by Sylvia Plath
Bob came to the Band Concert with us, and we stayed for an hour in the chill air before we all left. After that, Bob & I drove in the M-G over to where his mother was visiting friends. It was a wild stormy night, and we had the top down, and the wonderful wind blowing the leaves and stars into a big dark sparkling sea. We spent a cosy evening in the new, beautifully decorated house, drinking tea and chatting gaily. The couple we visited were very simple and nice. After that we drove out to Chatham light & sat and talked about Science. I really am in deeper than I thought – the dear guy is trying to convert me – (!) so earnestly, too! I don’t know whether to laugh or cry, he is so sweet – and fanatical. It is quite interesting: he has been around a lot and can be a wiseguy, but his belief in Science is a tool to bring out the best in him – which is wonderful – so I have decided to take your advice & build up his faith rather than pointlessly tear at it. It seems he thinks, idealistically, of course, that he loves me (spiritually, understand) and that I must discover the Truth – (he wants the best in the world for me, you see.) All of which is a knotty business. Mrs. Cantor likes my dating him – not only because I came in so exhilarated from my discussion & seem to enjoy Science (which I do, as a case study) but because I think she’d like to have him give Kathy a tumble next summer! I really have grown a lot just going out with this 17 year-old guy (& learned a lot about wisdom & growing old which I have elaborated on in my diary.*) I honestly love the kid . . . Kind of maternally I guess.
Saturday a.m. I got up early & puttered around the kitchen with Billy as I always do. I met our guests, too, who got up late after coming in late last night. There was Marvin, Joan’s nice 22-year old cousin, and a wonderful Hungarian guy of 24 named Attila Kassay.* You know how I am about foreign names – well Attila, during the course of the weekend, captivated me completely. He is just a bit taller than I, lean, dark, with delightful black eyes, a crest of black hair, and very strong and neatly built. He is on a 5-year scholarship at Northeastern – the rest of his family being behind the Iron Curtain in Hungary. He told me some really fascinating tales of his escape to America two years ago.
Also there was “Johnny-the-girl” – a German old woman whom I like very much – who had a wealthy frivolous youth in Europe & now is a disinherited seamstress over here.
Saturday we took a big picnic of hot pork chops & frankfurts to Nauset and spent the afternoon there in the sun – cool, blue and clear day.
A light supper at home and dishes – then we all got ready for the Chatham Bars Inn Dance – me going because it was a big night – the Cantor’s invited me! I must modestly admit I was a knockout – my hair bleached a light blonde, my tan golden brown, my black dress & dark eyes: everybody was wonderful to me. Joan & I had a perfect time. Attila danced mostly with me – we did well together – he very graceful and European. I also danced with Marvy & Mr. C. – such gala sport – with all the old summer couples & strange people. Afterwards, we four young ones went out for ice cream & Attila and I sat outside the house for a little & talked – it was such a lovely starry night.
I have, by the way, since he lives in Brookline, said how nice it would be for him to meet you – & hope we can invite him to dinner before I start back to school. Maybe you could speak German with him. Anyhow, I hope he likes me – today we exchanged addresses and phone numbers, so there is some hope, perhaps! I don’t know whether it is just the wonderful intelligence & wit in him that appeals to me, or what, but he had that fatal Hungarian charm. And his name is Attila. (Wouldst you accept a Sylvia Kassay in the family?)
Marvy must like me – said he’d come up to Smith from work some time this year. Nice sweet simple guy. (Mr. C. likes me better than Mrs. C. does – he said he thinks I’m a great gal & that the guy who gets me will be walking off with a prize! He’s a dear.)
So today I went to Sunday School again – saw Bob there – and read Bible. I really enjoy the whole business. Still a novelty. Like listening in on crusaders plotting a war vs. my own tribe of relativist materialists. Roast beef dinner – dishes, – I drove with Attila, Joan & kids to C. B. Inn beach for a swim – boys left – driving off – cute & dashing in Attila’s car after lovely weekend. Very sleepy now.
Bob walked in kitchen as Joan & I were finishing light sandwich supper – short drive – then back here. He’s a funny guy – so nice to me though. I am the ideal girl, you see – a dream construction or something – oh, so sweet, even if unreal.
Dick comes over tomorrow. Ah, me, I can hardly hold open my eyes – such a vivid life – hope I can get to know Attila better. You will love him. His father is a medical specialist prof at Budapest University. Oh, if only I could stay tan and beautiful all year!
XXX
Sivvy
TO Aurelia Schober Plath
Thursday 28 August 1952*
ALS (postcard), Indiana University
Thursday – 10:30 p.m.
