by Sylvia Plath
xx
sivvy
TO Aurelia Schober Plath
Wednesday 17 November 1954*
ALS (postcard), Indiana University
Wednesday 12 noon
Dear mother . . .
It was good to get your long letter today – I really enjoyed all the news. There is as always more I want to do than I can ever get done, and of course I am bringing home more work than I will do . . . but I am an optimist, and am happy with accomplishing at least a major part of my plans – the reason I am working on my 1st chapter (you sounded impatient about that, somehow!) is because I have to write a very rough draft first, allow time for Gibian to read it, while I write another 1st draft of another part. I have just gotten back the 1st chapter, & now must meticulously rewrite it. I plan to come back here december 26, right after Xmas, for a week of solid work – from now till Jan. 20 the real push is. Then I hope for a few days respite for either New York or skiing up north. I wonder if I could borrow the car Friday? I will be in Cambridge, & commuting is deadly. Also, could you possibly beg Anthony (Newberry St. is right) to squeeze me in Friday morning, or even afternoon, or call if there’s a cancellation? Sat. is a bit deadly – I have some necessary shopping to do – my slippers are literally falling apart, as is girdle, brush, etc. and I need one good long-sleeved white-shantung-silk blouse (not nylon or cotton or transparent) for my jumpers & jerkin. Looking forward to a busy but merry Thanksgiving!
xxx
sivvy
TO Gordon Lameyer
Monday 22 November 1954*
TLS in greeting card,*
Indiana University
monday night
8 p.m.
dearest gordon . . .
again I am in the strange state of suspended animation which always follows a seige of thesis, having had an enormous two-day stretch of typing two drafts of one chapter (40 pages in all!) with little sleep and typing from breakfast to dinner today without bothering for more than an apple for lunch. fortunately I am too sensible to try my luck (Iknowitwouldn’tbegood) and stay up more than one night. the ivan chapter which I just handed in to my very kind mr. gibian this afternoon is, as usual, a disorganized stream-of-consciousness mess, but I do think I have one or two good ideas floating around in it. from now till the 20th of january is the big push, and I plan to be very unsociable till that date, out of necessity! the revising will be an intricate painstaking job, and the drawing of conclusions even more ticklish.
I want to thank you for your lovely letter of this week. I promise never to say another word about my _______ features, and admit that I am very happy with myself and wouldn’t trade me in for a new model even if she did have a grecian nose! obviously, darling, I would never think of calling anything “quits”. even if you decide to marry someone else in a few years from now, I hope we shall always be good friends. as it is, you know you are the major man in my life! I do not plan to refuse reunions with my old friends . . . ira and sassoon among them, but the chances of seeing them are so infrequent that it seems pointless to mention them at all . . . just my over-scrupulous sense for frankness again!
anyhow, I know you will understand that most of my thanksgiving vacation must be spent in concentrated reading and writing. do call me wednesday around supper, will you? I shall probably be really beat and go to bed right afterwards, but I’d like to talk to you anyway. thursday of course, is dinner at our house, friday is my consecration to cambridge, shopping and library, saturday reading . . . and I still don’t know when I can get an appointment with beuscher and the russian prof.* so pouf! the vacation is gone already, and I am back here! but I am glad you are being understanding about my work . . . I must admit that those last two days of talking with you took a big hunk out of my schedule, but I hope it was worth it for you.
see you soon, darling,
much love,
sylvia
TO Ann Davidow-Goodman
Tuesday 23 November 1954
TLS, Smith College
November 23, 1954
dear ann . . .
