapped him firmly on the back. “You okay?”
“I’m good.” Heath gave a curt nod. “You?”
“Good. Really good. Excellent, actually.” His slow smile showed the truth of it. Murphy and Shayma had tied the knot over the past summer and now Shayma was six months pregnant. For a guy who’d been questioning his path in life just one year ago, Murphy seemed to have found his niche. He’d ended up accepting the head of security position at Heath’s company, BrightStart, and had already implemented some of the best policies and procedures Heath had ever seen. Not to mention married life agreed with the guy. He’d never seen Murphy happier or more content than when he was with Shayma. They’d bought a house together in Queens and were getting ready for their new arrival. All was right in that little corner of the world.
Murphy chuckled and shook his head. “Don’t worry, dude. Everything’s going to be fine. You’re marrying my sister and you’ll make her supremely happy for the rest of your life.” Said as a statement of fact, not up for discussion. “Plus, we’ll be brothers now. For real. Not that I didn’t always think of you that way.”
“Thanks, man.” Heath and Murphy shared a quick back-slapping bro hug. “I feel the same. I just…” He hesitated, not sure how to put what he was feeling into words. “It’s just an enormous responsibility, you know? Joining lives with someone else. What if she marries me then realizes what an idiot I am? What if she grows to hate me? What if—”
“Hey.” Murphy held up a hand to stop him. “Do you love Aileen?”
“More than anything in this universe.”
“And I know she loves you too. She won’t stop talking about how wonderful and sweet and awesome you are. It’s enough to make me puke, dude.” Murphy rolled his eyes then grinned. “But that’s all that counts. You love her. She loves you. All the rest will work out from there.”