Dear Mum –
This is probably my last epistle before I see you Tues. Did you see my little poem in CSM of Wed. Aug. 27? Get a few extras, will you? Today was best yet. Mrs. C. let Joan & I and Chuck Dudley & Bob go for a motor boat picnic tonight. What a wild ride – out in the little boat into a wild deserted island where we gathered driftwood, made a blazing fire, ate, & almost killed ourselves getting the boat upright back into a heavy sea – sang all the way home – I love Joanie & the guys – hot baths – homemade bread – & a chat with Mrs. C. about her European experiences. She gave Joan & me twin leather wide brown belts – just gorgeous & much more than I ever could have gotten myself! I love mine! Yesterday I spent over at Dick’s – went sketching with Bev & played a little tennis with Dick – very good food – Dick made the cutest menu – shrimp salad – strawberries, etc. Very much fun. I’ll never forget this summer – my agonies over losing the Belmont job were a blessing in disguise! I never have felt so happy, rich (spiritually) and loving – chance is strange – one feels afterwards that it must have been destiny
XX
Siv
TO Margaret Cantor
Sunday 7 September 1952
ALS (photocopy),*
Indiana University
Sunday, September 7,
Dear Mrs. Cantor . . .
I thought, for fun, I’d write to you on a very home-made card – seemed appropriate some how! More than anything, though, I want to tell you how infinitely much it’s meant to me to become part of your wonderful family for the last month and more! How can I ever express the multitude of thanks for everything – all the trips, and picnics and companionable times we’ve had together – with dear Sue, and Bill and Joan. I don’t know when I have been so completely happy and full of the simple and miraculous joy of living. Best of all, perhaps, are those intangible gifts of yours – the spiritual ones – which I know will retain a strong steady influence over me throughout my life. You see, it really has been an inspiration to me to live with you, admiring your full rewarding attitudes toward life, and learning all the time, as I gain in understanding.
Needless to say, this summer has been a milestone in my life in many ways. You and Mr. Cantor have both been such a dear “mom and dad” to me and I have grown to love Bill and Sue and especially Joanie as fondly as if they were my own brother and sisters. It seems so vacant around here without them!
All through the coming year, while up at Smith I will look back with nostalgia
As a matter of fact, it would be impossible to ever adequate
ou. For this, and everything else you’ve done, I thank you from the bottom of my heart.
My consolation at parting
Love to all for the best summer ever –
Sylvia S. P
TO Aurelia Schober Plath
Thursday 25 September 1952*
ALS with envelope,
Indiana University
Thursday – 9:45 p.m.
Dear mother . . .
At present I am very weary and confused by strange faces and new circumstances.* I feel that the day I learn the names of my 63 other housemates I will again start to live. As it is, I shall probably remain quite numb for a week or two, what with my courses beginning full force tomorrow and all this newness to assimilate.
My room is a pleasant one with three windows, one looking out on the shops of “green street”, the others into a large tree, and I have just finished getting my clothes put away and bookcase and desk stocked. Our colors clash (lets hope our personalities won’t –) because Mary’s things are all bright red, bright aqua or yellow. So we hope to get two yellow spreads (borrowed) from her mother & make our color scheme yellow, dark green & white. If so, maybe grammy could put a dk green cover over my little blue pillow & send it. I’ll let you know.
(By the way, please send a couple of BLANKETS lest I freeze to death before winter. Our college ones have no warmth at all. Also, I’d appreciate it if you’d look through the box of “scrapbook” material on top of my bookcase & send up the photos of dick & the more colorful poster or playbill items for my bulletin board. Thanks.
My “job” shouldn’t really be too taxing – it involves a little over an hour a day – waitressing, no less, for lunch. We eat before the rest and serve quite formally, actually wearing aprons! I’m so glad it is lunch instead of dinner. (dinner has twice as many courses.) I think it is silly for this house to be so much more formal than Haven – but am at least glad they got rid of the old housemother* last year – in the nick of time for my arrival. Mrs. Bridgeman,* the new one, seems like a rather sweet scatterbrain so far – such a change from dear Mrs. Shakespeare! (As far as I can see, Mrs. Rae, the last housemother, was a veritable Captain Queeg!*)
Also I will have one hour of “watch” a week, plus occasional weekend duty.
My schedule is very hard at the end of the week, but as far as I can see, I have no Monday or Tuesday classes – which will give me a certain amount of responsibility, but it will be nice to have the time concentrated. As you can see, Wednesday and especially Thursday look like my hardest days. As classes* begin today, I shall see what my courses look like, also instructors.
Wed
TH
F
Sat
9
Sc
Sc
Sc
10
Sc
(watch)
11
Art
12
2
Cr. Wr.
Cr. Wr.
Cr. Wr.
3
Art
Art
Art
4
Unit
Unit
On arrival here Tuesday at 6 p.m. I found a letter and a note waiting for me when I looked in my mailbox – a lovely long one from Olive Higgins Prouty* about my story, which I’m so glad I sent her, because it seems I’m getting her scholarship again this year! She told me she hadn’t known what year I was and had looked for me at graduation last spring, thinking I might be a senior – also got another little invitation to see her sometime. So I guess that relationship is patched up.
The note was from Bob Cochran, of all people, who had dropped up to the house earlier in the morning on his way to Hanover! I am just glad he wasn’t there waiting for me when Dick arrived!
As I say, I am giving myself two weeks – to get oriented to the house – people and customs – before I pass judgments – because I do feel rather like a displaced person as yet – a bit bewildered and uninitiated.