it was so wonderful hearing from you again! only it made me extra wishful about seeing you in person for one of our very real talks. I’ll be home in wellesley with mother (who is just recovering from an ulcer attack) all thanksgiving, and will be back in hamp sunday night. if ONLY you could fly up to either boston or hamp! I know that is just a pipe dream of mine, but I am determined to see you before the year is out, although I am so broke now (I am “supporting” myself, ha!) that I can’t travel, but must even hitch a ride home, which is fun, but a rather devastating indication of insolvency! I’m in the midst of writing a thesis on the double personality in dostoevsky’s novels all of which is fascinating, as I read in freud, “the golden bough”, and e. t. a. hoffmann’s wierd fairytales, but somehow my first rough drafts of the damn paper are nowhere near the inspired flaming paragraphs I had in mind as I began! I’m hoping that between January 20 (when my thesis and exams will be over) and the end of that month I can make it to nyc for a few days, if I get some undexpected money from some poems that are out now, but that is only another nebulous project, so I’ll probably have to settle on having this french boy drive me down.
do let me know if there is ANY possibility of your getting to boston christmas, or nyc or boston at the end of january. telegram or call if there is the slightest possibility of your coming up to visit with me, even if only for lunch or something! My phone in wellesley is WE5-0219J, and at hamp, it’s ext. 293 at lawrence house!
honestly, ann, I feel that no matter when or where I see you again, that we can take up where we left off . . . probably, though, we have both grown up fearfully much since those terrible days when we were freshmen! I often wonder how I got through them at all, when I look back!
I didn’t even know you had a brother,* isn’t that absurd! I have one too, who is the apple of my eye: six feet six, amazingly good-looking, and a sophomore at harvard; I am really proud of him. If your brother ever comes to smith for a date, please tell him to drop over and see me if he has a minute . . . it would be sort of a vicarious contact with you, you know!
your life at art school sounds delightful . . . I know exactly what you mean when you say you love your work, but not necessarily what you produce . . . sometime will you send me one of your productions though? I should love to have one! I’m taking a great short story writing course now, and my lifelong ambition is to get in the new yorker, and from the rejections I keep getting from them, I’m sure they’re determined to make i stay a lifelong ambition! I really must tell you that for the few acceptances at harper’s there have been at least 50 rejections! it just proves I’m pigheaded and keep on sending out stuff!
do write again, and please try to come see me!
very much love to you,
Syl
TO Aurelia Schober Plath
Wednesday 1 December 1954*
ALS (postcard), Indiana University
Wednesday
Dearest mother . . .
Do you s’pose I could ask you another favor? I’m again rather up a tree for recommendation letters & need one for the big Woodrow Wilson Fellowship, that will discuss (favorably, I hope!) my “intellect, character, and personality and promise for the career of teaching & scholarship.” Could you ask Mrs. Cantor right away if she would write a letter about these (esp. character & personality!) & send it by December 10 to: Dean Francis M. Rogers,* Grad. School of Arts & Sciences, Harvard U., 24 Quincy St, Cambridge. This is the big ($1250) national Woodrow Wilson fellowship, and I figured she’d be best, aside from 3 professors I’m scouring up, to “know” me at a job where my “character” showed. Please let me know immediately her answer, so I can put her name down as reference! I hope she’ll be pleased at my asking! When my Harvard application comes up in January, I don’t know what I’ll do – I’ve used up everybody in the Eng. Dept. About Xmas gifts – cross off the gloves & star stockings: I am in desperate need of them: 10½, black seam, gray,
not beige, shade! Work on thesis coming well – must pause to write a German paper today – looks like I’ll be all caught up by Christmas, If my schedule goes as planned! – if only Mr. Gibian likes my 2nd chapter – I’ll know by Saturday – already have 25 pages carefully rewritten on 1st chapter
xx
Siv
TO Jon K. Rosenthal
Thursday 2 December 1954
TLS (photocopy), Smith College
thursday afternoon
december 2
dear jon . . .
you have no idea what an obstacle course it is to write you a letter! I just finished addressing the envelope, and am sure all the numbers and cryptic abbreviations are wrong, and blush to say that I unconsciously typed your unique name with a pedestrian “h”, for which I should obviously be shot.