Thursday
Whew! I have just undergone all my courses during the day and am I weary! I really think I will drop Art 11* as much as I hate to. I simply don’t feel I can carry the full 15 hours and do any kind of justice to my other demanding courses. Physical Science shouldn’t be too bad – Mr. Sherk* gave me a friendly grim when he saw me, so the initial sheepishness has worn off me. Mr. Davis,* my creative writing teacher, I adore – he is the sort that can make you feel the urge to think and work and create until it kills you. I want to do so much for him. And Mr. Patch,* my Medaeval Lit Unit prof is the most imposing literary lion I have ever seen a great 6'5" gray haired man who seems to live in the ruddy vitality of the middle ages. He is terrifying and magnificent. The 10 of us taking the unit meet in his library & sit around on chairs comfortably. I just hope I can swallow the enormous tomes he assigns – already spent $8 for the first two books – one of which he wrote!* I feel at once pitifully stupid, inadequate and scared – and determined to succeed in the enormous intellectual honesty, ambition & discipline that honoring requires. Boy, will I be busy this year!
Got a letter from Eddie Cohen* – he thinks he’ll get married to a 27 year old divorcee with a 2 year old son eventually if their trial affair lasts really loves the girl. What a wonderfully sordid life –
XXX
Sivvy
P.S. By the way – please also send the book on Bridge in my yellow trunk –
TO Aurelia Schober Plath
Sunday 28 September 1952*
ALS (postcard),* Indiana University
Sunday night
Dear mum . . .
It is amazing what a difference a good night’s sleep can make in my psychological outlook on life. From the lonely, scared bewildered creature I was for the first few days, I am now sure that everything will work out for the best. I have decided to drop Art 11, as much as I hate to, because I want to do as well as possible at my work, while getting to know the girls in the house, and concentrating on Press B. and Smith Review. My creative w. & patch unit promise to be wonderful & demanding. Friday I had supper at Albright & renewed the good friends there – I have also supper scheduled with Marcia Monday and Haven Tuesday. Mrs. Bonneville* took Mary & me for a nice fish diner at Jack Augusts and has leant us curtains and twin yellow bedspreads for the year, so I should only have incidentals to buy – our room really will be rather nice after we’re through – and I plan to have a single next year while I write my thesis, so I’ll be able to use my pillows & spread then! Mrs. B. is very nice – tall, and homespun – a first grade teacher in Pittsfield Mass. Jim McNealy* asked me to Yale next weekend but I refused nicely, because I would like to get a good start in the house and studies & sleep & besides I feel very old and staid at present. Got a cute postcard from Warren
XX
Sivvy
P.S. Wore suit first time today – looks & feels “perfect”. Love it & feel so rich & right in it!
TO Warren Plath
Sunday 28 September 1952*
ALS (photocopy) written on
Smith College letterhead,
Indiana University
Sunday night
Allo, Varrie . . .
I am now feelink very happy, having got your postcard and being settled for the first time since I came here Tuesday. God, those first few days were awful – Dick drove me up and I got scareder and scareder thinking of how I didn’t know anybody hardly in the house & hadn’t even seen my room. I was greeted by a horde of strange faces and 60 new names – it was like being a freshman all over again, only worse, because I remembered nostalgically the homey comfort of Haven House, and rooming with Marcia. Wednesday was full of meetings and the discouraging job of clearing up the mess of unpacking and getting used to my job, which is waitressing every day at lunch (we have very formal service – waitress
es eat early & wear aprons and pass plates & vegetables individually!) Really, it is not at all unpleasant, and scarcely seems to justify $250 off board & room – it’s not that much more work.
Thursday classes started. I felt very sheepish about going to Physical Science at 9 o’clock. But he just grinned & said “You must have had a rough summer.” So I blushed & murmured “Yeah . . . ”
Creative writing will be great. Our teacher, Robert Gorham Davis, I think will even come to surpass Mr. Crockett in my esteem – imagine, his review of “The Old Man and the Sea”* got a front page spread in the N.Y. Times Book Review!
Mr. Patch, my gigantic (6'5") gray-haired Medieval Lit. teacher is really a literary lion (grrr . . . ) and our unit of 10 girls meets once a week for 2 hours in his library where we sit and tremble at his hideous and docile bulldog, Jeeves. It will be a demanding and exciting course – I think Mr. Patch lives in the middle ages – One of our two textbooks is by Chaucer, the other by Mr. Patch!
I am going to be spending a lot of time in the College news office on Press Board and working on getting the Smith Review published – we were left last year with no money, no organization and a bad reputation. It’s really exciting to be working at publishing a magazine (hitherto a dying venture) with such potentialities.
By the way, I was talking with Jane Truslow,* a girl in Lawrence who has two brothers, Bob & Bill,* who are juniors at Exeter. We would love to have you come up some weekend for Saturday and Sunday sometime so you could have dinner with us and get a tour of Northampton in along with it. Why don’t you find out who they are and talk it over with them and see if you would like to come together sometime during the year – I know you’d probably hate to waste a weekend on your old sisters, but we’d love to have you!