however, I have a new ribbon in my typewriter, and things are looking up. from now till january 20, when I have my last exams and (I hope) my thesis will be in, I shall be, as they say in siberia, working! by saturday I shall have a rough idea of how the thesis is progressing, as I get the second chapter back, with comments . . . I’m at the point now where I can’t tell the difference between brilliance and banality: the subject---double personality in dostoevsky’s novels, remember?---is as usual fascinating, but so familiar now that it’s hard to distinguish whether my observations are evident to cretins or the result of long intense meditation over lukewarm coffee!
anyhow, if all goes well, I should be home in wellesley from december 18th to somewhere toward the end, when I plan to head back to hamp early and finish the albatross for once and for all.
your letter, by the way, was a surprise, and a pleasant one . . . it was so enormous that you must have taken special leave to write it, or something! you should have told me you were poetic . . . I was really with you in that airplane episode, you described it so vividly . . .
your work sounds more like the kind I can condone, and someday you will have to explain to me more carefully what you are studying . . . as I said, if I were drafted, they would have to put me on a farm: I’m not at all mechanically dexterous, and would probably shoot my sargeant accidentally at the first rifle practice, or cut my hand off while absent-mindedly peeling potatoes . . .
thanksgiving was a blur of champagne and cognac and harvard library, charleston navy yard, and gourmet dinners . . . notably at joseph’s, boston’s own “snail-and-frog-leg” bistro, where everyone who frequents is either a disinherited count, rich gangster, or woman of diamonds and dubious virtue: I was trite but happy with lamb chops, and watching my favorite bartender vault heroically over bar and knock out inebriated customer, who had no doubt insulted him in a foreign language . . . I do love seeing people be shocked . . .
you’ll be amused: there’s this russian professor at harvard I want to see about my thesis christmas vacation, and I dropped in on his daughter at harvard when I was home.* seems dmitri never deigned to learn english, so If I wish to speak to him, I must have either a russian or a german interpreter . . . luckily I thought of an acquaintance who just got back from two years in moscow, and hope this little deal works out . . .
your list of invitations seemed rather tempting, as a matter of fact. my problem is that I had vowed not to travel at all by myself this semester, which may seem odd to you, but if you knew what I was living on, it wouldn’t. if I had skis, I would love being lessoned in vermont (I told you about the broken leg) but is it possible to rent them up there? you tell me. also, you wouldn’t want to slow down for a beginner, would you? my weakness is that I love being taught. also, new york is also alluring . . .
as you see, my spirit wavers, and could be convinced perhaps with your taking care of my questions and objections. which is not fair to tell you, really, as it gives you an unfair advantage! I want to be home from 18th to 19th at least, and then just before and after Christmas . . . that sort of leaves the day or so at the beginning of the week, starting monday the 20th, nicht wahr? I really wish it were somehow possible for me to start learning how to ski again, but as I perhaps told you, I don’t want to acquire my own equipment until I know more about the sport than I do now!
of course, new york is a living carnival, but somehow, intellectualized and sedentary and most daiquiri-saturated, which is all very lovely, with plays and museums and restaurants, and I am highly enamoured of it all, but I think a more elemental communion with nature on snow slopes might be therapeutic after the hours in the carrell and those nights spent slaving over a hot typewriter . . .
in summary: why don’t you write sort of tentative suggestions of how we could pragmatically get together (you see, I’m assuming we will) for a short while, and give me your opinions on what I’ve mentioned. another thought struck me. if I rearranged a few things, I could stay in hamp till saturday the 18th and you could meet me there (if that is convenient . . . I have no idea where you’ll be arriving in the east) and we could take a day or so then. anyhow, let me know what you think most plausible, so I can try to make tentative schedulings of things to jibe with it all . . .
I hope you aren’t like that boy’s grandmother who said she’d tear up all my letters without reading them if I typed! I am no longer able to write by hand: it is above and beyond the call of duty. and I think better on a typewriter . . .
you may disagree with that last, after this letter!
fond regards to my Blissful one,
sylvia
TO Aurelia Schober Plath
Monday 6 December 1954*
TLS with envelope,
Indiana University
monday afternoon
dearest mother . . .
I was delighted to receive your nice letter this morning, and enjoyed, as always, the excerpts from mr. rice. outwardly, the weather here has been very cold, but in spite of the fact that I am nursing an annoying sore throat and suffering through the usual first day of my period on doses of codeine, I am supremely happy.
I just had a conference with mr. gibian this afternoon about my thesis, and, except for rewriting three paragraphs out of about 20 pages, he said my second chapter is in final form! do you know what that means! it means I will have a relaxed christmas vacation where I will be reading up on my other subjects and writing poetry and short stories, and visiting friends! I will also have a whole week at the end of january to do the same, in preparation for the second semester. there will be NO LAST MINUTE RUSH! I handed in the rewritten golyadkin chapter today, and also four pages of introduction which I slaved over. this next week I must write my six pages of conclusion, which will of course be the most difficult but the most stimulating. that means, that except for the mere mechanical details, the whole thesis will be “done” by christmas vacation! I am so proud of myself! why, I may even graduate!
should* have the thesis ready for you to type between january 5-10!
kazin’s course is delightful as ever. our last meeting was held at his home this friday, over coffee and lovely pastry. I read my last story aloud, and everybody analyzed it . . . it was the incident about paula brown’s snowsuit,* remember? this course is the best thing for getting me in the habit of writing. every time one sits down to the blank page, there is that fresh horror, which must be overcome by practice and practice. I stayed afterwards to help with the dishes, and talked to the beautiful, blond mrs. kazin,* whose second novel is coming out this winter.
I have a poem by rilke to analyse for german this week, and our teacher gave us a present of his slim volume of poetry,* which made me happy. in shakespeare, we are reading henry fourth and fifth, and I remember the wonderful time warren and I had with you at the movie!*
oh, mother, I was so glad to hear about your nice visits with mrs. cantor and mrs. prouty. I love them both with all my heart. I have still not heard from the atlantic monthly, by the way, which is very tantalizing . . . it’s been over two months now, which is so similar to harper’s treatment . . . I love building up my hopes, even though nothing comes of it, it’s such fun to liv
e in suspense. I am also trying out for vogue’s prix de paris contest for college seniors. the first prize is $1,000(!) and so amply worth the time. I have already completed one assignment. the second is four articles which I shall write over christmas. these two assignments will make me eligible for the final long thesis upon which the prize is judged. last year two smith girls* were among the winners, so I should have some chance!
if only I get accepted at cambridge! my whole life would explode in a rainbow . . . imagine the wealth of material the experience of europe would give me for stories and poetries . . . the local color, the people, the fresh backgrounds! I really think that if I keep working I shall be a good minor writer someday, and this would open such doors! one thing, If I get accepted in england, no mere two thousand dollars will stop me from going! it is the acceptance over there, that I’m worried about. oxford never likes people with any physical or mental ills in the past. mary ellen chase and miss duckett may make cambridge a possibility. I shall earn $500 next summer, at least, I think, and get something from smith I hope, and piece the rest together somehow.
I was so happy to hear that warren is coming to our house dance with kathy next weekend. I am only unhappy that gordon is in virginia and that I won’t be here. claiborne and avrom dropped up this last weekend, and invited me down to new york that weekend, which I had complained would be terribly lonely here, as everybody but me (and one or two other unsocial girls) will be going to house dance, and there is nothing more depressing than having gay music come drifting upstairs when one is trying to study. I am so sorry gordon won’t be here, because, it would have been grand fun to share this experience with warren. however, even though I am awfully disappointed to miss him, I shall enjoy seeing my friends overnight saturday in new york, and renewing old acquaintances. the good news about my thesis really decided me.